Your “Oh My, You’ve Got Such A Big… Slate” NFL Football Open Thread

I guess the only advantage of not having a Thursday, Sunday Nighter and Monday game is that we get a corn of copia of nine, count ’em, nine games! So what if some aren’t relevant? This presupposes that some week 5 clash involving the Giants or Browns was relevant and we all of us know that isn’t the case, right? TO THE GAMES!

Carolina/Atlanta:

The Falcons are facing the old “Win and You’re in Like Flynn or Gunga Din” scenario. They’ll be side-eyeing the Seattle tilt.

Kansas City/Denver:

Denver hc Joseph spun the “Wheel of QB Futility” and it came up Paxton Lynch. On the other side, coach Reid, locked into the 4 spot seeding-wise, has decided to have a wee looky-loo at Patty Mahomes II: Undermining The Starter Boogaloo. When starter Smith first heard the news he threw a tantrum that traveled all of six yards through the air.

Jacksonville/Tennessee:

Win or lose the Jags are hosting a wildcard game next week. The most likely situation is that this tilt is the first of a home-and-home between these two.

San Fran/LA Rams:

I’m going out on a limb-the 9’ers are the best 5 win team in the league right now. The Rams plan is to sit anyone that matters because they got themselves the division title. Jeff Fisher must be so proud.

Buffalo/Miami:

The Bills need to win and 3/4’s of the AFC to lose so that they can taste the playoffs. It was a valiant try.

Oakland/LA Chargers:

The LawnClippers need to win and the Eiffel Tower has to contract herpes in order for the former to do the playoff jig.

Arizona/Seattle:

Here we go again. The Seahawks must win. Difficulty: the Cards have won the last two in Seattle.

New Orleans/Tampa Bay:

11-4 meets 4-11. How’s that for a hot take?

Cincinnati/Baltimore:

The Ravens need the win just like everyone else. They’ll find the Bengals very accommodating.

Push those letters!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“4th and 2? Let’s call a zone stretch run that we don’t have the personnel for and hasn’t worked all season!”

The Raiders should fire Todd Downing at the end of this quarter.

LemonJello

Out of a cannon?

King Hippo

so THAT is why he went catchless today

Unsurprised

Good. Fuck Gronk.

blaxabbath

Kraft should have to donate the two million to something other than Trump ‘s re-election campaign,

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

Holy shit what a pick 6 by Cincy and Flacco falling down..

Mr. Ayo

Goodnight Flacco

King Hippo

Flacco? NAWT a good tackler.

King Hippo

Fuuuuuuccccck, Cam!!

rockingdog

LOL

Col. Duke LaCross

FATGUYDOWN!

rockingdog

happy bills players are happy!

Romonobyl

They have so little.

Charge of the Light Brigade

FUCK YEAH WE ARE!

Unsurprised

The best kind of touchdown.

blaxabbath

Is this Chantix dork Riverboat Ron’s dopey cousin?

King Hippo

stupid Chefs ,, smh

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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rockingdog

Browns football everybody!

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JustStopDude

Not sure why Johnny Football is included.

He is the last starting QB for the Browns to actually win a game.

Unsurprised

It’s a party, dude!

blaxabbath

ANNOUNCERS TALKING ABOUT HOW LOUD THAT SEA CROWD IS.

EVERYONE DRINK

rockingdog

Julio jones Butt knocked the ball out to Sanu’s hands.
ButtHit
hehehehe

WCS

Once again, I cannot wait to see what Mike Polk, Jr. has in store for the Browns season.

rockingdog
WCS

COMPLETE SEASON

Spur

Probation Violation
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Spur

Hey Hippo – how does Mahomes look?

King Hippo

not bad, the little bit I’ve seen on Red Zone (not sports bar-ing this one)

JustStopDude

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ballsofsteelandfury

AWESOME!

blaxabbath

Please tell me someone will BotG this!

WCS

If I get the chance, I’m going to drive up to the Mistake By the Lake to experience it.

blaxabbath

I guess I need to watch Dunkirk so I can watch Darkest Hour?

Spur

I’m starting to think Winston doesn’t make good decisions

Mr. Ayo

Well done Winston

rockingdog

LOL
Winston with the 3rd INT

blaxabbath

“Nice play design by Darrell Bevell.”

-Fox Announcer

blaxabbath

Why is Baker on Baldwin? Should Peterson be shadowing their best receiver?

Charge of the Light Brigade

Surely some random Bills practice squad member will be able to pick up the slack for one of the most prolific backs in the NFL.

blaxabbath

Postseason is history.

Charge of the Light Brigade

At this point most Bills fans won’t care if we field the local high school team as long as we see the playoffs.

blaxabbath

Cards opting for the prevent D with a two score lead and 9 minutes left in the 3rd.

ballsofsteelandfury

Cue Seattle comeback that results in Atlanta missing the playoffs.

King Hippo

I see Lynch finally tossed his pickerception WOO

Unsurprised

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ballsofsteelandfury

She looks like a Star Wars character.

WCS

Has the name of one, too.

Romonobyl

Lindy Lou Who? Sounds more like a Dr. Seuss character.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Romonobyl

Can’t wait for the Farmers Insurance commercial for that one.

“Unleash a meth head crack whore in a room full of Warhol originals? Seen it, covered it. We know a thing or two because we’ve seen a thing or two.”

ballsofsteelandfury

WTF are the announcers wearing in the RAMMIT game?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Vibrating butt plugs.

blaxabbath

Nkimdiche is such an underachiever — so of course he looks like an absolute stud against the SEA line.

