Your [sacrifices goat within chalk outline of a pentagram] “THIS WILL BE A CLOSE GAME!” NFC Playoff Game Open Thread

/Fox pre-game intro

Joe: “The good folks at DFW Ice Creamery were kind enough to provide us with samples of their very delicious products. I chose vanilla. [licks cone lovingly] Mmm, that’s so good! Troy, what flavour did you choose?

Troy: “You know me, Joe. I’ll always choose chocolate when I’m in Dallas. It always tastes so good! [his tongue dances on the tip of the ice cream cone]

Joe: “Gosh darn it-I can not get enough of this delicious ice cream!” [makes slurping noises]

Troy: “Can’t help but notice I got a larger cone than you did.” [slurps happily away]

Joe: “You know what they say-it’s not how much you can swallow, it’s more important that you’re satisfied at the end. [makes small moaning sound]

Troy: “You got that right mister. I’ve no doubt that we’ll both end up with a bellyful.” [eyes roll back into head]

Producer: [begins to realize what is happening] “CUT TO COMMERCIAL! CUT TO COMMERCIAL!”

GB/Dal– Them Cowpokes get a boner, bonus with the return of cb Claiborne after an absence of nine weeks. He’s back just in time to blanket wr Cobb because ace Jordy Nelson isn’t the gritty guy that everyone thought he was. Unlike Joe and Troy he was not able to suck it up. Another Pack wr is going to have to step up and my not-money is on Geronimooooo! (Allison) to jump into the fray and make a difference. I also think that Green Bay needs a half-decent day from te Cook. If he can grab 6-8 for 70-80 yards that will take some of the pressure off the outside guys and create a wee bit of hesitation on the part of the Dallas D.

The Cowboys just need to keep doing what they’re doing and they’ll be okay. There’s no reason to think that Eezy-Zeke will be thwarted in his efforts and that will limit the number of possessions that the white/lava/scorching/witheringly [runs out of breath] hot Rodgers will have to put points on the board. In addition, qb Prescott doesn’t seem to be the ‘rattleable’ type and the Pack’s D-Line isn’t a scary bunch with a lot of “Oomph!”. (says the old white guy from his couch) All in all, more things have to go right for Green Bay than Dallas-I think it should be close for most of the game but them Cowboys might pull away in the fourth. This is not my desired result, by the way.

Done. LET’S GO GET IT, POTLICKERS!!!

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Old School Zero

I haven’t seen a screen interception like that since a drunk uncle fell through one in the middle of the night at the family cabin.

Romonobyl

So Lady GagGag is the halftime show? Guess I better load up the DVR.

Horatio Cornblower

Couldn’t get reservations until 7:15 so I’ll just take a sip of this drink after taking a shower and kick back and see how the second half is going.

https://media.tenor.co/images/667b75b1b91874e5e008e07adbcaaa77/raw

Goddammit I have GOT to stop drinking while watching this game.

Romonobyl

Take my advice…
don’t.

Smithchez

DAKDAKDAKDAKDAKDAKDAK

“Don’t run, we are your friends.”

Brick Meathook

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Horatio Cornblower

The fact that Jerry Jones and is shitty family/friends/Governor of NJ are miserable is making this debacle much easier to accept.

Spur

I feel queasy

Gratliff

CADAKLYSM

King Hippo

ruh roh Rarras

Senor Weaselo

DAKCEPTION!

Gratliff

DAK DAK DAK

makeitsnowondem

DAK WHAT

Old School Zero

ZERO SUGAR halftime? UNAMERICAN! SAD!

Gratliff

If the Packers keep beating all the teams I hate, I may have to question my allegiances.

litre_cola

Someone touched on this earlier. What the fuck would possess someone to be a juggalo? I will hang up and listen, thank you.

Old School Zero

Miracles.

JustStopDude

I think its the same shit that draws kids into gangs. A sense of belonging and companionship not found at home.

It sure as shit ain’t for the music.

Romonobyl

You also realize there are people who are voluntarily Patriots fans too, right? Same difference.

JustStopDude

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Mother Puncher

It’s a weird subculture of impoverished but not racist whites.

