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Your “Cursing At The Astronette” Saturday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iHO0prgzVZo

Well, we made it to the weekend. I hope you’ve had the chance to have a cold one or six today.

The NHL Draft lottery is tonight. My Canucks have the second-best odds of getting the top pick, which they won’t get & if tradition holds they’ll actually drop 5 spots, or they’ll win, draft the kid, and he’ll end up paralyzed or some such tragedy. In that honour, I’m choosing to drink rye.

Random NFL thoughts for a Saturday:

  • I don’t know if I’m prepared to live in a world of Browns’ competency. But I guess that’s what the regular season is for.
  • A team that employs Pacman Jones & Vontaze Burfict seems a natural fit for Joe Mixon.
  • I’m not shocked Mitch Trubisky got the Doug Flutie treatment when he got introduced & booed at a Bulls game Friday night.
    • I’m only surprised that the Bears didn’t think that would happen.
  • Russell Wilson and his wife Ciara welcomed Sienna Princess Wilson into the world on Friday evening.
    • Maybe now John Schneider might draft more O-line help.

Finally, I don’t care – Drew Pearson was the highlight of Draft Day 2.

  • It was proof the crowds was searched prior to entry. Otherwise, he should have been buried under D-cells like Public Enemy was buried under chairs at Hardcore Heaven.

  • I can only picture a nod of respect from Fozz, before returning to our regularly scheduled programming.

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • NHL Draft lottery – 7:30PM | NHLN / CBC / Sportsnet
    • Pittsburgh at Washington – 8:00PM | NBC / CBC / Sportsnet
  • MLB: Angels at Rangers – 7:00PM | FS1
  • Fútbol: Liga MX:
    • Guadalajara vs. León – 8:00PM | Univision
    • América vs. Atlas – 10:00PM | Univision
  • AFL: Adelaide Crows vs. Richmond – 2:30AM | TSN2
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jjfozz

Big time dinner tonight lads. Some pregaming, some during gaming, and now post gaming drinks. Also fuck the Pens. and I am gonna go get me a glass o tullamore dew.

1
WCS

Gotta challenge that.

1
The Maestro

So Pens in 3, it seems.

3
King Hippo

oh, an’ tWBS gon’ drank

2
Senor Weaselo

Fuck… at this rate, you wanna borrow Skjei?

0
The Maestro

I’ll take anyone I can get my hands on to replace Cody Fucking Ceci, and it ain’t gonna matter a lick against the fucking Penguins.

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herodotus450

Grubbauer sounds like the kind of guy who’s gonna save this game with just a rubber band and an old pointer that’s been worn down to nothing but a nub.

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WCS

comment image?b64lines=CiBJVCBTVElMTCBQT0lOVFMu

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Excellent.

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Brocky

as a well known lover of gloves, what’s that gloved hand holding excatly? and why are the buseys afraid of it?

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

http://68.media.tumblr.com/05b76da5153458befcc12d9a4dd127b3/tumblr_onz4wu9G8t1qz9bu3o1_1280.jpg

Apparently this image is illegal in Russia. Sorry DTLZM.

1
King Hippo

“I’d fuck me. I’d fuck me so hard…”

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Brocky

well, now there’s a photoshop we need

2
JerBear50

It gives it’s oil to my kin or else it gets annexed again.

4
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Pierre Maguire doesn’t have to be this bad. He knows his shit, but pipe the fuck down during play when there already is a pxp and a color guy in the booth.

TSN does it right with Gord Miller in the booth and Ray Ferraro doing color from ice level. It works.

Mike Milbury is just fucking awful though.

1
WCS

Mike Milbury is a bag of dog poo that gained sentience.

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The Maestro

Since you know your Canadian trivia, just know that Pierre is a graduate of Lower Canada College. Believe me when I say that explains a LOT about him.

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WCS

Is that the sister school of Hollywood Upstairs Medical College?

5
The Maestro

If only it were. Private school home to Montreal’s richest, most uppity, egocentric self-important asshats. I realize that describes like 90% of private schools, but according to my dad, who went to rival Selwyn House, every single guy they ever played sports against were just the fucking worst people imaginable.

1
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I thought he graduated from Bergen Catholic here in NJ.

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herodotus450

Is Michigan going to have more draft picks than Alabama?

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The Maestro

Yup. 11 to 10 this year.

1
WCS

BUUUHH PAWWWWWLLLLLLLLLLLL

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herodotus450

Looks like 14 is still the record? From ohio state.

0
The Maestro

I’m calling an old priest and a young priest to deal with this one.

4
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You shoulda done peyote in college.

1
herodotus450

Puck cam is the most exciting thing to happen all playoffs

2
Senor Weaselo

What about the laser puck?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grOttsHuuzE

1
herodotus450

Glow puck does need to make a comeback. If they would have just stuck it out until hack fraud assholes who don’t even watch hockey stopped making fun of it, it would’ve beeen great.

