We had our first significant snowfall last night/into the morning and let me tell you, I don’t miss that stuff at all. Services in my community and along the highway snowplow-wise are dying The Death of a Thousand Cuts. What this seems to mean out this way is that only the main roads are taken care of so it’s a bit of a struggle to get to them. Since I’ve never ended up in a ditch I still giggle when I happen to pass by some unfortunate putz that wasn’t driving according to the conditions. [thinks of a painfully godawful segue] You know who else isn’t driving very well lately? The Dallas Offense! HAH! Let’s go…TO THE GAME!
Dallas/Washington: This NFC East Battle Royale for second place way, way behind the Eagles is sponsored by the good folks of Montreal because it’s Just For Laughs. The winner gets the 6-6 tiara and the brief hope that they be relevant in the wild card race for another week. After Zeke took a league-mandated break the Cowboys run game has fallen apart. I mean that Alfred Morris is so bad… [looks at his yards per carry average of 5.8] Ah…so bad that they only give him 12 touches a game! Yeah, that’s it. Sure does seem that the thinking of OC Linehan changed and he said, “It’s your team, Canned Ham, let’s see what you can do!”. What the DAK!-ster has responded with is 5 picks in the last two games. If I’m not mistaken, he threw 4 all last year-so perhaps he’s a not-ready-for-prime-time player. As mentioned in this very space before, the Dacteds are suffering from a wee injury apocalypse. Captain Kirk Cousins is one of only three fellas on O that has started every game and is surprisingly (to me) second in the league in passing yards. So you fantasy dudes might want to start a certain Crowder kid at the wr spot if y’all have him. He’s given 100+ yards of O for the last 4 in a row. And double down on Sammy Perine, will you?
That was my time-now it’s yours.
Hippodown!
WOO!!!! Chance at a bye, door is at least ajar!!
HIPPO! UP TOP!
Dez scored so I’m happy. Hopefully a hooker bites off Jerrah’s cock to make it an evening truly worth celebrating
But what about the poor hooker’s horrible, lingering death from some disease only known in Thailand?
Meh
better be Morris, you fuckers
Now give it to Fred!
Pluot chocolate chip cookies are pretty good
Pluots are the only mixed thing most NFL owners can stand.
Collinsworth makes a valid point as it is rarely a good decision to throw the ball to Williams
It’s also rarely a good decision to bring a purse back to a Simpson
“Is this your glove?”
I’m just glad Josh Rosen isn’t in the Heisman running because it keeps one of favorite jokes alive that Fred Goldman was the last Jew to win one.
Serena?
Ted. He can’t catch.
As he is just a head you see.
Let’s stop by for a cold one?
All right now that New York Review of Books is over,
I haven’t seen a Gruden take a pounding like that on a Thursday night since Jon dropped acid backstage at a Blake Shelton concert.
This is maybe what you do when your QB’s throwing hand is swole up like a beach ball.
Maybe the slurs should load up the box.
Keep giving it to Fredo
As long as Mama’s still alive.
Owners going into the Hall of Fame is so stupid to me.
They are already getting millions, if not billions out of cities, fan bases, and their employees. Why do they need yet another fucking accolade?
To make themselves feel better for generally being an asshole their whole life.
Because theirs no WHITE ppl appreciation month
Alrighty. Fine. Dok! I ask thee three! Lemmy, Peter Steele, Till Lindemann? So…?
What am I answering about them?
I thinks you know.
Is this a Marry, Fuck , Kill thing?
Sweet Jesus fuck. Yes mein doktor. West coast makes you dumb.
I’ve usually had more to drink when playing this. Okay…Marry Lemmy cause he’s English and we could have one of those heavy drinking marriages where we bicker in cute accents, kill Till cause it rhymes and Rammstein is kinda annoying anyway, fuck Peter Steele cause it sounds like a porn name anyway and from what I’ve heard he’s sorta like a later day Darby Crash which would be fun, but a horrible idea for commitment
Done being coy?
