https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHb60K2RLx0
Well, there’s a couple of “games” tonight, featuring “starters” that will “play” almost an entire quarter. Except for the guys who are hurt or facing suspension, which eats up most blog coverage.
Game preview: Colts at Cowboys
Peeling back the layers of congealed gravy over at Stampede Blue, you find a fan base worried about their franchise QB and an owner who cares more about freebase than fanbase. The lead story is about how Stephen Morris is a better choice for starter in Luck’s absence than Scott Tolzien, based on only last week plus last year’s preseason. The beautiful part of this logic is that the analysis comes from watching Tolzien take on first-string starters versus Morris who’s only ever seen second- & third-string reps in preseason. To keep things depressed, they’re keeping a separate Andrew Luck injury beat.
As for the Cowboys, Blogging The Boys fortunately isn’t “All Zeke, Fuck Roger” all the time. They have a story about Ryan “Yes, They’re Related” Switzer and how – well, I’m going to let this finely-worded sentence say it for me:
Switzer will theoretically be what Lucky Whitehead was for the Cowboys, plus a lot more (you know like of actual use).
Hard-hitting analysis from a website with lips firmly implanted on Jones anatomy.
So, aside from a story outlining possible issues the Cowboys could face this season – oh look, there’s the Elliott coverage (no slut shaming) – it’s all “Dez looks great!”, “Dak looks great”, and “Look – Jerry bought a new hat!”
Translation: We’re going to get a lot of looks at the Cowboys backup QBs, as they try to nail down who gets to hold the clipboard during 2017. The Colts will be trying to figure out whom to sacrifice to an angry god in order to get HODOR back under center.
Game preview: Broncos at Cardinals
Mile High Report is VERY concerned about the Broncos starting QB situation:
- Why second-year starting quarterbacks improve when they do improve
- Is it too late for Paxton Lynch to become the starter?
- QB Comparison – Raw Data Vomit
So be warned before watching this game – there’s going to be lots of talk about Siemian & Lynch that if you don’t hear it correctly will make it sound like your TV has switched to a gay snuff film.
On the 49ers side, Niners Nation doesn’t have anything to say because it doesn’t know what people want to hear. There’s two stories on the number of scrimmage fights there’s been in their joint practices with the Broncos, a rationale about how many snaps the starters will get on Saturday night (20), an injury breakdown, and a story about how bad Blake Bortles is. The sidebar is full of stories about how bad other teams are, plus a shot at Jim Harbaugh three years too late.
So, they are clearly expecting big things from the game. The future may look bright, but only because they don’t want to talk about how sad the present actually is.
I figure the Broncos QB contest plays havoc with the 49ers ever-depleting secondary.
Tonight’s sports:
- NFL:
- Colts at Cowboys – 7:00PM | NFL Network
- Broncos at Niners – 10:00PM | NFL Network
- Baseball:
- MLB:
- Yankees at Red Sox – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
- Little League World Series:
- US Elimination game – 8:00PM | ESPN
- MLB:
- MLS:
- Chicago vs. Toronto FC – 8:00Pm | TSN
- Whitecaps FC vs. Houston – 10:00PM | TSN
HAVE A GOOD EVENING!
Unsurprisingly, the Fightin’ Tomsulas backups are even MOAR horrifyingly embarrassing (somehow) than the group that committed four 1st half turnovers. At least that batch could sorta tackle.
Juwan ThompsonDOWN!!!
/nobody is still paying attention
AM TOO!!!!!
I miss my father today. I think it’s because I heard this song on the radio earlier….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXdNnw99-Ic
Love the song; don’t miss my father.
Sorry to hear that, I think.
Reminds me of mine because when he was dying of Parkinson’s, the lyrics kinda related to it for me.
Long story.
I miss my father too. This song was played at his funeral. Now I both love it and rarely listen to it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQlJ3vOp6nI
Just finished the movie Life, and this is an apt metaphor.
Wasted Ravioli in a flow of lava?
Sounds like a movie I need to watch.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9pG_LtrffAs&ab_channel=PauBoardin
Dinah Cancer
The relaxing part of Donks fandom comes with the key penalty and/or sack that lets you know the drive will fo sho end in a long McManus FG, thus you can focus on other things for a few minutes.
Shit, I just realized… did I miss the old Kosciuszko Bridge demolishing?
/Hey, I only missed the second S!
Getting text messages about Mike Glennon is less stressful when you’re not watching the game.
Now I know how Mike Glennon’s mom feels.
Jesus, that was a long way to go for a neck joke.
Thanks to AFL, I know there is a German Caffeine Shampoo.
I MUST HAVE IT!
Used for enemas.
Soapy Coffee Buttchugging?
Well, if everyone else is….
Are we required to watch the 2nd half?
Just because…..
Mila Kunis makes nice things happen in my pants… and brain … and heart … but mostly in my pants … yep , pants.
We have a White Mamba sighting. I repeat, White Mamba sighting. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If only the Donks played SF 16 times during the regular season. Or twice. Or fuck it, just ONCE…
Beathard.
Holy shit. Can’t make this shit up.
I do that occasionally, btw.
Beat Hard, that is, not make shit up.
lol missed Cardinals field goal returned for a TD
109 yards on a missed 63 yard field goal because lol
That sounds fun!
Alex Jones was screaming at people (shocking, I know) in Seattle, and someone dumped coffee on him. This only incensed him more. Someone alerted the police about his rantings, to which they responded:
https://twitter.com/SeattlePD/status/898648339293421569?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw&ref_url=http%3A%2F%2Fsplinternews.com%2Fajax%2Finset%2Fiframe%3Fid%3Dtwitter-898648339293421569%26autosize%3D1
Make sure to read through the comments, too. They’re brilliant.
