Your “How Many Seasons Are Over Already?” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL News:

  • A hilarious week for new NFL coaches ends with them racking up a 0-7 record, the first time that has happened.
    • It’s also the worst since new hires went 0-6 in 2001.
      • Those coaches? Gregg Williams (Buffalo Bills), Butch Davis (Cleveland Browns), Dick Vermeil (Kansas City Chiefs), Herm Edwards (New York Jets), Marty Mornhinweg (Detroit Lions) and Marty Schottenheimer (Washington Redskins).
  • Apologizing for making the Browns kiss their sister, NFL Head of Officiating Al Riveron admitted Myles Garrett shouldn’t have been flagged for roughing the passer.
    • It was the only incorrect roughing penalty the NFL acknowledged from the weekend.
  • The Jets apparently knew the Lions signals.
    • “That’s called studying. That’s called studying,” new corner Trumaine Johnson said.
      • He attributed the knowledge from studying game tape, and recognizing that little had changed between seasons.
        • From up New England way, a cranky voice in the wind uttered “grumble grumble“.
    • It’s the second time since 2015 that the Lions have been accused of tipping their plays.
      • It speaks to either:
        • the unoriginality of Lions OCs; or
        • Matt Stafford can only ‘member five or six play calls.

I’m going to add even more self-promotion to my run of crap I’ve fed into the site so far this week and, in light of the Raiders bedshitting last night,  take this opportunity to remind you all of the serialized tome I presented over the summer.

World War G – a pre-apocalyptic perspective on what happens when a TV analyst returns to the swamp that sired him, and the bowl-cutted dingus who even contemplated the idea for longer than it was worth. Eight gripping chapters of the most frightening look inside the Oakland Raiders since Al Davis’ estate lawyers valued it for state inheritance tax purposes. Cover courtesy my warped mind & Low Commander’s photoshop skills.

It’ll likely be fact by the end of the season.

For all the new Commentists, this is the kind of stuff people do in the off-season. Read a book or watch a movie or miniseries; adapt the scenario to fit your DFO narrative; and put it on the site for all to see. One of the longest, most successful serials ever run on the site was Hard Ride To Nowhere by Beastmode Ate My Baby. Of course, a criminally underappreciated serial was Serial by Blaxabbath. However, given the fact that the individual memorialized in Blax’s Serial now gets commotion cérébrale for the Montreal Alouettes, the less said about him the better.

It’s a long way of getting to the point: if you have any good ideas, let us know & I’m sure we can find space for them. We always appreciate new voices willing to feed the #content machine.


Tonight’s sports:

  • MLB:
    • Jays at Red Sox – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Brewers at Cubs – 8:00PM | MLBN
    • Padres at Mariners – 10:00PM | Sportsnet1
  •  Futbol:
    • International Friendly: U.S. vs. Mexico – 9:00PM | ESPN / UNI
  • WWE:
    • Smackdown Live! – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
      • the “go-home” show before Hell In A Cell

Sports programming:

  • Comeback Season: Sports After 9/11
    • 7:00PM | ESPN
    • 8:30PM | TSN3

Sports-less nights like these make me grateful football is back. ONE MONTH TO HOCKEY SEASON!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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Dolph Ucker
Dolph Ucker

Country is the Special Olympics of music.

Dolph Ucker
Dolph Ucker

Insomnia. It’s almost 3am and I am typing instead of sleeping. Also proofreading the banner, because proofreading is a disease of mine. And duplicate particles in the same sentence bug me. Apparently to the point that I can’t sleep.

Wakezilla

Puts a little more meaning behind the song “A little help from my friends”

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Congratulations on not making a Come Together joke.

Senor Weaselo

It wasn’t over me, thank goodness.

Wakezilla

I’ve gone down the rabbit hole and am enjoying Stone Cold Steve Austin telling Rick Rude stories on his podcast. Very entertaining

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I missed making fun of Ted Cruz time? Anyone bust out this old chestnut?
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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

The Nicki Minaj tribute plane

Wakezilla

She deserves it

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Holy shit, I am exhausted

Wakezilla

Go to sleep then

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Those look like a reason to stay up

Wakezilla

Winifer Fernandez seems like a really good volleyball player

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Wakezilla

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

That’s great hustle.

Wakezilla

It’s because she stretches

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So I’ve been reading about the two guide dogs that led their owners to safety on 9/11 and no YOU have something in YOUR eye.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Time for a shower after those Ted Cruz gifs. Sorry.

Wakezilla

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

It all started when the French farted in those guys’ general direction…

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Great picture. High production values.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Damn commies.

Wakezilla

It’s been 8 days and my back is still so messed up, I’m told I still can’t do any stretch exercises. This (mandatory) sedentary life is killing me.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

Wakezilla

Good song, but, it’s more like “The idiots have taken over”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

OK, sorry; I have to move on to more positive, uplifting gifs.

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

The Detroit Lions everyone!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky

Since we’re apparently once again making fun of Ted Cruz, here’s a little big of graffiti I saw last year

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WCS

How do you think Ted Bundy and Ted Cruz got away with it?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla

AHHHHH! So I see some of youse are softening up on Dubbya. Never forget that Iraq ( the most consequential conspiracy theory in US history–that Iraq was behind 9/11–was pushed by Bush admin) and Afghanistan, the Patriot Act, Gitmo, Katrina, Overt Islamophobia, Great Depression 2.0 and a severe reduction in American rights/the rise of the surveillance state were all under his watch.

