So it’s come to this. The truest of the tests of your football fanhood. This one is such a stinker I feel as though it should be played in London. The thing is, it doesn’t even have that “I can drink in the morning and still pretend to feel good about myself” (East Coast bias) aura about it. At least make it a division game between some bottom dwellers-that shouldn’t be too hard. But no. I’ve half a notion to pick up Kenyon Drake and plop him on to my fantasy team so that I’ve got some sort of rooting interest in this. Still, there’s a job to be done. [sigh of resignation] TO THE GAME!*
Miami/Baltimore: The cat tower has been installed on the Fins sideline and you best believe that it’s not a no-smoking zone. It appears that Jay won’t be chasing squirrels for at least a week or two. That’s backup Matt Moore stumbling into the breach once again. Last year he won a few games after Tanneyhill went down and got them into the playoffs. Last week he threw a few TD’s in the fourth to vanquish the Jets. He’s regarded as a positive presence on the team/in the locker room. Why? The consensus is it’s because he “Dooooooooooes Caaaaaaaaare”. The reason he’s still not trusted to run the team full time is because he has 32 interceptions and 17 fumbles in fairly limited playing time since 2011. Ouch! If rb Ajayi and his 442 rushing yards and ZERO! TD’s (thanks a lot!) can get going perhaps the Fins can pretend that they’re not last in total offence and scoring. LOADED QUESTION ALERT: Who do you think is the 31st? Them Black Birds, that’s who. A large amount of focus has turned towards the room temperature milk-swilling wunderbread qb Joseph Flacco and his 7th-highest salary. Why hasn’t he miracle-whipped this team into shape? It may have something to do with 3 rb’s, 3 te’s and 4 O-linemen having been taken out of the offensive equation.
Do your thingy.
*the exclamation point is for decoration only-it is not a signifier of excitement in this circumstance
ok, Stanford/Oregon State (live from the place I would like to retire), entertain mah honky ass
Tony Romo is the best coloUr guy in the league.
He’s a breath of french air.
So a Gitanes with no filter?
he does do that “says what he sees” in a way that is very relatable and engaging
Did I miss a punt? Dooonnn’t Caaaaarrreee.
“She’s got abs. And she knows how to use them.”
-ZZ Top, re-purposed
This is enjoyable to watch.
So my cousin named his kid Noa Milan. Guess the gender.
Neutral.
Yes….?
Other?
Gender won’t matter. Kid’s getting its ass kicked either way.
By who? Xxander? Kellicuel? Jahger?
You have a point.
Billy Goat?
Hermaphrodite?
Oh fuck. I forgot all about the Kennedy thing. Did they find anything about communist super ninjas or maybe a second gunman on the grassy knoll?
Heh. Fuckface von Trumphaussen is delaying critical docs for 6 mos. Probably figures he’ll need a new distraction by then.
Makes sense, that would be in the middle of 2018 midterms.
Ray Rhodes was a Jerry Jones plant in philly.
Punt? Gif.
best one yet!
You can always count on the Baltimore D.
I hate that even more women were harassed, but it’s nice that Mark Fucking Halperin’s career is over. What a shitstain little fuck weasel.
If only the same could happen to Cillizza
he seems MOAR the “windowless van” varietal, but sure let’s have next week be his turn in the barrel.
On morning Joe he always seemed like a condescending asshat, but never got a weasel feeling from him.
See? Don’t throw the ball! Hand off! To Ajayi!
Where’s Russell Wilson now, huh??????????
😛
Hiz Blandness can almost taste that victory bowl of white rice already…
damn it, now I’m hungry
Fuck the makers of Young Sheldon in the ass with Ron Mexico’s dick during an outbreak.
In a perfect world (for me), Miami would respond by giving the ball to Ajayi all night.
I second the motion.
Your league is ridiculous. I have so many points for but am getting hammered on points against. Guess I wont be getting the HRTN coffe mug as a prize.
