Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 10, 2017

CJ Cregg broke the glass ceiling this week!  Plus other things!!  Read on…

From the very first hour, there was intrigue.  One saw #ThePauls race out to a 10-point lead, lose it, then go back up 7 in the 2nd half.  Alas and anon, Detroit put baby in the corner at the end, even covering late for the final 38-24 margin.  Maybe next week.  Maybe not.

Similarly, the Humps had things in hand most of the way against the Yinzers, but gakked it up late.  It didn’t help matters that Black HODOR! seemed a little Trent Green’d for most of the 4th quarter, nor to have Jack Doyle gift wrap a TD via butterfingers-induced pickerception.  Anyway, Pittsburgh kicked a FG as time expired to win 20-17.  If you started Donte Moncrief in fantasy, congratulations, liar.

Even week Jaguras were bad, as the Gypsy Woman foretold.  But the Shitty Clippers were in town, and this was the most mutually derpy game one would ever see.  Especially for one not involving #ThePauls.  Somehow, LA managed to intercept BORT twice in the last 2:00, yet still give up the game-tying FG.  In said last 2:00 plus OT, JAX managed to commit two crippling taunting penalties, especially dumb in light of being on their third string long snapper.  But they made the game winner in added time after a Laserface pick anyway, robbing the world of a deserved draw.

Just when you think the Rodgers-less Packers are so shitty they can’t beat anyone, they go on the road and make several decent passing plays to take down the Bears.  In wintry mix weather conditions.  There’s no rational ‘splanation, it just happened.  Truth Biscuit remains…out there.  Notably, John Fox challenged a play looking to get a TD (on another idiotic pylon stretch, will spare you my full rant on the topic) and ended up getting a touchback for GB instead of the ball inside the 1.  Doh.

Vikes/Redacteds was kind of bananas, with Case Keenum perfect through 3 quarters, then a goddamned moron in the 4th.  Captain Dingleberry almost worked his team back into it, but wound up just short, 38-30.  Adam Thielen is really good, y’all.  Not just “white guy” good.

Bucs/Jets was absolute garbage.  I am sorry for those of you that had to watch it.  Two old QBs who looked it today.  15-10, team MRSA.

Sorry for doubting your ability to play outside in chilly, windy conditions, N’Awlins.  Christ and Sonny Jeebus, these guys have got they merde together.  47-10?  In Buffalo?  And that included a 47-zip run, between an opening Hauschka FG and a very late pityDOWN.  Absolute domination in the middle, just shy of 300 yards on the ground.  Rushing and defensing, that makes you think Saints FOOTBAW, eh?

Los Titanicos have this annoying habit of controlling games, but letting their opponent just hang around.  Today it almost bit them, in the form of a long AJ Green TD that gave the Bengals a 20-17 Q4 lead.  Defensive holding extended the ensuing drive long enough for Mariota to find DeMarco Murray for his 3rd TD to win it, as Marvin Lewis’ agonizing limbo continues.  Redshirt polishes rifle grimly

Back to CJ Cregg.  With new “it girl” Janene Garaffolo nipping at her heels, she kept her head high and eyes on the prize.  288 passing yards and 3 combined scores later, and the Fightin’ Tomsulas aren’t going into the bye winless after all.  Los Gigantes…yeesh.

Also shameful – the Cowboys OL.  They weren’t at full health, but my God, this was the fucking Falcons, not the 1970s Purple People Eaters here.  Something called Adrian Clayborn (I had to look up the spelling twice) had 6 sacks all by hisself for a multi-way tie for 2nd all-time in NFL history.  Go sit in a corner for awhile and think about what you did.  Jason Garrett, too, for leaving DAK! in to take a beating long after the 27-7 result was settled.

Savage Garden performed as well against a Wade Phillips defense as you would expect.  This game film – for a franchise that was blossoming under Deshaun Watson – should be Exhibit A for the Colin Kaepernick collusion case.  It was just fucking ridiculous.  Only 9-7 at the half, but Baby Buster got loose in the 2nd and 33-7 was your final.  That dude is gonna get MVP votes, and deservedly so.  The Goff/Wentz showdown will happen, and be fairly fucking fantastic (I hope).

Nightcap is my Donks hosting the Cheatriots.  SIGH.  I have been guilty of kicking mahself in the teeeeeeth.  Ah will speak no more of mah feelings beneeeeeath….