Your “Opening Night Beer Night!” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL notes:

  • In a statement that strains both human credibility and the “bullshit” test, Roger Goodell says “my friendship with Robert [Kraft] was never strained.”
    • He says he still plans to attend the Patriots season opener in September.
  • Learning a new meaning for the term “veteran talent”, Jets fans have found out their team has signed former Bears WR Marquess Wilson.
  • ¡Hola Crimebeat! Lawrence Taylor has pleaded guilty to DUI.
    • He got probation, a fine, community service and an ignition device.
    • Shockingly, the substance was alcohol. I would have guessed cocaine and/or peyote.
  • Warren Sapp says he suffers from memory loss, and will donate his brain to science upon death. Someone ghost wrote a very touching post at The Players Tribune about it for him.
    • That’s why he doesn’t remember hiring any hookers. It’s also probably why he keeps going broke.
  • Beastmode is really doing the Oakland thing right. He’s offering free haircuts to kids who show him a report card with a minimum 3.0 GPA.

Finally, in a post I’m 100% sure is related to June being Pride month, former Patriot & Chief Ryan O’Callaghan has announced he is gay.

  • In a lengthy article for SB Nation’s Outsports site, he called football his “beard”, because its physicality and his size would provide the perfect cover for a kid who wasn’t comfortable in his own skin.
    • In college, he let his body ‘dad bod’ a bit so he wouldn’t look like a gay stereotype, and he would always make sure his teammates saw him leave the bar or party with a girl.
    • He said he always intended to kill himself once his career ended.
      • But after completing IR & therapy with the Chiefs, before being released he came out to Scott Pioli, who gave him a resounding “who cares?”, which set his mind at ease about admitting that fact to others, and led him to change his mind about suicide.
  • In a note that’s sure to fan the flames of ‘those’ rumours, he was part of the line blocking for Aaron Rodgers at Cal.

Having worked in alternative & adult education for 20 years, reading the parts about how he covered his secret brought back memories of kids who trusted me enough to come out to me, as well as kids who chose different paths rather than admit the secret that was eating them alive. Scott Pioli handled it best – just listen and remember that the person across the table is trusting you with their vulnerability. It’s a kind of rare privilege.


Forgive my enthusiasm, but it’s Opening Night at the Nat tonight, so yours truly will be off doing the Lord’s work – selling beer in the stands.

Fortunately, beer prices are still $7.00, so it guarantees a tip almost every beer. Plus, I don’t have to carry quarters, which are a pain in the ass. Nooners are the best, because it brings out the bikinis and the corporate accounts. But it’s a delightful three-hour stairmaster, usually $80-100 per night, and it’s the only summer job I have this year.


Tonight’s sports:

  • Beisbol:
    • MLB:
      • Blue Jays at Rangers – 8:00PM | Sportsnet
      • Mets at Dodgers – 10:00PM | ESPN / TSN
    • NCAA:
      • Florida vs. Louisville – 7:00PM | ESPN
  • WWE:
    • Smackdown – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
  • 30for30
    • Best of Enemies: Celtics-Lakers – Parts 2&3 – 7:00PM | TSN2

Coming home tonight smelling like sweat & beer? LOOK OUT ROADBLOCK!

 

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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So…… apparently the feet are not the only thing that is big.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

I could go for a burger.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

Taking the light right out of their eyes.

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

Is that lavender?
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Mr. Ayo
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Mr. Ayo

No, that’s Miss Tina Louise

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

When do we get to go to the beach?

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Brick Meathook
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Brick Meathook

I don’t like the way they cover their jugs all up with the feathers, you know, Reg?
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They oughta cut the costumes up higher on the thigh, so you can see more ass.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
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Brick Meathook

Oh my

Senor Weaselo
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Have we started making fun of the Ice Raiders yet? Or at least how bad the uni is?
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

DOOOOOOOOOOMED

(On top of everything else, the days will be getting shorter for six months starting tomorrow)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus
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Not one of the Caped Crusader’s prouder moments…
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Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

Dogs are the bane of Batman’s existence.

