The following will comprise a conversation told by one ugly American and two upstanding Canadians (Maestro and Litre_Cola). No names have been changed to protect the innocent. I apologize for not cleaning up the format and syntax better, but fuck it, I am lazy. I tried adding and changing the spacing for like 15 minutes, and nothing seemed to work. Grrrr.
Less than 50 days until opening night, people…
Maestro: Ok. So. A few questions I copied over from the thread that Litre started:
Hippo: This is all quality material. For our readers…why should you listen to us? Well, Maestro and Litre are Canadian, so that speaks for itself. I am the guy who traded Le’Veon Bell mid-season for fucking Devontae Booker…yet still won his league. On the strength of trusting a coinflip to start Sam “CrazyEyez” Bradford and Adam “Great White Hope” Thielen in the title match, but I must be some kinda wizard, yeah?
2) Speaking of David Johnson, how does that nasty Week 16 injury affect him in 2017? Is he still the ELITE of the elite? With apologies to Flacco Mayonnaise, Inc. Who else might step up to the “guy who wins leagues” void?
Maestro: To put in my own two cents’ worth:
Hippo: Oh, that Zeke has been a naughty, naughty boy. So much so that even the Dallas P.D. could no longer look the other way, it seems. He was so good, I think someone will still pay close to full freight, and that won’t be me. Who knows if this puts him in Jerral’s dog house or not? And he could think (with some justification) that anyone could run behind that OL, and he has always loved fellow Pig Darren McFadden…
Litre: My 1st musings. Heading out for lunch then will see responses.
So if we do this semi regularly I propose 2 Moose and a Hippos ff musings. [Ed. Note: 2 moose and hippo brought back the picture you see at the top of the page.]
My credentials are that I have won my big league once on the back of Demarious Thomas and no injuries through the season. Pure crapshoot. I religiously watch redzone so my heart can break with every play.
Hippos Q’s
Breakouts from last year to have big seasons. Jordan Howard for certain as I wanted to keep him in 1 of my leagues but you can only keep drafted players and he was an FA pickup. Counterpoint is that the long necked qb is going to be so bad that they will be behind a lot and have to throw the football. I do feel that there will be quite a few guys in FU mode this season, like Alshon, Brandon Marshall, Jamaaaal Charles. Although there is a reason that their teams did not resign them so maybe the GM’s of a footbaw team know something that the three of us don’t.
I do not trust any Cardinals running back as it seems they just replace them with another injury prone one. I have been burnt by Ellington too many times as I am a dumbass and continued to think that this is his year. I see people drafting him, the kid beater in N.O., and Beef Moe too early all just hoping for a chance that they return to their former greatness.
For breakouts, I can see the Raider defense being good howevah if their offense is as advertised then their D will be on the field a lot with teams attempting to play catch up which is bad for numbers. I believe that “Crabstealer” has a lot of weapons this year and if he can get his shit together the Bucs O will be formidable with DJax, Brate, Evans and if Martin is healthy they are loaded.
Maestros Q’s
I cannot take any Cowboy ever in any draft as I just can’t sit there and openly root for those bastards. I am an Iggles fan and hate the Cowboys more than anything, and that includes Chelsea FC (which actually is in Fulham), IPA’s (come at me), and being out of weed. I think Zeke will get taken too high as now defensive coordinators have seen what he likes to do and can scheme to stop it. This also is why I believe that Dak, Wentz etc will have a step back, and why there is indeed a sophomore slump in most professional sports.
The Ravens will suck because Fozz just got a job and that is his quota of nice things, and Twbs doesn’t deserve nice things.
Jimmy Graham is a tough one as he shows signs of brilliance in Nanobubbles offense but then will get you 17 yards the next game. You would think near the goal line he would be a great weapon but none of us can ever predict what the Heaux are going to do down there.
I believe that Watson may be worth taking especially if you are in a keeper league then stash him on the bench as Savage Garden will start until they go 0-3 and then it is Watson time for the team that doesn’t exist.
Hippo: I like this regular column idea. Even if I am Hippo thoughts-ing Monday and Lesser Footying all day Saturday. Can run my giant mouth on this stuff all day, and you fellows are pleasant to talk with.