0
herodotus450

Why even play the rest of the series if you’re the caps? Just give up now and go get wrecked, then start golfing. It’s over.

2
The Maestro

I’m still so fired up from Pageau’s OT winning goal for the Sens.

He scored four goals. FOUR FUCKING GOALS.

I hope his girlfriend brings all her friends over to join them tonight. Guy deserves it.

5
Beerguyrob

A four-way for forty-four?

3
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

le quarante-quatre soixante-neuf

4
Gratliff

I guess furries aren’t all that bad

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I just hid the carrot.

1
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Reading about West Point below has gotten me on the topic.

I have heard there is tension at times between West Point graduates (or any other service academy for that matter) and those who didn’t. My friend, who went into the Army fresh out of high school, said the best and worst people he encountered were USMA grads during his time.

Anyone who did serve, confirm or deny?

1
herodotus450

A kid I went to high school with, and haven’t heard from since, was going to the academy. He was the most uptight, follow-the-rules, stick up the butt guy ever. So he probably made a decent officer.

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

From my experience working at the USAFA; a lot of NOC level and some officers think the majority are entitled pricks. However you have to be smart and committed to get through it.

See rape, cheating, and drug scandals to balance that out.

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

My dad was old school and hated all officers.

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King Hippo

my Dad was an officer in the Air Force, but did NOT go to the AFA (did ROTC at NC State, etc). He said similar things about the AFA grads he served with, particularly stories that arose from the Officer’s Club. There were people you would trust with your life, people you wouldn’t turn your back on to take a leak.

3
Spanky Datass

My experiences with Air Force pilots (F-16s) varied but to generalize, AFA grads were much more uptight and rarely showed any interest in the technical job a lowly Airman such as my self performed. That said, I knew a former-enlisted pilot who was awesome to work with and a damn riot to party with. He bought ALL THE ROUNDS!

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herodotus450

50 cals can get expensive thouhg!

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Horatio Cornblower

My father was a non-West Point officer in Vietnam. Get a few beers in him and he’ll be happy to share his opinion of West Pointers.

It isn’t a good one.

4
Romonobyl

So iz tonite when puntahs and kickahs report?

1
King Hippo

not-Craps WOO!!!!

0
King Hippo

that didn’t last long

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herodotus450

This series is going to be a classic story of Al-Davis-skin-thin defense vs. Capitols-Capitolness. It’s gonna make unstoppable force vs. immovable object look like Jesus vs. Burrito he just Microwaved.

2
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Oh my God, if I were a Rangers defenseman I’d fuck up in front of Lundqvist all the time because of that angry stare he does… mmmm, nothing finer than an Angry Swede!

2
King Hippo

I would have thought an Angry Swede referred to a specific sex act?

3
laserguru

25 years ago today.

I had been working in L.A. for about 5 months after moving up from San Diego.

Welcome to L.A. fucker!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e1dPKfxRhk0

3
King Hippo

silver anniversary is hookers, hopefully your officemates remembers this

3
King Hippo

Amputee blood is 40 ,, smh

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That loses too much to evaporation. If you are going to blood your garden, a drip system on a timer works much better. Blood at night and don’t blood if it rains.

1
King Hippo

ppl just don’t stop to plan anything out anymore…

1
Senor Weaselo

FATALITY.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Can you loot call girls?

2
King Hippo

if you tip a little extra, sure

/DVR that special tomorrow night (National Geographic), I love me some riot

2
King Hippo

Remember, chucklefucks. Wake up for Chelsea/Everton tomorry and give me some muthaflippin’ moral support!!

/will not help, will not hold you to this

2
King Hippo

What is “something Hippo hasn’t done in so many years he can’t even remember the exact count, Alex??”

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I have just gained more insight into your inexplicable draft anger.

1
King Hippo

Transference, generally not being sane, yada yada

/tis ok, I really like the crazy redneck Johnny Reb QB

1
ballsofsteelandfury

That Crows – Tigers game really is the game of the week.

1
Senor Weaselo

Apparently Tony Richardson spells Jets J-E-T-E. So… there’s that.

0
King Hippo

Can somebody tell an Ice Footbaw semi-detached observer why Vegas Baby!! appropriated the Army JV NFL mascot and exact insignia??

/also why has franchise to begin with? Was Bogota not an option??

1
herodotus450

The Eastern conference actually has two more teams than the West (only one now with Vegas) so they want to add teams in the west to balance it out. (Oh whats that you say, there is a team in Arizona that apparently can’t make any money and no one wants to buy? That can’t be right.) Supposedly the owner has ties to West Point, thinks he’s a military guy even though he’s never been in the military.

1
King Hippo

oh so there will be lots of faux militaristic bravado with this bunch, too. FUCKING GREAT. WHAT A REGIONAL DISGRACE

0
herodotus450

This is all just distracting us from the bigger issue: which brothel will be better, the Raiders themed one or the Knights themed one?

