Your “Last Call For Boarding Flight #11 On Air Julio” NFC Division Round Open Thread

Okay, for sure this’ll be a keeper of a game, right? Haven’t we suffered enough, Goodell? We want marginally entertaining football and we want it now. Because we sure as hell didn’t get it the week previous. I must admit to myself (in that dark place that I don’t visit very often) that the law of averages is increasingly in our favour as fans of quality football. It just might happen. TO THE GAME!!!

Sea/Atl– The most significant fellas missing from this game on both sides occupy positions in the secondary. The ‘Hawks D can’t quite play up to their full capability without The Earl of Bennett. The gap in talent with respect to replacement safety Steven Terrell is a large as you think it is. Opponents run/passing numbers are up since the catastrophe. Still, as Paul Simon once trilled, “Sherman and Julio down at the goal line” will be one hell of an interesting encounter.

On the other end, cb Trufant won’t be seeing any Baldwins, Richardsons or [curses!]  Kearses. Another wonderful plus-100 yard running day by rb Rawls will certainly make it that much more difficult to keep a better-than-average Seattle O below 25-30 points. Speaking of 30-the Falcons are 1-5 when they’ve achieved the under. By the by, a scented candle to all those that were aware that Falc’s lb Vic Beasley led the league in sacks with 15 and a half.

All in all, it looks as though the ‘Hawks need a few turnovers (“Turnovers? I like apple!” -Andy Reid) to keep up with them Atlantans but the Falcons have only turned the ball over more than one time only the one time. Possible regular season MVP and post-season Andy Dalton wanna-be (1-5) Matt Ryan-it’s all on you. As a football in New England would say, “No Pressure”.

Done. SEND IN THE SQUIBS!!!

 

 

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Beerguyrob

Welp, there’s $500 I don’t have to spend next week.

ballsofsteelandfury

And on that bombshell, it’s time to end. See you in the next thread!

http://www.city-of-brides.com/images/im-6.jpg

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Seattle. Terrible sportsmen til the last second. The Pete Carroll way.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Atlanta should punch it in, just because fuck Seattle.

ThePirateSloth

Sooooo ATL being up ALL GOD DAMN GAME in a commanding way… but it took a totally fluke play with a bobble that “sealed the deal”.

Fuck you.

Croooow

Arthur Blank looks like a funeral director.

WCS

I was thinking more early-80’s Bond villain.

Croooow

That or a mafia boss.

LemonJello

“This slander will not stand! You’ll be hearing from our lawyers!”

– North American Funeral Directors Association

Spur

Falcons better go for that TD and not kneel. Rub that shit in.

Senor Weaselo

I think they should have run a play to get inside the 1, AND THEN take knees. Because then it’s “We could score, but we’ll patronize you.”

ballsofsteelandfury

Ok, the Arthur Blank shaking his wife’s hand like that HAS to be in Quotables this week!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Hee hee hee!”

– Trickster God DOINK

the Alpha and the Amoeba

What does Mike Pereira do in the offseason?

ballsofsteelandfury

Molest collies?

the Alpha and the Amoeba

I wouldn’t put it past him, but why collies, specifically?

ballsofsteelandfury

I honestly heard that on some show or movie, but i can’t remember which one.

ballsofsteelandfury

Now that i think about it, I’m sure Chevy Chase said it. Caddyshack?

ballsofsteelandfury

Possibly Fletch

the Alpha and the Amoeba

ah, that makes sense. I was googling “mike pereira” and “collies” and coming up empty

Mother Puncher

Walk around Target placing items back where they belong.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Not the hero we need, but the hero we deserve

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

These announcers are fucking terrible.

Senor Weaselo

“You mean you DON’T put the spin move on little old ladies at the grocery store?”

Brick Meathook

comment image
HA HA AMELICAN FOOTBARR IS BEING NOT GOOD

WCS

18-month-old nephew running around, tearing everything off the fridge, and wailing. Six-year-old niece “helping” by dumping sloppy joe on the carpet. Own baby screaming incessantly.

http://girlmeetsfreak.com/img/1373635589_tumblr_m6ukfweqkm1qj7u8ao1_500.gif

Hey, WVU beat Texas…

Dunstan

Children are such little miracles….

King Hippo

worry not, in 18 years they all be gone. University, jobs, jail, whatever!!

LemonJello
ballsofsteelandfury

I WANT THE TAJ MAHAL OF ASSHOLES!

-Arthur Blank

LemonJello

I married him.

-Mrs. Blank

Mother Puncher

*hires Joey Porter*

Senor Weaselo

There’s a Mercedes-Benz stadium plus there’s the Mercedes-Benz Superdome… who can we appease them with?

ballsofsteelandfury

Bobby Turner is pissed that this game is dragging on and that his favorite BBQ place will run out of hot links.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Turner? I barely know her. Plus, we’ve already got the big fish.”

– KGB officer, going over a dossier about Melania Trump

ballsofsteelandfury

I would love to see the Kompromat pictures the KGB has on Melania.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

DAN QUINN: Okay, no problem, just need to keep that clock running.

TEVIN COLEMAN: [runs out of bounds]

ThePirateSloth

I like you John Lynch, but stop. Just stop. The Seahawks D has been on the field for 75% of the game. The offense clearly can not score effectively

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

DAN QUINN: Okay, guys, we’re up three touchdowns, just need to slow them down a bit and eat up some time.

ATLANTA DEFENSE: [gives up touchdown in six seconds]

Spur

Seahawk fans take off jerseys in perfect unison, revealing Zeke jersey.

