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Your “Sorry, I Feel Like Crap” Wednesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

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Sorry I’m not my usual verbose self in the write-up. I’ve got a head full of snot, a lung full of phlegm, and a colon that is continually not full of anything. I actually fell asleep at my desk for an hour. You know you’ve either got their respect or their fear when alternate-ed kids leave you alone in that condition and photos don’t appear on social media. (At least, none that I can find.)

NFL News:

  • Get ready to tell Alexa to switch to the game, because the NFL & Amazon have agreed to let Amazon Prime Video stream 10 of the CBS “Thursday Night” games in 2017.
  • As a parting gift, Tony Romo was “released” rather than placed on the “reserve/retired” list, allowing him to keep his $5 million bonus for 2017 rather than have to pay it back.
    • Maybe I’ll try that tomorrow if I get my notice.
  • With just over three weeks to go until the 2017 NFL Draft, Dallas has emerged from a group containing KC & Green Bay as the front-runner to host the 2018 Draft.
    • the site would be their practice facility in Frisco, Texas.
  • The defence is expected to rest today in the Aaron Hernandez murder trial.
    • they have only three witnesses, which might be two if the judge rules the Army soldier immaterial and/or says he doesn’t have to testify per challenge of subpoena.
      • if he does testify, it will be via Skype from Kuwait
    • Bill Belichick was subpoena’d, but never showed up.
  • Apparently, the “Case of the Jerked Jerseys” was broken by a 19 year-old memorabilia collector from Seattle who traded a jersey with the Mexican guy who stole Brady’s.
    • when the kid bragged about his collection, the guy, Martin Mauricio Ortega, sent the kid a picture of his. The kid spotted Brady’s jersey in the background and forwarded his details to the FBI.

Your long-read of the day is analysis by Richard Deitsch over at si.com on how exactly Romo charmed his way into Jim Nantz’ pants booth.

At least they’ll finally meet on a podium.

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Habs at Sabres – 7:30PM | Sportsnet
    • Rangers at Capitals – 8:00PM | NBCSN
  • NBA:
    • Raptors at Pistons – 7:30PM | TSN
    • Cavaliers at Celtics – 8:00PM | ESPN
    • Mavericks at Clippers – 10:30PM | ESPN
  • MLB:
    • New York Yankees at Tampa Bay Rays – 7:00PM | FS1
    • Blue Jays at Orioles – 7:00PM | Sportsnet1
  • MLS: CONCACAF Champions League Semi-final
    • Leg #2 – Whitecaps FC vs. Tigres – 10:00PM | TSN

This better not be a long ordeal. WHY CAN’T I HOLD DOWN FOOD?!

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Unsurprised

Jesus Fucking Christ. Goddamn Portland hipsters. The meme was fucked-out by dinner. FYI: Ted Wheeler is the mayor.
http://www.portlandmercury.com/blogtown/2017/04/05/18932097/a-city-council-attendee-just-rushed-ted-wheeler-with-a-pepsi
–
In other news about why I hate this city and everything else, I walked past a man shitting in the bushes yesterday as I was walking to Trader Joe’s. So I had that going for me.

1
blaxabbath

I’m glad it’s hot enough here that all the weirdos are forced into the shadows where I don’t have to deal with them.

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I have been watching Star Trek: TNG all day for the first time. For a show that has it’s devotees that claims it strives for acceptance…. They had a “Heaven” planet with all white people with blonde hair with totalitarian rule but someone they didn’t question and killed everyone who did question or have a parking ticket. The ep ended as they were ok guys and they left. I am like 5 more eps in but there have just been terrible messages in a lot of them, also a lot of tropes that are overused because I am watching this so late.

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Beerguyrob

It would have been much grittier if they had allowed Wesley Crusher to die.

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I like Wil Wheaton from other stuff. His character in the first half-ish of the first season is the worst. I have heard they are a dick to him in later seasons which I am looking forward to.

1
Beerguyrob

They pair him with a young Ashley Judd, and then don’t let him touch her.

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Unsurprised

Has there ever been an NFL news story that couldn’t be summed up with “Because the owners are motherfuckers?”

2
Senor Weaselo

I can’t go through all of them ever, but… no, that covers it.

2
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

They also do “There is $5 in it if you drown your grandchild in front of your kids, then cheap shot them in the back of their head as their mourn their baby and drown them too”

/Sorry if I stole that quote from a headline on ESPN.com

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Brocky

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Senor Weaselo

Paging RFD…

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Brick Meathook

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Unsurprised

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

HOW THE FUCK DID YOU MAKE A RECORDING OF MY DREAMS?

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Unsurprised

It just happened to be on r/Simpsons the one time I visited.

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Unsurprised

I’m just surfing r/BlackPeopleTwitter and watching Blazing Saddles. So if I doze off soon, I may wake up a Pats fan.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

You boys are on your game tonight with the pics and gifs. Well done!

3
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Today ate balls

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Much like tonight’s ringmaster, I feel like shit today too. But I did win some free hamburger buns and some Jimmy Dean sausage with the monopoly pieces I found discarded in the parking lot, so that was a win at least.

3
litre_cola

How the fuck does that work RTD?

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Remember that old Monopoly promotion that McDonald’s used to do? Vons (and a bunch of other stores) are doing it now. But some of the tickets are instant winners. Of the five pieces I found, TWO were instant winners.

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Unsurprised

Safeway is doing it up here.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Nah, she’s on her period.

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Brick Meathook

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Unsurprised

Awwww. I hate seeing food wasted.

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blaxabbath

If you don’t recall my rants about how, between paying for all the house renovations myself as well as 75% of the wedding (which went about 100% over budget, thanks to me saying, “do what you want, just keep to the budget” without clarifying that the budget was for the entire wedding – not each vendor), I’ve spent the first quarter of 2017 trying to get my finances back to comfortable. Basically, I’m just a generally frugal person so, as long as I don’t have to pay for everything for everyone all at once, I usually have cash for my small pleasures.

