Your “Finally! A Valid Excuse For Day-Drinking” Sunday Afternoon Football Open Thread

It’s here. A full slate of games (except for the ones not being played due to Mother Nature’s shenanigans) to wallow in. Do you have your Doritos, chicken wings, crackers, nachos, bacon-wrapped scallops, pickles, vegetable tray(!?), mozza sticks, pretzels, popcorn, chips, jerky, onion rings, chocolate chip cookies and ice cream in front of you? I do. This day is the bestest as far as I’m concerned and that’s without the Pats being 0-1. Let’s not dawdle-To The Games!

NYJ/Buf: The fight for the AFC East basement begins anew between a team (the Bills) that is obviously tanking versus another (the Jetskis) that seems to regard tanking as a core organizational philosophy.

Atl/Chi: It should be a long season in Chicago. Cutler scurried away as did Alshon Jeffery and then wr Meredith was lost for the year. That’s quite a bit of skilled players to lose year over year. The Atlanta front office has thrown a considerable amount of research funding at a group of scientists that are trying to replicate the memory-wipe thingy from the Men In Black movie.

Bal/Cin: Rb Mixon begins his inevitable unseating of Jeremy Hill from the starting slot but it should be the passing game that is the game decider. Dalton worked to create a rapport with Tyler Boyd after AJ Green went down last year. The latter is back and there is also Top 5 te Eifert in the mix. And don’t forget about little Giovanni coming out of the backfield.

Pit/Cle: Pour one out for DeShone Kizer. He’s going to have the longest year of any player in the league. The ‘d’ stands for demoralized.

Ari/Det: Final score 51-48. You should probably take the over.

Jax/Hou: The Jags have more than their share of young-ish talent. Is this the year when that finally translates into “W”s? I think they’re one more year away but they seem headed in the right direction.

Oak/Ten: Qb Carr has a new OC this year that is giving him greater freedom to change plays at the line of scrimmage. I foresee wr Cooper destroying his previous career highs across the board.

Phi/Was: The Dacteds have won five straight against their divisional kin and get them at home to start the year. Qb Cousins has two new wr’s in Pryor and Doctson but the key to his success comes down to the (according to Football Outsiders) second-ranked pass protecting O-line unit in front of him.

NOW GO GET ‘EM MATEYS!

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Brocky

and Here I was all excited because I thought redzone was free this week.

and i thought I could get it on nfl mobile through verizon…

I feel like a jets/nets fan

Senor Weaselo

I feel bad for the Mets/Jets/Nets fan. Because there’s one Nets fan. In the world.

Romonobyl

Credit where credit is due, J.J. Watt sure raised a shit-ton of money for Harvey relief.

blaxabbath

This is true. #riseandraise

King Hippo

My yahoo team is doing unholy things to Litre. Sorry, buddy-guy. Of course, I gets no money FOAR that.

Brocky

Neat, also, I’m just gonna ask:

Dok Zymm, am I facing you this week?

blaxabbath

Experian dark web scan?

They’re going to rape so many retirees with this….

Doktor Zymm

Did I miss the 5 seconds of game time that was the Bears offense being on the field, or are they just not bothering to field an offense this year?

hippofant

Mike Glennon is their new starting middle linebacker.

Romonobyl

comment image

Dick E. Phuck

The grit from Danny Woodhead’s insides twisted his fucking ankle….I am pleased with this.

Dick E. Phuck

His hamstring decided to explode, not his ankle.

Gratliff

Liking that so far.

WCS

BLEERGH strikes in three consecutive plays for the Yinzers.

Horatio Cornblower

Bleergh rears his ugly head for the Redacteds, only for his yellow totem to be picked up because it wasn’t actually holding.

The 2017 season is in fine form!

King Hippo

BLEERGH works in mysterious ways

WCS

Howdy. The Browns are still very, very Browns.

Horatio Cornblower

I don’t remember asking how your kid’s toilet training was going.

Senor Weaselo

Well, we have the first Jets 3 and out of the year.

blaxabbath

BIG APPLE!

JustStopDude

I love how the Bengals will typically have MORE players on suspension than are sitting out for being injured.

herodotus450

I wouldn’t be sureprised, and in fact would be surprised if it wasn’t true, that ownership purposefully signs and tolerates suspensions so that they don’t have to pay them as much and save money on insurance.
/Not sure how suspensions actually work paycheck wise..

