Your “Stupid Sexy NFC South!” Wild Card Playoff Game Open Thread

Well, we’re three down and only one more to go. I hope your belly is full of the things that you like and that you’ve hunkered down for the day. Not sure about you guys out there but the wind is howling and growling up here, blowing the darn snow everywhere.  A source in New Orleans has told me that the weather inside The Rich Fella’s Car Dome is hunky and dory, if you can believe it. So how will this thingy in front of our eyeballs play out? Let’s go…TO THE GAME!

Carolina/New Orleans:

There’s a 65% chance that this is the last time Jerry Richardson can look down on his team, metaphorically and physically. I guess I have to back up a bit here. The Saints have taken both tilts from the Panthers this year by a combined 31 points. What you’ll be hearing pre-game is that IT’S SO FREAKING HARD to beat a team three times in a season. Fact is, 65% of the time the winning team that has won before will end up being the winning team again and the losing team will be the same. Got that? No? Good.

Best RB in the league:

His name is Ingram Kamara and he’s run at a 4.7 ypc clip all season long. You should try and pick him up early in your fantasy draft next year.

It’s a fine line…:

As the Wallenda’s will no doubt tell you, ‘balance’ is of the utmost importance. Mr. Brees can state matter-of-factly that an adequate running game will cause you to drop to the ground behind the line of scrimmage only 20 times in 2017. That’s a 3% sack rate and the fewest times he’s been down in ten years. His 270 yards passing per game is the first time he’s been below 300 in six years.

My Hot Takeaway:

The Saints ain’t gonna lose this one.

Roar down below, mes petits tigres.

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Mr. Ayo

Nailed it!

-Blair Walsh

King Hippo

This is now your permanent DFO job, ok?

Smithchez

GA-OH-NO

King Hippo

Ga-NO!!!

ThePirateSloth

The team that can get away with some touchdowns is the team that wins.

Words of wisdom. Words to live by.

Dick E. Phuck

“The team that can get away with some touchdowns is the team that wins.”
-Socrates

Spur

I’m liking this drive from Cam. No Mercy!

Dick E. Phuck

Joe Buck is a great name for a Gay porn star.

King Hippo

Joe and Troy are both rocking the “rough trade” look today, too

fleshwound_NPG

Mr. Josef F. Uck

Dunstan

Also the secret identity of Apache Chief

Viva La Tabula Raza

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Not as good as William B. Fuckley

fleshwound_NPG

Jags better not be the only home team winning on wild card weekend

…with just 10 points scored

Spur

found this on Reddit
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WCS

The Japanese are very weird.

LemonJello

Game tester for MXC is no joke.

...

Something something beating off something something.

King Hippo

Once again, the notion of MIXING UP CREWS for the playoffs is just fucking asinine.

Doktor Zymm

Is that why the officiating has been poopy? I mean, Triplette gonna Triplette, but it’s been more than that

King Hippo

Has to be part of the ‘splanation

Doktor Zymm

So…moving in the middle of the year….when I do my taxes, both states are gonna try to make me pay for the full goddamn year instead of just their share, right?

King Hippo

no, it’s split based on residence time

Doktor Zymm

Oh, I know it is, but last time I moved I got letters from both states after filing and had to send copies of all sorts of shit to prove that I did the VERY COMMON THING OF MOVING FROM ONE PLACE TO ANOTHER. And this was when I was making sexy grad school money, so I’m expecting more of a hassle this time.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Just don’t file in Illinois and dare ’em to come find you.
Problem solved.

King Hippo

As a liberal, I know fuckall about money, so I also started paying someone to do this merde for me as soon as I had a real job (which covered both interstate moves, and never involved any states other than NC and VA, which are pretty civilized). And this was 17 years ago, whilst I have trouble recalling last week

Gratliff

Glad we got to the fireworks factory. The punting is so fast paced here.

King Hippo

Face it, we were NEVAR gonna replicate the soaring heights of EROTIC SMASHMOUTH

...

It’s really unbelievable that they edited out Steve Smith punching those babies with a cup of Dr. Pepper.

blaxabbath

You plan right and work hard and still lose $1800? Quick books has your back!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Iggles moneyline at +125.
Good enough, but Imma give it a day or two to see if that grows.

King Hippo

hmmmm, maybe not so much with the over

Smithchez

That offensive set seemed slightly less than functional

Spur

Panthers have the Saints number. Cam will get it going. I trust the Glory boy.

...

I just read the banner quote and where the hell is Rikki-Tikki-Deadly because he owes us a curtain call.

fleshwound_NPG

oh fuck

...

I know it’s so good and the perfect capstone of his Chiefs hate.

King Hippo

it sums up our essence pretty beautifully

tomsellecksmoustache

He’s been on fire lately with dead kid jokes.

Doktor Zymm

So, which owners are the least despicable? Are there any that aren’t complete fuckfaces?

blaxabbath

Green Bay? Else, no.

King Hippo

nah, that’s white ppl populism and you see where THAT goes

...

No.

King Hippo

I liked what the JAX dude did with his team in London after Der Fuhrer was a jackass re the kneeling. He seems pretty sincere. A buddy of mine went to same alma mater (Illinois) and says he is a really cool guy, American success story who just fell in love with Greater Footy.

