Your “I Hope You Like Field Goals” NFC Championship Open Thread

Don’t get me wrong-I think this will be a low-scoring, hard-fought tilt with plenty of hits and I’m all for it. What else do I be thinking? To know that we must go… TO THE GAME!

Minnesota/Philadelphia:

At long last more than a few denizens of The City of Brotherly Love will discover what it is like to throw up with a dog mask on their face. There won’t be any whips or the like involved but there could be a police baton or two making an appearance. Jason Kelce has informed the fans that there is some etiquette involved saying, “Remember, take off the mask before you spit on your buddy’s girlfriend. Manners are important!”

Injuries:

Safety Sendejo is out of concussion protocol and Adam Thielen is a go despite having ‘tiny cracks in his spine’.(?!) When you’re made of 100% grit these kinds of injuries are to be expected.

Matchup Mayhem:

Everson Griffin vs. Hal Vaitai: Hooo boy this won’t be pretty. Vaitai was ranked 47th out of 55 lineman in Pass-blocking Efficiency according to PFF. Griffin has 13 sacks so far and 61 pressures. Foles is a pocket passer that needs some protection. Does the qb have two consecutive non-Foles-ian games in him? We shall see…

Stats That Don’t Much Matter:

The Vikes have lost 5 straight NFC Championship games. They also have a 6-2 road record this year. The Eagles are giving up an average of 10.3 points per game at home since late October. Yikes. I guess it’ll come down to which qb makes the fewest mistakes. (shudders when he recalls Keenum’s ‘toss it up, see where it goes’ interception to Marcus Williams last week)

Bring your “A” game fellas and don’t forget to do your stretches!

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So, Peter King might have just tweeted his phone number.

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Spur

booty call with who?

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Sending PK a pic of my asshole might cheer me up. Might.

Doktor Zymm

No way to know until you try

ThePirateSloth

Did Darrell Fucking Bevell come back to the Vikings?

Gatoraids

Least they didnt grease up the poles for no reason. Andy Reid would hate to see all that crisco goto waste

theeWeeBabySeamus

Mike Zimmer: OK guys, biggest game of your lives today. Take care of the ball and play our game today and we get the home Superb Owl….make me proud, guys.

Players: comment image

Mike Zimmer: Assholes.

Redshirt

Can a GIF be Banner?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sadly no, but I appreciate the support.

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So, what should I do instead of watch football in two weeks?

Senor Weaselo

I propose we liveblog one of the versions of Hamilton that is apparently on a hub of pornography.

Dick E. Phuck

We should have a live blog discussing Porn.

Gatoraids

during which we would just post pics of football

Senor Weaselo

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I despise Hamilton the musical but a porn spoof of it might be good.

Senor Weaselo

No, apparently it’s the musical.

Gratliff

IT’s what centrists jerk it to these days

Romonobyl

Be a positive citizen and contribute to your community and humanity as a whole?

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lol you doofus

Spur

i suggest a game night.

Redshirt

Read? Reconnect with family? *

* Doesn’t necessary have to be your family.

Wakezilla

Porn

King Hippo

There is no point whatsoever to this life. NONE.

Doktor Zymm

THERE”S GONNA BE SOME CELEBRATORY WRONG WAY DRIVING ON I-95 TONIGHT

Spanky Datass

Fuck you Miny-sorta … Fuck …

King Hippo

they owe me almost as much moneys as the fucking steerfuckers of OKLAHOMA UNIVERSITY

Romonobyl

Here’s a fun, distracting game.
Let’s all think of an appropriate prison nickname for the creep gymnastic doc.

Dick E. Phuck

The Prolapsing Physician?

LemonJello

The Pummel Horse?

Spur

Dr. Larry “no like” Hairy

JustStopDude

Dead meat.

Much like the Sandusky fiasco, he is a horrific symptom of a much more fucked up, institutional wide corruption that allowed a predator to exist and the whole fucking US Gymnastic System needs to be leveled from orbit.

Senor Weaselo

What doesn’t need to be leveled from orbit at this point?

LemonJello

Puppies?

Doktor Zymm

And hedgehogs!

Senor Weaselo

“I beg to differ.” -Dr. Ivo “Eggman” Robotnik

Romonobyl

Even worse, apparently some parents knew something was up, but didn’t want to risk their future retirement plan’s chances.

Spur

why Vikings? Why?

LemonJello

comment image?crop=1xw:1.0xh;center,top&resize=480:*

litre_cola

Excellent throw Mr foles.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Well hell. I might as well go ahead and start masturbating I guess.
I mean I’m already crying so I’m halfway there. Why waste it?

Romonobyl

Pics or it didn’t….never mind.

LemonJello

Jeebus.
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King Hippo

JEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSUS

Romonobyl

Fuck that baby deers.

Gratliff

SUCK A FUCKING DICK

Dick E. Phuck

What the hell have the Vikings done in the 1970s to piss off God so much

Redshirt

They touched the women of the towns they plundered at night?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I actually hope Foles does get hurt and can’t play in the Super Bowl. Nothing personal, but anything, and I mean anything, that can diminish the Pats’ eventual victory will take some of the sting away.

