I hope that all of you did absolutely wonderfully in your various pursuits through the day. Did you win your game? I’m typing this before my outcome is apparent so I’ll just say that it was an incredible bone-headed/genius move on my part and you can pick the word that applies best. A number of you should have Ben/Brown/Bell in the mix either for your squadoo or against it so there’s more than one reason to take in this tilt. Who will win? Why? How? I have no idea, that’s not my job. Still, TO THE GAME!
Bal/Pit: Reports of Ryan Shazier’s health/recovery are guardedly optimistic at best in these early days but given the kind of shape he was in I’m betting that he comes out of this just fine. It’s just gonna take a while is all. The Steelers game last week was all kinds of rough and tough and maybe dirty and I see no let-up whatsoever tonight. The Ravens D can bring intensity and physicality as well and as often as any team in the league so Pittsburgh best be ready. Baltimore’s big problem lies in the fact that top cb Jimmy Carr tore his Achilles so Mr. Brown gets either Carr or rook Humphrey. I’m guessing the former will go for at least 120. (Jinx!) The other wideout of note on the team-Juju-won’t be engaging in the voodoo he do so Bryant might show out as well. Miracle Whip stockholder Joe Flacco doesn’t have any issues playing within the confines of Heinz Field-over his last 7 he’s 4-3 and has completed 64% of his passes. Given Shazier’s absence, I’m sure he’ll be looking to target his te (whoever that might be) a little more than usual.
It’s all yours…
Did the Bears sweep the AFC North? That’d be a very Bears thing to do.
THEY ARE WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE
Bears have thick coats for the cold weather
They will if they beat the Browns which means they will lose badly to the Browns.
Related: It’s possible the Bears finish with four wins and three of them will be over playoff teams.
I haven’t seen any Ravens games this year. I thought they were supposed to have a competent defense.
is there a chance?
Ooh, that call gonna play into the paranoid fantasies of Ravens fans quite nicely.
Between the Bears score and LeVeon Bell putting me over the top in the fantasy playoffs, I don’t know how I’m going to fly with this erection
Ask the cabin crew for one of the lap belt extenders?
Buckle around the base of the erection, it’s the most secure in event of a crash
Howdy, assholes.
You’ve never met me, but it’s like you’ve known me for years.
Welcome to the DFO lifestyle, rook.
Heeeeyyyyyy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pV7aM32Jur8
G’day
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RU8Wt4GfDeI
I need to stop wanting the Browns to go 0-16, because if I want it too much, it won’t happen.
The Bears will spite you for Christmas.
HOW ABout an Avocado with no seed????
http://www.bbc.com/news/business-42268516
At dinner last night they served us avocados with the skin intact, and meant to be eaten. Twas nice.
well, at least i can try to get my money back next week in FFL.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ceNfXrccbQ
topical!!
Better than Chevy ad:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pPD8Ja64mRU
This is not starting well for some fans, like me.
what are the chances of Bell scoring 60 FF points tonight? asking for a friend
I just need 15, man.
/not the right friend
There you go Spur.
Well, there’s a start.
approximately 12 down!
Goddamn, watching this on a small tv from a distance is almost as bad as watching live. No idea if in or not
Now you know how we feel.
How do you live like this!?
He should wax…
Get the ball to Bell!
Why aren’t Brazil nuts more hilarious?
The ingrown hairs
Don’t judge me
https://www.reddit.com/r/popping/
That is a fuck-ton of NOPE all in one place.
Is if Dec 22nd yet? I need that week off already.
It’s so close, I’m thinking I may just bullshit my way through the next two weeks to get to it
Ref tonight seems more confused than usual…
Dammit
I had corn totopos, avocado salsa and Christmas cookies for dinner. I am an adult.
had a salted caramel protein/fiber bar and glass of mango juice (physical on Friday)
/am too fat
//so much shame
Bobs Burgers 1 hour Musical Xmas Episode! See yinz later!
I saving that for when mah kid gets back from university
http://ew.com/tv/2017/12/08/bobs-burgers-creator-previews-sundays-hourlong-christmas-special/
At the airport trapped with the Flacco
Will Imodium help with that?
es posible that MNF just took every last sperm out of PIT and CIN
Also, can I just say, wtf shitty clippers?
I was going to say WTF Redacteds. Didn’t even put up a fight…
Didn’t see the game but I would probably agree. Talking more about their rise into wc consideration
GREAT bumper song from just now!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3yqgRyHkSU
I like it!!!
NBC Sports and I share taste in indie rock, that’s for sure.
That is really good.
This Randy Jackson commercial seems several years too late.
Okay, I didn’t forsee Wentz dying on the very eve of the eagles clinching the division, but it does feel very igglesy. It’s what we all knew would happen, just earlier and more poetic than I was expecting
LOL
While i’m waiting for the game to start i’m watching my roommate go crazy play battlefield 4
blowing up boats and stuff on an island map
no mention of the “Karma” comments from last week when the Steelers hurt someone?
Wentz is hurt, done for the year? It’s like he was drafted by the Browns after all…
So despite going against monster days from Demariyus, Case Fucking Keenum, Cooper Kupp, Todd Gurley, Jared Cook, Kareem Hunt, and Jamaal Williams, I am only 15 points down with LeVeon left to play.
He’s going to score 14 isn’t he?
“You see ole Nick was far too talented to stay in Philly so he had to head out and see the world so he plied his trade in St. Louis for RAMMIT and that did not go well. He then joined forces with the country’s foremost rib aficionado to Kansas City but that did not go well. but that too did not go as planned so he came back to Philly and will lead them to the promised land once the current starter gets killed because Jason Peters is out for the season!”