My wife just made Rice Krispy treats. Anyone want me to shove some through the computer? I know some of you are high.
You can totally transmit that via basic TCP/IP right?
No idea what that means, but yeah, sure, what the hell.
Sorry, your rice crispy treats have been owned, along with your bitcoin, and your tax refund
SSL just to be safe
I’ll have 8.
Yes. All of them. Just got some oil in the mail, those will work perfectly.
Ever had them with a little peanut butter mixed in? Ethereal.
Let’s get Morris some garbage time lovin’ now, guys!
Me trying to give a fantasy gods recap of last week, see that score
https://imgur.com/3X0KnbH
This was such a great show.
And just like that, inspiration strikes
I decided to go to Amazon and buy the complete collection. That is going to be some great binge watching.
What’s up, Doc(tson)?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1f9IgOjZjn4
All I wanted was a td, and I got it. Job well done Doc
A GREAT LEAPER!
Buch Dich…
Dallas’s secondary is more of a thirdendary.
The longest reception of Jason Witten’s career is 69 yards.
All together now…NICE!
/is 12
Yelling at the bench? Apparently there’s a fine line between passion and being a homeless schitzophrenic
fucker couldn’t drop that, take the PI, let Morris have the TD against his old team?
/no selfish angle
Good job Dez.
X
https://youtube.com/watch?v=J06yQb4lbPk
I’d make mistakes with her…fact is I’d make sure she made it home.
The man in me is a fan of big, heaving bosoms, but the human in me genuinely looks at those women and thinks “God, those have to be horrible to deal with on a daily basis.”
How does she not fall flat on her, uh, face, every five feet?
We need a Boob Haver to chime in.
Because she’s pretty clearly photoshopped?
Why U No Say sometimes we boys no better? Once maybe?
Oww. 🙁
Miss Missy, I’ll clean up after you happily, just pretend to care.
Some gud coverage, redacteds
Speaking of Cowboys receiver types with declining production, here’s Dez Bryant for 24 yards!
This comment didn’t age well.
Yeah…..about that…
I’m gone for an hour on a Chick-Fil-A run and come back to 205 new messages. 😐
Slurs continue to be useless.
Water is wet, sky is blue…
I wake up hungover the morning after a Cowboy’s game…
At least you didn’t say at home.
I find them very useful when playing CoD or tweeting.
Slurs taught me to mute voice chat at all times
So I want to find some high heels that are in a men’s size 14. It’ll look really weird as I stumble along at 6’7″ or so, but I think it’ll do wonders for making my calves look sexy.
Dont forget jacking up you ass too.
Oh that’s even better. I already have more ass than the typical pasty Caucasian so I’m excited about the possibilities.
Honey, you live not that far from where you can find men’s 14 heels.
There’s something wrong with National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation being shown on a family-ish channel
It looks like DAK! went with Pooh Bear on a honey run, don’t it?
Honey run? Did Sanchez teach em that?
I think I’m going to sleep before I get even weirder than I already am.
No stay! Make it weird
Ok.
The footballing quality has regressed.
First half was pretty stellar, has declined significantly.
frighteningly so, and it was always an NFC East fixture
Where the hell is Doctson???
Playing cards with Terelle Pryor in the locker room?
he’s only going to drop a sure pass.
Last thoughts about the Kelly Carlin book:
It is an enlightening book about her life with George and her mother, but not in the ways I think she anticipated. I knew George had his addictions and troubles in passing, but seeing the extent of them was pretty jarring considering Kelly’s upbringing is a large part of why she is who she is for better and mostly worse. There were times where I no doubt would have stopped reading if this was any other author, because her life in isolation is just not that interesting outside of her famous father. However, I also was rooting for her to see some moment of clarity and forge her own way in life, but it just never comes.
It’s one of those books for me, where I now know too much. It didn’t ruin George Carlin for me, I still will watch old Carlin stuff if it is on, but I can’t look at him the same after reading this.
