Do the titles count towards the 200 words minimum? I feel that’s the longest title ever.
Which is fitting because tonight, despite what science says, is the longest night of the year as kids around the world eagerly await their presents. Some hardy ones will try to stay up to catch Santa, but sleeps takes over like the NFL Replay Czar on New York to ensure the Patriots win and Santa remains unseen.
This year, as is tradition, we have the Aloha Bowl to lull us to sleep.
HOWEVAH, we also have the now-traditional WCS live blog of the only Christmas movie screened at DFO HQ: Die Hard.
I’ve followed this on Twitter in prior years and this time he’s doing it for us here. Everyone say Thanks WCS!
Btw, the answer to the Eurotrip Easter Egg is that the names of the two large German guys at Club Vandersexxx are Hans and Gruber.
Yup, pretty kickass.
Ok, that’s pretty much it for me. I wish you all a Merry Christmas and I hope you get everything you wish for under the tree.
And by that, I mean anal. Lots and lots and lots of anal. Get thee to the commenting!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GwZvip416NU
One of my favs these current days.
Nice.
I don’t like the movie It’s a Wonderful Life very much, but the act in which everyone in Potterville is a total asshole just for the fuck of it is fun to watch.
Clarence shoulda nuked the site from orbit.
Good music during the late 80s early 90s too
1982-1984 FTW
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vtPk5IUbdH0
*screaming internally*
America, we need to discuss our industrialist idolatry problem.
Why do you think supervillains are beloved and get to BE supervillains?
People love a man with a plan that can get things done. Never mind that those things may be evil.
Hello, President Trump.
If you want confirmation of the supervillian hypothesis, Google photos of his mom and read her backstory.
Musk will enslave us if given the chance.
I’m not googling balls’ mom.
Cover girl at 69. Nice.
She looks like Cruella de Ville, and I have no doubt she’s uttered the word kaffir unironically.
I mean…that IS tongue in cheek, right?
Considering the legions that fall down at Musk’s feet over his ho-hum accomplishments, I don’t think so.
I wish this was a joke, but I know better. Elon Musk is full of shit.
TRUE STORY! Hippo has no goddamned clue who this Elon Musk is
I’m sorry that I exposed you to him. Forgive me.
don’t worry, I ain’t looking it up
Me neither.
But London is cute.
I mean, he’s a perfectly competent capitalist who does all the things perfectly competent capitalists do. But he’s been elevated as this visionary genius and because most Americans don’t know fuck all about the anonymous people who, usually on the public dime, actually spend their lives toiling away to make actual advancements.
Also, is that London Keyes?
No, I don’t know who that is…
My relatives found out that someone at their church died this week. Meanwhile, my stepfather’s sister is in hospice. Seems to be a very death-centric Christmas this year in the…Deadly…household.
Oh.
Look, if you can’t make CSI cold open jokes about tragic misfortune, why bother being alive at all?
Ah, yes. That one person whose every conversation revolves around people who are dead or dying.
I’m pretty sure that once you get to a certain age it’s just a competition to outlive everyone you know, and every death that isn’t you is just closer to victory
So, life is just one big tontine?
Not that you’re wrong…
Obits and weather are very popular with the old folk.
Just saying.
I don’t know. My granddad lived to be 98, fully ambulatory, and spent most of his 90s bitching about how getting old sucked and outliving all his contemporaries made it so he couldn’t even look forward to reading the obituaries anymore.
No one said winning was any fun…
My cousin’s husband’s mom and sister both died on the same day last week, and two of my dad’s cousins also died within a couple of days of that. Quite a season of death, indeed.
So…what will be the first product Farve and Ditka co-shill? Or has that happened already?
Republicans
Trump Steaks
Is tort reform on sexual harassment laws possible?
All things are possible in Hellworld.
They’ve both shilled so much shit that it will happen purely by accident.
