Yeah, I might as well acknowledge you folks out west for once. But only just this once! These football-specific threads are always good for several hundred comments but I must tell you, the Saturday JV football/Footy thread is coming along quite nicely. Yesterday was hilarious on many fronts. All Hail King Hippo! and his gracious hosting-ness. Seriously, if you find yourself doing not much more than scratching your balls, you should have a look-see. As for today we must, as always, go… TO THE GAMES!
SF/Was: The Neeners are looking for the upset on the road that isn’t going to happen. Perchance they can take advantage of Dacteds cb Norman not being available. Just kidding-that would require competent play from one Bobby Hoying. That guy on the end of my fantasy bench gets his first call. Rook rb Perine will get the majority of the carries with Kelley out.
Chi/Bal: The Truth Biscuit era begins its second week. Those that dare to watch can tell their bored-to-death grandkids that they were there. I’ve a notion that the Ravens D will be dialing up more than a few looks that will confuse the youngster. Bally ftw.
Cle/Hou: (“They don’t pay me enough to do some of these game intros!”) Guh. Where are we? Right. This could have been a battle of the “How To Spell Your Qb’s First Name” but Kevin Hogan had to stick his nose in and ruin everything. HC Jackson, in his finite wisdom has decided that benching rook Kizer gives his team the best opportunity to ‘win’.
Mia/Atl: The Falcons have a shot at putting a bit of distance between themselves and Carolina in the NFC South today after booting their game vs. the Bills last week. That high-powered offense you keep reading about has only scored 15 more points than the D has given up. Miami? The most they’ve scored in a game this year is a measly 20.
Det/NO: The Saints have settled quite nicely into their inevitable 8-8 season by going 2-2 so far. You know the old saw-“You win some, you lose some, on alternating weeks for the duration of the season”. Puffy McStuffingface has actually thrown for one more TD (11) than the sentient robot arm that belongs to Drew Brees.
GB/Min: What is Aaron Rodgers going to do this week? I’ve no idea but I think the Packers are my new favourite one-man team.
NE/NYJ: The Jets are battling for first place six weeks into the season?! (“Try to use your words, scotchy”) I…this…NO!… (“Goddamnit!”) A certain Pats wr by the name of Chris Hogan has already surpassed his previous season-high for TD’s. He’s got 5 after just five games.
That’s all he wrote. Get crackin’, boys!
Really pizza the hut? Your newest innovation is hotter sacks? Why didn’t you consult with me during my manwhore youth?
Did they just use more Tiger Balm?
“That’s a long one, and it’s a good one!” – Coked-out RedZone Guy
Also Sasha Grey.
You think so? I always figured she’s just numb below the waist by this point.
It works for both jokes.
It’s ok, I am totes ready for the world to end.
WHAT’S HAPPENING?!
TV Color Commentator said the Texans game plan involves cookies. Cookies.
This is why I listen to radio.
What the fuck, Jets? AND WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK, PATS DEFENSE. THIS IS ABSOLUTE SHITDICKERY
Shitdickery is putting it mildly
I think the Maginot line is more effective than the Patriots defense
They are going through and around, at least the line didn’t let them through.
Fucking useless Niners
CHyron: “49ers Defense”. Me: “Where?’
First place Jets? FIRST PLACE JETS.
What the hell is happening?
That Kerley catch was the first time I heard the crowd cheer – I think they’re terribly confused.
CLE-HOU?! Why, CBS?! Why?!
Sheeeeeit, Raleigh gets Tomsulas/Redacteds locally. It could always be worse.
That could be a great game if different teams were playing
or if it was, like, 1986
You know why…
Because he touches himself?
How about six TDs this week, Deshaun?
– Ungrateful Hippo
I support this.
A whole morning of Hate on canadian tv! Pats? Yep. Pack? Yep. Games in a dome? Hell yeah!
Redzone it is.
Plus: I actually get to see my team on TV this week. MInus: Gonna lose again, probably by 3 (again). Neither: Hopped up on the ‘quil and don’t give as much of a shit as I would otherwise.
Well, off to the DVR. Best of luck to everyone except the Packers fans.
See you on the other side.
I’m more of a “dark side” guy myself.
Ok, some reiseling to go with my gin. It’s 1 am here, if anything I’m starting late on the double fisting
Says every aging porn star.
Aww…no joe. I has all the sad.
Hey did anyone here watch Westworld, that show where there’s a bunch of robots that are built for human amusement but eventually become sentient and start making their own decisions? I’m asking because I’m trying to decide whether to start Russell Wilson today.
Great start!
THAT’S SO JETS!
/need to set macro for that
Damn, I smell garlic bread, but I requested the Japanese meal, which doesn’t come with garlic bread. I also default passed on caviar (which I’m okay with) and sunchoke soup (which I could probably still ask for, but won’t). Garlic is my favorite everything.
Howdy, folks. I’m currently in full on delusion mode, completely expecting a Josh McCown led Jets team beat the Patriots on the route to an unlikely super bowl run. Why yes, I HAVE been drinking, thank you for asking.
It would be the most Jets thing ever if the year they are suppose to tank, they win the division with a piece together team.