Horatio Cornblower

Meth.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Since I don’t see Cuntler around, I’ll say it:

Fuck the Packers

Shogun Marcus

Something something been trying since I got here. Rodgers

Romonobyl

I’m displeased with the outcome thus far, but should GB take on the P*ts I’ll be the biggest Rodgers fan since George Michael died.

Spur

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ve made peace with the idea of Rodgers winning another Super Bowl. As much as I can’t stand the Packers, he certainly deserves it.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I have faith that McCarthy will still find a way to fuck it up

Smithchez

Nothing says “this show stands on its own merits” like airing three spots for it every godddamn commercial break for the entire game.

Shogun Marcus

FARVEINS! BLEACH SHOTS!

Redshirt

Aikman: “Somehow this Packer TD drive is all Dak’s fault.”

Old School Zero

“Put in Romo!… Uh, on defense!”

Shogun Marcus

“It’s not? WE’LL SEE ABOUT THAT!”
Undisputed, tomorrow.

Smithchez

Well, not covering their receivers is an interesting strategy. It doesn’t seem to be working out so far, but that’s why I’m not a defensive coordinator I guess.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Accidental afternoon nap over! Engage commenting!

Romonobyl

Not a big GB fan, but holy shit this guy can play.

Romonobyl

How the hell did he do that?

blaxabbath

Good news: I got my #content for tomorrow set up.

Bad news: I’m about to fucking stroke out due to the aforementioned #content.

Smithchez

“Rodgers throws it away…………..to Cobb.”

ANALYSIS!!!!

Senor Weaselo

That’s why he’s their A announcer!

Senor Weaselo

For the record, this is still the worst music video, but it’s at least Plan 9 bad and worth it for the guitar solo.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRmnbo18IR0

herodotus450

Not gonna watch it, but am gonna mention the F-word. “Friday” by Rebecca whatshername.

Senor Weaselo

The video’s bad, but it’s hard to parse how much is shitty video, how much is shitty songwriting, and how much is the ear-grating quality of her voice.

Horatio Cornblower

Leaving to go out to dinner with the family. I have demanded a restaurant with a view of the TV. see you all for the second game.

Go Cowboys. (no seriously)

Romonobyl

Hope you have a good data plan for your phone.

Senor Weaselo

Horatio gon drank.

Romonobyl

Will wings and beer be on the menu?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“[Pittsburgh Steelers fans] travel well!”

Or else they come out of the woodwork during years when the Steelers are good. Crazy, right?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I bet if Greg Schiano applied to be one of those concussion monitors the NFL would hire him in a hot second.

herodotus450

I listen to ONE Insane Clown Posse song on youtube and how they’re every recommended song…

litre_cola

“I fuck ONE dude…” – Aaron Rodgers

Senor Weaselo

Was it Miracles to laugh at it?

herodotus450

Ha, yeah, laugh at, that’s right.

herodotus450

But seriously, at some level you do just have to admit that magnetism is magic. It’s just an inherent property of the universe that exists in some materials.

Senor Weaselo

The second-worst music video ever!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-agl0pOQfs

herodotus450
WCS

The punishment fits the crime.

litre_cola

Dak and Dez sounds like an Australian sitcom where two homosexual surfers move to West Sydney in a Lebanese neighbourhood and hilarity ensues.

Spur

Can Rodgers be the catty neighbor?

Mother Puncher

I like their crazy neighbor zeke

Romonobyl

I bet even the most racist GB/DAL fan appreciates having tomorrow off.

Horatio Cornblower

I haven’t had MLK Day off since law school.

Smithchez

They will gleefully celebrate “Great Americans Day” in remembrance of Robert E Lee and declare people who mock Donald Trump traitors without a hint of irony.

http://www.theroot.com/city-of-biloxi-miss-renames-mlk-day-and-immediately-1791205046

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Why no fair catch free kick? Do they need time on the clock for that?

ballsofsteelandfury

It looks that way but i highly doubt the Ginger knows anything about that rule.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Why the fuck would you kick that ball in bounds? You had to kill 1 second. Punt it out of bounds or just catch the punt and stand there til 0’s and take a knee

Spur

Rodgers saw the high man and knew to get on his belly and take it.