Gratliff

You deserved better, Shady 🙁

Spur

Pickup up for weed. i bet she cleans up nicely.
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Mr. Ayo

RIP Shady

Spur

And Now his Watch has Ended.

blaxabbath

Not sure what ARI should do with Mathieu. He’s turning out to not be the difference making safety as expected, just more of a good player with above average injury risk.

ballsofsteelandfury

Wasn’t he supposed to be a cornerback?

blaxabbath

He’s a bit ‘hybridy’. With more receiving tight ends, his size is a real liability in those match-ups so you’ve gotta play him as a corner in those cases.

blaxabbath

Haha — the news has their pre-filmed “we’ll discuss the big weekend in sports on Monday at 6am!” commercial. It mentions all the “We’ll have the Sun Devils Wildcats highlights!”

Probably should have shot an alternate commercial that downplays that game….

ballsofsteelandfury

Where is the ASU women’s volleyball coverage?!?

Mr. Ayo

FCC won’t allow that on public stations

blaxabbath

I’m hoping for a daughter because, with as many college sports as they have now, there’s no reason she can’t go to SOME college for free on a weird sport athletic scholarship.

Unsurprised

Crew.

At least if she goes to an east coast school. I knew someone who actually did that after her first semester, which was great for her because even 20 years ago (KILL ME!) GW was expensive as fuck.

ballsofsteelandfury

I know a girl that did crew at Temple. Smart girl.

blaxabbath

ASU has a crew team!

Unsurprised

Yeah, but any girl going to ASU has a 90% chance of going into porn or at least appearing in a FTV video.

blaxabbath

I’ve come to accept that this is just kids these days.

Unsurprised

Just checking.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The new Symbians have handle controls now…… apparently.

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Charge of the Light Brigade

Liquor store is gonna be open on New Years Eve… shit it’s fucking Sunday. Blue laws suck.

Unsurprised

People are stupid. They forget § 2 of the 13th Amendment invalidates the first, just like § 2 of the 21st allows Blue Laws and total prohibition to continue, just not at the federal level.

blaxabbath

States Rights!

NOW GIVE US FEDERAL FUNDS FOR CONFEDERATE STATUES!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

I’m listening to the War Nerd episode about the Whiskey Rebellion and once again Alexander Hamilton was bad.

https://www.patreon.com/posts/radio-war-nerd-7864421

Spur

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Mr. Ayo

Somebody needs a pat down.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Alright assheads, I’ve got my vodka shots to drink illegally on university property upon my arrovedness.
And bail money in case I get tossed into arena jail.

I guess I’ll see ya’s next year.
Presuming I don’t give you a BoTG view of me freezing to death by the side of the road beforehand.

Later taters.

ballsofsteelandfury

Where are you going?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Avett Bros concert in Raleigh.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ratbirdsdown!!!!

Wooooooo!!!!!!!

SonOfSpam

Wearin your good overalls?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Always.

ballsofsteelandfury

Have fun!

Spur

Can i post your sexy mugshot if you get arrested?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’d be disappointed if you didn’t.

rockingdog

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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blaxabbath

What’s this about now? Hockey something?

Game Time Decision

Random Cincinnati o line dude wife had a baby yesterday. 9 lb 14 oz. poor lady

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Hummmm, if it was D-line she’d be playing a wide nine.

Game Time Decision

Lol. Wide 9 forever with the size of that kid

Spanky Datass

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Brick Meathook

Anyone else notice how Rich Gannon seems to trying to imitate Tony Romo?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He pronounces it “auwffense.”

Unsurprised

I keep thinking Rich Gannon is that gay porn model who got credentialed to the White House press corps under W who asked Bush some stupid, Simpsons-like softball questions (for Drudge, or something?) before getting busted.

SonOfSpam

“Yes, Jeff Gannon from Talon News…why are you so awesome, and as a follow-up, why are the Democrats evil?”

blaxabbath

Fuck – Trump would totally find Talon News as ‘fair’.

Spur

So NOW Cincy plays well.

King Hippo

-ish

Game Time Decision

TD Ravens on the back of an 88 yard return

blaxabbath

When I can finally get out of Phoenix, I’m moving somewhere with a good landscape. I think the days of beautiful architecture in building new cities is over.

Spur

try the Northwest.

Unsurprised

Yeah. Come to Portland.

blaxabbath

I thought Oregon was absolutely great when I visited last Feb — and the weather was hazy then. I liked SEA too but I can’t do that density.

I’m kind of stuck here workwise. Second stop will probably just be retirement in Hawaii.

rockingdog

hahahaha Chargers miss the extra kick!
F U Spanos!

Mr. Ayo

#FemurDrums

Charge of the Light Brigade

To the liquor store!

Spur

Rivers is going to execute that kicker at the 50 yard line.

Spur

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Mr. Ayo

If I’m honest, I’d rate her higher than a 6.

ballsofsteelandfury

“Just threw that one away”

TOUCHDOWN CHARGERS!

Mr. Ayo

Oh, that was Rich Gannon. Makes sense now.

Mr. Ayo

Announcer: “Just throws that one away”
Actual result: Touchdown

Spur

All Floats look alike.

WCS

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SonOfSpam

A Rivers float is deceptive.

rockingdog

He sure knows how to drop those floaters!

blaxabbath

Mike Carey: “Looks like an interception to me.”

Charge of the Light Brigade

Good thing about a slow cooker: I don’t have to do anything.
Bad thing about a slow cooker: It smells like it’s done 2 hours before it’s done.
This is also true of the games today.

Spur

i need more liquor.

SonOfSpam

That was also in Melissa Etheridge’s divorce papers.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!