Litre: I do enjoy Raspberry and Peach Ales (so manly)!
OK, the Donks can defend him thusly:
/watching “Hang ‘Em High”
Acting-wise, is there a better dirtbag than Bruce Dern?
Agreed; it takes a special talent to portray a conniving treacherous asshole as well has he did. He must have borrowed mannerisms and affect from the Hollywood producers and agents he had to deal with.
He did pathological really well too.
No one in the west had that good of teeth; logit dem choppers.
Are you feeling okay?
/that reply has “over the top” written all over it
I’m kidding; I am absolutely sure that behind the scenes Hollywood power brokers are great people and always have been.
I’d like to sincerely apologize for not *getting it*.
/jeezuz!
What? I’m the one the brought the esoteric “joke” in, no need. I was trying to agree and add a powerbroker cut in there.
Just look at his career, some good roles in there.
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001136/
Guess I didn’t realize he did that much TV; dude worked.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/869025.Things_I_ve_Said_But_Probably_Shouldn_t_Have
This whole thread is a big fucking mess and it’s my fault. I missed what you were doing by a country-wide mile, Moose.
/Aplogies
No need, I do that all the time, including IRL. People are like “Whaaa….”
That said; you made me look up some of Dern’s stuff. I like actors like that; he has to work at a character while the star is the star. Someone recommended that book I linked, but I have not read it.
I’ll buy you an IPA….wait……
An IPA? So you want to make things worse? All right then…
Hehe….
Don’t you think his role was much more challenging than Eastwood’s? Clint just played Clint in that situation, Dern owned the dirtbag role.
I was yakking specifically about Dern and his acting and you threw in his interactions with Hollywood producers and agents?
Um, yeah, see below. Didn’t mean to piss you off so.
Also tried to bring it back to Dern’s role… to no avail.
The funny thing about Dern is that he’s from a very wealthy blue-blood old money family, he never smoked or drank or did drugs, and he is a champion long distance runner. Maybe that adds malevolence somehow I dunno. I think “Tatoo” is his creepiest role.
Tammy readies herself for the date with Ted.
Pettiness makes the man.
http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/sean-spicer-minifridge-stole-aides-white-house?utm_content=buffer0bf22&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter.com&utm_campaign=buffer
Trump doesn’t have that problem cause he was given a very nice mini-fridge as a gift from the Russian ambassador. It’s got a “voice control” feature that’s always listening! Isn’t technology these days amazing?
Who is Beef Moe?
that Skittles aficianado
Thanks
Iss tuff wen you got da grillz boss.
What’s that, now?
He’s just there so he doesn’t get fined.
http://uproxx.com/tag/beef-moe/
Up… rocks? Didn’t htey used to have a sports section?
Pro Tip; when searching for gifs of beef moe or beef mode often times images other than Marshawn Lynch will show up, several with “beef” in them.
My auction tradition is coming up with my irritating first round nominee. Everyone else nominates a “top shelf” player, I always try to come up with someone to fill my 19th or 20th slot on the roster.
Because this is annoying, often times other GMs will bid $2. Which forces me to be more creative. Find a guy nobody could possibly want but me. Bid $2 instead. Or bring up someone that I secretly hate to fuck someone over.
I really want to do this with my beloved Giraffe this season, but I actually want him, and with my roster structure, could end up needing to at least platoon start him. Should I open bidding at $2?
So murder?
On another note; we will be able to watch as Justice finally prevails for the legacy of Terrell Lamar Fucking Davis in spite of Peter The Grand Asshole of Sports Writing King.
YEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
PK was anti-TD? Fucking figures, that worthless fat fucking asshole.
His stance was that the career was not long enough and the numbers don’t add up….. to someone with a long career. Waxed poetic about Gayle Sayers (worthy of it of course), but you can’t have both. I don’t know his vote on this last try; that would be according to who he was trying to garner favor with.
I won’t be wearing pants. That is a personal choice. I don’t need a qualifier that this is actually a reply.