Senor Weaselo
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That would explain it, Bane being part-dog.

theeWeeBabySeamus
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Dogbane (Apocynum cannabinum)
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/NERD!!!!!!!
//blames Toxicology Class…soooo many poisonous plants to remember!!!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

*May be an AFL joke.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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HER PANTIES WERE SOOOOOO WET FOR ME!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus
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Honey!!! I don’t think we need to be so worried about paying for college after all!!!!!
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WCS
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still wantid it more than Cam in the Superbowl smh #MAGA

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“LOOKIE!! CANDY BARS!!”

theeWeeBabySeamus
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus
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Brick Meathook
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Brick Meathook

Speaking of trains, here’s the restored Union Pacific 3985 Challenger on a full throttle run in September 2010
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UP 3985 is the largest, heaviest, and most powerful steam locomotive in operation.
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UP 4014, currently being restored, is even bigger.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That locomotive is on coke, man.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
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COKE-AMOTIVE

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Lawrence Taylor gives this comment two spoons up….. as do I (mine are more ice cream type tho)

theeWeeBabySeamus
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Senor Weaselo
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They’re doing a live Futurama episode now apparently, so I’m gonna watch that.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola
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So, to Blax and other Arizonians, what does 120° feel like?

blaxabbath
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My neighborhood is getting irrigation right now so it’s about 5 degrees cooler but humid.

The 120 isn’t really the noticeable thing right now though; it’s that the low is 94. It just never cools. I can shrug it off because I work in an office and drive an AC car but I can tell you that the construction workers are getting wiped out fast. It’s our longest days (in daylight) of the year but guys can’t last beyond 2p, if you’re lucky. So I guess 120 vs 110 wears them out quicker but you’re basically just talking heat on overdrive.

That said, it’s basically our winter (except nothing fun to watch on TV). Wife and I are tossing stuff out and gonna finally redo one of our bedrooms. I’m catching up on reading that I put down in march because I was always out doing something in the nice weather. It’s just a bitch to cook – YeahRight bitches about turning on the oven…

I’m also typing this from my back porch where I’m sweating just sitting here

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Fortunately it rarely gets quite that high.
100 is actually not bad.
110 is getting uncomfortable but manageable
115 is duck inside quickly
120 is raid the neighbors’ pool because your A/C will be out imminently and you’re last on the list for repair and you’re going to die

Senor Weaselo
Member

And is it still a dry heat?

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Also, yes.
(and no matter how hot it ever got I still preferred it to the humidity in the here and now in the lovely southeast)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

it was 94 here today….. way more pleasant than 76 in Houston…. aside from being Houston.

Shogun Marcus
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I worked in a mill where it would hit 120 AND have humidity. Drank gallons of water, never had to pee. As long as you can keep hydrated it’s doable. Unpleasant, but doable.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

A friend had a summer job working behind an asphalt road machine on Nebraska highways, kinda similar in approach……jesus, what a fucking job.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
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Evening, gents. Cooking a late dinner and trying to restrain myself from drinking all the whisky in the wake of Handel winning.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Darkest Timeline Zack Morris
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There are more people wtching the Cards/Phillies game in my house than there are at the stadium.

Gratliff
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My eyelids got heavy reading that

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris
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Rockabye Gratliff… stepping out of the box
When the wind blows…it’s a visit to the mound
When the bough breaks…it’s another pitching change
And down will come Gratliff…after extra innings

Gratliff
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Ah, sweet dreams of backpage articles titled “Phillies lose again”

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

Those are covert ads for weed & hooker deals, right?

Gratliff
Member

Holy fuck. 8-1 in the 11th.

theeWeeBabySeamus
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2/10 Doesn’t Rhyme.

blaxabbath
Member

What’s it take to sling beers at a ball game? I mean, do I gotta commit to every game, I assume?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Beerguyrob; well said. When I was in JH and high school ‘fag” was about the biggest insult. I was dense to it at the time, but looking back on it there were people that were miserable to the nth degree and people who were violent and aggressive to overcompensate, avoid admitting it to themselves. tl;dr: people are fucking assholes to each other.

Lawrence Taylor is not an introspective guy; he would not like peyote in the least,

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Shogun Marcus
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herodotus450
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herodotus450

Less than 24 hours until we can start specifically making fun of Las Vegas as a hockey team!

Senor Weaselo
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Wait, we hadn’t?

litre_cola
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White gloves?.?? We can begin now.

Gratliff
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Ossoff may be facing a hilariously awful defeat at the hands of the head bomb from Total Recall, but Dems have to be pleased with the moral victory that he hasn’t been caught shitting on a cat yet.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
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It was be really surprising if he got beat big since polling has suggested it’s basically a tie, but it would be funny to see the Dems eat shit after spurning other winnable races.

On the other hand, fuck Karen Handel.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

Who asks a woman for her opinion?

Gratliff
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He’s down 5% right now.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
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That’s not getting beat big.