At in laws. Pretty loaded. The silence has started. Pray for litre. I really want a smoke
Is it the awkward silence because no one has anything to say, the post-dinner silence because everyone is full, or the brooding silence where someone is about to get killed but you don’t know who and by whom?
He groped his mother in law in teh hottub this morning prolly.
just remember – you don’t have a problem as long as you don’t go to those meetings! You’re just a happy-go-lucky rummy like the rest of us
Gee, I wonder why no one did anything.
Christ, Isaiah Thomas playing on that ankle, and kicking ass…
underrated tough muthafucka
I presume you’re talking about the elder Isaiah, but yeah, his bungling of the Knicks as a coach has overshadowed the fact he was a great player in his prime.
Idea: It’s a Wonderful Life but George Bailey just jumps off that bridge instead.
much more realistic
I really am bored. I think Imma go to the biker bar/pool hall.
They should be open, no?
I need to make a call.
Capital Cabaret?
The Blue Oyster?
/music riff
LOL, no.
Different kinda place fo’ sho’. Owned by a Hell’s Angel friend who used to be a client and whose dog(s) I save multiple times back in the day.
Whenever I walk in, everybody else in the place turns and looks at me like the ManU supporters looked at Scotty and Cooper. If he’s there, it’s always OK. If not, there’s usually some tension but I’ve never gotten my ass kicked.
He’s not there tonight. I’m still considering going.
I dunno, I would think you could get a lot of mileage out of strippers on Christmas Eve…
I would imagine the strippers are already high-mileage.
I would imagine Portland strippers to be extremely high maintenance. Like they would get mad at you if you didn’t understand the nuance of their ironic tramp-stamp.
Hee hee….that was funny.
I’m not going to lie. I can’t imagine any of the strippers around here are even remotely attractive.
NOPE – they are amazeballs
They have balls? I knew it.
That’s too long a drive tonight.
Goddam bubba neighbors are shooting off fireworks, a week before New Year’s. Scares the shit out of one of my dogs. It’s “Silent Night, Holy Night,” you assholes!
I gotta shower so I’ll have my crazy Krusty the Klown hair for Xmas morning pics.
Evening lizard people. Well, I can cross off “church robes” on the list of things I’ve played violin in. Similar to graduation robes but without a mortarboard.
Filmdrunk livetweeting Steven Seagal’s “novel” is pretty funny. It also makes me angry that I have such a hard time writing fiction while dipshits like Seagal and his co-writer … Whatever. Anyway.
anyone can write shit
This site is proof of that.
Sufjan Stevens Xmas marathon may have to become a #RecluseTradition. Even the cat doesn’t seem to object.
So many Vintage Mullets in the fan shots!
my favourite is the painter’s caps
Did someone mention … ANAL?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s0NoalRsk5w
Always.
Hahahaha, Farve is shilling compression gear with the healing power of COPPER
Hasn’t he been shilling that stuff for a decade now? Maybe it was just the bracelets or whatever they are. Something with copper in it.
Maybe, I just never noticed before
Eh. I was just exposed to a ton of bad TV, especially infomercials and that crap, before I got rid of cable.
My favorite is that shitty little hair trimmer you can use in your nose.
those street pills ain’t gon’ pay for themselves
He’s also a spokesman for $5 nut hair trimmers.
There’s a lot of knocking people over with your ass in basketball. That’s why Shaq was so good, cause he could just back up is giant ass and suddenly he’s got a clear shot
really was his go-to move, and he had the status where it was never a foul (and having said status is what started the NBA’s decline for me).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WL2txMU50CI
Let’s do this shit, Fresno!
I thought he’d be taller.
Glad we have JV fixtures because Week 17 is essentially un-GAMBLOR-able and I don’t like the sound of that
So I guess we’re getting Panthers-Falcons next Sunday night. Would be funny if the Seahawks shit the bed in the afternoon ensuring the game is basically meaningless.
have they announced somewhere? Not on NFL.com yet (thanks Obama)
I don’t think so, but no other game would be as decisive. Had the Titans not shit the bed today, we might have their game.