The only reason that piece of shit scumbag is getting white washed now is because his torture architects are all over mainstream news channels.

“Well-intentioned” is still a scum bag war criminal who is responsible for the deaths of millions of innocent lives.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yeeeeup.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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blackroseMD1

This was always my favorite GW song.

Brocky

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Senor Weaselo

That ain’t Falco!

Senor Weaselo

Tee hee.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think it’s cute that Garth Brooks is friends with Doug Martin.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

Mario and Princess Toadstool look different.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ve been referring to Real Human Ted Cruz as “Tofu Ted” because he is amorphous and not made out of animal protein.

entropy

I’m pretty sure he’s made out of the “whale-blubber-like” material that coated Keanu Reeves at the start of that God awful Day The Earth Stood Still remake.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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entropy

What the fuck IS that?! That is not a human hand.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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entropy

His only possible use in Government is training people in first contact scenarios where he’s the aliens.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky

That’s incredibly specific yet I know exactly what you mean

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

The fact that this man make it as a finalist to the Republican nomination makes absolutely no…well who am I kidding? Its makes perfect sense. That’s why we’re in this riptide.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

“Man” is a strong word… as is “human.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

My God. I asked myself if a Ted Cruz Presidency would be worse that Donald Trump’s current one. And I actually have to think about it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

As weird as it seems, I have to agree. I don’t think (important, Cruz would not launch nukes on the UK just because a Member of Parliament said his hair looked bad that day.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’d have to disagree, but not by much. Victor Cruz would be better, far better than Ted (no relation?)

WCS

Victor Cruz Presidential Executive Order: Everyone must learn to salsa.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Even?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

Watching Bush 43 give an interview about 9/11. Nice to be reminded of the normal days with a Republican President that I can actually defend. Well with Bush 43 maybe about 33% of what he did, but at least he wasn’t obviously evil. Incompetent maybe, but not pure evil.

He’s the Republicans answer to Jimmy Carter. Nice, everyman, relatable. However his cabinet was made up of corrupt assholes, so his administration became a corrupt asshole.

https://qph.fs.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-c9232e9a2640ec5d37ced15c6929f064-c

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ve come to believe that GWB did what he thought was best for America. He was easily talked into doing the wrong things, and he was recklessly partisan. But I don’t believe he would have ever put another country’s interests (cough cough, Russia) above our own.

WCS

Dick Cheney, Don Rumsfeld, and Paul Wolfowitz LOVED the work of The Emperor, Darth Vader, and Grand Moff Tarkin.

Wakezilla

Oh, that mother fucker was an evil piece of shit. His many fascist policies is what got us to Trump.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dwight Yoakam is judging you ….

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
entropy

So it’s clearly 2018 going on 1953, right? I know I was away, but we didn’t reset the calendars or anything, did we?

WCS

If it wasn’t for the advances in technology, I’m not really sure.

Welcome back!

entropy

Thank you. Glad to be back, and enjoying what seems to be a dangerous and unsustainable level of competency for the Jets. I expect it to last until Friday afternoon, when Darnold will be sued by Lego for trademark infringement of their Minifigure design.

litre_cola

Welcome back Entropy, we were worried. True story, we had convos about your absence.

Redshirt

I’m torn. I get that spanking is bad. However seeing how the current generation is turning out, I think it might be needed.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

If you are too stupid to not have to physically abuse children to control/ guide behavior then you are too fucking stupid to teach kids. See Georgia.

Redshirt

Well it is Georgia. At least they understand that punishment is needed instead of laissez-faire. They are just overcorrecting the wheel a bit.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’m not surprised you are going with that.

King Hippo

#BFIB up 11-1 tonight. Might even be safe to let Brett Cecil pitch!

WCS

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CHOKE ON ‘EM

entropy

This song played in the background while Aya Cash looked sad in last season’s You’re the Worst:

https://youtu.be/BdQa5ucaYsk

Wakezilla

Hoping our Carolian Kommentariots stay safe and don’t receive a killer blow job from Florence over the next few days.

NC, SC and VA are all planning to leave prisoners in Hurricane Florence’s Evacuation Zones.

That’s pretty fucked up. If the jail breaks, they’re free to go, right? The ole act of God broke em out, deal?

Horatio Cornblower

Deus lo Volt!

Redshirt

Death by Hurricane. Eight Amendment violation or Heavy Metal Band name?

Senor Weaselo

Yes.

nomonkeyfun

Gram Parsons. Now this is GOOD cuntry. Especially with a young Emmylou.
https://youtu.be/mAp4JD4tC7k

entropy

Emmylou… Jesus. She’s impossibly attractive.

nomonkeyfun

Welcome back.

entropy

Thanks! Good to be back.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Tracy Lawrence at his best. you sumbitches….

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

USA! USA! USA! USA!

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I’m not responsible for any health issues you may incur by watching this:

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, if you claim to not be willing to go anal with Marie Osmond then you’re lying. Donny? Meh, depends on how much meth I smoke.

King Hippo

oh brother, we’ve all been there!

/because incest u see

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

SWEEEEEEEET!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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