GENERAL: Mr. President, Agent Scotchnaut is pinned down in Bucharest and can’t post the Open Thread this afternoon!
PRESIDENT RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: [pulls up pants] I’ll handle…wait. This seems familiar.
GENERAL: He’s getting 418’d! THERE’S NO TIME!
PRESIDENT RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: Fine, fine, sheesh. You know, when my Russian handlers coerced me I signed up for this job of my own free will I didn’t realize I was going to have to work weekends too.
Okay, so we’ve got the Seahawks. Oh, wait, no, Green Bay. Oh, wait, no, this is the AFC. Goddamn, why can’t I remember anything that happened to me last night? It’s like I didn’t get any sleep at all. My brain feels like a big bowl of clam chowdah. As far as this game is concerned, against my will (which seems fitting), I’m rooting for (and picking) the Steelers. The Patriots defense hasn’t been tested in any meaningful way, and I think the Steelers are going to be willing to sacrifice a good 45 yards worth of field position to take cheap shots at Tom Brady and ruin his cadence at the line after he loses his voice screeching at the officials. But you’re not here for hot takes (mmm…hotcakes) – you’re here to make jokes. Get to it. Make with the laugh laugh!
One good game throughout the entire playoffs.
No, EVERY game was horrible.
2. But puppies!
Brady flicked that flea like it was Gisele’s bean
This damn thing’s already over
God help us all
TOM BRADY FLEA FLICKER TD
I HAVE AN ERECTION
http://www.bromygod.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/south-parks-most-offensive-episodes-092513-06.gif
Fitting that after a season of mostly shitty football we’re subject to this.
If I’m Pittsburgh in the 2nd half I’m going to put someone on Hogan.
But that’s just me.
http://www.dancingmonica.com/imagefile/klink.jpg
God dammit.
You know, I feel like if the Steelers ever actually FUCKING COVERED THIS GUY, they might stand a slightly better chance of winning the game.
Steelers can’t stop 3rd down conversions
So, we all cheer for the Falcons next week?
this feels strange. Where is MOnty?
TWO weeks. SIGH.
I’m already onto Training Camp mode. Or really, suicide watch with a brief hiatus FOAR Championship Week and the NCAAT.
steelers…..
not down by 17?
I would be in favor of cloning Fireman Ed if we could get the Fireman Ed Clone Army to fight the Patriots militia dudes to the death.
Little reminders of the upside of humanity’s imminent extinction
I feel like that 16 Division Titles claim needs an asterisk that points out “AFC East”.
Better winning percentage outside of the AFC East during the Brady/Belichick era, but yeah, sure, ok.
ah,
the afc south mark?
Theres another “hollywood is still out of ideas” movie remake.
I am very much at peace with never going to the movies again. Shit after shit after shit.
So them opioid constipation meds are working for you?
First missed xp he’s had all year…
He plays for Pittsburgh, so what’s the sample size…12?
/we go for 2.
http://media.giphy.com/media/5iVP2xmU0hmBW/giphy.gif
PRAISE SHA’NKHOR BUT NOT REALLY
your God done whipsawed upon thee??
HAIL SHAN’KHOR!
ITS NOT A BLOWOUT
Hail Shan’kor!
Fuck you, Boswell. My goddess hath forsaken me.
DEITY VS. DEITY
WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW TOMLIN!
YEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSS! DeAngelo!
YOU PAY FOR JD POWER AWARDS. YOU’RE NOT SPESHUL.
Oh yay…emergency alert for flash flooding.
/grabs beers and innertube
don’t worry about it, we can just start DENYING things like flooding too!!
“Biggest manhunt ever”? Well, I guess Aaron Rodgers does have a lot of free time now.
Found this sometime during the first game.
I can’t be the only one who could give absolutely less than negative shits about VR headsets, right?
Until I can feel exactly like I’m fucking Kate Upton when wearing one, there’s no point.
Inadequate?
Have you ever used one? They’re pretty neat.
Agreed. Try a real one like the HTC Vive.
They seem fun. I think there’ll have to be a bigger library of games before I consider getting one.
The in-laws got me a Samsung vr for Xmas. Now I just gotta upgrade my phone…but my wife has a Galaxy 7. It is kinda cool actually.
yeah, NO THANKS, not when HBO has dangled fuckable robots that look like Evan Rachel Wood into my imaginarium…
Remember Perversions of Science? That had the episode where Kevin Pollak fucked a sex robot and it malfunctioned mid-coitus and locked down on his dick. It also had an episode where Ron Perlman accidentally made Hitler.
I would RISK IT for Evan Rachel Wood. And we already have Trump, so the risk of making Hitler 2 is potato, potahtoe
Because when I think Asian, I think Matt Damon.
In Trump’s America, white actors are finally getting a chance to star in major films.
Well, there was that time he ate at a Thai restaurant (probably), so…
“Mmmm, Eli Rodgers.”
–Eli Manning, staring into space and doodling into his idea journal about his dream wedding.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/659d6a009ffa32d5dfa317f2c7617b4d/tumblr_nwa624IwAA1r1d4hmo10_250.gif
Oh thank god, a run up the middle.
Well, there’s always the Falcons?
Man, I picked the wrong month to stop shooting heroin.
Go….falcons….?
That just feels wrong.
Gronk looks good in that Beauty and Beast movie.
The Steelers can’t get to Brady.
http://img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110916211545/itsalwayssunny/images/b/ba/7x1_Charlie_barf_blood.gif
http://68.media.tumblr.com/d61e5515f033200b266d50132f6b96dd/tumblr_ndhya2dyr31sdxxmto2_400.gif
Yup, that’s the defense of a professional football team that made it to the conference championship.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Seconded.
Jesus christ, Stillers
well, that’s it for FOOTBAW season, fuck everything
Hi friends, back from the Packer Falcon party, how the fuck we all doin?
/wine/weed if you are wondering.
“That’s what they do in Pittsburgh; don’t give up the big play.”
Just dozens and dozens of little ones.
I’m just going to be angry for the rest of the evening.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/be821a12bce66ab18be7b390cd96f4ce/tumblr_o15hd5nw6g1txj6byo2_250.gif
I’m following that plan, but for the decade. Enjoy the (temporary) ride!!