Good golly Miss Molly, the hits, they keep on coming! The western divisions of each conference get a tussle though one might be a wee bit more relevant that t’udder. TO THE GAMES!
SF/ARI: Carlos Hyde has a banged up hip but is expected to play. Still, look for rook rb Matt Breida to get at least 10 touches so that he can lighten the load. If the Niners running game falters then all is for naught because the graceless inadequacy of Bobby Hoying mans the qb spot. Cards qb Palmer had himself a game last week by leaning heavily on wr Fitzgerald. The faint hope among Arizony backers is that Carson can keep it going for a period of time.
Phi/LAC: Rb’s Blount and Smallwood (RIP, Tiny Darren) were happy to see the Chiefs KHunt tear the Chargers a new a-hole in the run game to the tune of 172 yards on just 10 carries. LA’s newest embarrassment is allowing an average of 146 yards per game on the ground. The over/under on the game is 43-that’s the line on how many paying customers will bother to show their pieholes at the game.
NYG/TB: These guys have but one win to show between them but share some ugly tendencies. The Giants lost on a 61 yarder as time expired and the Bucs were doubled up by the Vikes 34-17. All Pro cb Jenkins is back among the healthy and may have to take on Mike Evans. Eli Apple matches up better size-wise but not ability-wise. We’ll see. Perhaps Evans can do the G-men another solid like he did last year and drop the ball 4/5 times. I’m not holding my breath for that to happen though.
Oak/Den: Speaking of dropped passes, the league leader is one Amari Cooper with six. There will be an extra burden on him today because it looks as though cohort Crabtree is a no-go. Say a prayer for Broncs’ right tackle Menelik Watson-he’s given up a half-dozen sacks already this year and will be staring at Khalil Mack all game long.
Get it done, you rascally rascals.
Hippo back from picking up ingrate asshole kid. Donks makin’ me nervous.
Hopefully it was your kid.
Do you need new ID or whatever?
Pretty sure he tagged the kid like a dolphin in a research project
nah, ain’t nobody else takin’ that one and paying for all her fucking vegan food
Uncle Ed once said, “You know, the nickname ‘Too Tall’ Jones is pretty awesome? You know what the worst one was? Glenn ‘Tiny Dick’ Foley.”
Now that’s a name I haven’t heard in a long time.
Or Mark “STD” Carrier
Booger McFarland
Lester “The Molester” Hayes
/has been dranking for six hours straight. It’s time for a nap.
/nighty-night
Oh goddamn that knee
Chandler Jones just wrecked Hoyer’s knee.
GOOD THING I STARTED CJ BETHARD IN FANTASY!
bethard.com, the only live porno gambling site
Hot teen gets blackjacked.
OK everyone, that’s the 11 minute mark of the 3rd quarter, and that means we are DRINKIN’ A BEER!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2E7yQ-ciiqk
/one of the funniest episodes of anything I’ve seen
Cam beat the Patriots? Cool. My hatred of humanity and football has been slightly reduced.
“We’re gonna win so much –”
“YOU LET THAT UPPITY NEGRO WIN IN GILLETTE! WE DEMAND YOU MAKE PUERTO RICO PAY!”
Wayne Gallman really has some stones catching that touchdown like that.
What Gall, man.
#Gallman!
Just to make sure — Geostorm is going to be absolutely terrible, right?
It’s going to make Manos: The Hands of Fate look like Silence of the Lambs.
Oh my God yes.
/pre-orders ticket
RIVERS MELTDOWN
Free play for Rivers so he throws it long and out of bounds.
Sounds like Cosby’s dalliances.
“HUH?! WHAT!? FUCK YOU, CHARLATAN! NO BODY FLOATS BETTER THAN KING LASERFACE!”
Pennywise begs to differ.
“I wish he’d do that with us once and a while”
-The tattered remains of Mrs. Rivers’s uterus
Nice little nap. What i miss? Anyone ded?
Dalvin Cook really ded
So is Drew’s liver. Probably yeah right’s, too.
Apparently it’s just an ACL.
Said the guy who’s never hurt his ACL.
Broncos absolutely humiliating the Raiders in every facet of the game but only up by 3.
Here’s a pretty cool sweep play I drew up. I think I can get the Chargers to pay me for it.
ALL RIGHT BOYS YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS LET’S DO IT… JANORIS JENNNNNNNNNNNNKINS
Least I have Chicken
I think it would be awesome if Tony Romo described a lousy play as “laying a big ol’ Musburger”.
https://youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=RhRGbzlAQZE
Stubhub looks like the practice field in Madden.