Tits need it still, but I don’t think Jaguras will likely have anything to play for. Same problem with Panthers, though.
Looking more closely at the standings, they might opt for Jags-Titans just because it’s less likely both the Bills and Chargers lose to render the game meaningless.
too bad they can’t flex a 2nd game to NFLN to obviate that risk
LOOGIT THIS NERD USING A FANCY WURD. “OB-VI-ATE”
LOL
I thought they didn’t do a late game in week 17.
Why did I think that?
You guys have been lying to me about this, haven’t you?
they usually flex one, traditionally there has been one matchup that has been for a division and they always pick that. N/A this season
Even still, this makes me very happy.
Because even with Xmas eve n shit….I’m bored as fuck right now.
I don’t get the banner quote, & ive had like 6 months to figure it out. What gives?
Oh, this is the Pistons 30 for 30! So what happened with the NBA? Is it just me not paying attention, or is it really just whittled down to LeBron and maybe one or two others stars and not too much else, storylinewise?
Oh, yeah. That Pistons episode is great. God, those were some fun times. Actually, there’s an episode about Michigan’s Fab 5 since you asked earlier about the culture change.
TBH, I stopped following the NBA when Shaq and Kobe played “together.” I know of Lebron, the Warriors are hot shit and Steph has a ridiculously high 3pt percentage from the corner, and Lavar Ball is the worst stage-parent since JonBenet Ramsay’s parents. Besides that, I’m all shoulders.
and that’s just like…a Maury episode. I hate that shit.
The Fab Five was awesome, I woulda made lots of money betting on them their freshman year.
The last 80’s Pistons and their rivalry with the up and coming Bulls is fascinating stuff.
I remember Bulls-Knicks in the early 90’s being nasty as hell too. The Knicks were the only team that took the Bulls to a 7th game in any series during their run and really got screwed (like a lot of good teams did) but the Bulls blocking everyone.
And Kobe was never more than a knockoff Jordan anyway.
I loved Lakers twitter when his jerseys were retired. Lots of variations on “He wasn’t even the best Laker when he was playing, let alone throughout the team’s history.”
I remember someone once asked Jordan, “LeBron or Kobe?” and of course appreciating being an asshole first and foremost, Jordan picked Kobe.
It’s gonna be great when LeBron is considered better than both of them in 25 years.
https://mobile.nytimes.com/2016/04/03/magazine/what-happened-when-venture-capitalists-took-over-the-golden-state-warriors.html
Long read, but it’s a good read.
Spoiler Alert: VCs are bad.
well, now you done gone and hurt Mitt Romney’s fee-fees
Good.
I was looking for something innovative that the Lacob did with the team in that article but didn’t find anything. It was basically just “hire smart people, listen to them, hope everything goes well.” Ultimately, nothing amazing.
Nothing amazing, but still something most owners manage to get wrong
lol there’s a dig at Dan Snyder in there.
Oh and it also mentions the Reinsdorf owned Bulls without mentioning that Jerry Krause built those championships.
My favorite thing about the building of those teams is when Jordan was pissed that Krause drafted Pippen and wanted some other player who amounted to nothing instead. It really foreshadowed Jordan’s future as a GM.
Since we’re talking Cubs for some weird reason, let’s revisit the best manager/coach rant of all time:
A season later they were within a game of the World Series.
That’s the one. Part of this is in that 30 for 30 about Wrigley’s lights.
Well shit, if Elia’s rant is in there, it’s interesting.
It turns out a man rants like this isn’t the best diplomat for the Cubs.
My FIL was there for that rant and had his own copy from his tape recorder as he was a sportswriter for the Tribune.
That’s awesome.
