[scans dessert menu] Oh my, look what we have here! That Creme Brulee looks wonderful. Oooooo, maybe I’ll go for the Baked Alaska-I’ve heard great things about it from my yoga instructor. [looks to bottom of menu] Hmmm. An unopened sugar packet on a cow’s tongue? Why would they even bother putting that on the menu? Are they just trying to fill space? Speaking of… TO THE GAMES!
Hou/LAR: The “How Can You Not Cheer For Them?”* Rams have scored an average of 36 ppg in their last four victories. Did I follow my own advice that I shared with you folks a few weeks ago and stash Goff at the bottom of my roster for safekeeping? Sure I did-for about five days or so and then moved on to larger mistakes. I dislike being stupid. I highly recommend against it if you can help it. The Texans have barely scored more points than they’ve given up as is the way of many 3-5 teams. His Below-Average-ness, Tom Savage Garden is entrusted to get the team going just like he didn’t in the vast majority of all the other games he’s started.
*Abandoned St. Louisians excepted
Dal/Atl: The Cowboys have cobbled together three straight wins but now are without Zeke. This is good news for a reeling Falcons team that has lost four of its last five. Remember Tevin Coleman? OC Steve Sarkasian hasn’t. That rb that is particularly proficient at catching balls out of the backfield has been fed three passes in the last four games. This is gross misuse of talent along the lines of Marcus Allen under Al Davis. Still, given that the Dallas D gives up 4.4 yards per rush maybe the Foreman/Coleman duo should be given the ball 30+ times today. Of course a little pitch and catch between Ryan and Jones (if he’s healthy) should be thrown in there as well.
NYG/SF: Did I mention something about telling your loved ones how important they are to you? I did? Well, go ahead.
It’s all over except for my crying. Do what you do.
it’s 1st down.
wish you had that 5 yards back, eh?
STOMP STOMP CLAP!!!
/perfect result, bet still covered
I won my 2 team this morning. I live another day!
DERRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
Goddammit. Can one fucking team I want to lose actually lose today?
shouldn’t one keep one’s timeouts in case get ball back, Shitty Clippers?
Oh Great SHAN’KOR! I besheech thee!!
Cowboys secondary is improving.
Eli lobbing a ball to Engram is nothing more than a shot in the dark.
Fucking Matt Ryan throwing it everywhere again.
And yet can’t find Hooper.
Last time a Freeman got hit like that in Atlanta…..wait….I should stop
KICK IT FUCKERS!!
/really, should on 3rd down with sketchy snapper
And now my radio stream goes bye-bye. Screw you, internet!
this is the derpiest non-weather fixture I have ever seen
Hrm. Is there no strikethrough?
These taunting calls are really dumb. Welcome to the NFL.
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA, Jaguras taunting again
Rivers just nailed the Jag’s player with the ball.
Riversception
JAC-LAC game ends on a near pick-six. Appropriate.
Ah, the good ol’ FLOATCEPTION.
PLEASE kick it, Jaguras!!
Does anyone still watch The Orville?
I’ve never watched it in the first place. I feel slightly guilty about this, as I know someone who is one of the main characters.
Have they watched anything you’re in? Call it even.
Huzzah, Jaguras punt, should get mah +4 cover now
I like this leave Dez uncovered approach.
Novel, with no Zeke but you know, ATL rolls dat way
“I don’t know anything about American football but I do know that Ben McAdoo has lived his life like a gigantic shithole upwind. ”
-Elton John
Which song lyrics are these?
To recap – Shitty Clippers intercept Jaguras twice inside of 2:00, still give up tying FG.
STOMP STOMP CLAP
It’s like the end of Rocky II but much less entertaining.
Bolts From The Blue
@BFTB_Chargers
Please send liquor.
*Opening kickoff goes out of bounds*
So yeah, this is gonna suck.
“The bill has finally come due.”
Thanks Joe. It’s important to not discuss the issue of Zeke’s innocence/guilt or even WHAT the bill is for. Just the suspension, as if it is some unavoidable random event in the NFL season.
Good job Jags. that kickers is getting a extra bag of meth this Monday.
The girl on the Ferris wheel during in the break intro in HOU-LAR is so gonna break up with her boyfriend.
Let’s see how much SF/NYG I can watch. Lucky for me I get to leave in the middle since I have a wedding to play!
Don’t tear your ACL out there. Stay safe.
Dak is all you need.
Not that they can’t, but I like that Panda Expess shows an asian family having dinner at home with some Panda Express peking pork.
I appreciate the new plans and everything, Southwest, but loud planes were never my complaint. What did you do about leg room?
They’re doing away with it. More room for more seats.
Wait — is Brett Hundley in Green Bay black?
Mixed I believe.
Extra smokey cheddar.
Come on Jags.
Those three plays where nothing happened was totally worth the time…
I like your comment because it could be true of almost every game this season.
Oh, i get to watch the Cincy shit the bed, LIVE!
Folks.
I like that the Spanos project literally handed this game to the Jags on a silver platter, but of course Blake Bortles has to drop the platter and simultaneously shit himself at the same time.
Oh they’re letting me watch the end of CIN/TITS!
Are the Vikings NFC title Contenders?
Haha, fuck no.
Winnipeg v Edmonton will be better than SF/NYG
Worst onside kick of all time
Is that kid in a neck brace? His head looks like three sizes too big.
Only two-three games every afternoon. Nice scheduling, NFL.
I also had only one in the AM (WAS/MIN) b/c ARI color rushed on Thursday.
Oh shit. Zeke’s suspension stuck this week? Fuck yes. Rack ’em, Falcons.