It was just a brutal read all around.
So…… TOUCHDOWN SEAHAWKS!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mCZK8yq6NaE
Serious query – why is Witten still in the League?
This has to be his last year. He seems like a genuinely nice guy; I hope he walks away before they have to carry him away.
It seems as if he has genuine trouble moving and/or bending his limbs. And he doesn’t block, never really has.
Tight ends that are not great blockers? GET THE FUCK OUT!
Um, he’s regarded as one of the best blockers in the league.
For tight ends, of course.
moar like best cock blocker smgdfh
The only problem I’ve had with Witten is that he never played basketball in college.
BUT; he BOXES OUT THE DEFENDER!!
I’m guessing Lacrosse.
I was giving Hippo some shit; he was a fine blocker and still is pretty good, but the years wear. He is not a road grader “extra tackle” like some…… those guys are not good receivers at so…..
I was just looking up his stats this year. 51 receptions, 4 TDs so far this year. That’s not terrible through 12 games but it’s nowhere near what he used to put up.
And I think Hippo’s right about his movement on the field this year; it’s just not what it was.
I loved watching the guy play but I really would like to see him hang it up very, very soon.
The other thing that really shows is speed and suddeness isn’t what it used to be. Big surprise in one of the worst sports for your body that people actually wear down a bit.
Just looked up his stats. He’s missed one (1!) game since joining the league in 2003. That is insane. 234 games during that time.
One game?!?!? WHAT a pussy!!
my best memories of him were always his precision – he always got open because he was always EXACTLY where he was supposed to be, and could find the smallest of creases and make a play.
Remarkable player when at his best.
Well, that is true; but they say his penis is only of average length and width.
I can only imagine how much pain he wakes up with on a typical Monday morning. I’m way to much of a wimp to deal with that.
Have you ever read North Dallas Forty?
Or watched it. That scene when Nolte is getting up and the girl, (I forget the actress), is watching him crack his entire body to get moving? Hurts to watch that.
The descriptions a very well done in the book in spite of him being a wide receiver…
I’ve always regarded him as primarily a route runner (he was the very best at that in his heyday) whose skills have diminished markedly, as shown in his YPT.
Well, he has been a very good blocker in spite of your expert regarding.
I am wrong a lot, as I always admit. Always possible selling his blocking short.
Let’s go to the tape. Most people say Shannon Sharpe was a terrible blocker; BUUUUULLSHIT. He was no road-grader, but the effort was stupendous and he played on teams that had the most dominating rushing attack in the league and he was a three down guy. No one watches blocking anyway.
Not so serious query – does it bother anyone else the numbers on his jersey in that Geico commercial are really far apart? They look like they belong on a grade school shared gym class jersey.
to menace the Giants
true, he is a TE that breathes
Because he is still a very good tight end.
He’s oddly still very productive relative to tight ends. He’s tied for 10th in the league in TE yards with Kyle Rudolph.
let Fred carry teh mail
Smoot? He has the sex toy bag?
Lexus, a fancy Toyota that basically looks the same as a Camry
Is there such a thing as an emergency O-lineman?
I would 100% hire the Kool-Aid Man to play tackle
Wouldnt he be better on D?
I bet he would be awesome at run blocking
run stuffing DL, methinks Sharkbait has sommet here
Too busy eating ribs in KC right now.
Or coach the Chiefs.
Donks had to put in the blocking TE at RT one game last year or the year before.
There was when Jared Lorenzen was still around
The emergency O-line starts outside Rex’s bedroom door.
It’s Perine, not Peerine
That must be why they didn’t go with the yellow color rush jerseys
For fucks sake, just put in Cooper.
It’s absolutely true that Jerry Jones has a Matt Lauer remote door locking button in every room of every building he spends times in.
Oh that’s the least of it. If he doesn’t have several trap doors in various locations of the stadium I’d be stunned.
Are they seriously bringing back the Caveman thing?
If so, can we get a second season of the Caveman show (it was criminally underrated)…