Your “Clash of the Titans (No, Not Those Titans)” Sunday Afternoon Football Open Thread

Oh my, we’ve got some jugger-naughty thrills and spills coming our way don’t we? I’m genuinely excited for what’s in front of us. Let’s take a not-so-deep dive (“NO RUNNING NEAR THE POOL!”) into the festivities… TO THE GAMES!

L.A. RAMS/SEATTLE:

De facto NFC West Championship Game? It sure feels/seems like it so let’s call it that. If the Rams take it they’ll be up two games with two left to go and the Titans and Niners remaining on their sked. On t’udder side, the Oceanbirds are staring at the Cowboys and Cards afterwards. As noted last week/week before, (it’s all a blur, folks) Seattle’s O relies on qb Wilson’s arm and legs for points to an out-sized extent-containing him in the pocket is a fool’s errand but one which the Rams edge rushers will attempt to do nonetheless. The Rammers also desperately need cb Tru Jackson to recover his form after committing two godawful penalties which contributed to the loss last week. Wr-wise Robert Woods is back in the fold after a wee absence-he racked up a weighty 162 yards the last time these two encountered one another.

Tennessee/San Fran:

This is the over-looked sibling sandwiched between two over-achieving brothers. However knowing how the NFL tends to work, this one will somehow be the most entertaining of the three at the 4 spot.

New England/Pittsburgh:

Here’s hoping this one is able to come somewhere near the parameters of the restraining order that is the hype surrounding this tilt. Does that make sense to you? It did in my thinker-spot. Aside from a 40-17 blowout of the Titans, 5 of the Steelers last 6 wins have come by margins of 5, 3, 3, 3 and 1. That’s bulimia-plagued supermodel skinny win margins, you all. Was it luck? Are they good enough to beat a Pats team coming off an embarrassing (to them) loss to the Fins? Let’s you and me and we see, oui?

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Doktor Zymm

Hey! That guy in the stands has the same Cthulu facemask I have!

King Hippo

Baby Buster, where the fuck you at?

“Right here, throwing for this first down!”

King Hippo

get Gurley 40 touches, dudes

Doktor Zymm

“I’m Russell WIlson. I’m just going to put this football down right here for a moment”

Gratliff

Seahawks AND Packers getting knocked out? Surely a festivus miracle.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

this is Russell Wilson’s fumble!

Doktor Zymm

Naw, they ain’t fighting, they hugging it out!

...

Fuck it. I’m drinking.

Doktor Zymm

I deem him PEG LEG ANTONIO

clint greasewood

Are the Seahawks going to wait until the end 4th quarter to start the cheap shots and late hits.

Doktor Zymm

The Seahawks have had a wild ride from shit, to winners, and basically back to shit

The Maestro

BOW DOWN BEFORE YOUR GODD TURLEY

King Hippo

GurleyDOWN!!!!

hearing the RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!! whispers in your head yet, Balls?

King Hippo

well, I will be against the Antonio Brown side for 3rd place next week, so YAY

rockingdog

Yay!

rockingdog

TonyO brown maybe hurt???? oh nooooo

The Maestro

AB ded?

Horatio Cornblower

“I’m rooting for the rapist!” he said, with the sense of self-loathing that only the NFL can provide

herodotus450

Well that narrows down which game Horatio is watching to… all of them?

hippofant

Look at me, I intercepted a pass on fourth down and cost my team 8 yards of field position! PRAISE ME!

Doktor Zymm

They’re totally gonna cut to Shazier moving his arms but not showing him below the waist all game, aren’t they

tomsellecksmoustache

Why is the MSM giving him the FDR treatment?

tomsellecksmoustache

It will be hard to not let this go to my head.

Shogun Marcus

Elvis on Ed Sullivan?

King Hippo

oof, that was not so good

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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rockingdog

gotta take notes. go with the grain….

rockingdog

I always love these….
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rockingdog

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Doktor Zymm

To be fair, they aren’t super specific about what kind of problem you need to have to text

Doktor Zymm

So, what exactly happened with Goff? Did he learn shit? Or is it the rest of the team that changed?

King Hippo

seems like genuine growth/not being around Jeff Fisher

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

Fisher really was the worst.

rockingdog

Goff took some acid during the offseason and now it all makes sense.
had to make a call to friend back in Berkeley….

hippofant

Why did the Bears release Robbie Gould again? He was 10 for 10 with the Giants, now 32 for 34 with the 49ers.

Doktor Zymm

a) the Bears
b) no one knows how kickers work

...

I recall he was rather erratic during his final season, but honestly I don’t know.

EDIT: Okay, it was his second to last season where his accuracy was off. He was fine in his final season bu the Bears released him anyway.

hippofant

Wasn’t he injured in 2014? He didn’t play the whole season, anyways.

And based on the performance of his replacements, it seems like Chicago might just be a shitty place to kick.

