When we last left our dismal duo, Joe was lamenting the entirety of the state of Wisconsin. Troy was Eggman. Standard Operating Procedure in other words. As it turns out FOX gets the Superb Owl this year, so once again unto the breach go our beloved broadcasting team. Let’s see how they find themselves in somewhat foreign lands.
We come to you LIVE from Superb Owl L-I. Lie, as in my life has been a lie. It has to be right? No loving entity would enforce this upon someone willingly right? I mean HOUSTON? They don’t even have a football team! Yes they have Baseball, but not really. OH FATHER I’M SO SORRY. It’s so close to the border! DangeRUSS! Oh wait, this is NFC/AFC. Sorry folks, new environ, new taints to taste. I predict the best tackling in the next 16 hours will happen 7 hours away from here. Anywho…here’s my distinguished colleague Troy who should hopefully be at home here in Texas amid all the pageantry. So Troy, how are you?
OH I’M EGGCELLENT! A WHO’S WHO OF EGG-EL-ENT?! THIS KIND OF SPECTACLE IS EGGSTRODINARY!
Huh. I’m just going to keep hitting him in the head folks until I find a halfway competent being to read my final note to. So Troy, these teams? *bonk*
OH HOW PURRFECT THIS OPPORTUNITY!
What exactly is that belt supposed to hold up Troy?
THAT LITTLE BIRD WILL PURRISH!
Uhh…so not Atlanta Troy? *bonk*
IT WILL BE A COLD DAY BEFORE I ALLOW IT!
Ok. Four levels in…five to go. Happy Dante? So folks, some drunken country guy sang the anthem, shit happened. It’s 10-0 New England. I admit I don’t know them much thanks to our Glorious ginger leader. Troy? *bonk*
MASSSTER KNOWS ALL! MASTER RULES US! HIS EYE SEES US ALL! ARRGH!
Shit. We’re violating all the copyrights now. Fuck it. Dad I apologize, I wanted to make you proud but money made me sway. I’ll never be you. I’m sorry. *Shakes head* Sorry folks, I don’t know what happened there! Troy? *bonk*
RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. YOUR WAYS WILL BECOME OURS. ASSIMILATION.
Wait? Am I Borg or Cyberman now? *Bonk*
BOTH.
Ok then. Uhh…folks we’ve hit halftime. Lady Gaga is coming up. Enjoy I guess. 15 seconds to doomsday right? *bonk*
**HALFTIME**
We can all agree that was a disgusting act right? I mean really. Who knew labia could do that? With staples even? I thought they’d call it after the raver’s dick ignited in his mouth. And calling it “Murica Face First” was a bit much. Art I suppose. Just horrific. So Troy, what say you at this 36-13 score?
Joe, I think we need to have a talk. You need to do something.
Sure Troy. You seem fairly competent for once! Alright then, awesome! FINALLY a true partner! It’s 38-20, but nevermind that. What Troy?
Something big, something GRAND. Something that will make people forever remember you. You know it’s right. This.
But the end of the game is coming and I haven’t even said good bye to my little baby Ben. I’ve done and said many awful things! So much fluid. So much regret. So many tiny globes of fecal sadness placed delicately upon an immigrants chest without fulfillment!
*ACKK..BLEGH*..Wha..Wait…BEN?
Ben the two of us need look no more…
*SLAM*
shh…shh…it’s ok now joe…go to ben…Trophy presentation is coming up. Sleep well America. I’m Troy, and I’m in control…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=po2ahzuziEw
NFL Films of the Super Bowl XLII New York Giants over New England just started on TWWL.
Shame that they’re airing it well past Eli’s bedtime.
Worked today, finished now, gotta work tomorrow too. If I’m not at my cousin’s by the anthem,
/too tired to issue threat
Has anyone here watched “John Dies at the End”? I am pretty drunk. Should I watch it tonight?
Watch Dig!
https://youtube.com/watch?v=6AHdMxdufFU
Oop. That wasn’t it. Here’s the trailer.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=dUZDSzE3qIQ
Does John survive at the middle?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fqDSNZTo8js
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKAh–ss1r0
I just go backed. I had to show up at an airport to fight with TSA to release a green card holder, a person that has worked and lived in the US for around 20 years, because of Trump.
this fucking country….