Rivers in full rage mode
Is one if his kids dancing to the devil’s music?
Taylor Swift?
He learned the Cutlerfucker is making the same salary to lead his team to zero points?
Rumor is we’re off to the in-laws for ribs. We really don’t wanna, but no cooking or dishes wins. Laziness ftw!
Be sure to use a bib.
This reminds me of my idea to get a Stonecutters symbol tattooed on my ass.
Sounds like part of the DFO Vegas itinerary
The short earning window of NFL players is why they’ll never even come close to challenging ownership when they crack the whip.
“You mean I’ve been an NFL Owner this whole time?”
– Adrian Peterson
I’m kind of disappointed this didnt happen:
https://deadspin.com/report-nfl-floated-plan-for-all-players-to-wear-team-1819036743
Fuck yeah?
From a tweet in the comments:
Holy shit, Bucs
Great play.
Hoyer sucks.
I know, right?
-N. Pelosi, San Francisco
I’m starving. Anyone making anything?
Pulling shit out and reheating, AKA refrigerator hash.
I just took a shit, does that count?
How would you find the restrooms?
https://deadspin.com/lets-check-in-on-that-l-a-chargers-experiment-1819040461
Looks like the Clippers are big draw.
“NON-INFLAMMABLE”
Wait, what?
Why the fuck don’t I have Eli and Co. here? Guess I’ll have to strea…I mean, check my other channels.
I got $20 that Elway can’t say “Wilbur” using only 2 syllables.
Eli “The Galloping Ghost” Manning
/Eli scores a running TD
“You can’t teach speed!”
Eli… scrambledown?
Beckham not dead, but definitely not happy.
It’s nice that they hand the PA mic to Elway after every good Denver play.
Oh fuck. Leave his hand alone
They’re loud as shit over at Lincoln Financial Field West
Honestly, I’m just watching Jason Peters block.
Damn, my sports internet score bearing wobsite showed the phi-LAc game to be 13-1, but it turned out to just be a temporary glitch.
Giants use a hurry-up O so that they can run between the tackles. JEEZUUZ!!!
Expect the unexpected that is what everybody would expect with the unexpected added bonus of tiring out your own players!
It’s like the offensive play calling is being controlled by a dunce who doesn’t know what he’s doing.
Ah yes, the fantasy juggernauts that are Philip Rivers and Tyrell Williams
Ah, never change Eagles. High end D-line, barely serviceable linebackers, and even rumored to have a secondary.
They run the quick play on 3rd down, and lose yardage. The New York Giants!
Watching Giants-Bucs in an airport lounge is a suboptimal way to spend a Sunday
few things are more American
/also, awkwardly hit on someone FOAR me why dontcha
Doing it while eating a cheeseburger, then getting tazed by overzealous airport cops.
Scratch the cheeseburger. Make it a McRib. And add, “while yelling about First Amendment rights and how this is a free country!”
No make it a $17 club sandwich
2A rights are more important.
Because words don’t do enough to black people.
I was thinking, who would try to assert their second amendment rights in an airport, but then, Americans.
Damned pricey drunk too.
Nope, actually. Booze is free in the “priority pass” lounges. Singleton is not my whisky of choice, but I’ll take 3 when it’s free.
Detroit beat Minny, RAMMIT RAMMED the Ol’ DOUBLE J’s, the Bills knocked out the Falcons in Megatron’s ass, and Carolina defeated the GREATRIOTS. The J-E-S-T are 2-2, and I have no idea what the crap’s going on in the AFC South.
Football’s weird.
you just remember that fellow pillhead visionquested RRRRRRRRRAM IT!!! first
GO NINERS!!!
Fading Palmer and the Birdcano D/ST
Apparently the Raiders didn’t watch the tape of last week’s loss to the [*Redacted] s. What’s that saying about history repeating itself?
apparently IN-COM-PLETE!!!
It’s ok if you’re a white person?
Wil Parks does a good!
So I know stranger things have not happened, but I’m at the summit of this current crazy fucking Jets rollercoaster so, it’s not……totally impossible for a Josh McCown-led team to win it all, right? Like, we never thought the Earth was round until we did (with some insanely stupid exceptions). Or that Bartolo Colon would ever hit a home run? Please help me talk myself into this, because I’m very confused right now.
not only possible but probable when u stop and think about it
Whoo! Exploding on impact ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP!
In an infinite universe and infinite multiverses, all things are possible.
my kicker sucks today SIGH
“My kicker sucks every day.”
– Chargers coach (can’t remember his name)
Giants really can’t cover TE, can they?
It’s only been about six years. Give them some time!