It’s a New Sexy Year Friday!

Sort of. Work with me here. The timing of the holiday is such that this is the last Sexy Friday of the year of our Lord 2017.

And yeah, go fuck yourselves with that CE crap. Taking away the religious angle, the commonly accepted chronology is based on the estimated birth of Christ.  We are also well into the Hebrew year 5778 but you don’t see that on a calendar.

Holy shit.  I stand corrected.

We are also about to start Buddhist year 2561.  Which is exactly 543 ahead of the Gregorian calendar, so still based on the same commonly-accepted reference date.  Anyway, I will concede that we should be using BC (Before Christ) and AC (After Christ) instead of AD.  AD made sense when people spoke Latin and that hasn’t happened since the days of Spartacus.

 

Did I mention this was Sexy Friday? You may have also noticed that this is Balls, not tWBS.  I have taken over today’s Sexy Friday post as our esteemed colleague, tWBS, needs a break from looking up hot women for your pleasure.  I felt bad for him so I decided I would take today’s post.

For today’s theme, I have chosen to let you in on a Balls annual tradition: The Balls’ New Year Resolutions Challenge.

Until my friends moved away to different parts of the country, we would gather together the week before the New Year at a bar and write down all the things we were going to do/accomplish in the new year.  There were rewards as well as punishments laid out as incentives.  We all signed and then set about accomplishing the tasks.

It was actually a highly effective thing as, while we never completed every single thing on our lists, it encouraged us to try to better ourselves.  I like to think it worked.

So, I share these resolutions with you, my imaginary Internet friends.  Keep in mind that these resolutions are in line with what my friends and I used to do.

TO THE LIST!

#1 – Read a book for pleasure

To the readers among us, reading ONE book seems like a simple thing.  In fact, my friends and I would challenge ourselves to read several.  As you get older, though, and time moves faster, it is harder and harder to find the time to read.  So, my challenge this year is to read one complete book (more than 250 pages) during the calendar year.

#2- Travel to a place I’ve never been

For some of us, this is more difficult than others (looking in Dok’s direction) as we may have already traveled to a lot of places.  For others, it may be difficult because of money or work/school obligations.  Regardless, travel is a worthy pursuit that opens up our eyes and enriches the human experience. You don’t have to go far.  Just go somewhere you haven’t been before and experience new people and places.  It’s worth it.

#3 – Have a new sexual experience

It doesn’t matter whether you currently have a partner or not.  There are always new things to do/try.  Heck, maybe finding a new partner will count!  In any case, the mantra of Sexy Friday is that sex is a good thing to be enjoyed and beauty is found everywhere and should be appreciated in all its forms.  So, whether you like black,

Asian,

Latino,

White,

or any combination thereof,

you should try to celebrate the beauty around us.

#4 – Give back

This could mean volunteering, donating to charity, or participating in a fundraising event. I myself run an event that benefits homeless children.  It doesn’t take much effort and the money raised goes to a good cause.  We all have causes important to us (Don T and the people of Puerto Rico come immediately to mind), so it doesn’t matter who you give your time and/or money to, just give.

#5 – Learn a new skill

It can be anything.  You can learn how to drive a manual car.  You can learn useful phrases in a foreign language.  You can learn how to play an instrument.  It doesn’t matter.  One of the greatest things you can instill in people is the desire to be life-long learners.  You are never too old to learn new things.  It keeps your mind fresh and your personality more interesting.

***

So, there you have it.  5 out of 5 should not be too hard, right?  If we are all here by this time next year, I’ll follow up and let you know how I did.

I hope you all are able to join in and achieve some of these for yourselves or create your own resolutions. Feel free to publicly challenge yourselves in the comments!