Was really expecting to be in higher spirits following the Eagles knocking off one of the best teams in the league
I’m guessing the whole Pyhrric victory factor is in play
Alright, I’m checking out. If I go through a whole night where NBC says how awesome the Steelers is, I’m liable to hurt someone.
Later.
Redshirt’s preferred pre-game flyby for tonight:
Attention: we have a Matt Asiata jersey sighting
Wake me when we get an Asia Carrera Jersey sighting.
Not sure I can get that deep
WE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN AT WAR WITH ASIATA
Oh! The second most deranged thing I read today was a guy from the UK insisting menstruation happens through the bladder and that tampons are useless because women just need to hold it.
I’m screaming. I really screaming.
All in all…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YR5ApYxkU-U
Wow i didnt realize this video was so violent
I should shove a tampon up his urethra. For science.
And then make him pass a watermelon the same way.
SCIENCE!
impact of Shazier’s absence? Yinzers will start a MLB who can walk, obvs
and there it is……
Wentz is done for the season.
shit, was hoping to be wrong there
Crap.
Has it been announced? It certainly looked that way.
Rotowire quotes Schechter saying Iggles “fear its an ACL” which one assumes meaning they did the 90% accurate “field test” and are just waiting to confirm in the morning
(Notices a dearth of hockey talk. This is a hockey game open thread idnt it?)
Coyotes playing well and scorelessly tied with Chicago? Not sure if that means the yotes are good or the hawks are finally stuck with a fork, done.
john fox looks like a fisherman who refuses to leave his boat even though the storm of the century is coming
HT Mina Kimes Twitter
It’s a good think there isn’t an elementary school within half a mile of the senate, Roy Moore will still be able to attend votes once he winds up on the sex offender register
There’s three elementary schools, possibly four
Here’s what Jerry Lewis would’ve looked like if he was about to be shot in the face:
Good evening, everyone.
I guess the author is just plain fed up with always having to cuff his carrot for sexual gratification.
Seriously, whoever hides Trump’s smart phone will get the Nobel Peace Prize.
This reminds me of theory that Trump is a volcel (has chosen to never fuck) because he thinks it’s gross.
I’m sure the women he’s screwed would agree with him about the gross part.
I feel sorry for the mothers of Trump’s children, because they had to have sex with him. Maybe.
It took me way too little time to figure out that meant voluntarily celibate and not something to do with voles, which are fine rodents and shouldn’t be maligned
I have a 27 year old nephew that thinks any kind of physical contact is gross; when he sees his mom kissing his dad he’s all “Ewwww!” But he’s got high spectrum Asperger’s and off-the-chart IQ, probably even a higher IQ than Trump.
Is his name Sheldon?
Should be. But he’s a molecular biologist not a physicist. Working on his PhD at UConn.
I would hope his aversion to physical contact doesn’t translate to a lack of compassion.
Complete opposite. He loves animals and also plans on curing cancer. I wouldn’t put it past him.
This is so hilariously delusional, I can’t make a joke about it.
This isn’t even half as deranged as the most deranged thing I read today: a very long rambling attack on a woman by a guy 100% believing that virgin–and only virgin–vaginas double the size of a man’s penis.
WTF?
You need to reevaluate your reading material…
I know.
They used to believe that having sex with a virgin cured syphilis so this is actually not that crazy. Also, less likely to spread a whole lotta syphilis
Honestly, as a woman you should pretend your vagina is a magic penis enlarger because believing in magic is fun.
Eh, in the short and temporary term it kinda does work that way. Maybe dude just has some weird erection issues?
Similar beliefs re AIDS were held in remote areas of the globe, which made pandemic control quite difficult
This man will never be elected to the senate, he’s overlooking the easy option of molesting little girls!
How are the various spinal and head injuries from Monday doing?
Shazier still hospitalized, but was helicoptered to home hospital. Had spinal stabilization surgery.
I heard he’s got some leg motion, but damn that was messed up. I wonder how Johnny Knox is doing?
Savage has the sense of taste again! working on the other 4.
Trent Green still can’t get too close to a microwave oven or he’ll piss himself and forget his name for half an hour.
Shazier is slowly making progress but it’ll be a long road.
Cincy has at least 10% of the team out with injuries from last week today.
Doesn’t draining a swamp take out all the water, but leave the scum behind?
Fuck the Steelers!
In fact fuck all the teams from Pennsylvania. Fuck the Eagles, 76ers, Steelers, Penn State, Pitt…..
Don’t forget the city of Breezewood. Forcing all I-70 traffic to enter your tourist trap! Its extortion!
Normally Crapbirds/KHAAAAAAAAAN!!!!…er….PITTSBURRRRRRRRRGH!!! would be an easy choice for rooting for the meteor, but knowing the Steelers they would hit the meteor in the northern polar axis, sending it spinning helplessly into the vast nothingness of space while saying they prefer the Extinction Level Events like Gamma Bursts because they are aren’t as violent as meteor strikes.
I asked last MNF. I ask again as it’s still AFC north:
Ejections O/U?
Unsprots frags O/U?
No, no these guys respect each other.
Roy Moore getting elected could be the start of a big tourism campaign for Alabama. “Think you have to go all the way to Thailand to molest children? Think again! Think Alabama!”
Gary Glitter really wishes he would’ve known this when he was a thing.
I thought Rush Limbaugh found that particular paradise down Caribbean way…
someone needs to chop block all the Seattle Defense players. When’s Cincy or Steelers playing them?
https://twitter.com/SamZComedy/status/940019222285045760
All Cincy good defense headhunters aren’t healthy. Steelers were quite thorough last week.
Well, not Nazair Jones. Because he wasn’t playing today.
I generally don’t root for the Ravens, but I will tonight.
I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
I’m rooting for a tie, only because both teams can’t lose.
I’m rooting for a polka dotted bow tie, cause I like dots