Man, I had a great time on this very site yesterday while pretending to be a shut-in. All that was missing was a van to pick me up to get the weekly groceries. I’ll just assume that the higher-ups are working on that. TO THE GAMES!
Chi/TB: Will qb Winston be able to cut back on his-hold your breath, Bucs fans-28(!) turnovers committed last year? He has no choice. Perhaps the Bears should give the ball back to basher Jordan Howard. That’ll just make everyone’s favourite fantasy pickup, Tarik Cohen’s job that much easier. Howard is expected to play but he was listed as questionable.
Buf/Car: Both Tyrod and Cam are coming off so-so performances that ultimately resulted in W’s so what do you want? Bills HC McDermott cut his teeth in the NFL as a DC at Carolina so he’ll have a bit of insight as to how to attack the D. McCaffrey’s nickname this week is Run-CMC.
Cle/Bal: Despite grabbing the L last week vs. Pittsburgh the Browns played quite well. Qb Kizer threw at a 66% clip and came out even with respect to TD’s and interceptions. Maybe, kinda, sorta, perhaps they’re headed in the right direction? Easy now, it was one game.
Ari/Ind: Both teams suffered through some abysmal qb play last week. Indy decided to get on the horn/kick Tolzien to the curb and go in another direction. The Cards response was a resigned shoulder shrug and a, “hey, it can’t get any worse next week, right?” Let’s see how these disparate approaches play out.
Phi/KC: Here are two teams that impressed (supposedly) neutral observers with how easily they took care of business last week. The Chiefs should get the home win and the number one AFC seed (it’s never too early!) but it’s not out of the realm of possibility that Philly surprises.
NE/NO: At long last Brandin Cooks comes home. I gotta think that Grumblelord gets the Pats on track again via a hellacious beatdown of the Saints.
Ten/Jax: You know why the Jags are now so committed to the run/play tough D way of doing things? It may have something to do with qb Bortles being 1-11 in games that he’s thrown for over 300 yards. Welcome to your new ‘game manager’ status, Blake-Alex Smith will be by later on with your lapel pin.
Min/Pit: This is my pick for best game of the early slate. Rb Bell will have his hands full with the Vikes front four and wr Brown gets a matchup with top 5 cb Xavier Rhodes. I can see the Stillers winning but they won’t do it in a walk.
It’s another gorgeous day out there where I am. Just perfect for sitting in the basement and watching ball. Let’s get to it, shall we?
Welp.
Jacobawk bawk
If the first 10 minute OT ends in a tie, I’m gonna laugh my ass off.
man, that was a good Hail Mary
Solid attempt. Always better to let the hope build as much as possible before the failure
SHANK’LOR LIVES!
kicker ICED!!
well this just got interestinhg
WELL THEN
Oh man, the Jets are gonna get torn limb from limb today, aren’t they?
GARBAGE POINTS YEAH
https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/who-hates-the-patriots-the-most/
Wendy’s Twitter account is my new Spirit Animal.
http://www.msn.com/en-us/foodanddrink/casual/wendys-throws-serious-shade-on-carls-jr-in-1-delicious-tweet/ar-AArZbjQ?li=BBgdrt0&ocid=ientp
Has Larry Fitzgerald had his number retired at The University of Phoenix? I mean he is the best football ever to attend.
He refuses to pay the $98 fee that they are demanding.
Alright, one more shot for Black HODOR!
How is Carson Palmer going to rip the hearts out of every Cardinals fan this time?
Support DACA
We’re talking Cardinals fans here.
Support reductions in Medicare?
Breesus has 323 yards. I honestly would have thought he had no more than 150.
Technically, garbage time since Q1 ended
Looks like he stole Blake Bortles’ garbage time thunder today.
300 yard game FOAR the Giraffe! Fuck off with your Biscuit Truthery!
That’s some good Tobacco Road hatred right there!
YUP
Bills derp
Well this is all titanically boring. I’ve got no choice left but to go (sigh) outside to get beer.
wow, dual DERP in CLT.
I haven’t seen a Khunt take a pounding by a bunch of black guys like that since Shyla Stylez
Touchdown to a fullback. I fucking hate the Titans now.
That is some solid vulturing.
Andy Reid’s dinner tonight is going to taste great. Get Fucked Philly!
Nice little squirt at the end by KHunt.
Phil Dawson kicks a 40 yard field goal, which is 1 yard for every two years of his age.
that’s one powerful KHunt!
All right, Chiefs. I hate you and you hate me. But get KHunt this touchdown and I’ll go back to hating you as much as I always have.
I don’t think I can power through these last few minutes. I’m gonna play some more Fallout real quick
Buffalo: How does time work again? Is Les Miles on staff?
And with that Eagle fans hearts are broken.
Bullshit. Eagles fans don’t have hearts.
Their hearts are more grease than vascular tissue at this point.
Hearts? Don’t you mean livers?
Survivor: We’re Surprised We’re Still On Too
What are the teams this year? People who recycle vs people who don’t?
watch them do a Trump v. HillyBob
Ted Ginn with another drop. He has hands of stone, but boy howdy, he looks fast dropping dem balls!
“Dropping balls, you say? Hold my beer.”
Kevin Hogan is like a double-amputee, schizophrenic homeless man’s version of Steve Young.
There’s the Ted Ginn we all know
Kizer back in the game; hits his receiver in stride.
Carson Wentz does realize that he’s not supposed to have 10 seconds in the pocket, right?
He has that Tebow-ish sundial in his head. It’s almost like these hard core evangelicals aren’t deep thinkers?
Turns out god can’t pass block for shit.
ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE ME FIRST GLOREE BOYS!
Ah, Browns
Duke Johnson is a really good player and I’ve never understood why #ThePauls don’t get him more touches.
Because #ThePauls.
good Occam’s Razoring
THIS DREW BREES, I CALL JIM SANDUSKY BECAUSE HE’S RESPONSIBLE FOR A TON OF BAD TOUCHES.
Hi everybody, I’m home!!!!
Holy shit
“Physics, how does it work?”
– idiot spectators sitting on the outside of a curve
That’s the last time I use the Kennedy car service.
Was Cam Newton driving?
I wonder how much Chris Conte is enjoying being part of a D shutting out the Bears?
He’s a waterboy for the Bucs?
I don’t know why I get worked up over the Chiefs doing well. Even when they are good, they aren’t relevant.
Because you really need them not to fuck up your home field advantage?
They’re the Michael Dukakis of football teams.
Just imagine how much fun Tarik Cohen would be to watch on a not shitty team!
Like if he were a cantor at a Shul in Kew garden hills.
Santa in his off-season?
Eagles go from being an eyelash away from forcing a punt and end up giving up the touchdown instead. Yep.
#GameOfInches
“Four is MOAR than sufficient!!” – Deanna F., Hattiesburg, MS
Turned on tv, Kelce td. Great, just great.
Really, really fucking tired of Travis Kelce
Sickest TD of the season.
My belief in Karma is just about extinguished completely.
The Bears today really made me question my decision to not drink today.
Mike Glennon, John Fox, and Mitch Trubisky present: “The Descent of Man”
Cameo by Mark Sanchez and a gaggle of coeds?
There’s still 6.5 minutes of misery remaining!
Prolonging that just long enough for me to make it to the liquor store and back might be the kindest thing they could do all day.
Andy Reid sacrificed a lamb to his small intestine prior to today’s game.
Poor thing was alive at the time.
Are you fucking kidding me, Cam? 1st and goal from the 2 and you get NOTHING?!
http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/166/089/485.jpg