Are you footballed out yet? If you are this site is no place for you. Gird your pyjama bottoms, eat some processed sugar product, find some caffeine, (have you tried that coffee enema yet? Maybe now’s the time) get rid of the family and lock the doors. You’ve got some watchin’ to do! TO THE GAMES!
Chicago/Minnesota:
When Minny wins (are you saying there’s another possible outcome?) they will have earned a first round playoff break. John Fox’s 14-34 record as coach of the Bears will be Exhibit A when his firing is announced tomorrow.
Cleveland/Pittsburgh:
Looks like them Steelers are without Antonio and that Ben and Bell will be pulled early if they play at all. Once again, if your fantasy league plays its champeenship on week 17, you’re a schlmiel.
Dallas/Philadelphia:
The Cowboys playoff aspirations went down last week vs the Seahawks and all the haters (myself included) were sated temporarily. If they can just pull off another loss today Jason Garrett will achieve the 8-8 record his coaching ability deserves.
New York Jets/New England:
The Jetskis are going to roll over like a puppy that wants its belly scratched. The Pats, like the kid that is a nascent psychopath, will see this gesture and respond by “punching that fucking puppy right in the goddamn face!”.
Green Bay/Detroit:
Turn off the lamp Jim Caldwell, the party’s over.
Washington/New York Giants:
Eli might be putting his helmet on backwards for the last time as a Giant today. At least he’s got that 3 game starting streak to brag about. A D that has given up 378 points so far will be without starters Collins, Jenkins and a certain cancerous Apple. Take the over, Hippo.
Houston/Indianapolis:
The Texans have no choice but to start TJ “19 of 47” Yates today. Watch this one for the intercepts and giggles.
Give me that thing you got down below. (I’ve had my shots)
Poor #19. He looks like he’s about to cry.
Mike Polk Jr. is going to have something amazing for this.
Fun times in Cleveland today…
I owe my dog an apology for laughing so hard at that drop in the #Pauls game. It scared her.
Kizer has an amazing career game…and he is already being ripped apart online for that last drop.
Why? That was a great pass under duress. Tom Brady and Aaron Rodger’s love child couldn’t have thrown a better pass on that play.
The fucking moronic fan base seems to think that QB’s come from college fully ready to play.
It doesn’t matter who they draft. They do not develop talent. They throw these kids in the field and then blame them when they struggle.
How many fucking first round busts are we going to have before someone in the organization notices that the only consistency is the fucking browns organization.
Self aware ownership? Maybe when Skynet takes over and replaces us all with cyborg slavebots.
Minny really should take an intentional safety on 4th down.
never mind, JEEBUS
i feel for Kizer.
that was just wrong
So… this refers to being a broke sex tourist who tried to fuck his brother’s fiancee, right?
Get. Off. The. Internet.
Log off? I WILL NEVER LOG OFF
He sounds employable.
I figure there’s some spin going on here, but it would be interesting to see how others describe him.
I hope this guy gets his dick cut off by a Thai ladyboy.
Also I’m sorry this is so big. I want to make it about 75% smaller.
Oh, #The Pauls.
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Brownies gonna Brown.
#ThePauls, ending on a flat-out drop
Ha!
That was what maybe 7 offensive plays inside the 4?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1WMrTUFVfo
I feel the need to Cher-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TOSZwEwl_1Q
get a safety PLS
Did someone say 4th and Goal?
https://www.doorfliesopen.com/2017/12/31/your-early-afternoon-slate-of-nfl-games-open-thread-2/comment-page-5/#comment-459887
goddamn, Bearistocrats
haha, that was a shitty play calling.
Nothing would be Brownsier than a pick 6 on this drive
c’mon, let garbage time be garbage time
#ThePauls driving…how do they shit this away?
FUCK YOU BISCUIT
FUCK YOU CUNNINGHAM
SAFETY DUNCE
Pats getting that #1 seed! bow wow!
Are we over our quota on Pats fans now?
Yep, 2.
Gotta kill one of ’em.
I suggest we use one of Maestro’s this week in violence posts for inspiration. Own petard and all.
Oooh. If the Lions get another TD + PAT we’ll have some scorigami action!
PLEASE kick a meaningless FG and cover
Truth biscut gonna get a TD!
also ok
JUST SCORE DAMN YOU
You know this is going to end on a failed 4th and goal.
I KINDA want to see Keenum get hurt here…
Checking back in on the HRTF Champeenship…
Holy fuckballz, how did I lose to these assholes???????
At least Cleveland’s offense can tackle well.
To be fair tho, they’ve had lotsa practice.
Whoever is calling the Stillers-Brownies game is clearly drunk. I guess I can’t blame him.
Rise Against bumper music bugs me more than it should
Faction on SiriusXM plays way too much of that band.
I love me some Rise Against, but there could be no place it belongs less than NFL broadcasts
WHY don;t you want to cover, Chi****?
You know what you did.
resting all key starters, Yinzers just had their FIRST penalty, in Q4 on a punt. Almost like they are well-coached or sommet.
Damn Omar Epps for keeping me from hating them completely.
Vinny Testaverde is rolling over in his grave right now.
What? He’s not dead? Well he should be.
Pride of Elmont!
we still do the the hot mugshots ladies?
We’re all working a shift at the Factory today? Steelers losing today would be great.
Was that Rival Sons as the bumper music?!
Hey! Why are the Cowboys winning? This fucks up the draft.
That “Seal Team” show looks worse than awful.
There’s no accounting foar taste….
“Seal Team” is a great name for a club.
Is that where the Airtight Trio plays on Thursday nights?
Oh, Cleveland, will you ever win?
[no]
Cleveland really can’t even beat Pittsburgh’s second (or 1.5on average) stringers.
Is Trubisky seeing things/receivers?
why don’t you assdicks RUN?
YESSSSSSSS, backdoor status? OPEN!!!
/seals back shut
Well, it would be ungentlemanly to turn down a lady’s request.
(unzips)
The Factory adds to the body count.
https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/ohio-mans-obituary-says-his-death-was-exacerbated-by-the-hopeless-condition-of-browns/
This guy gets it.
*snicker*
Yes, I’m going to hell.
Kiss some tittays, you dipshit. Hippo needs a cover
SPOILER: That ended badly for him
Frank Gore, like Curtis Martin before him, does NOT belong in the Hall of Fame. It is not the Hall of Pretty Good Plus Longevity.
Agreed
HAWT TAKE:
Fancy donuts are often not as good as regular old donuts. Waited in a fucking line for some fancy hipster donuts in SD yesterday, didn’t eat them until we hit the road, and was terribly disappointed.
Agree. The donut shop near me is very good, but the selection is now 80% weird stuff.
Counterpoint: Cops & Doughnuts in mid-Michigan is the only good thing to ever come out of law enforcement and they do all sorts of crazy shit. Pictured; The Squealer, which is either referring to the bacon or the cops. Not sure.
I wouldn’t care; the name is fantastic.
Sure they’re not going to win, but it’s still amazing that the Jet’s qb has time to play football, drive a nascar, and have a full time singing career all while being dead.
Todd Bowles, if not for Jaguras/RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! miracleness, would get COY consideration from me. Getting 5 wins out of that flotsam (and competitiveness most other weeks) is a goddamned heroic effort.
He’ll do well at his next stop if the organization is half-way functional.
And now, a haiku!
Bryce Petty is bad.
Hackenberg is worse, dear god.
Wish I had a drink.
This game is so riveting I’m actually starting my taxes