The one fun thing I learned on the tour of Wrigley I did this year was that the netting was put in place because the 15% of folks that don’t work would get shitfaced and run along the top of the outfield wall and a couple bit it on the warning track. It’s also why the wall comes to point.
it’s too bad liability keeps us from letting Darwinism just do a little herd thinning there
No thinning the herd during the game, though. Fuckers will let fly balls bounce off them.
true, would make the ground rules rather tricky
Nelson Mandela?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yv9XZI3zwF4
Here’s the episode, btw: https://30for30podcasts.com/episodes/the-lights-of-wrigleyville/
If you want to play it here.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vwgJYOG7CI
The more interesting counterfactual is if lights had been installed in 1941 as originally planned.
Seems like a good thing to download and consume on a plane
They are released on Tuesday at midnight so I’ve been listening to them while I volunteer at the library every Tuesday. Then I move onto other podcasts.
The best one was about the Miami Heat tribute to Trayvon Martin.
https://30for30podcasts.com/episodes/hoodies-up/
I was wondering how they’d make an hour out of that but it seems they’re diving into the fight with the neighborhood over it which is interesting enough I guess.
Oh, indeed. The episode goes into the history of the lights issue. The GM in the 80s sounded like a bastard, but a great manager. Horrible people skills, though.
Well, that was what made it a big deal, wasn’t it? There’s still a sign or two around
Oh! And the obnoxious part about the Bartman 30-for-30 was that it spent the first 20 minutes talking about the fucking Red Sox.
“Did you know Bill Buckner was blamed for a fuckup that cost the Red Sox?! AND DID YOU KNOW HE WAS A CUB TOO?!”
Chardonnay from Oregon OPENED (office wine from my AA) in celebration of Chardonnay and Adderall which started 9-1, lost the last 3 of the regular season to cock up the division, but then won 3 in a row to take the title from Wild Card position – for the 2nd season in a row. I have NEVAR won back-to-back before, and I did it this year without a good keeper.
It’s an auction league, and my “franchise” player was David Johnson @ $76, (ded early) and my “value” carryover contract was Emmanuel Sanders @ $9 (next to worthless).
So this might be my sweetest win yet, I am up 25+ with DeAndre Hopkins still to play. Opponent is done. So here is the Portugal. The Man song that they be named fer, Real life Dennis Reynolds and his actual wife star in the video.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GN-xVSlnWKQ
Huh, Boston sports fans were fucking crazy and obnoxious in the 70s too…it goes back all the way to the founding of the city, doesn’t it?
I’m trying to decide if I should go out and get more beer and/or Coke Zero.
Ooh, there a 30 for 30 about lights at Wrigley’s!
Huh, why would autocorrect change Wrigley to Wrigley’s?
Big Chewing Gum strikes again!
It’s a good episode. There’s no Harry Carey singing “Take Me Out to the Night Game,” though.
The 30 For 30 podcast is fantastic.
The 30-for-30 about the Bartman game actually made me consider renouncing my Cubs fandom. Cubs fans were *that* bad.
Yeah. That was infuriating.
It’s a distant memory now because of 2016, but a shit ton of people were talking about what Bartman should or should not have gotten and none of them seemed to get that he doesn’t want any notoriety and he sure as hell doesn’t want to be prop for someone else’s absolution. I even saw a take where people thought he was an asshole for doing all his communication through a lawyer, but fuck those people even more. A huge chunk of this country yearns for fame such they can’t realize some people despise the idea.
The Ricketts ultimately gave him an authentic championship ring (which is worth at least $10K), which was a nice gesture considering he can never go to a game again without being hounded because the fucking local media doxxed him to push a curse narrative.
I want to believe people had good intentions, but reality tells me that good intentions mean precisely dick.
If a person came up with some gesture to make amends, it all about assuaging their own guilt. Bartman made it abundantly clear what he wanted but people didn’t stop coming up with their own ideas. It was infuriating.
That poor guy, I really hope he became a Sox or a Cards fan and is off living a happy life in the Cubs Fan Protection Program
As a Cubs fan that was a dark day indeed. Actually two days because the day the lights were to debut it was a rain out.
There’s a whole thing in there about that.
