Unless you’re in a lesser league that actually has a championship in week 17 when playoff-bound teams are resting their stars or getting them off the field as quickly as possible, your fantasy dream of winning a non-existent-in-real-life trophy begins for serious today. I’m not under much pressure in one money league, having finished 9th and all but in t’udder one I’m up against the #2 seed who takes this stuff far too seriously. I’ve pondered it for a bit now and I’m going to do it-I’M STARTING WORLD ACCORDING TO GARPOLLO OVER CAM! I figure that either way I’ll have a tale to tell to whatever disinterested sap I corner at the next family get-together. Kidding! Why would I talk about that crap IRL? TO THE GAMES!
Ind/Buf: The Bills rushing O is ranked 8th and rb McCoy should have no problem getting going against a Colts team that gave up the ghost well before Halloween. Qb Peterman is back to distribute the ball equally between both teams.
Chi/Cin: This one looks like a keeper. This tilt is between the two worst offenses yards per game-wise in the whole of the league. Maybe TruthBiscuit will pass more than 12 times!
GB/Cle: The Pack can say they’re in the playoff hunt at 6-6 with the Cowboys and the Lions despite the fact that Seattle and Carolina are 8-4 and Atlanta sits at 7-5. I guess YA GOTTA BRIE-LIEF! The Brownskis are running out of chances to insert a 1 into the W column.
Oak/KC: Flag-heaving cb Peters is out for this battle of the .500’s. Wr Cooper is still out as well but Crabtree is back and should be matched against not-quite-in-game-shape-just-yet cb Revis. Can qb Carr get his first win at Arrowhead?
Dal/NYG: Eli is back in the saddle again-can he be the next Rocking Horse Winner? D.H. Lawrence says the odds are slim. But who knows, maybe the Giants players have a little “Fuck You, McAdoo!” tucked away in their arsenal.
Det/TB: The Leos have frittered away a comfy 6-4 record by losing their last two. Qb Stafford’s hand was not able to dodge a Ravens’ cleat last week but Fatty has been avoiding questions about his damaged appendage all week long. Apparently he practiced on Friday so the Jake Rudock Era will just have to wait for at least another 7 days.
Min/Car: The Keenum/Thielin combo has been quite the revelation this year and rb Murray is starting to reap the benefits-he’s tallied over 75 yards rushing over his last 3 outings. The Panthers have won 4 of 5 but the sked (Saints last week, Minny today) is doing them no favours whatsoever.
SF/Hou: 2-10 vs. 4-8? No thank you! (Go Jimmy, Go!)
Tap away Gents/Ladies.
Hello bucket of Narragansett. Breakfast of champions.
LOL, Manure
The lousy actress in this lousy Xmas movie has the tightest butt since ever.
Butt Oscar.
You’ll never have any credibility for claims like this unless you post your source.
It’s called Christmas at Cartwright’s. Bonus: She’s a redhead.
/that was an inexcusable oversight on my part
Alicia Witt? Oh, I’m familiar with her oeuvre.
I don’t know anything about her except that she can’t do comedy.
She was great in Justified.
Meredith Baxter-Birney? Fran Drescher? OOH JEAN STAPLETON! No, MINDY COHN!!!
As much as I hate Fran Drescher, seeing her in The Hollywood Knights was revelatory. Of course, it was also made 3 years before I was born, so not as nice as it could have been.
“JPP has injured his hand in a different way” as though he’s lighting fireworks in the locker room and we weren’t sure
What the fuck straight red buffalo is some high school football bullshit
Did the Star Wars ad just tell us to not post Star Wars spoilers? But how else will everyone know that Rosebud is Luke’s father?
I think the tie ins for this movie are a bit ridiculous this time around
I love that I have to leave a detailed note out by the power meter explaining to the meter reader how to do his job.
Lovely Rita was hired for her looks, not her brains.
Love these 1 game time slots. Time for Carolina to do me a solid all these years later.
Man, it’s pathetic how low my tolerance is these days. Last night I finished off the last bits of a bottle of scotch and from the way I’m feeling this morning you’d think the bottle had started off full.