Gratliff
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It may just be me overestimating Georgia, but I feel like a maladjusted ferret would do better against “I don’t support a livable wage” and “Gays can’t adopt because Jesus”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You are overestimating Georgia; even in the urban areas.

Gratliff
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Honestly, I don’t have any problems with Ossoff. It just reeks of the typical stubborn centrist Dem bullshit, especially after they left the others twisting in the wind and bragged about moral victories.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
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Ossoff ran a bland campaign because he’s a bland candidate. Maybe this will convince the Dems to run someone who believes in something.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Gotta admit; the republicans believe strongly in things……… things that don’t exist.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
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I would actually say Democrats believe in some very specific things: incremental institutional change, identity politics, free markets that will for some reason just be nice to people.

They keep coming back to thinking their problem is marketing–that if they just say the right things people will buy what they’re selling–but the problem is they’re selling a product most Americans do not want.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The republicans sold their voters on completely unbelievable, incredulous simpleton slogans, While we are generalizing here, people don’t want to hear or think about things in any in depth way, the majority votes on emotions and impressions. It IS marketing. Unfortunately nothing will get fixed that way.

Gratliff
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Trump gonna win 2020 by promising to legalize the Get Out surgery.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Free pigeons for those under the poverty line; they just have to catch them.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
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Jeremy Corbyn would like a word.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Which US redstate election did he win? Maybe I’m not keeping up.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Although I wish he did.

blaxabbath
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I don’t think you know what Maybe means.

Or you just don’t have a grasp of what the Dems are.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
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Maybe…?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla
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So, I was chewing on some gummy bears until I heard a crunch. Thinking that was really weird, I spat out my gummy bears. My freaking filling fell apart, so I ended up getting my tooth refilled. Now my jaw hurts like hell and I’m starving.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris
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Did you have some Glengoolie Blue with it?comment image

litre_cola
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Gummy bears were your dinner? Good hustle.

Wakezilla
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The Nat is an enjoyable place to go watch beisbal. I’ve gone to watch games there and worked summers there. Food is cheap and reasonably tasty. Rob is absolutely right about the bikini tops and skimpy clothing (God bless Vancouver for being superficial!).

My alltime favorite customer story while working at the Nat:

This tight bodied and gorgeous Asian in her early to mid 20s, drunk off of Mikes Hard Lemonade, looked at her equally attractive brunette friend she was with, stroke her arm and said “you’re hot, you should masterbate more often” right when her friend was about to order some food.

/knows this sounds made up, but swears it’s real.

blaxabbath
Member

Dear Penthouse Forum,

I know you get letters from guys selling cotton candy at ballparks all the time so, you think, how could this happen to me but it did. Now here’s the story….

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Maximum Effort!
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Senor Weaselo
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Evening lizard people. After weddings on Sunday and Monday I think I’m in my right to sit on the couch and do absolutely fuck-all. How bout you?

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

Ewwww, weddings! My saving grace to attending those was finding the closeted guy among the groomsmen!

litre_cola
Member

Weddings on Sunday and Monday. You say you live in “New York” do you mean Provo?

Senor Weaselo
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They’re Orthodox Jewish, so… close enough?

theeWeeBabySeamus
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theeWeeBabySeamus
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Person: OK guys, on three.
Dog#1: Fuck three….and fuck you too.
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Gratliff
Member

There’s a lot going on here.

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JustStopDude
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JustStopDude

Actual conversation I had with the supervisor of these electricians I am training…

Me: So…how do you think the training is going?

Customer: On a scale of one to ten….okay I guess.

Me: Umm….that isn’t a number…

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

Oh and Rob, everyone loves a nooner at the Nat.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

I remember in the mid-2000s VH1 had all these cunty lists from Spin Magazine and the like about the worst songs of all-time. This was on the list, and fuck them, I like it.

ballsofsteelandfury
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What kind of monsters hate this song??? And video.

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

Song of summer … 1996, I think.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

I was but a wee lad in 1996, but that was the summer of “Macarena”

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

Roger Goodell says “my friendship with Robert [Kraft] was never strained.”

Well, come on. Their spat was trivial, especially compared to their mutual ejaculatory glee at being able to fulfill their lifelong dreams and purposes in life to fuck over labor, the viewing public, the law, the people of New England, and all while making assloads of money.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Baseball bikinis. Only in Canada!!

Seriously, try that in the states and the poor girls will get asked to cover up. Americans are such prudish assholes…

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