Your “Oh My, You’ve Got Such A Big… Slate” NFL Football Open Thread

I guess the only advantage of not having a Thursday, Sunday Nighter and Monday game is that we get a corn of copia of nine, count ’em, nine games! So what if some aren’t relevant? This presupposes that some week 5 clash involving the Giants or Browns was relevant and we all of us know that isn’t the case, right? TO THE GAMES!

Carolina/Atlanta:

The Falcons are facing the old “Win and You’re in Like Flynn or Gunga Din” scenario. They’ll be side-eyeing the Seattle tilt.

Kansas City/Denver:

Denver hc Joseph spun the “Wheel of QB Futility” and it came up Paxton Lynch. On the other side, coach Reid, locked into the 4 spot seeding-wise, has decided to have a wee looky-loo at Patty Mahomes II: Undermining The Starter Boogaloo. When starter Smith first heard the news he threw a tantrum that traveled all of six yards through the air.

Jacksonville/Tennessee:

Win or lose the Jags are hosting a wildcard game next week. The most likely situation is that this tilt is the first of a home-and-home between these two.

San Fran/LA Rams:

I’m going out on a limb-the 9’ers are the best 5 win team in the league right now. The Rams plan is to sit anyone that matters because they got themselves the division title. Jeff Fisher must be so proud.

Buffalo/Miami:

The Bills need to win and 3/4’s of the AFC to lose so that they can taste the playoffs. It was a valiant try.

Oakland/LA Chargers:

The LawnClippers need to win and the Eiffel Tower has to contract herpes in order for the former to do the playoff jig.

Arizona/Seattle:

Here we go again. The Seahawks must win. Difficulty: the Cards have won the last two in Seattle.

New Orleans/Tampa Bay:

11-4 meets 4-11. How’s that for a hot take?

Cincinnati/Baltimore:

The Ravens need the win just like everyone else. They’ll find the Bengals very accommodating.

Push those letters!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If the Ravens blow this I bet we’ll see Harbaugh do his impression of that henchman at the end of Big Trouble in Little China.

Unsurprised

Get crushed by a dragon statue?

yeah right

I’m trying to be more creative when I swear at someone while driving. Earlier I called someone a penny whistle dick twiddler.

I guess it’s a success if I make myself laugh.

rockingdog

thats a good one

Unsurprised

I like that one.

King Hippo

Sportsbook Balance: $2,520.14

GAMBLOR achievement: UNLOCKED!

WCS

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blaxabbath

Wow. I’m gonna reinvest my bitcoin futures in GABLORPPO (or however it is that you spell SF’s quarterback’s name).

Gratliff

Buffalo relying on Cincy which works so well for everyone else

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dave didn’t break down and I ain’t frozed….yet.

Sorry for the disappoint. Now, vodka.

Unsurprised

Would Dave eat you for fuel if you did?

Alternatively, if you were in Dave and had to stave off hypothermia, what would you press yourself naked against to maintain core temp?

King Hippo

CHEFS WIN!!!!

Huzzah money and draft positioning!!!

Unsurprised

Do the Chefs always beat the Donks? It seems like every time I’ve watched or followed a game they win.

King Hippo

they didn’t used to

Unsurprised

I’m sure selective memory is also coloring this perspective.

rockingdog

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Bad betting day foar me. Glad i held some back foar ironic Okies bet which will assure Nat’l Title in Athens.

Trufe!!!!

Unsurprised
King Hippo

Chefs put 2nd stringer back in, driving FOAR winning FG

Redshirt

Bengals suckered me in again.

Charge of the Light Brigade

You and me both.

yeah right

At least you volleyed and thundered.

herodotus450

Murray?

LemonJello

Flacco can almost taste that post-victory bowl of wintergreen ice milk.

WCS

Wintergreen? He’s really celebrating New Year’s!

WCS

See ya, Bills.

rockingdog

Damn.

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Unsurprised

I watched all of Black Mirror, and at least I got to see this on my TV. https://gfycat.com/MammothWaterloggedAlbino

The rest of it sucked.

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Gratliff

That was such a creepy fucking episode

King Hippo

Mariota eliminates the Shitty Clippers!!

rockingdog

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F U SPANOS!

Mr. Ayo

#FemurDrums

LemonJello

STOMP STOMP CLAP!