Relativity is important
Watching Star Wars III. Dear God, did it suck.
Whales save the earth? Oh and Humpbacks too!
Humpback? People?
If Star Trek IV was right, the whales would’ve said, “Kill them! Kill them all! They deserve it!”
Only if Bill and Ted can make it to the gym in time.
Why would you do that to yourself?
again, they will only stop making wet bags of shit if the fanbase STOPS WATCHING
VII was better than I though (though it was a reinterpretation of IV), and early reviews has VIII as good as V
But then they couldn’t bitch on the interwebs.
I’m preparing myself for the Bengals game?
There was extactly one thing worth watching the prequels for: The Darth Maul fight which is maybe the best fight of the entire saga, and Darth Maul really was the Boba Fett of the prequels given how little time he was actuallyaround vs. how bad ass he was. The Yoda fights haven’t aged as well, and the Grievous thing was massively disappointing given how badass he was in the Clone Wars cartoons.
All the same, my ass will be there watching it on a crazy large screen in 3D on opening night, being equal parts amazed by the visuals and angry that I’m not watching the Timothy Zahn trilogy. RIP Extended Universe.
Posting up at the giants bar. There’s guy here with a bag on his head.
Could just be ugly.
“I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!!”
All plans for this morning were cancelled due to the power being out from 0730-1030. No power, might as well stay in bed. So, just enough time to make breakfast, get caught up here, and make an “well, it’s past noon in the Eastern time zone” cocktail.
You wait till noon?
Only when I oversleep.
Oh yea! Halftime is over in the Man City Man U match! Lets go!!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
……..yea I have no idea who to root for….
LOOGIT ALL DEM TOTES FERREAL RRRRRRRAAAAAAAMMMMMMIT FANS ON TEH FOX! NOT AN ACTOR IN THE BUNCH! no Sir, all legit fans.
/shitty actors too. Couldn’t even fake read a football question.
Another harassment revelation.
so Cooper is active. swap him for DeSean jackson?
Ahhhh forgot that the Man city Man U match is on…..
Well fuck, looks like we have a game now.
i got a BAD feeling about today’s Cowboy game.
[unzips pants]
“Tell me more.”
-Me
Dear United fans, please suck on that.
Runaway 1st becomes even more runaway. Though not like anybody else is challenging for 2nd…
Who did City draw against?
EVERTON believe it or not. At home, even.
/City had 10 men for the last 60 minutes of the match, tho (and still equalized)
Morning Folks.
Morning!
Have a drink!
http://www.newsweek.com/august-ames-death-porn-star-740979
Whatever happened to “My Body, My Choice!”?
Warning, don’t look at the tweets resulting in her taking her life. Unless you want to lose your faith in humanity.
I belive porn actors aren’t the mentally healthiest people.
Yup. From what I read about her childhood, part of me hope at the last split second, the Holy Spirit gave her a chance for an absolution so she could enter Heaven because she’s suffered enough.
(and yes, I know she killed herself, but as a Christian, I’m taught that Jesus Christ died for all of our sins. We don’t know what happens at the last second, but I know in my heart He wouldn’t turn down a hurting soul in need and I don’t know a soul in more need that that.)
I agree that God, being absolutely just and merciful, takes our circumstances into account and only “judges” anyone once they see truth “perfectly” with earthly prejudices and unknowables stripped aside.
Let God be God and do all the judging, we are just to extend love and compassion.
Revolting. People are the worst. Porn actresses are human beings and independent professionals – not pieces of meat.
What faith?
You make a valid point.
We watch the nfl…abandoning faith is price of admission.
I have faith that humanity will do what it always has, except with more technology.
Tech and efficiency.
Yes, good point; we are shitting our bed with much greater efficiency.
Peterman starting for the Bills in the snow? Just a guess, he will not throw the ball. Ever.
Non-stop direct snaps to RBs and WRs in motion?
“You can’t spell Fun without Funchess.”