1
King Hippo

oh, I think we all know that answer

2
Senor Weaselo

There was a Uni Watch competition and someone came up with the Las Vegas Aces and it was goddamn brilliant. So of course it would never happen.

2
Beerguyrob

The franchise owner was in the army – the black knights. Wasn’t allowed to use that.

1
herodotus450

Hmm yeah I guess he actually went to West Point, doesn’t seem to have seen combat. Wikepedia says he spent his time negotiating defense contracts with Boeing. I expect he will be selected for Secretary of State in a few years.

1
herodotus450

These Pittsburgh Penguins I call them Monty Hall because even though they are giving everything away, if the Caps don’t change soon they are going to get the GOAT*.
*Threw up in my mouth a little typing that, but unfortunately it is true**.
**For some definitions of “all” time.

2
Senor Weaselo

Evening lizard people, let’s see, the Rangers both herped and derped, and I imagine the Jets did the same. Oh, and a rock cracked my windshield right where my sightline is and I’m pretty sure I almost got into three accidents on the Garden State, GWB and Cross Bronx as a result of it.

At least the Yanks won!
comment image

3
Unsurprised

Did the Browns build an OL overnight? Because I still don’t see any competence otherwise.

That PE @ HH gif is beautiful.

1
Beerguyrob

Competence in that they didn’t draft a dead guy, and no one seems to be saying they’re all fucked.

2
herodotus450

Do you think we should tell that Capitols that building a team around powerplay- and skill-goals will never win them a cup since the refs always suddenly develop a case of the Heather Brookes during the playoffs?

1
herodotus450

Another year, another playoffs, another uncanny Randy Newman impression by this doc emrick guy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2dOZFu4QuRU
He’s just sayin what he’s seein

1
King Hippo

yeah, I’m going mute popping another oxy and picking up my Soviet prison camp memoir booky-book again

1
Gratliff

Holy shit. Flyers got the second pick. Can’t wait for them to use it on a goalie, give up on him a year in, and then ship him to Las Vegas where he’ll win 3 Vezinas.

2
Beerguyrob

Better that than a Pelle Lindbergh.

0
Gratliff

I think I’m the only person in Philly that doesn’t get sad at the fact that someone with the world in their hands decided to drive home drunk in a super-powered sports car and threw it into a wall.

2
King Hippo

The Darkest Timeline. Learn it, live it, love it.

1
herodotus450

Well at least Colorado and Vancouver fell the maximum number of spots. They should not just be relegated for their dismal performance this season, but completely disbanded, arenas razed, and the rubble salted with deadly Polonium

3
Beerguyrob

‪The Canucks are fucking cursed. Stupid goddamned draft lottery! Second worst = fifth pick. No wonder they can’t sell season’s tickets. Looks like another decade of malaise.‬

1
herodotus450

Just more evidence that the lottery is fixed. You want to tank and lose the last what, 9 games of the season? No milquetoast lottery pick for you!

1
herodotus450

Nine games is almost 1/9 of the season, or 11.1% for all you irrational number fans out there.

0
King Hippo

“AMATEURS” – The Factory

1
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Man, the Avs weren’t even tanking though. They really were dogshit.

0
Gratliff

comment image

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herodotus450

Has a non-Canadian team ever won the draft lottery? Didn’t think so #whataretheyhiding #invadeCanada.

1
Beerguyrob

Edmonton.

1
herodotus450

Their moon-sized shopping mall DOES seem awfully un-Canadian…

3
herodotus450

From various online type sources, the NHL draft lottery is on either NBC, NBCSN, NHLN, NBC Sports Extra Steaming pile of shit, CBC, Sportsnet, TSN, TNN, MTV3, or Spice. Can’t find it though.

2
LemonJello

Have you checked the public access channels?

1
herodotus450

Apparently it was on some NBC flavor, but under the title, “NHL Playoff Game, Pitt vs. Wash.” Now I’m pissed that the game hasn’t started.

0
Gratliff

I’m guessing the women’s wrestling gifs are going to ramp up in a hurry once GLOW gets released.
http://cdn3.darkhorizons.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/first-photos-alison-brie-in-netflixs-g-l-o-w-696×464.jpg

2
theeWeeBabySeamus

Dammit Alexa…I’m trynna get ready to watch hockey!!!!!
comment image

Nope, nope….still not yelling.

2
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Jean-Gabriel Pageau nearly doubled his career playoff goal total with in the last 5 hours.

Fuck this team.

1
King Hippo

They seem quite capable of fucking themselves, it would seem.

3
King Hippo

are there actual good Ice Footbawists that make this lottery thingy matter? Like, I remember McDavid being a medium-big deal.

0
Beerguyrob

Not this year. Last year was the Auston Matthews sweepstakes, and McDavid vs Eichel was the year before.

0
Gratliff

Best part of the chair incident will always be Terry Funk selling it like any normal chair shot

2
Gratliff

Also, in good illegal weapon gifs:
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