Huh. Good idea. Now I am going to offer an HRTN mug to the league winner.
Also, you mistake “ridiculous” for “awesome.”
(Although I pretty much copied the old league’s settings…I’m open to adjustments for next season)
No adjustments, I just have really bad luck this year.
Elite? By tonight’s standards, probably.
Woo Ratbirds.
Did you light up the ratbird signal for Fozz?
No. But I did light up.
Have to for this fixture.
There is a fucking pool RIGHT THERE. SWEET!
Hey, that’s some damned fine piloting right there….presuming the wings are still attached after going thru those trees.
Lot of sand in the eyes from the prop wash, though.
Baltimore is really going to have to stink it up if we’re gonna keep this streak of punts going.
Yup, another.
She seems swell.
I want to see Balmer attempt a fair catch free kick FG after this imminent punt. EVeryone pray to BLEERGH!
So I figured out the problem. The Dolphins O line is also the Seatruthers O line and they are just tired all the time.
the pieces FIT!!
Plus, their coke supply kinda got cut off soooooo…..tired all the time.
Another punt, another gif:
Me too, lady. I got $6.66 back in change at KFC today.
Change? At KFC?
– Andy Reid
What did you get? I am always interested in Merican KFC
popcorn nuggets Go Cup. Apparently that’s $3.34 with state and local taxes in Wake County, NC
Miami at Baltimore? Miami at Baltimore.
/I don’t get it
hey, at least these two won’t smell up our RedZone experience 3 days hence
The next hurricane will be REALLY big.
28 minutes until we can flip to Trees v. Beavers!
First punt of the night!
Hold up. Baltimore is nicknamed Charm City?!?
Yes.
Among other things, yes.
CRABCAKE CRABCAKE CRABCAKE
I am here only for the dick jokes and the fact that I laid some money down on this game to make it interesting
Now, that’s the way to start the night; dicks and money.
That is the order…..
gotta admit, they dug deep to find a way to sell a story for this turd of a fixture. Kinda pulling for the Ratbirds now.
They have a puncher’s chance…
Miami apologizes for the role they played in this here sportsball incident…
What about a murder’s acquittal-kind of sliver of hope?
HOW have I not seen that before tonight?? LMFAO
Considering I’ve used it in several of my posts in the not too distant past…. I COULD ASK YOU THE SAME QUESTION MISTER!!!!!!!
Why you no read Seamus’ writingz?
:'(
Yer the worst!
/probably why I like you….
That vette have t-tops for her hairdo?
oh yeah, we gots Portugal. The Man goin’ on!!
“Ritz crackers? Please. I only eat Motel 8 crackers.”
-J. Flacco
Kids just balling up wet towels and putting them back on the shelf where the clean, dry towels go. Goddamned disgusting. Like living with barnyard animals, except for the tax deductions.
Thank Odin it’s not just my ungrateful spawn. I have one that will hide wet towels in her room for some unfathomable reason.
Maybe they’re just trying to get a good sourdough starter goin.
Is that Tracy Wolfson’s Halloween costume?
Flacco finishing off his pre-game snack of mayo on saltines before taking the field…
Reduced sodium saltines to you, pal.
Correction: Unsalted.
Spicy Japanese mayo though?
What are you trying to do, kill him?
Aeroflot has really seen better days.
Strong Railroad Concern!!
Ladeez (?)
Ginnamen (!)
gin sound nice
“Agreed.”
-Juice
Hi!
?itemid=5353520
Awww…a friendly clown!
I always wondered why they didn’t at least try kicking Pennywise in the nuts. I mean they’re kids…shoulda been one of their first go to moves. And one never knows…it might have worked.
“Clowns have nards!”
There is around twenty nuts in each small sack.
reply gif awaiting moderation…..
Ron Hextall-the guy that you would never associate with rational thinking-is the GM of the Flyers.
But he’s such a level headed guy though eh buddy?
