INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY

A pair of radio professionals are busy setting up the studio for the afternoon’s show.  Their work is interrupted in a flash of teal as a costumed man dashes through the office.  He is carrying a plastic bag from Savon Pharmacy, in which there appears to be a set of clothing.  The man looks around the office frantically, spots the triangular blue sign of the men’s room, and races inside.

PRODUCER: Who the hell was that?

CONNOR, THE INTERN: Jairus Byrd?

DJ 3000: CAMERON ARTIS-PAYNE?

The PRODUCER’s cellphone pings and he pulls it out of his pocket to glance at it.

PRODUCER: Well whoever it was, I hope he’s got a silky-smooth radio voice and can spin records.  Cause Von Miller just cancelled. Said someone poured Gatorade in his gas tank.

DJ 3000: IF I MIGHT SUGGEST…

— [bathroom door flies open] —

A proud figure appears in the doorway.  He is wearing gym clothes and looking rather disheveled, as though he dressed hurriedly. 

BLAINE GABBERT: Good afternoon, citizens.

GABBERT crosses the office, tossing the football end over end to himself.  On the third toss he drops the football, which bounces sideways and ends up under a desk.  GABBERT attempts to play it off as intentional.  

PRODUCER: Oh.  Hi.  Are you, uh, here for Request Line?

BLAINE GABBERT: The news reached me that you were in dire straits and in need of a host.

PRODUCER: How’s that possible?  We only just found out the news ourselves.

BLAINE GABBERT: Oh, I, um, have a friend in law enforcement.

PRODUCER: I see…

BLAINE GABBERT: I understand the time is short.  So short, in fact, that you probably don’t have any time to ask questions.

CONNOR, THE INTERN: He’s not wrong.

PRODUCER: Okay, sure, whatever.  Get in there.

GABBERT settles into the recording booth.  THE PRODUCER counts down and points.

BLAINE GABBERT: Hi folks!  Some of you might know me as mild-mannered NFL Quarterback Blaine Gabbert.  Others might…wait, I mean, ALL of you know me as mild-mannered NFL Quarterback Blaine Gabbert.  This week’s topic for Request Line is “Superheroes”.  I guess regular heroes are okay too.  Please give me a call and let me know what you want to hear!  I’ll get us started with a song about a friend I mean colleague I mean we’ve never actually met but I’m sure we’d get along great if we ever ran into each other some night.