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ballsofsteelandfury
Balls somehow lost his bio and didn't realize it. He's now scrambling to write something clever and failing. He likes butts, boobs, most things that start with the letter B, and writing in the Second Person. Geelong, Toluca, Barcelona, and Steelers, in that order.
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Redshirt

I just want to warn everyone, if Alabama blows against Clemson, I’m going to be so smug, the Mods may ban me for a week as a “time out”.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Go Meteor!!!!!

montythisseemsstrangetome

Time off? Shouldn’t he have been in class?

King Hippo

you are on the top of your humour game tonight!!

Redshirt

Todd McShay has Darnald as the #2 QB and #3 Prospect. Bribery does a lot, I guess.

King Hippo

I just can’t WAIT for that Wonderlic to leak out

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I need an adult…I NEED AN ADULT!!!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

She’s nice.

montythisseemsstrangetome

Can I borrow your towel? My car just hit a water buffalo.

herodotus450

“Drue Chrisman” sounds like Lou Holtz trying to explain Hannukah to his boosters in 1989.

King Hippo

oh that made me cackle aloud

theeWeeBabySeamus

@hippo, check in on slack when you have time.

montythisseemsstrangetome

Hippo’s busy cackling.

Mr. Ayo

h
ttp://erooups.com/img/img2/20090813/erotic/daily_erotic_picdump_77_35.jpg

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

alpha status really has its privileges

WCS

Darnald owes money to the mob, right?

“Make it right with us, and you’ll be a Giant next year.”

Redshirt

“Make it right with us, or you’ll be a Giant next year.”

Fixed your typo, WCS.

WCS

No, no.

“Make it right with us, or, you’ll be a Brown next year.

I stand by my original statement.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Tonight, he’s already playing like a giant brown…something.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Automated Ziti is the bestest Ziti.

Redshirt

Hey! Where the folded notecard? BULLSHIT!

King Hippo

Clay Helton seems like a big dumb jock, but he has the admirable quality of not being Urban Meyer.

montythisseemsstrangetome

Nobody ever praises me for not being Urban Meyer.

herodotus450
Redshirt

Why is it half the time the camera cuts to Urban Meyer, it looks likes he about to keel over with a heart attack?

King Hippo

he likes to tease us

Spur

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King Hippo

In my rankings (UGA and Okie interchangeable 1/2, Bama 3), the 4th spot was between Clemson and tOSU. Clemson won a candy-ass conference, and lost to 5-7 Syracuse.

Miami’s failure to put up a fight in the ACC championship made the case against them difficult, plus the Tiggers beat both South Carolina AND Auburn OOC.

theeWeeBabySeamus

NO RESPEKT FOAR TURNOVER CHAIN?????

But yeah, I’m kinda thinking they get rolled again tomorrow.

King Hippo

I can’t quit those chucklefucks. It’s just Wiscy, so I bet ’em again (just ATS). Line has actually moved in Da U’s favour, all the way from 7 to 4.5 at one point. Now Bucky Badger -5. IIRC.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yep.

But I expect that one to be much like this one. One of ’em is gonna just show up and….

When in doubt, bet on ACC for suck.

Spur
King Hippo

WOOO!!!! subvert the dominant paradigm, man!!!

Unsurprised

A black coworker is dating a white woman for the first time. Today she sent him 12 straight texts upset with him about something he did in her dream. Now he’s grilling me about whether all white women are like this.

— Mike Tunison (@xmasape) December 29, 2017

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

Harumph. Women. AMIRITE!?!?!!11!!?!?!

King Hippo

wait, BLACK WOMEN DON’T do that shit??

/have been living my life SO WRONG

theeWeeBabySeamus

They dream…just not about you.

Unsurprised

Neither do Mexican women.

Counterpoint: A Mexican woman is 100x more likely for her to fucking stab you to death over nothing.

theeWeeBabySeamus

This guy gets it.

ArmedandHammered

Yes.

Mr. Ayo

I have a non-white ex that tried to pull the same shit.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“OKAY! Let’s make random bullshit generalizations based on race.”

“OKAY!!”