Charge of the Light Brigade

Oh Buffalo, you left your fate up to Andy Dalton in the most Buffalo Bills strategy ever.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

If today’s football wasn’t depressing enough, here ya go:

https://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2017/12/31/trump-white-working-class-history-216200

King Hippo

NEVAR read teh Politico

/Donks driving has me depressed

rockingdog

Id rather watch Dave Chappelles new stand up specials

Unsurprised

His base is assholes in Long Island making $60,000 a year without college degrees. It was never poor whites. It’s not poor whites now. Fuck this shit. Fuck Politico.

But, yes, they do. The Southern Strategy was built around that 50 years ago knowing that, as someone else put it, poor whites would ban air if they heard blacks breathed for free. But it isn’t just the South – the most segregated cities are in the North and basically every “liberal” city is and always has been segregated and shockingly racist. Oregon was founded as a white separatist state. The point is that people are easily manipulated to vote against their economic interests – if they even vote at all – through sociopolitical and cultural divisions. Anyone who thinks this is even a question is either an idiot or a disingenuous shit weasel. In this case, Politico is both.

JustStopDude

Great Lakes Region of the US is the only place in America that I am routinely called a nigger while working.

Every fucking job up there, steel mill, port work, water municipality….doesn’t matter. In the course of a week, someone will call me a nigger, either directly or using coded language.

In the South, I rarely run into it, and if I do, someone is getting fucking fired. Up in Ohio and Michigan, I am seen as the “problem”.

Those assholes in Charlotteville VA…they were from the North.

Unsurprised

The Fair Housing Act of 1968 was the third leg of the big three Civil Rights acts of the 60s with the Civil Rights Act and Voting Rights Act. It was also known as the Northern Civil Rights Act because it was aimed at the more insidious and destructive racism practiced outside the deep south through redlining, housing and banking discrimination, exclusionary zoning codes and property covenants, etc. It was also the one that failed because unlike with the bills aimed at the south, you can’t send soldiers to poke bankers in the back with bayonets to stop them from redlining neighborhoods and officers demanding higher interests rates from applicants solely on the basis of race or have Marshals put hands on landlords who won’t rent to non-whites.

Now, they could have had sent in soldiers and Marshals to enforce bussing to forcibly desegregate schools in the north – because it was in New York and New England where bussing riots happened and where the #resistance was fiercest, but they didn’t do that (and then the Burger Court began to cut the balls off the legal basis for action shortly after this). And so schools are more segregated now than they were in 1954. Districts have been reshaped, disbanded, broken up, etc. specifically to allow liberal whites to avoid having to send their kids to schools with too many black and brown kids.

This was in Boston when Bill Russell felt unsafe even while he was winning championships for the Celtics:
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blaxabbath

God damn man, how many jobs you got?

Unsurprised

I assume he means projects for his job, not discrete jobs.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

So that’s not what’s interesting about the article. It’s the economic analysis of the “value” of being white. And his base is both those groups of assholes.

...

I’ll add these stories are always framed to appeal to the sensibilities of wealthier liberalish people who derive alot of their identity from a sense of cultural superiority over the “white working class.” They want to believe their relatively cosmopolitan nature and education means they can’t be racist unlike the rubes.

Unsurprised

Holy shit, yes! This is 100% true.

...

I can’t tell you how often I see urban/suburban liberals sneering at uneducated Red State people and inevitably they’ll say something subtlely racist.

Dudes, I’m pretty aware of racism and even *I* notice the occasional racist thought in my head. Don’t act like you’re immune because you went to college.

Unsurprised

Dude. I’ve heard about so much racism by lawyers against other lawyers, let alone towards non-lawyers, since I moved here that I seriously wonder why I even bother and feel bad when I think of how I tend to get a pass. Then I remember that if I don’t fight it and just leave or cover my head and soldier in silence then what the fuck is the point of even being a lawyer?

Anyway, yeah. It’s amazing how terrible educated and supposedly smart, tolerant people can be because they think they’re above it and so their racism isn’t such it’s “realism” or some shit that appropriately enough is the crap peddled by the alt-right, which began as a group of educated white men who were inclined towards right-wing ideology but thought they were too clever to be traditionally racist, sexist, etc. They have “proof” and “logic” and it’s all just the same shit with a shinier coat.

blaxabbath

You sound like the worst lawyer ever.

And a tar baby lover.

King Hippo

We need to use ALL OUR HATE to stop the Shitty Clippers from backing in right now.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Eh, I want an all LA Superb Owl

King Hippo

JEEBUS, Chefs, you just had to run the clock out!!

