A hale and hearty “Hullo!” to all my fellow pigskin huffers. Boy, did you ever hunker down to the funkiest spot on the net for the football watching. Say, here’s a trivia query: “When was the last time the overall #1 seed was a home dog?” No googling! If memory serves, you’d have to all the way back to 1935 or so when the Camden Meat Maulers hosted the Decataur Drooling Horde. What happened was that the Horde’s general manager up and snuck Notre Dame’s recently-graduated triple threat quarterback Sonny “The Ukrainian Tornado” Poroshenko onto the roster thus ensuring the victory. Apparentlly, the story goes, Commissioner Judge And Jury Kenesaw Mountain Landis (his billfold bursting at the seams with a very recent infusion of sawbucks) saw nothing wrong with this cheeky maneuver. The rest we’re all very much aware of-meat was mauled, hordes drooled, the body count totaled 3 and the final 0-0 score left the crowd chanting (for the very first time) “GO, METEOR!”. Will events unfold in a similar matter today? For the answers we must go… TO THE GAME!
Atlanta/Philadelphia:
She’s gonna be a cold one for the players today-it’ll be about 20 degrees with the windchill or what Canadians would call “a day at the beach’.
Injuries:
Yeah, there’ll be a few.
Good King Wentz Is Lost:
The before-amentioned Nick Foles has quite a bit on his plate today. Them Eagles finished up 13-3 but their brand new-ish starting qb finished up 23 for 49 in their last two tilts. (That 2013 Pro Bowl appearance back in ’13 seems like a two careers ago) On third downs over that two game stretch the news doesn’t get any better-he’s 1 of 17 passing on third downs. Did I mention that he’s fumbled in each of his last three starts?
Keep An Eye Out For:
The Falcons D, per the last eight weeks of the season is a top 5 unit overall. Most impressive has been 2nd year lb Deion Jones. He’s the one that intercepted Brees in spectacular fashion to save the Falcons playoff hopes and also batted down a potential TD score while shadowing Sammy Watkins in the end zone.
My Hot Takeaway:
It’ll take some time for each offense to get going so the first one to 20 wins. Falcons over Eagles 20-13.
I’m done but you’re just getting started-“GO GO GADGET FINGERS!”
Iggles defense needs to be kick ass!
(75-yard catch and run by Julio Jones ensues)
/clears throat
FILL MY FOLES
“Fake news” is such a tired phrase. It’s already been run into the Earth’s mantle.
So does 90% of Twitter.
It’s a vague term that means nothing, and therefore is dangerous. I’d love it to be retired, but, governments are starting to realize how powerful fake news is to suppress the masses
Hoo ballsy
ah like it
18-15? Scorigami??
Nope. It happened in September.
16-15?
Nope.
goddamnit
Foles pick-six, comin’ right up!
Philly sure is waiting a long time to fumble the ball.
Commercial break time!
Where is ICRM? Could we get Glorious Scorigami if we go to OT at 18-18?
18-18 has never happened by 21-18 and 24-18 have.
Too bad we cannot have playoff draws
We need the “rocks fall everyone dies” kinds of draws.”
I straight up forgot the game was on.
And it looks like no neither team showed the fuck up…
You haven’t missed much. Believe us.
Death by a million cuts. Fuck you, Atlanta. This is for last February
Needs to be a billion
“Hmm. When I’m in Atlanta all it usually takes is one.”
– Ray Lewis
Alright Iggles, dont cock this up…
“Hold our beer” – Entire City
who are you and what have you done with nick foles
How tWBS could lose his bet – goes to OT at 18-18
Fun fact: Agholor is a creature in Dungeons & Dragons that was created when a wizard cross-bred a hag and a whore.
/no ofence
They’re called Strumpets, you filthy pleb.
I don’t remember where I saw it (Dungeon Master’s Guide?), but I once encountered a list of the different types of prostitute your character could run into.
NELSON AGHOLOR, WHOM I HAVE NEVER SAID A SINGLE ILL WORD ABOUT
That one Ertz the Falcons
/shows self out
Okay, DOINK, time to do something to make this watchable. Please?
Why are the Eagles running the ball like they’re up 28-3?
Nick. Foles.
fuck either team, but i’m okay with a useless georgia sports team exiting a playoff
Prediction: next time he touches the ball Ajayi will fumble.
Nuts. Already wrong.
Have you considered heeding the sweet siren song of GAMBLOR??
Solid tackling
Eagles with the lead, 4th quarter
[foles throws deep]
oh
The Loser’s owner has to smelt down the Rocky statue, turn a piece of it into a ten inch dildo, and shove the whole thing up their ass.
Someone has to win this shitshow.
Four teams. Many years. Nine titles.
Eagles scratching and clawing to get to the NFC Championship, the graveyard for so many good Eagles before them
The power lines that are the NFC Championship Game.
I mean, you have to think NO CHANCE but maybe NO wins but Breesus gets a head owie?
I like them better against Minny in a defensive battle, even if Minny has the edge there. Brees is going to throw haymakers all day that I expect the Eagles corners to take on the chin all day long.
ATL should go FOAR it
Well someone has to stumble ass backwards into a win.
I actually like this match in the 2nd half. Has matured into a defensing battle.
If by “matured” you mean “deserves a silver alert”, I agree.
You’d think I’d be *excited* about a game that is going into the fourth quarter with a score difference of just a point.
Oh, wait, two points.
If you’re over the age of five, and dumb enough to eat detergent, you deserve to die.
ABSOLUTELY! no Obamacare neither
Yes! Enough with all the protections and lawsuits. If you believe in Evolution, you must let Natural Selection play itself out.
see, we’re not THAT touchy-feely liberal! We are all rationalists here.
/Fuck the P*ts
In the RB’s defense, he’s spent his entire football life being taught to juke and avoid the defense player. He did an excellent job avoiding the blitzer.
also, mad propz to tWBS’ under bet. RESPEK!
That was a great blitz
Iggle D has come up YUUUUUUUUGE
For BLEERGH’s sake..
Are we sure this is professional football?
Any chance this game is at least relevant for scorigami?
Spotify is trying to get me to listen to a band called Rainbow Kitten Surprise.
Song’s not bad but sounds like a character on Redshirt’s thingy.
Again, what was the over/under for this game?
like 35 right?
41.5!
Really, what the Fuck!?
Ajayi flipper hands shows that part of him remains a dolphin
winning the game with all FGs would be a Foles thing to do
They had a touchdown; extra point was missed.
[checks box score, still not sure foles led a td drive]
now they don’t have the wind for the kickoff, dum-dums
Okay. If your receiver is rolling on the ground, ass in the air and if you throw it to the ground in front of his ass you should be flagged for Intentional Grounding.
I found another funny:
2012: cinnamon challenge
2014: ice bucket challenge
2018: laundry pod challenge
2023: guillotine challenge
2050: Neutron Bomb challenge
2077: Grandfather’s Paradox Challenge
Funny thing is, I work in a place that makes something like the pods. They are literally drinking detergent, fabric softener and bleach.
Can they just call this game at the end of the third quarter?
Are Philly fans mispronouncing Alshon’s last name yet? That’s how you know they respect him as much as Bears fans.
handoff, FG comin’ right up
they are doing a good job playing to Foles non-glaring weaknesses