But the Saudis can enter no problem.
The baby boomers can’t die soon enough.
I’m not going to die, so fuck off.
The baby boomers have eaten their young!
Yeah, well some of them have, OK a majority. Generalizing and wanting us to die won’t help anything. Based on Fozz’s rants and things I’ve seen the generational change won’t change a fucking thing.
Generation is a terrible concept anyway. It is based on the technology you grew up with, nothing about anything to do with the actual character of people. That is not changing.
What I’m saying is a majority of human being are terrible people.
IDIOT noun
IDIOT, n. A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling. The Idiot’s activity is not confined to any special field of thought or action, but “pervades and regulates the whole.” He has the last word in everything; his decision is unappealable. He sets the fashions and opinion of taste, dictates the limitations of speech and circumscribes conduct with a dead-line.
-Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary
Every cohort will bitch about the previous or later generations. The first thing thay pops in my head when I listen to or read a millennial rant is “They said the same thing about you”: having it easier, entitlement, “Shit up ya babys”…
A whole demographic slice reduced to stereotypical assholishness–hey, it works for nationalities and races* too! It’s like nuance and perspective are abhorrent to discourse, or at least the market thinks both qualities are boring as fuck.
* Especially galling to us Puerto Ricans, since we are all measurred, law-abiding citizens who never yell or litter, and always go to the end of a line of people to wait our turn stoically, without seeing how we can cut ahead inconspicuously.
Counterpoint:
I’ll say it’s kinda accurate ’cause I like that one. A life without passion is turrrrible.
I am embarrassed for anybody in this country regardless of generation who voted for this dangerous, idiotic retarded clown car situation we find ourselves in now. If we would have followed the proposed energy policy that was popular before Reagan we be substantially better off.
I think he was actually referring to any of Chris Berman’s potential offspring.
That might be for the best though.
Actually with my health I probably won’t last another 10-15 years; you’ll get your wish.
One of the side effects of having really shitty knees is that everything else works famously.
Apart from my vision.
And the shoulder.
And the right ankle.
Let’s not discuss the digestive tract.
I feel great!
The individual in question….fucking Slovak.
A dark Slovak…but seriously…this stuff is so moronic…
http://25.media.tumblr.com/a3969fa3c18f8849c2e4dd323919137f/tumblr_mi8qngtKlE1qaho1po3_r1_250.gif
You’re doing the lord’s work buddy.
Kerr has been ejected. Fuck you KD!
Magic words. Also this has… interesting lines.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HBQ2mjkvYY8
warriors in a dogfight with the Kings. Come on Sac.
SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!
http://68.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_me76yuiuPS1qzou5ko1_500.jpg
Older Sade was the hottest
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8QJmI_V3j4
Melissa McCarthy as Sean Spicer was a wonderful thing. Far better than Baldwin.
So if I really wanted to get under Donald Trump’s skin – and I do – I would follow him wherever he goes and wait until bedtime and then blast the Islam Call to Prayer music at him.
Double J for the HOF !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sb2np1HGqxg
“I need a body bag.”
– Aaron Hernandez or Bel Biv DeVoe – YOU MAKE THE CALL!
YEEEEEEEEHAW I HAVE A BUST OF ME BEING FUCKING CRAZY!
It’s only nine o’clock here, so I think another glass of bourbon is in the cards.
West Coast is the Best Coast.
/Sorry Texas
Will Chirs Berman be elected to NFL HOF? God I hope no.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qAFg2TQk9v0
https://youtu.be/EjhfH5P5ZEM
https://youtu.be/aAdtUDaBfRA
I see there was a Superb Owl tribute on Friday but no mention of Spur and his spirit animal.
Folks!
Does anyone else watch “How To Get Away With Murder”? I’m a little disappointed that during this Super Bowl week they didn’t have Ray Lewis on as a guest star.
So NFL related: Khalil Mack wins defensive player of the year.