I read today that Ayn Rand was believed It’s A Wonderful Life was littered with subtle communist propaganda. Speed does crazy things to your brain.
It is.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2017/12/21/its-a-wonderful-life-is-a-holiday-classic-the-fbi-thought-it-was-communist-propaganda/?utm_term=.a320ac64a7cd
I also read that it’s littered with pro-capitalist propaganda too, so…
It’s almost as if people can take whatever they want from popular media.
Or an ancient religious book.
This is adorable.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BdGHpVOnuYY/?taken-by=lilbunnysueroux
Let me preface this remark by saying I love my niece.
But….
Sometimes I could just throw a bag over her head and beat her with a Louisville Slugger.
Time to get really fucking hammered.
How you folks doing?
Then you’d both be hammered!
When did the NBA switch from short shorts to baggy capris?
Did you hear that Larry Bird retired?
/giggles
Yeah, I was a big 90’s NBA guy because of the Bulls and people and short-shorts were gone by then.
See the Michigan basketball Fab 5 for details.
That was 1991, so before your time Dok.
How am I supposed to objectify them the way people do to female athletes if they’re too stuck up to show a little leg? Smgdh…
You’re really going to be depressed by compression shorts then.
I read recently that the shorts were trending upwards again.
Anyway, there’s always soccer. Those are short shorts.
Aren’t hemlines only supposed to rise when there’s a Democrat in the white house? Or do I have that backwards?
Beats me.
Aw, look at that high tech touchscreen in Die Hard!
First turkey done. Second turkey in the oven. Up next? Prepping the prime rib.
/I’ve run out of beer
I’m done for the day but I’ve got a rib roast for tomorrow. Now a nice glass of vino and there’s a box of California Christmas staple See’s candy, some pistachios and some hand crafted IPA’s that my son in law made himself.
Ain’t all bad.
Time for a beer run. I should go get more myself.
So, has Elf on a Shelf been around for ages? I don’t remember hearing about it until a few years ago?
The idea’s been around for a while, but there’s only been a true snitch cam version for about five years.
Creepy and creepier
James Bond movies really are trash when you think about it.
YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH!
Well, you’re kinda right. But still…
There go my presents…
I’m always right.
My version of this is 2/3rds of the Star Wars movies aren’t good.
At least 2/3
If Empire wasn’t as good as it was, Star Wars would have been little cult classic nostalgia film most people wouldn’t have heard of.
Well, that just good hustle.
ASS SLAPS, HARD, ALL AROUND
Peloton, letting indoor cycling assholes connect with other indoor cycling assholes without having to leave your starter mansion and find a sitter for little Kale or whatever assholes are calling their kids nowadays
How do these people even breed?
There are both male and female versions. Like attracts like.
But they are repulsive.
Oh, fuck it. Like I know what I’m talking about.
https://youtu.be/_gZndxEvFNk
A video explaining how you can statistically prove that the Browns are not so much an NFL franchise, but actually a dead entity stuck in hell.
9:11. Nice.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_gZndxEvFNk
There’s a special on Islay on CBS, is this 60 Minutes?
oh, and I put $40 down on Fresno moneyline @ +130
BET BET BET BET BET!
Having grown up with UNM in the WAC, I cannot take Fresno State or any of those teams seriously.
I kinda want to meet your bookie. I presume he has a few spare guest bedrooms for me to visit.
hee hee, I started weakly, but now I’m up about $600. Have lots of $$ in play on the Bowls, though
They should call tonight’s tilt “Our Athletic Departments Are Losing Soooooooo Much Money On This Mofo Bowl”
Um how does one put anal under the tree?
Carefully, and with lots of lube.
The Browns season in a single play…
https://cf-b2.streamablevideo.com/video/mp4/4ya9c.mp4?token=1514162129-uSwPBm%2F00TZgVb7TV%2F9TPJqB5Gsp2ryGE%2BiUwFpf918%3D
Jesus Christ. They really are damned.