Your “Just Goddamn Your, Goddamn it!” “AFC Division Game Open Thread

Chiefs GM John Dorsey: “Hey Andy, I called you into my office so that we might have a small chat before the game.”

Reid: “Yes, chef.”

JD: “Uh, right. Look, the organization has no issues with your results during the regular season. To be honest, I must say ‘well done!’.”

Reid: “As far as the steaks are concerned, ‘well done’ is not the best result.”

JD: “I’m so glad we’re on the same page here. The stakes are so much higher in the playoffs.”

Reid: [thinks to self, ‘must remember to add Steaks On A Plane to Netflix queue’] “Gotta agree with you there, chef.”

JD: “With just a little TLC I think you can get this team over the playoff hump.”

Reid: [thinks to self, ‘must remember to download (Don’t Go Chasing Chocolate) Waterfalls on spotify’] You’re so right, chef.”

JD: “Huh. Anyway, it’s very important that you go out there and battle. Battle really hard. You know what I’m getting at here? Embrace the battle”

Reid: “Sure do, chef. Sure do.” [mind’s eye fills with visions of Mario Batali making Mushroom Orzotto followed by Bucatini All’ Amatriciana]

Pit/KC– Hey, look at me-I’m cheering for the Steelers for the second time in 50 years. The last time? Last week. You see, if KC pulls this out a certain A. Reid (if it’s close towards the end of the game next week-highly unlikely) will commit some heretofore never-before-seen blunder that will sink the Chiefs Super Bowl hopes vs. the Pats. This is written in stone-DO NOT QUESTION IT. I’m a bit worried about the Chiefs wr wildcard that manifests itself in the form of Tyreek Hill. That kid has “early career Desean Jackson game-breaker before he got full of himself” written all over him. Between him and te Kelce they’ve accounted for 45% of total O yardage over the last six games. The Steelers have the firepower/balls to stick with the Pats and the Pats MUST. GO. DOWN.

Done. GIMMEE THAT THING THAT YOU GOT!!!

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Brick Meathook

Burn those time-outs Andy!

Eckeaux

Andy Reid clock management detected.

blaxabbath

Why would you draw everyone in with a fake handoff by a mobile quarterback just to do a shovel pass?

Sharkbait

Oh Andy.

King Hippo

Great play by gay.

HEY! Cook did his part, too!!

...

It seems if Alex Smith has been issued a challenge to make sure none of his passes go further than half the distance between the line of scrimmage and the goal line.

Dunstan

Offensive coordinator: Xeno

Dunstan
the Alpha and the Amoeba

Okay, I think I see why so many people hate the Steelers now

Redshirt

Whoever came up for a Play Action Shovel Pass should be shot at midfield.

Eckeaux

I’m pretty sure that was Tecmo.

King Hippo

inside the 5??

Brick Meathook

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Brocky

OH god yes.

Hey diddle diddle the cat and the fiddle.

this one I think we’ll run up the middle!

Curse of Marino

Can the Steelers go a game without trying to kill someone?

Shogun Marcus

I believe you know that they cannot.

blaxabbath

Alex Smith is really talented. What other quarterback could throw their WR into a kill shot in front of the end zone like that?

Old School Zero

Phillip Rivers feels his ears burning

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

That’s just from being in Dean Spanos’ presence.

Brocky

Do you want to end up like Andre Waters?

Because that’s how you end up like Andre Waters!

Redshirt

John Wick 2: Neo Is a Hitman

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Did you guys hear that the guy who speared Jordy Nelson and broke two of his ribs won’t even get a fine?

Curse of Marino

Bud Dupree was fined only $18,000 for killing Matt Moore, so I’m not shocked.

King Hippo

I didn’t even know there was a John Wick 1. Is this just me?

/shakes fist at cloud

Curse of Marino

Whats the over/under on Andy Reid blowing all of his timeouts on this drive?

Dunstan

“You say ‘blowing,’ I say ‘squeezing in one last trip to the hot dog stand.” – Andy

Eckeaux

Do Pop-Warner, college, and pro coaches just leave tackling drills out of practice for defensive backs? I’ve never NOT seen a defensive back try to go helmet-to-helmet on those crossing patterns.

herodotus450

Scout teams are full of great form tacklers

The Maestro

Roger Goodell just fined James Harrison another $50,000 after that play.