Horatio Cornblower

Yes Joe, those wasted time-outs cost the Cowboys the chance to run any plays with -0- seconds left on the clock.

You can’t get that kind of analysis just anywhere folks.

Romonobyl

Rodgers prefers to call them Hail Gary plays. It’s a long story involving spring break back in 1994.

Redshirt

Fair Catch Kick?!?!

Old School Zero

Scandrick with the baisaku knee to Rodgers!

Horatio Cornblower

I’m sort of stunned they didn’t call roughing the QB on that just on looks alone.

Old School Zero

Right? Seemed like just the sort of opportunity for a knee-jerk reaction flag.

Senor Weaselo

Praise Doink?

litre_cola

If Closet boy throws a Hail Mary and it connects, I will refer to him as Mary. Done.

King Hippo

PROUD Mary

Horatio Cornblower

Oh that’s good.

Redshirt

Super Bowl I was 2 1/2 hours?!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

So, half ends with a Rodgers Hail Mary?

ballsofsteelandfury

Troy knows about fitting things in to a tight end.

Horatio Cornblower

Hey we’ve got momentum, a first down on the 20, the best offensive line in the NFL and great RB. What should we do next?

Throw it 3 straight times to Witten in the end zone! That’ll show ’em!

Scott Linehan can blow me.

Shogun Marcus

That’s like us, except we’d try running up the middle 3 times.

King Hippo

also would have kept Rodgers from having any time to work with.

Redshirt

Well at least they’re not calling it on both sides?

Romonobyl

Soooooo close.

Old School Zero

MCU:

Person: THERE’S THIS BIG PROBLEM! HELP!

Captain America: I’m gonna punch that problem until it’s gone!
Thor: I’m gonna punch it with my hammer!
Hulk: I’m gonna punch it really hard!
Iron Man: Plebes. I’m going to shoot at it with energy blasts. And then punch it.
Black Widow: I’m gonna taze it and then kick it and THEN punch it.
Hawk guy: Check out my arrows.
Winter Soldier: I’m gonna punch it with my METAL arm.
Hawk guy: No, really, I have ALL the arrows, y’all. Check. Out. My. Arrows.
Vision: Upon further analysis, I’m going to make an impressive entrance, and then punch it.
Hawk guy: Okay, fine, I’ll punch it.
Ant Man: I’m gonna punch it small, then big, then make good jokes.
Dr. Strange: I’m gonna punch it into another dimension.
Fantastic Four: We’re gonna–
Everyone: NOBODY CARES.
X-Men: We’re gonna–
Everyone: ONLY A FEW OF US CARE.
Spider Man: I’m gonna web it and then punch it. And then we’re gonna redo that punch with four different actors.
Deadpool: I’m gonna punch it, and look at you and tell you how I’m gonna punch it, and use swear words!
Everyone: WE LOVE YOU DEADPOOL!
Daredevil: I’m gonna punch it, and punch it, and punch it, and then flip kick it, and then look sad.
Punisher: I’m gonna shoot it until it’s all dead. For my daughter.
Daredevil: NO YOU CAN ONLY PUNCH IT! /cries, Catholic guilt
Jessica Jones: /drinks
Luke Cage: I’m gonna let it punch me, and then I’m gonna punch it.
Jessica Jones: /drinks
Iron Fist: My name is Iron Fist, what the fuck do you think I’m gonna do?!
Jessica Jones: Who fucking cares. /drinks
Guardians of the Galaxy: We’re in space. We’re the best. We have SPACE PUNCHES!

LemonJello

How’s about some SPOILER TAGS when you’re going to talk about Marvel’s Infinity War?

Barbarian.

LemonJello

We interrupt this broadcast to bring you the following:

Lady LemonJello whipped up another batch of caramel popcorn marshmellow treats; added extra marshmellow and didn’t cook the caramel as much (lighter and sweeter) – I think I may now have the diabeetus from devouring about half the pan…

We now return you to the footed balls.

Spur

Guess which ref team isn’t going to the SB?

litre_cola

We are going to replace Dallas’ clock management with Andy Reid’s let’s see if they notice.

Horatio Cornblower

Jesus, no shit. Andy’s gonna have to work to beat this.

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