Landon Collins though…
Apparently Mack beat Von Miller by only one vote.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSkuJJnKk7o
It was 2001. When I was about 12 my dad got obsessed with this song. He heard it on the radio one day and he needed to find out what it was. So he scavenged around and figured out the name of the song and who it was by. He then proceeded to search for the CD which was seemingly unattainable. He scoured music stores everywhere. The guy was a mostly obscure reggae artist so he wasn’t on shelves at the local Sam Goody. We went to a Yankee game with him, my brother two years my junior and my sister two years my elder. After the game my dad drove down into the Bronx to Moodies record shop at like 12am under the 4 train line. He double parked and left us in the car to go find Junior Kelly’s CD. They had it. It can be scary in the Bronx at night, but my dad’s freak obsession shook me far more.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSkuJJnKk7o
Anyone else watching the Annies tonight? Just me? Well, snow family favorite Piper won best animated short.
So Hermana Weaselo and I play “What’s the most ridiculous collab we can come up with using whoever’s on the radio right now?” The leader in the clubhouse is Magic! (the Rude band) and Ja Rule. Neither of us ever came up with this one.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f6jma9VQEls
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A3Ix4hKSnxQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DtauQj65_4w
Never before has the “Insane Shit” tag been used so accurately.
I dunno…it’s like this all the time in my head. Lady Shogun gets to hear me say it most times.
Had a rather long day today getting ready for tomorrow. Everywhere I went, people asked me who I was rooting for, and my answers proceeded as:
1. Atlanta
b-Not the Patriots
%) Failure. Complete and total failure.
I swear I wouldn’t even be watching this damn thing if I wasn’t hosting. Not that I’m still bitter or anything.
And now presented with context:
That’s badass.
Just in time for the game!
I am the proud owner of a Vikings home Harrison Smith jersey and I will wear it proudly!
It has the Nike swoosh and the SHIELD on it and it has the tags saying Official NFL Players Collection and I will wear it proudly! Numbers and letters are sewn on this is the real shit!
Because I got it for 40 bucks from China.
It’s like hoisting up a couple of big middle fingers to the fucking SHIELD.
And I will wear it proudly!
Links to this completely above-board site? And do they have tall sizes?
They have every size. Get to the google and search for cheap nfl jerseys china.
They handled it really well and communicated and everything.
There’s about a million. Anyone particular you’d recommend? Might finally be able to get a goddamn Addy Russell jersey too.
I looked at my emails from them and they are cryptic as fuck.
I think it was one of the first google hits and it said cheap nfl jerseys in the link.
No luck with the tall sizes. Damn near had a gritgasm when I saw a Tom Waddle jersey though. Saw a Grace jersey too, but it was some fucked up throwback.
I have bought from aliexpress a few times and one was pretty much perfect, the other two were pretty meh.
Thanks. No luck there either.
I buy an Iggles jersey every year. For one I purchase terrible players so I have to, second is me saying fuck goodell with my 40 dollar purchases. Every one I have purchased has been bang on.
I discovered China jerseys a couple of months ago. I’m now the proud owner of Hunter Henry and Joey Bosa color rush jerseys myself.
One time I ordered from a Chinese jersey site. The shipping took weeks and I guess I gave them the wrong suite number. The thing shipped all the way back to China on like a boat. Needless to say customer service and I had a few barriers in solving the issue, language being the biggest. I had paid with a mastercard gift card to avoid shady dealings, so I couldn’t get my money back. I chalked it up to a life lesson.
It did take about 3 weeks and the package was “inspected” but the jersey is fucking pristine.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bm-4p2YH0ow
Organist in Nashville just played the Dr. Who theme before a faceoff. Here is an unrelated Venn Diagram of hockey and dr. who fans.
http://mikewong.me/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/venn-diagram-example.002-600×450.jpg
“Anyone besides Senor?”
“…I do!”
/Shit, am I actually quoting YGOTAS?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8p69zMB0z8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nTwclvfUKA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=03TgkCVDlrA
Obligatory.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wrG5_2-OH8c
Old school hockey players, especially goalies, look SOO bad. Laughably bad. Embarrassingly bad. Junior Varsity bad.