/they have the THIRD STRING QB in now, FFS

JustStopDude

My Evil Dead/Star Trek fan fiction novel is coming together nicely…

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WCS

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Mr. Ayo

BRAWL!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

BAWL!

– Me, thinking about what this season might have been if the Raiders weren’t such colossal fuckups.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fuck the Raiders for this pathetic showing. And fuck the announcing team for not even fucking knowing what down it was. And fuck the Titans for actually keeping the door open for the Chargers to potentially make the playoffs.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Perfect fucking ending for this stupid fucking year.

Mr. Ayo

Lolphins

King Hippo

another dumbass pylon stretch

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

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rockingdog
King Hippo

oh, TITS. Are you SERIOUS gonna fuck this up with an own goal??

LemonJello

The cold must be affecting the refs in B’more – they just gave Wallace a P*triots call.

Mr. Ayo

Bunches of Funchess!
C’mon Cam, SAVE OUR SONICS!

Unsurprised

I like Sonic. Save them all.

yeah right

Think I’m making black eye peas and corn bread?
Why yes. Yes I am.

rockingdog

Houska gets the FG!
Bills feeling good….

Charge of the Light Brigade

Mike Tolbert… how?

King Hippo

daggum Brocky gonna beat me unless Janine tosses a touched down

Petronel

There ya go

Mr. Ayo

Winnah!

King Hippo

Feels dirty, sure. But understanding the depth and breadth of Donks dysfunction has been very profitable.

yeah right

That’s why I’m two teaming the Niners and Tits. gotta know when a team is laying down.

Spur

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King Hippo

Does anyone want the NFC South??

Mr. Ayo

Hard pass. But thanks.

Spur

Once was enough.
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Unsurprised

Sherman didn’t go far enough.

Spur

haha..Fuck da Saints.

Spur

Cam is now 8 of 21 for passes.

rockingdog

dude needs to work on his accuracy during the offseason.

King Hippo

Shitty Clippers just messing up draft positioning now

Mr. Ayo

Epic float.
#FemurDrums

Brick Meathook

Shitty Clippers are stomping on the gang bangers

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Pfft. Like any of these pathetic Raiders would get invited to a gangbang. I’d invite Kellen Clemens before I’d invite any of these chumps.

King Hippo

oh, you can’t say with a straight face JDR hasn’t ever fucked a group of strangers before.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Romonobyl

Typical brunch at Casa de Romo.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Jesus Fucking Christ, Raiders.

King Hippo

“Hold our beer” – Donks

Unsurprised

Bam Margera-looking motherfucker.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zdy7jdNE3SQ

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Rob Bironas? Oh, you mean before the accident.

blaxabbath

Like that ARI picks a meaningless year to have decent special teams.

Romonobyl

Got bored so I washed my bedspread, happened to notice that the wash water was unusually brown. I can’t help but be distressed by this.

blaxabbath

Unusually brown ?

Unsurprised

If you were Blax I would just say that’s because your water is just wet dirt (Seriously, how do they manage to get all the water in Maricopa County to taste like rusted dirt?), but you’re just sleeping in poop.

I can’t remember the last time I washed them (which is too long), but I assume my blankets and bedding are actually just layers of dried sweat.

Romonobyl

Another reason I avoid cheap hotels…or hotels in general.

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Unsurprised

I really am a repulsive beast, but holy shit.

Mr. Ayo

Just imagine the sheets.

Romonobyl

inorite?

King Hippo

oh God, FALES is in the game for LOLfins

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Charge of the Light Brigade

He’s been in the whole game.

rockingdog

Mike Wallace got laid the F OUT! dude!

King Hippo

oh noes, CALDWELL getting fired??

Mr. Ayo

Do they turn him on first? Or just unplug and toss out?

Unsurprised

Is he a CFL? Because those contain mercury, so you’re not really supposed to just throw them in the trash.

Brick Meathook

This man once had a bowel movement that made him feel as though he had slept for 12 hours.
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Unsurprised

Great line.

Brick Meathook

Glengarry Glen Ross and Phil Spector are both David Mamet! Who knew?

rockingdog

Bills fans are gonna be partying if this plays out!
hopefully some funny/entertaining BillsMafia shenanigans!!

Spur

the city is going to be out of MD 20/20

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

it’s like Paxton Lynch isn’t very good or sommet, eh?

Spur

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Mr. Ayo

Oooh! Built in bulls-eye!

Spur

she might stab you.

Unsurprised

Worth it.

Mr. Ayo

One can only hope.