Eckeaux

But how old is he?

Spur

Steelers..a dirty team? Heavens no.

Redshirt

I know, right?

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WCS

HAIL BLEERGH..

I guess. Shit.

Gratliff

Personal foul. Attempted Murder. 10 yards.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Watching that play reminded me that I need to make a doctor’s appointment

Redshirt

Personal Foul…on Steelers?

Wakezilla

Jeff Hosetler approves o Big Ben’s clock eating management.

Relax Aaron Rogers, I said clock.

Sharkbait

He ded.

King Hippo

I don’t usually care whether the Yinzers win. Are they normally this frustrating to watch??

the Alpha and the Amoeba

You asked for close games! Perhaps you should have worded your request more carefully?

makeitsnowondem

With that last pass, Alex Smith has broken the NFL record for horizontal passing yards.

Brocky

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Sharkbait

Just got back home. Andy Reid still has two timeouts?

Eckeaux

He’s saving them for 11:15ET. That’s when they start closing up the concession stands.

Spur

Can anyone guess James Harrison’s age?

Gratliff

HGH is a helluva drug

Old School Zero

Wait, I know this one! Detroit! No, wait… He studied architecture! No, that’s not it… He played basketball! No, uh, hold on…

Eckeaux

HEY GAIZE DID YOU HEAR JAMES HARRISON IS 38 YEARS OLD??????!?

Redshirt

Oh fuck you, Collinsworth!

Gratliff

25 yards. Too far for Alex Smith.

Curse of Marino

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Old School Zero

I’m fine if both teams just want to bomb it to the end zone every play from here on out.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

“Bomb? So, 15 yards?”

— Alex Smith

Spur

400 yards from Pitt and still a one possession game??

Brocky

I’m pissed off now, Shank’hor.

Look, I go to you. I stick up for you.

You no help me now?

I say Fuck you Shank’hor. I do it myself.

http://thewellarmedwoman.com/image/data/the-well-armed-woman-articles/shooting-technique/loading%2045%20long%20colt%20revolver.jpg

Curse of Marino

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Wakezilla

So, this game is totally going to end 18-16. KC will have a chance to win with a makeable fieldgoal, only for shanklor to finally show up, yah?

Dunstan

He waits. He will not be denied.

King Hippo

SHE!!!

Eckeaux

Travis Kelce is like the twin fetus that Gronk didn’t absorb in the womb.

Smithchez

Gronk got 100% of the alcoholism gene

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Is it too much to hope for an 18-18 tie?

Old School Zero

No ties in the playoffs, sadly.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m aware. But I’m pulling for a long, grueling overtime.

Dunstan

“No, it turns out you can have a tie.” — Donovan McNabb

Senor Weaselo

Donovan McNabb’ll prove himself right one way or another!

Wakezilla

Merge the two teams together and maybe New England wins in single digits

Eckeaux

Both teams lose. Call Miami. They get to play next week.

Eckeaux

A few years ago, Roethlisberger committed an offense in a stall. Today, he’s helping to stall the offense.

Brick Meathook

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Senor Weaselo

I don’t know about you, but I think we need more Boswell FGs.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So I was in the kitchen at the time, but did I overhear Collinsworth musing about how James Harrison has managed to defy father time? It’s his brother Henry, who also happens to be his trainer. That’s right, a little help from Henry George Harrison is all he needs.

herodotus450

That exlains the first 30 days, but what about the next 12 years?

ThursdaySkyGoddess
King Hippo

FIVE MOAR DAYS!!!!

WCS

YOU GET A FIELD GOAL AND YOU GET A FIELD GOAL AND YOU GET A FIELD YOU

Dunstan

WOO HOO! FIELD GOAL RECORD!

Spur

How we doing Andy Reid fuckup yet? Steelers getting all the calls?

Wakezilla

Open your eyes, sheeple!

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Brocky

as opposed to not being american propaganda?

and by propaganda I mean masturbation material.