King Hippo

How can we donate directly to the Hurricane itself??

...

comment image

blaxabbath

Looks like there were no gifts for that Lions…..Golliday

King Hippo

goddamnit, Hopkins

blaxabbath

The Lions stadium sucks. They should move to LA.

Senor Weaselo

Everyone moves to LA. 32 teams, 2 stadiums, still nobody shows up!

King Hippo

do they have that much minor league soccer infrastructure?

blaxabbath

We got like 15 spring training stadiums in Phoenix. Just move the NFL here.

King Hippo

The Pauls…first…down??

blaxabbath

Really? So they took a touchback then?

blaxabbath

Ameer Abdullah < David Johnson

King Hippo

I believe this is fairly well accepted.

blaxabbath

You hallucinated this comment.

King Hippo

I does this a lot

hippofant

Carson Wentz earns my first, “Holy shit,” for the season.

The Maestro

Nelson Agholor did a… good?

herodotus450

I want to see more and more players protest the national anthem, but for more and more childish reasons. The Teapot Dome Scandal? Kneeling. The Sugar Tariff Act of [mumble mumble]? Kneeling. Daylight savings time? Kneeling.

...

FUCK Daylight Saving Time.

Romonobyl

Sting already tried.

herodotus450
...

“There no law saying your truck can only haul gravel.”

Maybe there should be one.

Gratliff

NELSON AGHOLOR! I ALWAYS LOVED HIM!

Romonobyl

Watching the Texans game in Houston. At first I though it was news footage of hurricane Harvey refugees camping out at NRG stadium, then I realized it was the Jaguras.

Senor Weaselo

TYRODCEPTION, and then the Jet defender runs into his own man at the 40.

hippofant

Lol, Jets player gets an endzone interception. Runs it back to the 40. Gets tackled by his own player. Bills OL dives on him. Jets player fumbles. Gets up, shoves Bills player for piling on, but he was never tackled.

(To be seen if the officials get it right.)

hippofant

Nope. They get it wrong, I’m pretty sure. Jets player wasn’t downed by a Bill.

Dick E. Phuck

This Jets-Bills game is Derptastic.

Brocky

Okay, if Duchess (and I only bring him up because he’s talked about it before) wants to help with an wordpress formatiting question, I’d appreciate it;

is there a reliable way to tell if an image link is going to embed other than uploading to postimage every time

Romonobyl

I have no problem as long as the link is https.

Brocky

I’ll be damned, that simple? I posted two variations of two seperate links:

both the first and third had https

...

I walk away for five minutes and half the goddamned QBs in the league have thrown pick-sixes?

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Who woulda thunk that the first points in the Cards vs Lions game would be scored by a defense

The Maestro

Ahahahahaha Jets-Bills is already AMAZING

King Hippo

#FirstPlaceJets

blaxabbath

I did like the nice hard block on Fat Safford though.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Watch #15 on the lions. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more lackluster response to an interception. I bet he gets torn a new asshole by his coaches.

Edit: and go figure, it’s Golden Tate. That guy is such a cunt.

ArmedandHammered

Man, quite a few teams are in full Derp form for the season.

hippofant

Wait, this isn’t the preseason?

hippofant

Stafford earning that money!

The Maestro

Fatt Stafford pick-six as the first pass of the season.

DETRIOT LOINS, BABBY

King Hippo

Predictably, Fatty Stafford…not much of a tackler.

blaxabbath

Stafford takes over inside the ARI 40. Throws a fat pick-6 on first possession.

Romonobyl
King Hippo

even Texas didn’t try that. TEXAS.

Senor Weaselo

The Jets missing tackles? That doesn’t seem right.

Doktor Zymm

Bears turf with a solid defensive play

Doktor Zymm

The field itself is the defensive MVP so far

blaxabbath

Carson Palmer first drive of 2017 — pick.

make it snow

you like that

King Hippo

The Pauls. Doin’ what they do.

Dick E. Phuck

The factory is projecting record production this year.

The Maestro

THE BROWNS ARE ALREADY BROWNSING

Doktor Zymm

The refs are on early season 2012 form!

Doktor Zymm

Or they’re just getting a contact incompetence by proximity to the Bears

The Maestro

1:07 and Amari Cooper already has me a TD. WOOOOOOOOOOOO

blaxabbath

ACDC