We had our first significant snowfall last night/into the morning and let me tell you, I don’t miss that stuff at all. Services in my community and along the highway snowplow-wise are dying The Death of a Thousand Cuts. What this seems to mean out this way is that only the main roads are taken care of so it’s a bit of a struggle to get to them. Since I’ve never ended up in a ditch I still giggle when I happen to pass by some unfortunate putz that wasn’t driving according to the conditions. [thinks of a painfully godawful segue] You know who else isn’t driving very well lately? The Dallas Offense! HAH! Let’s go…TO THE GAME!
Dallas/Washington: This NFC East Battle Royale for second place way, way behind the Eagles is sponsored by the good folks of Montreal because it’s Just For Laughs. The winner gets the 6-6 tiara and the brief hope that they be relevant in the wild card race for another week. After Zeke took a league-mandated break the Cowboys run game has fallen apart. I mean that Alfred Morris is so bad… [looks at his yards per carry average of 5.8] Ah…so bad that they only give him 12 touches a game! Yeah, that’s it. Sure does seem that the thinking of OC Linehan changed and he said, “It’s your team, Canned Ham, let’s see what you can do!”. What the DAK!-ster has responded with is 5 picks in the last two games. If I’m not mistaken, he threw 4 all last year-so perhaps he’s a not-ready-for-prime-time player. As mentioned in this very space before, the Dacteds are suffering from a wee injury apocalypse. Captain Kirk Cousins is one of only three fellas on O that has started every game and is surprisingly (to me) second in the league in passing yards. So you fantasy dudes might want to start a certain Crowder kid at the wr spot if y’all have him. He’s given 100+ yards of O for the last 4 in a row. And double down on Sammy Perine, will you?
That was my time-now it’s yours.
Tweets like this one really remind me of how much I miss KSK.
https://twitter.com/xmasape/status/936417128315531264
13 quarters later, Dak rejoins the race to be the second best QB in the division
Witten actually scored me a TD? Well, lord be!
Old Man Witten
/rolls Geico’s Jason Witten commercial
What happened to the Maddenview? That lasted what? A week?
This game is so bad I may not even buy WiFi on the flight.
Buy it to make dick jokes with us?
Dallas is making football plays??
Oh look. The Senate tax bill got delayed. Imminent doom has been put off for another few days.
Anything we can gets.
I can’t wait until Obama is blamed for this.
There we go! FEED FRED
FG range? MAYBE??
Block.
it’s not -1 unless it’s under 40, FUCK IT
Should eSports be in the Olympics?
It’d be more interesting to watch than this shitshow.
Fuck no
I agree with the esteemed Doktor.
Good point. Counterpoint dressage and sailing
Both of those require significant levels of fitness and coordination to do at Olympic levels.
Why don’t we bring painting back?
Also, would they have it in the summer or winter?
Winter. it needs the viewers
Wait, we’d be watching people play video games? Why not help out the french and make fucking an Olympic sport, too?
Brazil – Gold
why the tittyfuck did I start Alfred Morris??
/looks at bench “oh, that’s why”
Oh hey, Welcome to the club
godfuckingdamnit, I used to be 9-1!!
“Showoff”
-Andy Reid
This has all the makings of that MNF Dallas-Washington “Worst Game Ever” from 2001
Might go down to casino at halftime and bet the second half. No matter what the line is, I want to win it on a zero zero tie.
Now that we’ve seen Washington herp, It’s time for Dallas to derp!
You see that pass, and snicker at someone giving Captain Dingleberry $25M/year.
/thanks God and Sonny Jeebus Donks don’t have the salcap room
THIS GAME I CALL AN ALABAMA NURSING HOME; THERE’S DEMENTIA, IMPOTENCE AND COUSINS RUNNING AROUND TRYING NOT TO GET FUCKED!
Hey! We’re back out of quantum measurements!
IT’S NOT A FIRST DOWN UNTIL THE REF OBSERVES IT
Most Under-Rated Cheese-
Monterey Jack. [puts up dukes] Come At Me!
I have in the past confessed my love for American cheese. I never said i was proud of this.
American has its uses.
– China
White American from a deli is the only acceptable grill burger cheese. Fucking fight me.
Would White American be the most over privileged of cheeses?
That’s why it’s so fatty and salty and delicious
OJ’s favorite is extra sharp cheddar.
you weirdoes eating cheese. BARF
Provolone. No one denies this.
Velveeta.
this is so dumb
I CALL THIS GAME THE BATTLE OF FORT DEARBORN, NO TEAM REALLY WINS
So we watched The Big Sick last week. It gets the Matt Ryan “pretty good” seal of approval.
Classic case here for just moving the yards to gain instead of the ball
Best picsharing site…not tinypic. Go!
I like photobucket, but I still have no idea how to post pictures here.
Okay, now what’s half the distance of a mosquito pube?
Ion?
Charlemango dick
Instead of a safety, I want to see an Interception in the Endzone for an Instant TD. Nothing like a 0 yard TD return.
What’s half the distance of a grass blade?
mosquito pube
Safety please.
Canada shall dance, and America sings?
JEEBUS, can’t even get 5 goddamned yards so my dude can have a FG
Just a reminder, both of these teams played Thanksgiving, and thus are NOT on short weeks. SO WHAT’S THE GODDAMN EXCUSE FOR THIS POOPY?!
Tradition.
So since Mannings are not long for this world…do we move onto Jay Gruden Face?
I think Manningface is everlasting.
Honestly, considering that stupid mug of his, we should have been doing Jay Gruden Face a long time ago.
Oh Kurt. SHUT THE FUCK UP WEBSITE. I KNEW I SAID THAT BEFORE. I”M SAYING THAT SHIT AGAIN.
This is a fucking classic in the making.
(FOAR safety post)
And Mexico?
(shakes maracas)
Goddamn it Jamison
This game
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1BMGybmieZM
Just in time for some classic Chubby Gruden face.
So I just turned the game on and the first thing I saw was a punt followed by a fumble. Thursday Night Football at its most stereotypical.
True, but as color rush uniforms go, these are good. I’m digging the all burgundy.
I’m calling a tribute to Velvet Jones. Silky Gerrard’s leading influence.
This match is graphic evidence of why the Iggles are 10-1.
/also Philly is prettay…prettay…good
/sound of increasingly loud footsteps moving toward which flies open
LOL COUSINS
I’ve actually had some real, honest to goodness work for the last 14 minutes. How is this game still 0-0?
Cousins getting intercepted is an ominous sign for the upcoming Alabama special election
Jay Gruden looks like W. reading “My Pet Goat”.
This is how the whole game is gonna be, isn’t it….this is just classic NFC East shit
whoop whoop
GO GENO SMITH
nice. now just run the ball.
Oh Kurt
Whoa-that’s not on Kurt at all.
Sure, it is. It’s not the QB’s job to throw AND catch the ball.
Gisele would agree.
Hippo’s coin was RIGHT not to start Captain Dingleberry!
Can the Viks afford Cousins? That could be a good match.
Bridgewater, no?
IIRC, everybody is out of contract
So, which team is gonna pick up Kaep and Eli in the offseason, make them compete for the starting spot, then cut both of them during training camp in favor of some rookie that burns out?
Fremantle?
Denver.
This game is going to have a Bajillion punts and penalties won’t it?