...

I think so. Stats say he played in 12 games.

What I didn’t realize is that Gould had been kicking with the Bears since 2005! I had forgotten how long he’d been a Bear.

Doktor Zymm

I don’t know. It’s even harder to get excited about the 49rs than it was about the Bears. Although, now that I’m thinking about it, any time I’m in East Bay it’ll be Raiders fans, and if I’m not, people are way more likely to care about basketball.

King Hippo

you don’t want to be one of those millennial NBA hipster douches, tho

Doktor Zymm

I’m technically a millennial. But is this really super different from the whole Michael/Magic then ShaqAttack with his giant ass and Rodman?

King Hippo

I can’t tell if it’s just me being old but it seems legitimately awful

Doktor Zymm

I guess what I’m saying….is it just the NBA, or is in the NBA today?

King Hippo

To me, it seems magnified of what it was already turning into – starfucking “sports-themed entertainment” rather than sports itself.

What it also has now that is new is the (current) Deadspin culture of people that only really seem to follow the NBA (and maybe USMNT lesser footy), and I super-duper hate that.

Unsurprised

More like Magic/Bird, but yeah. I like it, because I miss that rivalry before 1988 when Jordan became, well, Jordan.

King Hippo

the old school NBA 30 for 30s did make me rather wistful

King Hippo

Todd Gurley is quite the footballist

King Hippo

Los Angeles, are you all excite??

Doktor Zymm

Okay. First 10 minutes of this game okay

Doktor Zymm

I mean, we don’t know what A.A. Ron is up to right now

King Hippo

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!!

all day, all nite!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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rockingdog

Can check, er Drink check friends!
Ive got a narranganset. Anyone else?

Doktor Zymm

My drink is called The Clink

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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rockingdog
Beastmode Ate My Baby

Seahawks digging a hole for themselves so they can have a miraculous late-game comeback…

And still lose.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Doktor Zymm

Is he Faro like the grain? OR Pharoh like the oppresive God-Kings of Egypt?

The Maestro

Or perhaps Faroe like the islands?

Petronel

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Doktor Zymm

Did you know that Ptolemy might have been Alexander the Great’s illegit half bro?

Petronel

I didn’t – neat!

Doktor Zymm

I only learned that yesterday 🙂

The Maestro

SEX BURKHEAD WITH THE TOUCHDOWN

rockingdog

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Unsurprised

Hustle Fam

The Maestro

BRANDIN IS COOKIN’ OUT THERE-AH

Doktor Zymm

What exactly is Brady’s end of career trajectory? Injury he doesn’t come back from? Getting slowly worse until he’s benched? Unexpectedly traded to another team for one horrible season? Or just announcing a retirement and then retiring?

...

Brady strikes me as the lunkheaded arrogant type so he’ll insist upon playing well past when he’s useless and then pitch a fit about it right before he’s released.

clint greasewood

I think a fluke injury at home during the off season. like slipping on one of Gisele’s hair rollers. Giving her Yoko Ono status in Boston forever.

rockingdog

Oh gosh. its raining at the pats steelers game

King Hippo

Dreamboat so SMAHHHT

rockingdog

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The Maestro

What is this unholy abomination?

rockingdog

its that Dog named Pig.

Unsurprised

I need alcohol.

Doktor Zymm

Cheers, friend

tomsellecksmoustache

As a Steelers fan, I feel that I errored in not making a second trip to the liquor store before this game.

JustStopDude

Time for your weekly HUE JACKSON PERFORMANCE UPDATE!

Hue Jackson, a man that gets paid a LOT of money to win football games in the NFL, is now 1 for 30 as a head coach of the Browns.

Three percent…he has won three…fucking….percent of the games he has coached for the Browns.

Doktor Zymm

Christ. That’s….wow.

The Maestro

From December 2015 to now, there have been three new Star Wars movies released. In that same time frame, the Cleveland Browns have had ONE win. That’s it.

Unsurprised

Jesus, fuck.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Maybe they are spending practice time watching movies.

...

May I interest Cleveland in an upgrade in the form of one slightly-used John Fox?

Col. Duke LaCross

And the Bengals are gonna try to lure him away.

Doktor Zymm

Hey, 12-2, 2-12! Symmetrical!

The Maestro

Hoo boy. GAME OF THE YEAR!!!111!!! time is now. Better get to drankin’.

King Hippo

stupid honky muthafucka

theeWeeBabySeamus

What did I do this time?
Sheeeesh.

King Hippo

It’s a damned shame they didn’t flex this SEA/RRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! match to SNF

Viva La Tabula Raza

Mmmm, nice little nap there. Anything happen that I didn’t expect? *looks at early scores* Nope, not a blessed thing.
Get this shit done with, New England.

rockingdog

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Brick Meathook

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Viva La Tabula Raza

That’s an interesting superpower.

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