As an homage to the overused sports writing trope of “[X number] Burning, Itching, Throbbing Questions for [X Team/X Sport/X League]”, I present to you a list of questions that I,
an uninformed and easily distracted newly-former NFL fan, had after the Superb Owl:
1- Do you think Giselle goes this crazy after she pegs Tom?
2- How pissed off is Bridget Moynahan right now? I mean, it was SO CLOSE and then
3- Does this mean that Atlanta show on FX is going to turn into a pile of dog poop now?
4- The walking backwards commercials should have tipped us off, shouldn’t have they?
5- Is “shouldn’t have they” a correct grammatical structure?
6- Is there a silver lining in the fact that the last two Patriot Super Bowl victories have been basically gifted to them by teams with bird nicknames?
7- Birds really are the worst, aren’t they?
8- Wait, didn’t the Eagles also puke up a loss to the Patriots?
9- Am I on to some crazy Bird Conspiracy Theory here?!?
10- Have I said too much and should quickly change the subject so that DTZM doesn’t get sued and the site doesn’t get hacked?
11- Did the Russians have anything to do with Atlanta’s meltdown?
12- Do you think that if Dan Quinn had a daughter he would name her Harley or would he fuck that up too?
13- Did you know that Sunday was a wonderful day if you did not turn on Fox at all?
14- Can we talk about the Grand Mac for a second?
15- Would you judge me if I told you that I had a Grand Mac for dinner on Sunday night and it was a yummy mess?
16- For that matter, how low would your opinion of me go if I told you that I had a Taco Bell Naked Chicken Chalupa for lunch and LOVED IT?
17- I’m going to leave a really fucked-up corpse, aren’t I?
18- Does anyone else think that Ariana Grande needs to eat a couple of Grand Macs and a Naked Chicken Chalupa?
19- There’s no way she’s Latina if she’s that skinny, right?
20- Is Selena Gomez still trying to convince everyone that she is grown up and sexy?
21- Do you get the feeling that all these Disney starlets that have become pop stars are pissed off because all the boy band boys are super douchey and don’t seem like real men?
22- Does a Real Man reject the NFL now and all it stands for?
23- That was a rhetorical question, wasn’t it?
24- Did you know that the AFL is getting started soon?
25- Are you sad that the AFL Women hit harder than the New York Jets?
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