Right there with you, the next 6.5+ hours of RedZone heroin give me the delusion that life is something other than a toxic wasteland of disappointment and misery.
Hey man, if you’re going off a cliff, you might as well enjoy the ride as long as you can.
Hey, like, 93 percent of the people here support your delusion
I’ve paid for in air wifi, am on my second gin and soda, and dinner is about to be served. Also, in very comfy SQ PJs
You might be the highest one here. Keyword ” might”
not quite – if Doc looks outta his window, he’s bound to see litre_cola doing the backstroke a couple of hundred feet above :p
Just got back from the balcony, where are those damn chips?
“Hold mah 90-count pill bottle…”
FOX pregame team, losing its collective mind. Should be a good setup for today’s ass-whuppin’
Fact: fall beers are the best of all seasonal beers
Morning. Hell of a party last night
Nope. Not enough sleep to comprehend. Going back to bed.
First time I saw it, I didn’t notice the girl behind the guardrail holding the one back
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XtKydtoLucc
NFL Network is being a fluff piece on Rodgers about his long journey to be a Top.
Rodgers, fluffer, heh…
I think I’m still alive in my survivor pool because my strategy of picking teams I hate in the hopes that they will lose has paid off handsomely this year.
This week I picked the Broncos.
Donks WOO!!!!!!!!!!!
It really would be shocking (and wonderful) if they lost.
– Neville Chamberlain, September 1939
Me too!
Off to the gym to get in shape for the calendar shoot this afternoon.
Oh, did I not tell you? One of the wives in our little group is turning 50 next month. The other girls have decided that their gift to her is going to be a calendar with all of the husbands doing hawt taeks on the ripped fireman calendars. The problem is that none of us are ripped firemen.
This is going to be an absolute trainwreck, and it is going to be glorious.
[artist’s conception]
That’s probably the best-case scenario right there.
http://www.jasonotooleonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/ID-100138542.jpg
I am actually thinking about getting serious for a bit and writing a post about how Hue Jackson is the worst head coach in NFL history. I mean, the fact that he’s already the worst coach in Cleveland Browns history should be all the evidence I need but there’s other stuff too.
I hear ya, but I don’t think I’d ever want to change the narrative that cleveland football ineptitude has more to do with belichik assistants than anything else
I love the responses every week to PFTcommenter’s how are you getting ready for the games? I fucking laugh through them all the idiocy is fantastic.
Not thinking about Michael Sam
I have a fun story related to the Vikings Packers rivalry. Just after my divorce I had started dating this 20 year old girl, I was 37 at the time. As awesome as this sounds guys, and some of it was, this is not a good idea.
Anyway she wasn’t a big sports fan and I told her I was best left alone on game days. Vikings Packers opened the season against each other that year.
She stayed away during the game but decided to stop by for a visit afterwards.
Being on the West coast this was a 10 AM start just like today.
She comes by around 2 PM just to visit. She left after 15 minutes of trying to drag my drunk ass off the bathroom floor.
She stayed away on game days after that.
And the Vikings lost that day.
It’s starting to get chilly in Vegas. It was 55 this morning.
I shouldn’t be this tired this early. I need to give up saturdays.
Houston or New England Defense?
P*ts
Bring back the Oilers!
Luv Ya Blue!
Bring back Earl Campbell’s legs while you’re at it.
This Jets/Pats game better be a 3 hour long execution of Tom Brady.
Not that it matters much but Rams or Houston Defense?
Rams should have a decent day.
HOU defense is injury-riddled, plus garbage time points. I’d RRRRRRAM IT!! too
Folks
Aaron Rodgers is the best damned homosexual QB in NFL history.
He also just happens to be better than all of the breeder varietal. It’s a joy to watch him play, and he seems like an awesome dude.
I would buy him a shot, agreed on all points. It’s a damn shame though, he’s cute.
The nice, cute, single ones are always gay, aren’t they? 😀
He’s hiding something dark.
That’s no way to talk about Jeff.
1 hr to boarding, on Krug #3, will make it without staggering, but no promises about after
Some real encouraging news about Teddy coming off the PUP list as early as tomorrow and possibly playing as soon as just after the week 9 bye.
Yet here we are hosting the goddamn Packers and still reliant on Case fucking Keenum.
This is why I don’t do Sunday Gravy during the season.
I’m glad his body didn’t reject the lower half of his leg when they sewed it back on. In all seriousness though, glad he’s back soon and hope he’s done with injuries.
I think you should just hate took while drinking and write those notes, with play by play of the Vikes game. That’s good readin!
That’s also a good way to get blood all over the keyboard.
Oh, when you do start back up with Sunday gravy, could you try some steamed things, like bao?
Duly noted. I accept any and all requests.
Quick Q: Any thoughts on automatic pasta makers? I saw a Phillips one when I popped to a local shop earlier today to buy a replacement breadmaker 😀
I think it would work. The trick is making fresh pasta. If you can get a machine to do the work for you then all the better.
Just make sure to get your dough right and it should work great.
MUST knead the dough for a full 10 minutes. That’s the real trick. Make them glutens do what you tell them to.