Quite the transcript. Has Zeke enlisted the crack DFO legal team? If he only gets 1 game for his shenanigans then that is good hustle.
As for Jamaaaaal I feel like the 1st few weeks will be great and then snappo goes the leg.
oh dear GOD. I won’t sleep for a week after this text from my self-storage unit company:
“Will the owner of a Burmese python contact us immediately. Otherwise animal control will put the animal down.”
/Hippo ded
Down where?
To the farm where the tapirs are always easy?
You shouldn’t worry; it is less than 20′ long and those seldom crush and swallow full grown humans for dinner.
Nightmare fuel.
Did something just touch your foot?
make it two weeks
/may have slight snake phobia
//also bees, in my first house I was watching JV NFL one afternoon and noticed a bevy of wasps had infiltrated my fireplace – worst day ever – shook like Nic Cage in Leaving Las Vegas as I duct taped the air vents
Bees do not equal wasps.
Bees = life on earth as we know through pollination.
Wasps = will kill you if angered.
*I may have slight human phobia
I am going to take the same strategy I have before in ignoring my deaf, barely able to breath dad and hide out until night. I did everything he needed done besides mowing the back lawn before he woke up, and fuck him.
“It is a bitch move to mow only the front yard”
“You can’t mow it at all. I sweated through my clothes going out of a cig just now. Why do you think I mowed at 9 am?”
We are fucked.
http://talkingpointsmemo.com/edblog/the-crisis-is-upon-us
Is this news to anybody who isn’t a Butt Trumpeter?
It needs pointing out from time to time, still. This also needs to be a call to all small p patriots, across the political spectrum.
Agreed, but in this era of FAKE NEWS and a three branch majority of “part.y before the country” I just don’t have any optimism of true and just action. This is collusion and treason and the fervor and ferocity is about a tenth of what was throw at Clinton for a blowjob and some nonexistent real estate crimes.
I am seeing some Melissa McCarthy as Sean Spicer this morning. The thing I am having trouble believing is the White House actually did a daily televised press briefing. That doesn’t sound right.
The bikini as one of the versions introduced in 1946. So much hyperventilating and pearl clutching; the end of modern civilization was thought to be at hand.
The Titans improved the O roster, especially with WR. Rookie WRs, with studly college numbers.
Related: what’s the German word for the facial tic from repressing high expectations?
Seppuku?
Sorry, wrong former Axis Power…..
Ireland?
THEY WERE NON-ALIGNED
“Seppuku!”
-Irishman after fourteen and 1/2 pints (1/2 was spilled) to the pubkeep.
I learn my history from Archer, and he was pretty sure they were an Axis power.
Luckily nobody asked me about Jamaal Charles, because I have absolutely no idea.
I did read somewhere that Chad Kelly was the QB option for those who “fish with dynamite” so I can’t wait for him to take the reins in 2018. At least ENTERTAIN MY ASS, goddamnit.
Jamaal Charles; if he is healthy and the knee holds: HOLY SHIT, if not: it was worth the shot. Kelly is at the most a project, practice squad dude for a few years. No real investment, so if he works out great if not, see ya later.
He certainly has the right attitude/chip on the shoulder, and he’s always been a very dynamic player that I grudgingly respected despite being a Chef.
I loved Kelly’s work/tape from Ole Miss. He can make all, or at least most of the NFL throws. He has that thing where he sets his feet and squares his body under immense pressure, and looks to pass before scrambling as a runner (like a white DAK! at Cowbell U.). I don’t believe it is hyperbole that Coach Joseph said Kelly was his favourite QB in the entire draft class.
He definitely won’t play a single down this season, but I suspect we will keep him on the 53-man roster. Maybe IR or PUP list.
So get him injured?
He showed what you said, he also showed he was erratic, undisciplined, a dumbshit off the field, and inconsistent. All of these things can be coached out of him. Hopefully Joseph qualified his statement under his breath “Kelly is my favorite QB in the entire draft class [mumbling] in the seventh round.” Unless he shows something in preseason he can make it to the PS.
He already IS injured. That’s why he fell so far. Knee and shoulder problems, wasn’t just the temperament. Not sure he’s even been cleared to throw yet.