WCS

but hes a MOOSLEM like NOBAMA

King Hippo

supportin’ that radical homosexual agenda and Sharia law, what say yeeeeewwwww??

Doktor Zymm

Good enough for me. I was already ‘Go Jaguras’ this year, so happy I’m not supporting awful.

Mr. Ayo

Paul Allen

HOX!

blaxabbath

Lotta ugly uniform success so far this post season.

Doktor Zymm

Not the Buccs tho!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hi guys, what’d I miss?

rockingdog

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JagginOff got the W

Doktor Zymm

And Tyrod is deds, so the last drive was a Peterman

blaxabbath

Thug.

Mr. Ayo

Appropriating Bortles running culture

blaxabbath

Like Bortles if he listened to GANGSTER RAP instead of Christian Contemporary.

Doktor Zymm

Why yes, I have spent the entire weekend in my Singapore Airlines PJs, what of it?

Doktor Zymm

FIRST PUNT OF THE GAME GUYS! GET EXCITED!

ThePirateSloth

I peed a little.

rockingdog

still strange to me that adrian peterson was their RB at the start of the season.

Mr. Ayo

DeShaun Watson started as a backup too. NFL coaches are the best.

King Hippo

#VeteranLeadership

blaxabbath

Oh we all over here now?

So it was sure fun watching Calais Campbell interview after his breakout year once he escaped ARI….

...

lol

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Doktor Zymm

Some of those are silk lined and double wide…plus easier to pick up goths

...

That’s also his down to fuck face.

Gratliff

Have we discussed the Fire and Fury pop-up version here yet?

https://twitter.com/IamHappyToast/status/949655835617185792

...

It’s more factually based than the real thing.

Brick Meathook

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King Hippo

Panthers game has moved to -7 and o/u to 48 (yay) so I feel good re my outstanding action. Only game live for next week so far is Iggles +3, I want to spite bet against ATL

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wait what? +3?

Was that a typo? Not -3?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Holy shit, I just checked. Not a typo.

Wow.

/removes credit card from wallet

bk109

Damn it, I thought the NFL gave the corpse of Peyton Manning the second ring just so he could fuck off into the sunset?!

Beerguyrob

Behold, my terrible, terrible use of Microsoft Paint:

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Mr. Ayo

Undefeated!

...

Les Bort is French for… uh… winning a playoff game with fewer than 100 yards passing?

WCS

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fleshwound_NPG

Louisiana’s own Ms. Richard says geaux Saints

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fleshwound_NPG

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ArmedandHammered

I would certainly enjoy exploring the wetlands of her delta.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Who’s blinder, NFL officials or Alex Jones’s followers?

WCS

Yes.

ArmedandHammered

Both are really good at ignoring all the evidence in front of them, but I am going to say the NFL officials since they get paid while Alex Jone’s followers are too stupid to hold a decent job.

Spur

This is a real varsity game right?

bk109

One can only hope,’cause if the Tits game was the best of the weekend…. Eww

bk109

lol, the Bandwagon.net skit seems to have been pre-taped BEFORE this happened,mwahahah
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Tired: Pooping while sitting down.

Wired: https://twitter.com/starburstvibes/status/949471780812488706

...

Apparently, one should not laugh at that since cats pooping or peeing like that is a sign they have a very painful kidney stone like condition.

Gratliff

Internet killjoys bother me more than trolls, for some reason.

...

Eh, I’m fine being reminded to not enjoy a cat’s misery.

Gratliff

Did you see that old man squirrel video? That’s like cheering for the cat

Doktor Zymm

I look at it as keeping us focused on the REAL shit that’s okay to laugh at, like Patriots fans who injure themselves when the team loses

Doktor Zymm

Damn! Nice tie and pocket square Jimmy!

Petronel

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Dick E. Phuck

Jagwires

Doktor Zymm

So…are we gonna find out in a couple years that Jax is running a bounty system?

fleshwound_NPG

Just realized, Tyran Richard is from Louisiana…

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ThePirateSloth

The Ms Sloth is at work today, taking her work clients and their families to the Blazers game tonight, which means I home alone with all the cannabis and all my Suntory Whisky for the entire afternoon.

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blaxabbath

Suntory?

ThePirateSloth

Japanese scotch. It’s fucking delicious.

Dick E. Phuck

The New England Patriots are flakier than Steve Bannon.

...

Holy shit. New idea: Steve Bannon as an NFL coach.

fleshwound_NPG

A real football game! Real football players! Real football teams!

Doktor Zymm

I’m having an elotes casserole. It’s yummy

King Hippo

hey, I got the Bills spread right at least. And the Tits.

My purgatory GAMBLOR existence is now approximately 100-120 bets, net gain (even after juice) of a lousy $45.

Doktor Zymm

Hey, much better than average

Spanky Datass

Dear NFL : NFC varietal,

Please do better.

–The Commentist Party

Gratliff

Two normal sized bowls of beef and barley and I feel like I’ve been gorging for days. I forgot how good this shit is when made properly.

fleshwound_NPG

let us never speak of that game ever again

WCS

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bk109

Nothing a lil’ Black Bush won’t fix 😉

ballsofsteelandfury

3 for 3.

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