That’s how I do it, though I cheat a bit by using the breadmaker to do the kneading for me, before passing it through the cutter… Still I guess that’s one for the kitchen wishlist, right behind a replacement NUC for the TV in the kitchen..
Holy shit I love char siu.
I still don’t see why you don’t just sew Bradford and Bridgewater together. Solves everything!
We would have to use Keenum’s knees though.
I want to see Teddy succeed.
thanks! I do too. He is such a decent humble kid.
CNN is one of the few stations where the commercials are less likely to destroy my faith in humanity than the content. Even with the sound off.
I only use TNN: Telegraph News Network. It might be a little slow but it gets the job done. Now, do you think President Garfield will make it?
I read a book recently about the move from telegraph and wired communication to radio and other wireless. All I can say is, fuck the FCC with a big ol rusty pitchfork, and if the current Congress fucks with net neutrality then put them on the pitchfork fucking list.
Also, wasn’t TNN The Nashville Network?
Yeah, they had a (at the time) modern remake of Roller Derby which was fun until I realized it was faker than wrestling. Thu current FCC and the direction they’re going in might be the worst side effect of trump, including any potential fission trading with peninsular (heh, penins) nations.
I prefer glorious people’s RT da!
I declined dinner and they brought me snacks! I have a huge meal coming up, I must not nosh too much. Is it possible to fill up on champagne? So many snares for the unweary…
Iggles won, Bombers won, Ice Bombers won. My gambling tickets will not.
Ice Redblacks scored 12 total goals in back to back games. Where am I?
There used to be a bar called the Red and the Black in DC that gave free haircuts as the happy hour special on Tuesdays. Also rice and beans for $3
Were they big fans of Stendhal? Did Stendhal give out free haircuts at book signings? Which colour did he like more?
/so many questions…
Hippo smash right now. Toffees are gunna lose again.
I may not have enjoyed living in Chicago, but it was a rubbish missile target, and had a large supply of fresh water right on the doorstep. SF is not nearly as well provided for the post-nuclear age
Fewer Golden State fans too. Should even out in 5-10 years though.
Told ya that San Fran sucked!
LA is no better of come the Apocalypse. Worse probably, since it’s hot there.
Depends if the missile attack is counter-force or going after soft targets/populations centers.
Do I have the balls to pick up A.J. Derby, the tight end from the Broncs who will be playing against the “Can’t Cover The T.E.” Giants? Not sure…
Do it. If you don’t he’ll score 20 points and you’ll kick yourself
Or don’t – the Giants will suddenly remember that they’re a FOOTBAW TEAM,DAMMIT! and ruin your fantasy scores 😉
The flaw in your logic is that you think they’re a football team.
“Ladies and gentlemen, the New York Fussball Giants!”
Fair enough, it’s the New Derp City Giants… Still, I just wanted to help you avoid the inevitable ragestorm that’ll happen, when Eli and Co. stop derping long enough to fuck your fantasy team 😀
Also, the Donks could end up throwing like 12 forward passes, and 10 of those 12 to He-mannuel Sanders.
Fuck it. Here we go.
Still two hours till boarding, stick with the Krug? Enjoying the testicular humor on CNN re:Tillerson
I know it’s unlikely, but go Jets! I’ll be on a Jet, so practicing what I preach or something. Also, very proud to be able to stream the defense of my very own shitty team with confidence this week. Looking forward to the city I’m from beating the tail of the city I’m moving to in a few days.
An A380 for anyone who cares about that stuff
As a Pats fan I must agree – It’s somewhat unlikely, but not that unlikely, especially if a couple of our offensive weapons gets dinged thanks to our turnstile OL 🙂
Edit: I care ! A380’s are fun and I’ve been fortunate enough to actually see the cockpit of one (thanks to an impromput laptop repair job midway to Sydney 😀 )
I never cease to be amazed by the lack of confidence that Pats fans have. Your team is consistently good, you don’t have to stress that much!
Oh, it’s not that – it’s after-effects from yesterday’s Arsenal fuckup vs Watford… I’m just assuming the worst, so the only surprises would be pleasant ones.. Our O-Line is still dreadful, though (but improving!)
Fair enough, I’m a big fan of assuming the worst, though my team has a history of actually being really shitty so that may have something to do with it
http://www.theonion.com/article/friend-moving-apartments-probably-just-going-rent–57194
I got a full relocation package, I even have people to pack for me! Though if I leave before a year is up I gotta pay it all back, but not planning on that. Planning on sticking around for ten years then retiring
Retiring before every ounce of productivity and will to live has been sucked from you in order to buy some C-level exec another island? That’s a paddlin’.
If they didn’t want me to retire before 50 they shouldn’t pay me so much. Besides, I have to retire before 54 so I can beat my Dad, I’m quite competitive about things like ‘fewest years spent working for the man’
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2zE1-48AAYc
On an unnecessarily political note, I wonder how many white southron confederate flag waving deadbeats love that song.
Hopefully they all listen to horrible new country
Or Kid Rock’s “music”… shudders
GB/Min: What is Big Daddy Drew going to do this week? I’ve no idea,but I think we should retreat to the fallout shelters just in case.
FTFY
Also ‘olla,gents!