But they were frickin nuts.
nhl goalie equipment changed today. In the middle of the season? What the fuck? Actually call penalties or make the nets bigger, 1/2 inch of pants isn’t going to fucking matter.
but is perhaps fashion forward?
It is definitely streets ahead, can’t argue there
Middle of the season is extremely dumb, but what do you expect, it’s Bettman.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6Gh2dbPp5o
Wifey is watching Breakfast at Tiffany’s.
GAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
http://gizmodo.com/doctors-pull-live-cockroach-from-womans-skull-after-com-1791976683
That’s cool, I was hoping never to sleep again anyhoo.
I haven’t had a Spaten in years.
Boy you need to get an Oktoberfest case every September. You will not be disappointed.
Used to be able to get their doppelbock Optimator in 12’s down here, but the distributors put a stop to it. Fuckers.
RADEK FAKSA GOOOOOOOOOAALLLLLL!
Seriously, Radek Faksa is a great ice football name.
I think it’s a good anything name!
Terrell Davis WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is about as genuinely happy as I gets.
Steve Atwater can’t get in, either. Dunno why the voters are ok with placekickers, but anti-safeties.
Shit, angry LeBron at the Garden. He’s gonna go for what, 60?
So…very…close…
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-DRqiaDjGG5Q/UnzZ0Zl3GHI/AAAAAAAAcos/m6lZY2SvTfE/s1600/about-time-margot-robbie.jpg
oh my…
The nhl is really expanding? Like there aren’t enough crappy teams pretending to be middling teams. Oooh, that reminds me, the [local team]’s game is about to start.
Are you telling me Las Vegas, Nevada, in the middle of a literal fucking desert, doesn’t have a pre-existing hockey fanbase?
Worked so well for Phoenix!
I predict the Las Vegas residents will be pumped for their new team for exactly one month. Then, once the losses pile up, it’ll look like a random minor league game where everyone will be in Gretzky, Rangers, Blackhawks and Hartford Whalers jerseys for every home game.
You mean the old Hartford Whalers, not the ones that may be the current New York Islanders, correct?
If it happens, they better bring this back:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJtiepwpKFw
More like percussion and organ bonanza, amirit?
Aren’t the Whalers the Hurricanes now?
I think so?
Yeah totally, didn’t break any hearts in Winnipeg.
Thanks Bettman
What’s a good comedy series I can play over on another screen and not have to pay too much attention to to enjoy?
Cleveland Browns 2016 Season.
He said comedy, not snuff film.
Futurama.
‘Workaholics’ is low on plot/story and high *HIGH* on sillyness … oh wait, you said “good comedy series”. My bad.
I was waiting for Workaholics so I could throw shade at it, and you went and stole my thunder
Great minds …
Workaholics gives me anxiety to watch. I can never put my finger on why. I think it’s a combo of their pretend lifestyle and the forced bits.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qj1d6MNKTk
I’ve seen this before. Could do without O&A, but Norton’s good and I’ll watch almost anything Patrice does. I hear his new hour is a little dry though.
Fuck the hall of fame so hard
I’m not sure why today, but yes.
Fred Ex didn’t get in this year?
Dawkins and Owens got snubbed. Davis got in with a surprise vote. Their process and unwritten rules are such horseshit.
Fuck that Dawk didn’t get in??? I just assumed he did. Terrell I could go either way with him as I believe he was the cause of the Eagles losing the Superb Owl, but also the reason they were there.
It’s that bullshit “But there’s so many great safeties who aren’t in the hall yet!” argument. Yeah, but there’s one best, and he just fucking qualified, so let him in.
Can’t wait for Peter King’s 80,000 word explanation as to why a kicker was more worthy than either of those two.
Gonna be so many memes
*Can’t wait for Peter King’s 80,000 word explanation as to why Darren Sharper was more worthy than either of those two.
FTFY
Open thread schmopen thread.
For the record, I want to know where you get your wonderful drugs. GIMME SOME!!
So many layers!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kygl3yMshQA
For the record, this is also the Open Thread. It came together quickly and I was unavailable to edit to reflect it. MAKE INTERNET MAGIC!
Like the dude who got eaten by the tiger?