Unsurprised

It’s all fun and games until the crosses burst into flames.

King Hippo

ok, here the thingy. Bama played one reasonable OOC game (v. FSU, neutral site – won). tOSU played one reasonable OOC game (v. Oklahoma AT HOME – lost, solidly). Now, both of those represent admirable scheduling, give tOSU credit for having played the better opponent BUT a home loss is still something more than a mulligan.

Now…the in-season losses. Bama lost @ Auburn, Top 10 opponent, very harsh environment. They were beaten solidly. tOSU lost @ Iowa, fringe Top 25 opponent, meh environment. They got butt-reamed. Without question, playing a less demanding conference slate, tOSU had 1 loss, and it was a much worse loss. It just didn’t come intra-division and keep them out of the conference title match.

So…you are left with whether beating Bucky Badger by 6 for the B1G title (in a bonus game of sorts) outweighs having more losses, and the “comparable loss” being significantly worse.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Does that mean I should bet daU orrrrrr…..?

Redshirt

If that’s the case, than Alabama should’ve been #4 going into the Conference Championship Game Week. If that was the case, then they would’ve stayed #4, and the narrative would’ve been “Ohio State didn’t do enough to convince the Committee.”

Them putting ‘Bama #4 and saying ‘Bama was the obvious #4 screamed “We’re afraid Ohio State will lay another New Year’s Egg and we don’t want to make the SEC angry.”

King Hippo

oh, I would have had them 2 or 3. I thought Bama was 5 and tOSU was 6, or sommet like that? Anyway, the way they “teller line” the rankings is dumb. Clemson at #1 being a 3 point dog underlines that point.

/though I bet Clemson b/c I don’t trust Bama’s QB situation

herodotus450

The osu loss to Iowa came the week after the Penn St. win, a classic letdown game. And Bosa was ejected for targeting in the first half of that game, relevant if you are simply trying to consider who is hte best team NOW. Which is all that matters, that the committee thinks bama is the better team, just wish they would say that. Also Barrett was clearly hurt in the Wisc game, and probably still is. But then again, wasn’t most of Bama’s defense hurt for the Auburn game/right now?

King Hippo

shit, I ought put more down on Son of Clem than $125, then…

herodotus450

That play just reminded me that also, Paris Campbell, arguably osu’s best non-qb offensive player, missed the Iowa game too.

King Hippo

you shouldn’t be 2 players from getting pantsed by Iowa, not with that roster. And that’s the harshities of the 4-team format, why I prefer 16.

Unsurprised

Hey. Things are okay now.

Spur

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Spur

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Redshirt

♫ They see me rollin’ / They hatin’ ♫

Mr. Ayo

I hope he bets everything on the Huskies tomorrow.

King Hippo

I bet like $120 on the Paedos. Hope I lose.

Redshirt

Um…Intentional Grounding…?

Romonobyl

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Redshirt

…and then he got up, slipped, got up, slipped, got up…

Senor Weaselo

To quote my AIDS workshop, “Say I walk down the street, and I fall down, and I start having sex. I still gotta be prepared!”

It’s quotes like that which is why I remember that workshop.

WCS

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theeWeeBabySeamus

In fairness…
Jaqlyn does have a big pussy…have a big pussy.

Unsurprised

Why’d you say it twice?

ArmedandHammered

must have been the echo

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s how big it is…..

Fronkenshteen

Darnold looks like the love child of Magary and Bryce Harper.

Senor Weaselo

I think we need a drink after that. To throw into our eyes.

Fronkenshteen

Thought you’d like that.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Can I set mine on fire first?

Spur

who’s the top?

montythisseemsstrangetome

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Mr. Ayo

I KNEW he looked familiar.

montythisseemsstrangetome

Dammit, now USC has more points than me tonight. But I haven’t really been trying too hard.

theeWeeBabySeamus

In fairness, neither have they.

Redshirt

Discussion topic: If Darnald sucking on purpose so the Browns will pass on him?

