Your “OOF! We Got A Ripe One Over Here!” Thursday Night Football Open Thread

So it’s come to this. The truest of the tests of your football fanhood. This one is such a stinker I feel as though it should be played in London. The thing is, it doesn’t even have that “I can drink in the morning and still pretend to feel good about myself” (East Coast bias) aura about it. At least make it a division game between some bottom dwellers-that shouldn’t be too hard. But no. I’ve half a notion to pick up Kenyon Drake and plop him on to my fantasy team so that I’ve got some sort of rooting interest in this. Still, there’s a job to be done. [sigh of resignation] TO THE GAME!*

Miami/Baltimore: The cat tower has been installed on the Fins sideline and you best believe that it’s not a no-smoking zone. It appears that Jay won’t be chasing squirrels for at least a week or two. That’s backup Matt Moore stumbling into the breach once again. Last year he won a few games after Tanneyhill went down and got them into the playoffs. Last week he threw a few TD’s in the fourth to vanquish the Jets. He’s regarded as a positive presence on the team/in the locker room. Why? The consensus is it’s because he “Dooooooooooes Caaaaaaaaare”. The reason he’s still not trusted to run the team full time is because he has 32 interceptions and 17 fumbles in fairly limited playing time since 2011. Ouch! If rb Ajayi and his 442 rushing yards and ZERO! TD’s (thanks a lot!) can get going perhaps the Fins can pretend that they’re not last in total offence and scoring. LOADED QUESTION ALERT: Who do you think is the 31st? Them Black Birds, that’s who. A large amount of focus has turned towards the room temperature milk-swilling wunderbread qb Joseph Flacco and his 7th-highest salary. Why hasn’t he miracle-whipped this team into shape? It may have something to do with 3 rb’s, 3 te’s and 4 O-linemen having been taken out of the offensive equation.

Do your thingy.

 

*the exclamation point is for decoration only-it is not a signifier of excitement in this circumstance

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King Hippo

ok, Stanford/Oregon State (live from the place I would like to retire), entertain mah honky ass

litre_cola

Tony Romo is the best coloUr guy in the league.

litre_cola

So a Gitanes with no filter?

King Hippo

he does do that “says what he sees” in a way that is very relatable and engaging

LemonJello

Did I miss a punt? Dooonnn’t Caaaaarrreee.
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theeWeeBabySeamus

This is enjoyable to watch.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So my cousin named his kid Noa Milan. Guess the gender.

deviantBastard

Neutral.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yes….?

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Other?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Gender won’t matter. Kid’s getting its ass kicked either way.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

By who? Xxander? Kellicuel? Jahger?

theeWeeBabySeamus

You have a point.
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litre_cola

Billy Goat?

LemonJello

Hermaphrodite?

Gratliff

Oh fuck. I forgot all about the Kennedy thing. Did they find anything about communist super ninjas or maybe a second gunman on the grassy knoll?

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Heh. Fuckface von Trumphaussen is delaying critical docs for 6 mos. Probably figures he’ll need a new distraction by then.

clint greasewood

Makes sense, that would be in the middle of 2018 midterms.

litre_cola

Ray Rhodes was a Jerry Jones plant in philly.

LemonJello

Punt? Gif.
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King Hippo

best one yet!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You can always count on the Baltimore D.

King Hippo

I hate that even more women were harassed, but it’s nice that Mark Fucking Halperin’s career is over. What a shitstain little fuck weasel.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If only the same could happen to Cillizza

King Hippo

he seems MOAR the “windowless van” varietal, but sure let’s have next week be his turn in the barrel.

Duchess

On morning Joe he always seemed like a condescending asshat, but never got a weasel feeling from him.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

See? Don’t throw the ball! Hand off! To Ajayi!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Where’s Russell Wilson now, huh??????????