Uh…
finally some snow in Manchester, but the match itself is liquid shite
Is that the siren sound of the lock on the Beer Store door un-clicking? I believe it is!
“Oh, baby!”
http://www.adultswim.com/videos/streams/pregame-prognostifications-from-the-pigskin-wyzzard/
I missed this guy….
DELIGHTFUL
He has a half-decent solution to player safety that includes lawn mowers, tires, darts, and drone hats….
Steve SpagNOLIA!!
I guess I should probably get my ass dressed and moving towards the beer store.
But moving takes like, effort n junk.
*sigh*
Fiiiiiine.
Feeling good about having Iggles +2.5, line all the way to pick ’em now.
Other ACTION!
Minny -3 @ Ded Cam
Jest – 1.5 @ Ded Donks
SeaTruthers +3 @ Even Week Jaguras
Pcp makes one do weird shit.
I don’t think Hippo takes PCP, but his regular mix combined with gamboling could have a similar affect.
hey, I only have FOUR BETS this week, I think Hippo is gliding back softly to reality here!
whispers bet bet bet bet bet!
needz moar drugs then. do you have similar implements in your back yard?
NOPE, townhouse now. Que lastima. Can’t even piss off mah back porch like a real Son of the South no more.
DAMN IT.
Also, I do indeed not taking MOAR DRUGS at university, when nothing was really at stake. Never went beyond demon weed, and only did that when offered at parties. Only time I bought it was $6 off a redneck cousin my freshman year, to help out the dorm floor.
We smoked that out of a Coke can/tinfoil contraption.
The moral of the story is FUCK LIFE
We’ll just say I *experimented* and *partied* luckily without addiction; never did like the pharmaceutical stuff, except way back when I took a Quaaludes (methaqualone) a couple of times.
Now it is a little alcohol and weed.
I bet ludes would be pretty great
Seemed so at the time:
“In prescribed doses, Quaaludes promotes relaxation, sleepiness and sometimes a feeling of euphoria. It causes a drop in blood pressure and slows the pulse rate. These properties are the reason why it was initially thought to be a useful sedative and anxiolytic.”
Same as me my friend, minus the ludes, now it is demon weed and booze as well.
Weed now is a migraine trigger for me so tis pills and occasional light boozing. I can’t handle it in large doses anymore. Still enjoy a couple gins and tonic(s) when forced to do company functions. CLASSY.
IN A REAL GLASS GLASS.
*Snoopy glass from Arby’s.
My consumption desire/ ability/ tolerance is about a tenth or less of what it used to be.
holy shit, imagine if beer tasted this good back when we had the prior consumption triggers. We’d all likely be ded.
Also I’m thinking Texas or New Mexico.
No action for me today. Not yet at least.
I’m still too annoyed about Thursday.
Off to beer store now.
Is your Fleshlight in the washer?
In response to Hippos weather question, it would appear snow will be in the Cleved Land.
Yay snow game
no snow in Manc-land
Who got busted for coke?
Mark Davis? Irsay?
Oh, you meant weather type SNOW…… my bad.
Also; Mark Davis on coke? That strikes me as fucking hilarious.
I mean, ALL THE RETARD STRENGTH (no ofence)
*No fences were harming in the making of this comment.
Well it would explain his conception and long-term effects.
Good point; Al, I could see him doing rails up in his office. Not sure anything can splain da hair cut tho.
Donte Stallworth Jr?
Dear JSD,
Congrats on your team’s victory. Well done!
xo,
Shogun
/what’s that? Still 2 hours til kick? Eh…it no matter.
Noooooooo! My DFO side needs A.A. Ron to come back heroically next week!!
And I need the GB defense to not revert back to sucking.
You poor magnificent pill-ridden, high(ly) functioning drinking bastards…there is no dana, only zuul.
So she’s a dog. Makes sense being we’re in cleveland.
Other than letting Duke Johnson do whatever he wants, that is.
Ertz injured great, Kamara injured superb. WHO YA GOING TO INJURE FOR ME NEXT BLEERGH?!?!?!?!?
