Today’s topic – the Atlanta Falcons.

 _{(posted with permission)}

It’s been my curse to have to follow the Falcons for DFO this year. Since I volunteered to do their season preview and their bye week update, they have done their utmost to ensure it has been a royal pain-in-my-ass to do so.

https://twitter.com/falconboycaca/status/823720071193358339

^{(Tweet via Low Commander)}

But at least not a permanent stain on my leg.

They beat both of my NFC teams in the process of getting to the Super Bowl. The worst part is that they deserved both victories.

Remember this, from earlier in the season?

[Fun fact: typing “Richard Sherman pass interference” into google gets you 400,000 results.]

At the end of the day, that non-call was integral for the Falcons getting to “The Big Game”^®. The Seahawks still finished behind the Falcons, but this victory helped the Seahawks finish third. Had they lost, they would have finished fourth and gotten the Giants in the first round. Had Atlanta not beaten the Packers earlier this season, they also could have finished third in the conference, and would have faced the Lions and then the Cowboys. This means the Packers wouldn’t have gotten to the Cowboys in the Divisional Round, and I don’t think anyone here trusted the Giants or Seahawks to do in the Cowboys.

Who knows what would have happened if Atlanta had to go to Dallas in either circumstance? Thanks to fate, and bad officiating, that answer is left to mystery.

Another mystery? Almost no one hates the Falcons.

I spent an inordinate amount of time trying to find actual Falcons hate on the internet. They engender no real hate in any fanbase, outside of Saints fans,

and I believe most can agree Saints fans are actually worse.

Patriots fans have their own stuff going on this week, but outside of “The Big Game”^®, most didn’t even know or care that the Falcons existed. Even the Falcons recent-ish “-gate” scandal – “Inflategate” – has mostly disappeared from the conversation because Arthur Blank accepted the punishment ($350,000 fine; loss of a draft pick) and moved on. Aaron Rodgers tried to allude to it prior to the NFC Championship,

Rodgers on Falcons stadium: it's really loud in there. Whether that's all natural or not remains to be seen.

— Greg Bishop (@GregBishopSI) January 20, 2017

but it didn’t resonate. They didn’t whine like the Patriots did, so people have seemingly let it slide. It helps that no one on their team comes across as entitled and/or a demon in a hoodie.

Even the jokes about the Patriots being threatened are more shots at the Pats than actual Falcons hate.

The banner image, created by our own Low Commander, is the closest representation of Falcons hatred I could find on the internet.

The Michael Vick dog-fighting case is the only consistent theme I can find as examples of people being against the Falcons. PETA was pretty forefront when the case broke, and they still pay attention to him. But there’s more hate towards the Eagles & Jets for signing him after his suspension than there is for the Falcons at missing it in the first place.

As for the present-day Falcons, look at their lineup. There’s not a real object of hate on the team. Matt Ryan is a mobile bowl of vanilla soft-serve, and how could anyone hate Julio Jones? Most of the Falcons people remember hating either lost their houses to crazy women

or have long-since been retired.

And therein lies the key to actually hating the Falcons: they need this Super Bowl in order to make them memorable.

That, and the fact that we – as non-Patriots fans – need them to win in order to avoid the resultant gloating that will seep out of New England, poisoning all like radiation fallout. The League loses more fans if the Patriots win; look in your hearts, and you will know this to be true..

The worst thing about a Falcons victory? It validates & saves Roger Goodell’s job.

So “good fucking luck, Atlanta”. It’s a no-win situation. If you win, you reprieve the devil. If you lose, we all lose.

KEEP THIS UNFINISHED!