WCS

Wouldn’t you?

rockingdog

hmmm, that seems like a decent plan….

Spur

Hippo better bet against UCLA then.

herodotus450

Apparently Willie Mays has NOT been reincarnated to play punt returner for osu.
/reincarnated?

montythisseemsstrangetome

Reincarne asada

Senor Weaselo

Maybe it was Willie Mays Hayes?

Unsurprised

Hopefully he has a better financial advisor/CPA this time.

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, I hope HIll is OK, sincerely.
But how many fucking people does it take to escort this guy off the field FFS?

Redshirt

I’m not completely surprised. This is Ohio State’s first game after 13 experts got together for booze for a weekend and said that winning, nay, playing in, your conference championship game counts less than not playing at all.

If that doesn’t get you motivated to play, you don’t deserve to play football.

Senor Weaselo

Distinct lack of PAWWWWWWWL, therefore it doesn’t count.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Woooo, USC can cut it to a three score game before the half and…
Never mind.

rockingdog

yea this isnt looking good for the troi boyz

Beastmode Ate My Baby

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Unsurprised

Wow. I didn’t realize the legacy of Domers committing murder and manslaughter was so extensive.

Fronkenshteen

Oh, Darnold looks like he’ll have no problem losing to the Pats twice a year. HIRE THIS MAN!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

That was a helluva catch.
Presuming it WAS a catch.

Spur

If Ohio State doesn’t like the Bowl game they are in perhaps they should win more games.

herodotus450

Yeah if only theyd won as many games as Alabama…

Viva La Tabula Raza

I think I’ll go do something else for a while, and check back in a couple hours from now to catch the conclusion of rockingdog’s promised USC second half comeback.

Spur

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

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theeWeeBabySeamus

We like her.

Mr. Ayo

I’d respect her more if she drank from the other vessel.

theeWeeBabySeamus

And by “other vessel” of course you mean….

Mr. Ayo

That’s a good one and definitely what I meant.

Romonobyl

Mom always believed in a hearty breakfast.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’ve always liked this set.

rockingdog

Oh noooooo. This Barrett guy is goooooodddd

montythisseemsstrangetome

USC is winning in timeouts remaining!

Spur

better save those for the next half.

Senor Weaselo

Red Wings organist plays In Da Gadda Da Vida, Senor can’t think of anything but this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSCUhqsy4Nk

herodotus450

Do we even need to bother checking on Hippo? He ded.

Romonobyl

And all they wanted was his tusks. What a waste, they could have at least eaten some of the meat.

theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s fine…he’s fiiiine.
Harder to kill a Hippo than you think. If Everton couldn’t do it…etc, etc.
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Spur

Hippos have thick skin. he’s fine.

King Hippo

I’ll be almost even on the day thanks to my wolves and NM State moneyline, I live to Boomer Sooner judgment day

Unsurprised

Always bet against UNM and NM State.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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montythisseemsstrangetome

SEXAY

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Cute kitty; we can do both.

Also efficient top of food chain predator.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Have to admit…I was waiting for a croc to…well, you know.

Mr. Ayo

Eat that… oh, right. That’s the joke.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Crocs and leopards; mutual respect at the water’s edge.

Mr. Ayo

Darnold is made for Cleveland.

Spur

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montythisseemsstrangetome

USC like to give ball away.

Viva La Tabula Raza

In keeping with the Christmas spirit of giving, I reckon.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Announcer: BALL’S OUT!!!!!

Me: Shit, how did he know?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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montythisseemsstrangetome

We all knew, TWBS

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Ummm……

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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montythisseemsstrangetome

I can do that.

Mr. Ayo

Once?

Mr. Ayo

Never forget.

h
ttps://giant.gfycat.com/SoftArcticHadrosaurus.webm

Unsurprised

HOLY SHIT. This is sorely underappreciated.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Never forget.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Forget what?
Shit.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh