Your “Happy, Snappy and Fappy” Thursday Night Football Open Thread

Hey, mirth-makers! So good to see you again. I’m hoping that the vast majority of you are enjoying this short work week like I am. That Monday off is always great. And then starting the week on the Tuesday, half-assing it on Wednesday (I work from home that day-it took me a while to figure out how to do it but it was highly recommended by the likes of some of you folks so I had to), putting in quality time today and finishing up tomorrow makes for a delightful way to bring home the artisan bacon. And then what?-watching football all day Saturday and Sunday. Some may care to do other things like be an integral part of their family, volunteer their time, what have you. Whatever. It takes all kinds, amirite? Listen, obligations come in all kinds of shapes, sizes and flavours-we all know this. As for tonight, the Thursday Football Gods have conjured up a lou-lou. Or maybe just a loo? Shall we break it down a wee bit? Sure. Let’s go…. TO THE GAME!

 

EAGLES/PANTHERS: Look at you, you gorgeous 4-1 squadoos! Very impressive I must say-separating yourself from the dregs of the NFC and everything! We should/might see what the Eagles are really made of tonight. There’s talk among the cynics (primarily godawful Eagles fans) that their record was built on a mound of cupcakes. Looking at their last three wins (over the Cards, Lawnclippers and Giants) there may be some merit to this. My take is that they’re doing something right because they sit third in the league in total offense. They know how to move the ball. Plus they must be motivated to gain even more ground on the 2-2 ‘Dacteds and the [snorts derisively]* 2-3 Cowsquirrels.  The Cam is rounding into his previous NFL MVP shape if one were to look at his last two games-he’s tossed for 300+ yards in each and seems to be over the shoulder trouble that contributed to 5 INT’s to this point. His play has to be spectacular because despite young McCaffrey busting his TD cherry last week the ground game was responsible for a whole 28 yards on 28 carries. I don’t math well but that doesn’t seem very good.

Bust that comment section a new a-hole, buckaroos!

*It’s all that I have left. Just give me this!

 

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JustStopDude

Well that half ended with a wet fart…

King Hippo

very strange end of half sequence

Gratliff

Bradham is no longer fucking around

Sharkbait

My antenna reception has all of a sudden gone to shit. Apparently I need to move it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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the Alpha and the Amoeba

That doesn’t sound so bad. Personally, I like to move it, move it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ecSCaZ_XPlo

Romonobyl

When I was a kid, that usually meant climbing on the roof during an electrical storm and smacking the antenna with an aluminum shovel handle. This often happened when 60 Minutes was on, grandpa could really be a dick sometimes.

theeWeeBabySeamus

grandpa could really be a dick sometimes

– The Sandusky Kids

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Romonobyl

Anyone using their phones while horseback riding deserves a slow and terrifying death.

Gratliff

Anyone using their phones while horseback riding will likely receive a slow and terrifying death

Viva La Tabula Raza

Dilly dilly!

King Hippo

and are probably fairly likely to get one, all things considered

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Would being dragged to death by said horse be too fast for your highness?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I don’t think he is that high.

Romonobyl

No, that would be sufficient.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

I’m not generally a violent guy, but I’d like to punch the guy in that commercial just to hear the funny squeaking noise I imagine he’d make.

Gratliff

Longest 15 yard drive of all time

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I dunno, I’m sure Trump has duffed one that he later described as such.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

ERTZ DOUGHNUT!!

Romonobyl

Pearl Jam over the stadium loudspeakers? That should only be allowed in Seattle.

litre_cola

They throw fish there.

Gratliff

The fish had been found hanging in their bedrooms

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ya can’t blame a guy for trying.
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Romonobyl

The one year I leave him off my dead pool, he sleeps with the fishes.

Romonobyl

Only when they aren’t drinking overpriced coffee.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Or paying more for a large beer that doesn’t have any more beer.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IBBGx1vLMtc

Gratliff

Dear Carson, I appreciate you dropping your shoulder on the end of the play. Now, never do that shit again.

litre_cola

I was swearing at the tv. “Dumb jesus fuck” was uttered

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I am in Vegas for work and just walked past a literal dumpster fire

King Hippo

Try not to shoot several hundred people, make DFO proud!!

the Alpha and the Amoeba

I didn’t think the Raiders had moved there yet

King Hippo

Fucking ouch

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Your butt plug too big?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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JustStopDude

They got those nipple covers for long distance runners that prevents that kind of bleeding…

Sharkbait

Wentz used Newton. It wasn’t very effective.

Sharkbait

Go for it!

JustStopDude

Maybe its just me, but I could see living next to Tony Romo and getting along really well with him. Like he would be pretty chill. Always having a barbecue on the weekends. Wouldn’t be loud or rude.

Whereas like say Aaron Rodgers would be a passive aggressive tool that cut a glory hole into the side of my tool shield and would constantly be bringing over his “girlfriends” and trying to alpha bro all the time.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’m thinking living in either of their neighborhoods the yards would be so big you’d never see them, nor give a shit.

hippofant

Who’s his wife now? Because you might have had to listen to Carrie Underwood/Jessica Simpson as part of the trade-off.

Romonobyl

Nope, just your run of the mill blonde arm candy:

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King Hippo

those kids sure will have…prominent foreheads

Romonobyl

I’m trying to imagine having Gronk as a neighbor.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Another condom storm!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Been by his place in North Attleboro. He has an eight foot privacy fence and his party bus is parked curbside.

Viva La Tabula Raza

it’s weird how lots of folks like Romo better now than when he was Cowboys QB. I’m down with that, though.

Romonobyl

Romo has done a pretty good job in the booth so far, but I’ll bet sometime this December he’ll develop laryngitis and fracture his tongue.

litre_cola

Suck on that Superman you preening ass.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

SUDDEN CHANGE!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

I am gonna stare at this quite awhile

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My dog did that once. It was goddamned hilarious.

King Hippo

Surely Gio doesn’t hit for himself.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

I wonder what Lemmy thinks of the Kia gerbil commercial.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Well I know what Lenny (Kravitz) thinks:

“That spot is very good…
It’s just so very good…
Like a commercial should…
Just very very good…”

the Alpha and the Amoeba

I assume you’re talking about Lemmiwinks?
http://southpark.cc.com/clips/153736/lemmiwinks-adventure-begins

Game Time Decision

Love some Romo as the analyst. Useful and timely observations and explanations.

rockingdog

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More like Tony Bromo!
……I’m out.

Game Time Decision

Hahaha. Probably but who would you rather listen to? Assuming you don’t just mute it

hippofant

Wentz is not going to survive this game at this rate.

herodotus450

I think I would rather ignore another 30 seconds of commercials than watch another kickoff go out of the endzone. If something interesting happens, just show me the fucking replay and then got to the game .

litre_cola

I take Oxy pug out and come back and a Newton td and 2 little bear runs???

King Hippo

Dusty gon’ Dusty

Romonobyl

Evening all. Well, looks like Zeke’s out, so much for due process. I liked the NFL better when the biggest controversies were Joe Namath’s fur coat and Jim McMahon’s headband.

King Hippo

My waiver claim for Alfred Morris was great success, though!

Sharkbait

As was my claim for McFadden

theeWeeBabySeamus

No comment.

Gratliff

Oh goddamn

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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JustStopDude

Worst Halloween candy to hand out?

Real candy…I mean…not like apples with razor blades in it.

I got to think its a three way tie with box of raisins, those fucking wax lips candy, and stale circus peanuts.

Sharkbait
JustStopDude

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Spanky Datass

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Romonobyl

I remember this one old lady handing out pencils when I was a kid. I doubt she was ever able to get all that toilet paper off her townhouse the next morning.
i don’t fuck around when it comes to Halloween candy, all high end shit like fun-sized Snickers, M&Ms and Reese’s.
Hawt Taek! I often refer to my penis as fun-sized. This is not necessarily a good thing.