Beastmode Ate My Baby

theeWeeBabySeamus

😛

LemonJello

Hiz Blandness can almost taste that victory bowl of white rice already…

King Hippo

damn it, now I’m hungry

litre_cola

Fuck the makers of Young Sheldon in the ass with Ron Mexico’s dick during an outbreak.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

In a perfect world (for me), Miami would respond by giving the ball to Ajayi all night.

deviantBastard

I second the motion.

litre_cola

Your league is ridiculous. I have so many points for but am getting hammered on points against. Guess I wont be getting the HRTN coffe mug as a prize.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Huh. Good idea. Now I am going to offer an HRTN mug to the league winner.

Also, you mistake “ridiculous” for “awesome.”

(Although I pretty much copied the old league’s settings…I’m open to adjustments for next season)

litre_cola

No adjustments, I just have really bad luck this year.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Elite? By tonight’s standards, probably.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Woo Ratbirds.

litre_cola

Did you light up the ratbird signal for Fozz?

theeWeeBabySeamus

No. But I did light up.

litre_cola

Have to for this fixture.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

There is a fucking pool RIGHT THERE. SWEET!

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey, that’s some damned fine piloting right there….presuming the wings are still attached after going thru those trees.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Lot of sand in the eyes from the prop wash, though.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Baltimore is really going to have to stink it up if we’re gonna keep this streak of punts going.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello

Yup, another.
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theeWeeBabySeamus

She seems swell.

King Hippo

I want to see Balmer attempt a fair catch free kick FG after this imminent punt. EVeryone pray to BLEERGH!

litre_cola

So I figured out the problem. The Dolphins O line is also the Seatruthers O line and they are just tired all the time.

King Hippo

the pieces FIT!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Plus, their coke supply kinda got cut off soooooo…..tired all the time.

LemonJello

Another punt, another gif:
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spanky Datass

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King Hippo

Me too, lady. I got $6.66 back in change at KFC today.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Change? At KFC?

– Andy Reid

litre_cola

What did you get? I am always interested in Merican KFC

King Hippo

popcorn nuggets Go Cup. Apparently that’s $3.34 with state and local taxes in Wake County, NC

King Hippo

hey, at least these two won’t smell up our RedZone experience 3 days hence

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The next hurricane will be REALLY big.

King Hippo

28 minutes until we can flip to Trees v. Beavers!

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello

First punt of the night!
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

Hold up. Baltimore is nicknamed Charm City?!?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Yes.
Among other things, yes.

litre_cola

CRABCAKE CRABCAKE CRABCAKE

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

I am here only for the dick jokes and the fact that I laid some money down on this game to make it interesting

deviantBastard

Now, that’s the way to start the night; dicks and money.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That is the order…..

King Hippo

gotta admit, they dug deep to find a way to sell a story for this turd of a fixture. Kinda pulling for the Ratbirds now.

LemonJello

They have a puncher’s chance…

King Hippo

Miami apologizes for the role they played in this here sportsball incident…

deviantBastard

What about a murder’s acquittal-kind of sliver of hope?

theeWeeBabySeamus

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King Hippo

HOW have I not seen that before tonight?? LMFAO

theeWeeBabySeamus

Considering I’ve used it in several of my posts in the not too distant past…. I COULD ASK YOU THE SAME QUESTION MISTER!!!!!!!

Why you no read Seamus’ writingz?
:'(

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello

That vette have t-tops for her hairdo?

King Hippo

oh yeah, we gots Portugal. The Man goin’ on!!

King Hippo

Kids just balling up wet towels and putting them back on the shelf where the clean, dry towels go. Goddamned disgusting. Like living with barnyard animals, except for the tax deductions.

LemonJello

Thank Odin it’s not just my ungrateful spawn. I have one that will hide wet towels in her room for some unfathomable reason.

herodotus450

Maybe they’re just trying to get a good sourdough starter goin.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello

Is that Tracy Wolfson’s Halloween costume?

LemonJello

Flacco finishing off his pre-game snack of mayo on saltines before taking the field…

theeWeeBabySeamus

Reduced sodium saltines to you, pal.

LemonJello

Correction: Unsalted.

deviantBastard

Spicy Japanese mayo though?

LemonJello

What are you trying to do, kill him?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello

Aeroflot has really seen better days.

King Hippo

Strong Railroad Concern!!

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Ladeez (?)
Ginnamen (!)

King Hippo

gin sound nice

LemonJello

Hi!
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Beastmode Ate My Baby

Awww…a friendly clown!

theeWeeBabySeamus

I always wondered why they didn’t at least try kicking Pennywise in the nuts. I mean they’re kids…shoulda been one of their first go to moves. And one never knows…it might have worked.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

“Clowns have nards!”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

There is around twenty nuts in each small sack.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

reply gif awaiting moderation…..

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450

But he’s such a level headed guy though eh buddy?

herodotus450

“The name’s Buddy Guy, but you can call me chief.”

litre_cola

This was a deeeeep pull.

theeWeeBabySeamus

My team is playing tonight and I have no FF players involved to mess things up. I can actually just watch football tonight.
/remembers it’s the Ravens

I think I’ll catch up on my reading.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Geeez, I wish Waldo would pop up. That fucker is like a chameleon.

LemonJello

Waldo? That’s an odd name for a penis.

LemonJello

Guess I’m just an optimist, mine is Shai Hulud.

Lady LemonJello is not amused when I tell her, “THE SLEEPER HAS AWAKENED!”

Horatio Cornblower

ESPN has me losing a game in Yeah Right’s Eliminator pool, with JerBear in first place having not lost any games.

But the thing is, I haven’t lost any games. I am getting screwed, which leads me to only one conclusion: JerBear is Jemele Hill.

We’re through the looking glass here, people.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

This game is so bad I’m considering going to the gym instead of watching

Viva La Tabula Raza

I’m thinking of going down to the wine bar. They don’t have a tv.
Fuck, who am I kidding, I’ll just watch it on my phone.

litre_cola

Wine bars are phenomenal. Especially if they have an airtight service system.

Viva La Tabula Raza

The one I call home is the closest retail establishment to my house, so I consider that a sign from on high. I’ve been going there since 2003, am on my fourth owner. They treat me like royalty, even have a reserved parking spot for my 1964 ragtop.

LemonJello

Deion Sanders needs to be shot into the sun.

In the meantime, let’s get this party started.
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/webroot/animatedgifs1/1085709_o.gif

herodotus450

Ya know what really galls my loins? They still call em “Fig” Newtons even when there’s no fig in em!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Unsurprised

I have a function to attend, and since I’m not watching football anyway, later taters.

LemonJello

Lucky bastard. Leaving us here at the mercy of Lolphins/Ratbirds…

WCS

How much bourbon is too much bourbon for this time of day? I’m something like, eight, or, eleven in, at this point. But, I’ve managed to cook what seems to be awesome chili, dealt with an endless series of issues from the Lil’ WCSers, got work done (in a competent manner!), and now halfway through the first season of Stranger Things.

Functional alcoholic?

LemonJello

Shit. You’re my spirit animal.

Unsurprised

How much bourbon is too much bourbon for this time of day?

Are you dead? If not, then it’s not too much. If you are, then it’s just the right amount.

Also, Stranger Things sucked.

WCS

Stranger Things does not suck, good sur. I expect an apology, or guns at dawn.

/will sleep past noon

King Hippo

I flipped a coin to see if’n I could put Buck Allen into my starting lineup (theoretically, he could play ahead of Sunday morning London star Jerick McKinnon or the 2nd TE I stupidly have a hunch on for flex, George Kittle).

The coin said NAE.

OF COURSE I am still watching. I’m not some kind of dirty commie hippie.

King Hippo

aye. Two targets last week (after 17 combined the 2 weeks before), but the Iggles just lost their primary defensive LB against the TE, and thence Reed scored two TDs in the 2nd half…

Unsurprised

That’s the beauty of ensemble casts, same as how ER lasted like 14 seasons. They can just swap out characters and it’s perfectly normal, especially in this fast-paced freelancer-heavy gig economy.

Unsurprised

Perfect timing. I just saw this on reddit (I know). Wife material:

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LemonJello

Obviously the life of the party. I question her amateur status, at the very least, she’s semi-pro.

Unsurprised

The ears are a nice touch.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

If that’s hard liquor, she’s gonna die.

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