“Who ya got?” – Bleergh
Exactly. I’m keeping my mouth shut so as to not tempt that asshole.
(grumble grumble take out Kamara on the first series grumble grumble why i oughta….)
ALSO, I’m starting FULL NELSON over Sammy in the Iggles-RAMMIT tilt. I am an idiot.
Rooney gunna bang pensioner hookers tonite, chuh chuh bulleee dat
I’m really glad Ted Ginn netted me less than 3 points Thursday. That means I need Jordan Howard to actually be featured in a Bears offense that can move forward.
So, when I got home last night I learned that Hermana Weaselo spun out in the snow last night. Car may be totaled but she is fine.
Damn! Your family does NOT have good luck with cars!
Glad she’s ok.
So you’re saying she….weaseled her way out safely?
Wait, Is American Psycho a christmas movie?
Had a dream last night I was stuck between some boards, and a lion was trying to eat me. Does this augur well or poorly for the Lions D/ST today?
/I have no choice, as they are my only unit (hee hee, PHRASING) and waivers closed
When my hippo-meat snadwich chain is making billions and someone asks me how I came up with the idea, I’m going to lie and say it was all MINE.
Trump’s UN Ambassador: “We feel by taking away their biggest, most passionate bargaining chip, it will increase the chances of sending them to the table.”
Millions of years from now, an evolved whale is going to read this quote and laugh their dorsal fins off.
Snorky 2020?
https://youtu.be/ACzR_3JfBOM
really, just an evolutionary race as to who gets thumbs first – dolphins or cats
Is this after apes develop FTL travel and abandon us to the nuclear fires?
Any SNOW GLORIOUS SNOW reports for the early fixtures?
Not in Cincy; we had our first snowfall yesterday and our first “OH, MY GOD! WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!” of the season. Cincinnati Drivers driving in snow is a wondrous thing to witness.
Well it is snowin hahd at the Merseyside debry
NAWT ELIGIBLE, hope it’s doing same for the Mancs in an hour
FUCK FAT SAM and the (likely dying, this is only humane) horse he rode in on
Need to get some gifts for Lady LemonJello, but I’ve got no gott-damned idea what to get her.
More importantly, I need to get more beer.
get her EXTRA BEER. Boom, problem solved.
/yewww gonna finish that, honey?
Genius.
?itemid=8186120
Or better yet – get her a beer dispenser AND Extra beer 🙂 .. that or an automated beer brewing kit 😉
(Btw, you may want to ignore my advice, because I’m crazy enough to have given a Makita power tool set for the wife for her b-day XD )
Dude, how’d you draw with Saints? Things had been looking good until last weekend.
Because he is now affiliated with DFO
No idea, probably it’s karma for LOUDLY refusing to go X-mas shopping with mrs. bk109 yesterday XD
Btw, it may be the grim Gooner inside me, but it’s par for the course for ’em – give you a hint of living up to their potential before the annual holiday slump that gets them out of contention for anything.
Give her something nice in her favorite color. You know her favorite color, right?
Good. If she wears jewelry, I go with something in that color. That or a necklace with her birthstone.
So, would a Turnover Chain from Da U be acceptable?
dude, you’d be getting some legit tantric sex, chuh chuh
My move in those situations is to ask the girl what she wants. Buy that but also buy something else that you think she will like. That way the pressure is off and even if she doesn’t like the second gift, you’re covered with the first.
For those looking for last minute betting tips, just remember the Bengals live to screw over their fans. Nothing would be more painful than to win three in a row, go into Week 17 8-7, only having to win to make the plays, and then promptly lose to Baltimore 2-0.
you’re on quite the covering rush, tho
BET BET BET BET BET!!!!
Maybe TruthBiscuit will pass more than 12 times!
Hey, let’s no go saying crazy things we might not be able to take back! – John F., Chi****, IL
Indy-Buff sounds like a nudie film you can legit watch because it’s “artistic”.
Then you’re disappointed because with those two fan bases it’s closer to “autistic”