Sorry, get him “injured” more? It has been done before. The things I’ve read downplay his injuries….. could be FAKE NEWS I guess.
https://twitter.com/PFF_College/status/851850122757627904/photo/1?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.milehighreport.com%2F2017%2F6%2F18%2F15816348%2F2017-broncos-roster-chad-kelly
https://www.milehighreport.com/2017/7/20/16001876/bill-polian-says-chad-kelly-is-the-most-talented-quarterback
Heh, I think they will just say he’s not “recovered” enough for full NFL contact, or “still having pain” after pre-season camp (which will surely be true!) and boom, IR.
I just read that he is “projected to be cleared for full training camp. That doesn’t mean that he won’t wind up on IR as you said.
yeah they be all like “oh noes that knee owie was worser than we thoughted”
Godess bless the loose IR rulez
Also; when are you going to crank up your irrational Trevor Siemian Hippo-Hate Machine? The first five games are against teams with ferocious pass rushes; he may be dead 1/4 way through the season.
you sort of answered the question…it doesn’t really matter, given the OL and the schedule.
Trevor Siemian is a perfectly good, actually VERY GOOD NFL backup. He is a below average starter. This is probably still more than QuarterPax will end up being, but I suspect Our Equine Lord and Saviour will want to find out for certain sooner rather than later.
Which is perfectly justifiable.
This is likely a 7 or 8-win Donks team anyway, and I am probably being a homer in thinking such.
They improved the run stopping D and the line will be better (not saying much) along with getting more quick passing talent. It is a tough division, but the D won’t drop off. I will be committed and nail it down to…..anywhere from 7 to 11 wins.
They will be fine in the early part if they can run and keep the scores low. While those teams have good pass rushers, they are also as flawed or more so than the Donks and early they have home cooking. I don’t like having away games in a row, that kind of sucks.
Also you must be looking at “average starter” different than most; for what was essentially his rookie year. Agreed that Joseph/Elway at some point will want a long look at the Paxster, but he is still pretty raw and inaccurate.
I don’t think Siemian has the physical tools to be more than a below-average starter. It does necessarily involve subjective projection on my part. I believe he is playing closer to his ceiling than an average rookie QB.
Could be; he does have enough arm and brains to work it. Everything we are saying is subjective speculation.
we shall see about the arm, but his footwork is just awful. I hate a QB with bad feet. Could be me just acting on a pet peeve.
True, his footwork regressed under pressure, which he and Lynch had at a faster rate than any other team. When he had time he was OK to good. The arm and accuracy are there. I’m not saying anything special at this point, but he is better than what many teams have. Sure, I’d like to have Aaron Rodgers the starter and him as a backup, but that possibility or one like it is remote. Again; he was a rookie in most senses of the word; he could improve in many areas or, as you say, be what he was.
From last December; PFF agrees with your hippo ass:
“But that doesn’t matter to Pro Football Focus, who ranked him as the 27th “best” starter this season:
“Siemian is limited as a passer, often needing a clean vision of the play pre-snap in order to succeed. This leads to plenty of inconsistency, both on a week-to-week and a play-for-play basis. In the grand scheme of things, he’s performed well for a quarterback with low expectations, but he’s also a hindrance for a Denver team that still features a championship-level defense.””
validation WOO
/Tebow also had bad feet ,, ppl forget that
//Siemian knows how to read, tho
Tebow had good footwork!*
*For a below average runningback.
or a really shitty blocking TE
/doesn’t want to get too close lest certain urges come back…
or a very poor fullback.
That’s the sweet spot. He’s really the world’s worst FB currently masquerading as a terrible RF in the Dirt Jets’ organization.
And presumably still trying to pass as a non-practicing heterosexual.
http://thecomeback.com/nfl/ranking-32-projected-nfl-starting-quarterbacks-2017.html
I would probably put him somewheres in the 20-25 range, but potato-po-FUCK YOU IT’S POTATO
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wKjxFJfcrcA
A continuous shot in a modern movie that is longer than 3 seconds? Holy shit, those were the days.
*Stupidier.