Meanwhile, the wife (who makes more than me but never seems to have more than $2k to her name) is telling me she’s 25% through Dave Ramsey but wants me to explain the baby steps. I’m like, “use your paycheck to pay off your debts. And pick up more shifts so you have more income bc your car is dying this year. And then put that money in the joint account because, between the down payment on the house, the remodel expenses, and the wedding, I’ve covered about $25k of your portion of expenses that you’ve always promised to split with me.”

Then she gets a glazed look in her eyes and tells me about the next three trips she wants to take.

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Unsurprised

Make sure the honeymoon suite has a gas fireplace.

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Unsurprised

This Louis C.K. special sucks. Fuck it. I’m watching it anyway because I have nothing better to do before my eventual heat death.

-1
Sharkbait

I was less than impressed.

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Unsurprised

His specials don’t hold up at all.

-1
blaxabbath

His intro on Norm’s Based on a True Story is good.

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Brocky

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So apparently Marshawn Lynch paid a visit to the Raiders facilty today.

This pleases me.

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4
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Not everyone is drunk enough and smart enough for DFO:

http://pittsburgh.cbslocal.com/2017/04/05/drunk-lives-matter-dui/

1
The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

We are professionals

3
WCS

Wasn’t me.

1
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I know it’s still early but I have been bored and logging in for spots the last 2 hours, anyone up for poker?

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Unsurprised

Of course Darth Hoodie can ignore a subpoena and get away with it. Fuck the world.

On a lighter note, I just sat through a CLE about the trademark case before the Supreme Court that could affect the REDACTEDS’s own, and it was not encouraging because somehow no one sees registered trademarks as government speech, which is fucking mind-blowing to me, but what do I know? Anyway, it looks like Snyder won’t have to change the name because it’s okay to register a trademark for Teh Slants or The Redskins but nothing with the word Fuck because this fucking country is run by sick fucks.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So THAT’S what caused the outage at Dreamhost today – ten thousand Boston residents rushing to trademark the name DAHHHKKIES.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Semi-serious question: do you think it was ever an issue during the Hines Ward era in Pittsburgh when in practice one of the defensive backs would be instructed to “cover the slant”.

4
Unsurprised

Not on the field, but I’m sure he got all sorts of shit for being Asian. Especially as a rookie.

0
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Trump is president. And if you have before given a Superbowl ring to Putin you are above the law now.

1
JustStopDude

I think I have shared this before, but here is my theory on why Snyder is so determined to “hang” onto the name.

First things first…he doesn’t give a fuck about the name. Not really. They could change the name in a heartbeat and that just means he gets to sell new gear, especially if they announced something like “sorry fans…those PC assholes in the NFL are forcing me not to allow you to wear the old stuff…so BUY NEW SHIT AT THE WEBSITE!”

Its a known fact that Snyder wants a new stadium. He has been trying to discretely make this known, especially since the on the field product has been garbage for years. Both MD and VA have made it known under no uncertain terms that the neither state is ponying up over a billion dollars for the stadium, nor are they going to do sweet heart tax deals. Traffic is so fucking bad in NORVA area that even the smaller city officials are not crazy enough to want to land a stadium deal. It would be political suicide.

So conspiracy time…Snyder is holding onto the name in hopes that it becomes such a PR nightmare for the NFL that he can get them to agree, in exchange to change the name, to put shit loads of pressure on MD and VA to get one of them to get him a sweet heart stadium deal.

Otherwise it makes no sense why Snyder doesn’t want a free excuse to force his fans to purchase new gear.

2
Unsurprised

Or he can always move the team to Richmond or someplace.

I hear Oakland is looking for a team.

1
blaxabbath

Oakland Redskins would be awesome.

But DTZM would pay more to have the St Louis Redskins.

1
Unsurprised

It would make more sense for a team named the Redskins to be in the midwest.

1
Unsurprised

That painted lariat is a nice touch.

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LemonJello

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Brick Meathook

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LemonJello

comment image?7389

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LemonJello

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King Hippo

Last night’s installment of “The Americans” was very, very good. I enjoy the gloom. And all the 1980s food packaging.

2
JustStopDude

Sweet fucking Jesus…I’ve been looking into getting internet for my new house.

Fucking cable companies are insane!

2
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Case of the Jerked Jerseys

I don’t see what any of this has to do with Kellen Winslow Jr.

4
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

This comment was so good it is now all over the dashboard.

http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lq2av6BzIK1qzll1k.gif

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LemonJello

Good evening, Imaginary Internet Friends!
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

http://www.gifbin.com/bin/052014/1402176550_smooth_move_referee.gif

Settlement/ garnished wages gif of the week.

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Is that $5M a downpayment from JJ to get Romo to say good things about him on the air?

2
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“?resize=500%2C220”!!!!

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LemonJello

Don’t look at me in that tone of voice!
http://i.imgflip.com/5xxv5.gif

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

WHY CAN’T I HOLD DOWN FOOD?!

– Andy Reid, using his body to shield the steam tray of fritters he brought back to his table while he simultaneously tries to reason with the Golden Corral staff member that is attempting to take it away.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The defence is expected to rest today in the Aaron Hernandez murder trial…

“Rest? Typical lazy Massachusetts liberals.”

– J.J. Watt

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[I know J.J. Watt isn’t particularly political, but it seems like something his fans in Texas would expect him to think/say]

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’m thinking this is accurate.

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entropy

Only they would say “taxachusetts” instead.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Leonard Fournette is down from 240 to 228.

“Pfft, I could get a better deal than THAT.”

– Darren Sharper’s attorney

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