Game Time Decision

Those Halloween kisses. Hands down.

hippofant

Geez. That is why Brady and Manning et al. just lie down when the blitzer is incoming.

Gratliff

Nothing short of a crossface chickenwing will suffice for MY quarterback

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Paging Ricky Steamboat

rockingdog

Oh shit, is this gonna be one of those low scoring NFL games? Which then leads to more complaints about low viewership numbers that our president moron is gonna tweet about?

herodotus450

I’m only here watching so I don’t get fined.

litre_cola

I am standing for the whole game.

JustStopDude

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King Hippo

Dusty Baker remains stupid.

Gratliff

This is not quite the fireworks factory I was promised

JustStopDude

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“Proud father gives out celebratory cigars at work…”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh, I missed kickoff, did players kneel, or raise fists, or do anything other than stare unblinkingly at the flag?

hippofant

They’re not showing it on TV at all any more, I think.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh good that should put an end the scourge of police brutalizing minorities once and for all.

Sharkbait

The ol’ “If we can’t see it, it’s not happening” defense.

King Hippo

hey, it worked FOAR teh 1950s ,, smh

JustStopDude

So is there a reason why two of the best teams are playing on a Thursday when the two best announcing people?

Call me crazy…but methinks it would make sense to have this going down on say…Sunday…

King Hippo

everybody gets they turn in the barrel

King Hippo

Panty-head really isn’t the game-changer every sportscaster jizzed about, huh?

litre_cola

He is a grit guy.
Real gym rat.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

SWAT? And here I was just thinking that we needed more militarized-police TV shows!

King Hippo

you will accept creeping authoritarianism and you will LIEK it!!

herodotus450

Idea: All points are worth double on thursday night games.

Redshirt

Idea: Have circles show up on the field where a pass or a field goal scored from here is worth more points (RE: NBA Jam)

Sharkbait

Fuck it. Thursday night games are just live action NFL Blitz games.

litre_cola

Fuck Nantz, we get it they are good on 3rd downs. Maybe fellate Tony for a bit, bit not too rough we do not want him broken.

JustStopDude

I think the thing I love the most about Cam is the hot teaks on ESPN radio from talking piles of shit like Cowherd which are usually just racist dog whistling.

“He doesn’t take the game serious”….”he never had to work hard”…”he is literally the first person to ever say something stupid in a press conference”.

Like I loved it when the Panthers fell apart in the Superbowl and talking shitheads were giving Cam shit for being down in the post game bukkaki. Imagine if he wasn’t down in the dumps “Oh look at Cam…doesn’t care he lost” instead of “Look at Cam…the lack of maturity”.

litre_cola

Last guy in, first guy out.

Sharkbait

This is the network that thought adding Rush Limbaugh to their Sunday morning football show was a good idea.

Gratliff

Took like 30 seconds for the hottest “BLACK GUY YOU SAY IS GOOD IS ACTUALLY V BAD” taek

JustStopDude

I’m waiting for the “Behind the Lines” special into why its not fair that since some black people use the N-word, white people can’t.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s why he’s being sent to the Dak Prescott School of Maturity! Chapter 2 on its way soon.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

He’s a good quarterback, but he’s an obnoxious jackass when he wins and a sulky child when he doesn’t. That’s really all that needs to be said.

I wouldn’t say he’s immature, though, I know plenty of adults who are like that.

JustStopDude

I would describe him as remarkably restrained and subtle because I would be fucking a million times worse if I was in his shoes.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Everything’s relative, I suppose.

I just wish there weren’t so many dumb taeks on him. If you’re going to dislike someone, do it for the right reasons.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

NATS WOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

GNATS BOO!!!!!!!!

– Minnesota residents, during the summer

Sharkbait

“Eye Discipline”

What is Sam Bradford’s morning workout?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“I DISCIPLINE!”

– Adrian Peterson, self-narrating.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well done.

Gratliff

Goddamn, Bradham

Gratliff

EYE DISCIPLINE IS BACK

WCS

Eye discipline!

King Hippo

Word salad! Yummy yummy!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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