I’m not your Buddy, guy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8M_3JTwtPg
“The name’s Buddy Guy, but you can call me chief.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SnbReydQnAk
This was a deeeeep pull.
My team is playing tonight and I have no FF players involved to mess things up. I can actually just watch football tonight.
/remembers it’s the Ravens
I think I’ll catch up on my reading.
Ravens fan, huh? Turning the pages of a Pop-Up book isn’t really considered reading.
/I Keed!
Geeez, I wish Waldo would pop up. That fucker is like a chameleon.
Waldo? That’s an odd name for a penis.
I call mine “Sir Loin of the Wastelands”.
Guess I’m just an optimist, mine is Shai Hulud.
Lady LemonJello is not amused when I tell her, “THE SLEEPER HAS AWAKENED!”
ESPN has me losing a game in Yeah Right’s Eliminator pool, with JerBear in first place having not lost any games.
But the thing is, I haven’t lost any games. I am getting screwed, which leads me to only one conclusion: JerBear is Jemele Hill.
We’re through the looking glass here, people.
This game is so bad I’m considering going to the gym instead of watching
I’m thinking of going down to the wine bar. They don’t have a tv.
Fuck, who am I kidding, I’ll just watch it on my phone.
Wine bars are phenomenal. Especially if they have an airtight service system.
The one I call home is the closest retail establishment to my house, so I consider that a sign from on high. I’ve been going there since 2003, am on my fourth owner. They treat me like royalty, even have a reserved parking spot for my 1964 ragtop.
Deion Sanders needs to be shot into the sun.
In the meantime, let’s get this party started.
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/webroot/animatedgifs1/1085709_o.gif
He’s got to be roiding, right? Am I stupid to think this?
Tomorrow: tell me what your day is looking like.
Me? I’ll do a half day at the office and work from home in the afternoon. I’ll start drinking by 4, but only after I’ve done the groceries.
Ya know what really galls my loins? They still call em “Fig” Newtons even when there’s no fig in em!
I have a function to attend, and since I’m not watching football anyway, later taters.
Lucky bastard. Leaving us here at the mercy of Lolphins/Ratbirds…
Here I was, all this time, thinking you were dysfunctional. You got me good, buddy.
How much bourbon is too much bourbon for this time of day? I’m something like, eight, or, eleven in, at this point. But, I’ve managed to cook what seems to be awesome chili, dealt with an endless series of issues from the Lil’ WCSers, got work done (in a competent manner!), and now halfway through the first season of Stranger Things.
Functional alcoholic?
Shit. You’re my spirit animal.
Are you dead? If not, then it’s not too much. If you are, then it’s just the right amount.
Also, Stranger Things sucked.
Stranger Things does not suck, good sur. I expect an apology, or guns at dawn.
/will sleep past noon
I flipped a coin to see if’n I could put Buck Allen into my starting lineup (theoretically, he could play ahead of Sunday morning London star Jerick McKinnon or the 2nd TE I stupidly have a hunch on for flex, George Kittle).
The coin said NAE.
OF COURSE I am still watching. I’m not some kind of dirty commie hippie.
Sooooo… George Kittle is your hunchback?
aye. Two targets last week (after 17 combined the 2 weeks before), but the Iggles just lost their primary defensive LB against the TE, and thence Reed scored two TDs in the 2nd half…
It’s like your a fantasy football scientist…
Grey’s Anatomy is still on? C’mon!
That’s the beauty of ensemble casts, same as how ER lasted like 14 seasons. They can just swap out characters and it’s perfectly normal, especially in this fast-paced freelancer-heavy gig economy.
Perfect timing. I just saw this on reddit (I know). Wife material:
“Choke on this, Grampa!”
-Brandi Heimlich, grand-daughter of Henry, after finding out she’d been left out of the will
Obviously the life of the party. I question her amateur status, at the very least, she’s semi-pro.
The ears are a nice touch.
If that’s hard liquor, she’s gonna die.