I tweeted to him #falseflag and got blocked.
What a snowflake.
Getting a lot of shit for my arm-shitting. And I used to think you all were cool…
we just all jelly
Jelly is fine, but you do NAWT want to arm-shit after eating a whole tub of peanut butter
Soooooo….your arm is fatigued, is the message I’m getting.
Honey!!!! You still got those Realtor.com listings?????
Boom goes the dynamite.
De’Angelo Henderson? Prettay…prettay…good
Announcer Translations:
That’s sloppy and unacceptable.
Translation: Shut up MOM!!!!
The announcers reminded me that I had not talked to my mother in a while.
Same here. You’d think we’d chat more, but I don’t open that hall closet much in the summer.
SHOW US THEM MUSCLES BABY!
Shit, the Ab-Abber 2000 works! The ladies are all up ons!
San Francisco gets first down, I am filled with shame.
The Universe has a way of correcting such irregularities.
chuh chuh.
/should not require 4 turnovers to amass a 13-nil lead
I always enjoy the Wal-Mart ads that fail to show the aisles filled with slack-jawed morons wearing their best sweatshirts and fuzzy pajama bottoms.
And flip flops? FLIP FLOPS!!!!!
only if they’s comin’ back from services
I forgot to tell you this, holy shit….
Local Walmart about a week ago. Carolina shit all over the place, two racks of Duke shit, and a third school had one rack of items. Which school do you think that was? Warning, you’re wrong….
Grand Canyon University.
No lie, no NCSU gear, but GCU has shit in stock. Yes, I pointed that bullshit out to the manager.
http://www.konbini.com/wp-content/blogs.dir/9/files/2017/01/bullshit-course-480×279.jpg
I have been to Wal Mart hundreds of times and I have yet to see an associate on the floor except for the greeter and the cashier.
http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/
Not to damn with faint praise, but the female announcer in this Raiders game is much better than her partner Matt Millen.
Judging by his performance with the Lions, I’m surprised he even knows what a football is, let alone have the eye coordination to follow its along the field and describe what is happening with said football.
He really was a very good player.
So its like Ulysses S Grant.
Grant was a good general. That didn’t make him a good President.
I hope and pray that during the next “Southern Heritage” event/march someone goes and trolls the attendees with trivia questions about the Civil War.
JSD drunk hot teak!
I kind of like preseason football. You see WAY more crazy play calling. The quality of play goes into the shitter past the first quarter, giving us insight into the NFL 20 years from now when most parents stop letting their kids trade concussions for entertainment, and despite it all, you get just an inkling of just how bad the bad teams will be.
Its kind of fun when you have consumed a shit load of booze and a concerning amounts of opiates.
I can’t say I hate being able to see the Raiders turn it over and just laughing about it the way that I laugh at it when the Jets turn it over.
RS sober response!
I don’t really see it. The play calling is simplified because they don’t want to show their hand in a game that doesn’t count. While it is nice seeing the backups play, most of the time I spend watching the superstars of my team play is my cringing with every hit going “Sub him out! Sub him out!! SUB HIM OUT!!!”
Its just interesting to see a team go for 4th and 1 in situations they would never do during the regular season.
Granted. If I was a coach, I would have a scenario where the Starting QB gets hurt and the Backup has to go in with the #1s or a Doomsday Scenario: All QBs are hurt and they have to put a non-QB in as QB. The football version of putting a Position Player on the mound.
tWBS sober response: So about those opiates….
Treatment for tendinitis: just stop using the arm that hurts.
Things that I use my arm for: eating. Shitting. Typing un- to medium-funny jokes on the internet.
I’m not a doctor, but if you are using an arm for shitting, you might have some kind of issue.
Wait, you shit out of your arm?!? That’s… impressive
*into
That’s, um, that’s not how you shit.
What’s with all this crap about thinking outside the box?! Arm Defecation seems like a nice alternative. Kind of messy but with several advantages.
If one wears Wranglers into Levis Stadium, will they automatically burst into flames?
I think only if you lie.
You have no idea how fucking funny that response is.
Holy shit.
BEHOLD: THE JETIEST TWEET EVER TWEETED:
“One quarter of Christian Hackenberg produces zero first downs, zero completions, three total yards. Two sacks for 17 yards.”
https://twitter.com/RotoPat/status/899061306598318080
HEY!!!! I told you you could use my bathroom, but we agreed NO PHOTOS!!!!!!
The glory of the glory hole…I don’t know for sure if its a guy on the other end!
But you don’t know that it isn’t either!
Schrodinger’s Glory Hole
Pray for Senor (and Revisisle, and entropy, and… I forget about whether Buddy’s a Giants or Jets fan)
We all know which team Buddy’s a fan of.
“we are going to be relentless with our positivity”.
That sounds like a threat. Let’s call in a missile strike.
“Did somebody say ‘miss’?”
– Christian Hackenberg, targeting a receiver
They’d fuck up receiving a missile strike.
Can’t say I have any concerns about this Raiders offense, though.
DFO Clubhouse when this game gets out of hand.
(Artist’s Conception)
Von Miller, the greatest chicken farmer, outside linebacker combination since Old McDonald was tearing things up for the Decatur Staleys.
Cam Newton DOES NOT LIKE THIS -1
Raiders secondary looking so bad they are making Jared Goff look good.
This just in: Kyle Busch is a helluva driver.
That’s funny, Busch Light never made me any better at driving.
BALLS. COUNTRY.
Well, look who shows up.
HOYER. COUNTRY.
so…uh…you should look happier. QuarterPax ain’t never gon’ see the field! 😀
how much you reckon it would cost tonight’s ref to get his forearm’s waxed?