WCS

“I’ve always been a Cowboys fan! AMERICA’S TEAM!”

Beastmode Ate My Baby

The Seahawks getting blown up? It is the ’80s again! Woo!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBfFDTPPlaM

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Every time I see that “Leigon” logo my mind sees “Lexicon” which would also be a good name for a show.

ballsofsteelandfury

Funny, all I had to do was Google Image search “ukrainian women” and thus showed up right away. I did not need to add the words “hot” or “sexy” or “beautiful”

http://www.ukrainianfiancee.com/UserFiles/Image/ukrainian_women_1_23.09.14.jpg.jpg

...

What I also like about said women is that even though they’re already taller than average, they still wear stupid high heels all the time.

ballsofsteelandfury

Ha ha ha! I know someone like that and you are EXACTLY right!

Mother Puncher

Because who the fuck would Google “ugly Ukrainian women”?

Shogun Marcus

Sanu-Nanu!

Spur

Did Sherman do anything today besides get burned?

...

IN SOVIET RUSSIA, ATLANTA BURNS SHERMAN!

/beats self for stealing Fozz’s joke and Yakoff-ing it

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

He also bitched about a lot of calls. And he held someone on one of Hester’s returns but because it is him it wasn’t called

Beastmode Ate My Baby

HE’S ON FIRE OUT THERE!

And by that I mean, rolling around on the ground, trying to put the flames out.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

What does mike pereira do in the offseason?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Whose bird is that?”

“Well, it’s more of a wounded duck, but that’s Russell Wilson’s wounded duck.”

ballsofsteelandfury

What was Ciara’s nickname for her husband’s penis pre-marriage?

Spur

We know it’s Playoff Football Fox. Why else would anyone watch a Falcons game?

ballsofsteelandfury
Dunstan

Nice to see that, even without Philip Rivers, we can still get a FLOATCEPTION

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

So Seattle is gonna come back and tie it, force Atlanta to punt with like a minute left and Hester is gonna take it back

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Nevermind

ThePirateSloth

I’ve really really really really tried to accept that Darrell Fucking Barrell is still play calling this season. I’ve tried not to harp on and on about him being a shit OC. But god dammit. I fucking hate his play calling. He has zero clue how to use the talent available to him.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Welcome, my friend, to the “We Hate Darrell Bevell” anti-fan club. Please take a pamphlet explaining how Bevell is the Anti-Christ, and be sure to grab some punch and pie.

Shogun Marcus

I was nawt sad when he left town.
/I would like some pie too pleeze

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

How was that not a chop block?

Senor Weaselo

I’m Senor Weaselo and I endorse this message.

Romonobyl

13-29. I bet the next game will have a similar score, ‘cept for the “13” part. And 29 might be more like 49, but otherwise exactly the same!

ballsofsteelandfury

1;3-2=1; 9

Invert them.

/steel beams!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

HOT TAEK

I don’t care about your retarded frat or sorority and how doing the elephant walk made a real brotherhood!

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m so thankful that i have no idea what you are talking about.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“IT’S JUST AN INITIATION THING IT’S NOT GAY!”

– Brady Quinn

King Hippo

terrible blocking saves ATL, as three OL were right there to get the fumbre

Senor Weaselo

Evening all, so another shitshow of a game where a team’s up by a comfortable WAIT IT’S THE FALCONS WINNING HOLY SHIT

...

The game has had stretches of being quite watchable, actually.

King Hippo

of the 5 so far…clearly the winner

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Relevant (to me…and Moose…):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_xDae8x1iRs

Spur

I was drinking vodka from Poland last night, does that count for Eastern European love?

ballsofsteelandfury

Did ya eat pierogies?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wait, what? A sensible interpretation of this rule?

King Hippo

I was fucking shocked

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Get Zymm, if I remember correctly, she’s mostly Eastern Bloc.

ballsofsteelandfury

Get Carter: 1971 Michael Caine or 2000 Sly Stallone? Discuss…

...

Oh! That reminds me. I need to record my own version of “Mulatto Butts” called “Pan-Slavic Butts” and set it as her ring tone.

Senor Weaselo

/Looks for alcohol to pre-pour out for ICRM

King Hippo

hey, why hath Dok forsaken us this weekend??

...

She’s on vacation.

King Hippo

with NO HOTEL WIFI??

...

And for all Russian women y’all are posting, don’t forget the Ukrainian women. My Russian ex commented about how during her time in Kiev she was stunned by the number of beautiful women she saw. (And, as an aside, that they liked American men.)

ballsofsteelandfury

Example#1:

comment image

King Hippo

and you don’t even have to worry about HER being an anti-Semite!!

King Hippo

UKRAINE NOT WEAK!!!

Wakezilla

Good thing about Ukranians women is that they’re used to not eating.

/too soon

King Hippo

why in the sweet name of Ivan the Terrible would you punt there??

...

She’s almost an interesting writer. Almost.

ballsofsteelandfury

One more:

comment image

King Hippo

yeah, I really hate that I can’t go there and just gawk and get laid without complete paranoia of Kompromat now. SIGH

/obligatory smgdh

Spur

Nice clean hard hit on Russ. Love it.

...

“Nice clean hard hit on Russia. Love it.”

– HRC

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

So are they just going to put UConn women’s basketball as a D-III men’s team now?

ballsofsteelandfury

D-II

ThePirateSloth

ThePirateSloth might be morphing into TheBucaneerGrizzly, despite the delicious grilled meat we just ate. You won’t like him when he’s angry.