Your “Oh My, You’ve Got Such A Big… Slate” NFL Football Open Thread

I guess the only advantage of not having a Thursday, Sunday Nighter and Monday game is that we get a corn of copia of nine, count ’em, nine games! So what if some aren’t relevant? This presupposes that some week 5 clash involving the Giants or Browns was relevant and we all of us know that isn’t the case, right? TO THE GAMES!

Carolina/Atlanta:

The Falcons are facing the old “Win and You’re in Like Flynn or Gunga Din” scenario. They’ll be side-eyeing the Seattle tilt.

Kansas City/Denver:

Denver hc Joseph spun the “Wheel of QB Futility” and it came up Paxton Lynch. On the other side, coach Reid, locked into the 4 spot seeding-wise, has decided to have a wee looky-loo at Patty Mahomes II: Undermining The Starter Boogaloo. When starter Smith first heard the news he threw a tantrum that traveled all of six yards through the air.

Jacksonville/Tennessee:

Win or lose the Jags are hosting a wildcard game next week. The most likely situation is that this tilt is the first of a home-and-home between these two.

San Fran/LA Rams:

I’m going out on a limb-the 9’ers are the best 5 win team in the league right now. The Rams plan is to sit anyone that matters because they got themselves the division title. Jeff Fisher must be so proud.

Buffalo/Miami:

The Bills need to win and 3/4’s of the AFC to lose so that they can taste the playoffs. It was a valiant try.

Oakland/LA Chargers:

The LawnClippers need to win and the Eiffel Tower has to contract herpes in order for the former to do the playoff jig.

Arizona/Seattle:

Here we go again. The Seahawks must win. Difficulty: the Cards have won the last two in Seattle.

New Orleans/Tampa Bay:

11-4 meets 4-11. How’s that for a hot take?

Cincinnati/Baltimore:

The Ravens need the win just like everyone else. They’ll find the Bengals very accommodating.

Push those letters!