Doktor Zymm

I’ll have to find a lot of DDT gifs for the Superb Owl

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehehe….that’s funny.

Romonobyl

Agent Orange will work in a pinch.

Senor Weaselo

There is no alcohol in the house by the way. Which means I have lived this entire day sober. And I have an oil change at 7 AM.

Can someone just bash my brains in with a 2×4 every 5 minutes? Sorry, 3 minutes?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Someone in the SoCal region should go turn the gas line off at Yeah Right’s place, btw.
And please pull his head out of the oven while you’re there.

JustStopDude

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Gratliff

May be the single funniest moment in the entire series

Col. Duke LaCross

You never know what’s gonna be on the board!

Doktor Zymm

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Wakezilla

The problem with the live version of Beauty and the Beast: They made the Beast too much of an asshole until the last 15-20 minutes. Gaston wasn’t that bad of a guy until the end, either.

Spur

i hope every Philly resident trips on the Rocky steps.

King Hippo
ThePirateSloth

My father, who is born/raised South St Philly, who was at the infamous Santa game with my grandfather, who on a weekly basis calls any Philly team “bums”, who stopped watching my Seahawks because of them kneeling traitors, just talked shit to me about the Eagles winning.

I’m almost in the shit-fucking-tastic position of cheering for the god damn fucking Patriots because fuck Eagles fans.

litre_cola

Dont paint us all with the same brush!

Wakezilla

I gotta ask: I had family stuff to do late in the P*ts/Jags game, when the Jags were winning. Da fuck happened?

theeWeeBabySeamus

A couple of key calls coupled with bad playcalling by Jax.

More or less….dey done choked.

King Hippo

they punted on 4th and a short 1

Redshirt

The refs helped the Patriots out a little bit.

The Jaguars coaching staff helped the Patriots out a lot bit.

Dick E. Phuck

55 seconds and two timeouts in the First Half and they didn’t even attempt to get points.

Wakezilla

I heard that. I don’t mind that cause they are a running team and Bortles isn’t getting them into field goal position

Gatoraids

Patriots had only 1 penalty called on them whole game and ref congratulates Brady after final play.. Have to root for Philly cuz of the implications

theeWeeBabySeamus

@Hippo, you have my word I’ll never bet with ya again. I fuck everything up for ya every time I do.
Please forgive me.

Strip club later?

King Hippo

NO. I have no moneys.

I just suck, no forgivenessing needed.

Romonobyl

“Strip club? Sure, what’s another 100G in hush money?”

-POTUS

Spur

I’d rather root for the Waffen SS American Football team then the Eagles

King Hippo

sounds liek u wanna join team DON’T WATCH

LemonJello

So, you’re a P*triots fan?

Spur

i am for the next two weeks.

Dick E. Phuck

Your ancestors are turning in their graves.

LemonJello

Think I’ll just drink and hope for some career-ending injuries…some would say a final solution, of sorts?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Inorite?

– W. Von Braun

Romonobyl

It ain’t Hip Hop without a tuba!

Doktor Zymm

If you’re a fat kid it’s tuba or beat-boxing, that’s it

theeWeeBabySeamus

Jesus Christ. I step away for a few minutes to deal with a pain in the ass kid and….
24-7??????????????

FFS. Bye bye money.

King Hippo

so…who’s gonna stay sentient and RiveBrog Fuck Doctors?

Doktor Zymm

Say what now? I assume you’re talking about something less soul crushing than that gymnastics doctor’s sentencing hearing?

Romonobyl

Creeps like that make me hope there is a Hell.

Doktor Zymm

Damn right. The judge is pretty awesome though. He tried to get out of hearing victim testimony because it was too hard to listen to. What a piece of total slime.

Petronel

Aly Raisman had some words for him (as have dozens of other women). Doubtful that he listened, of course.

King Hippo

After the game! 2-hour premiere! FUCK DOCTORS!!!

/think R-T-D named it

Doktor Zymm

Eh, I just started drinking, perhaps I’ll check it out

Sharkbait

Definitely an insurmountable lead right? Keenum has to regress to the mean eventually

King Hippo

oh yeah, your Superb Owl trophy can be engraved. Don’t worry.

Gratliff

The post game should be Dawk’s no respect rant on loop for an hour.

Redshirt

The reason why the world we live in has gone to shit:
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Doktor Zymm

The US is sadly more anti-intellectual than most of the world 🙁

Wakezilla

Zim puts in Bridgewater, Vikings make it a game

Gratliff

Eagles on pace for 480 yards offense.

Doktor Zymm

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litre_cola

This half has pleased me greatly

King Hippo

ur prophecy wins

Doktor Zymm

Are you sure you’re an Eagles fan? You don’t sound drunk or belligerent at all !

litre_cola

I am red wine tipsy and kinda stoned so nice and mellow

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That’s how to do it.

Spur

Seriously, can Beady Eyes or Bridgewater play? Are they healthy?

Dick E. Phuck

You’d have to ask Vikings team doctor Nick Riviera.

Romonobyl

I was thinking about the doc from Family Guy.
Apples/Oranges.

Doktor Zymm

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Dick E. Phuck

Let’s check in with Drew at his home:

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Spur

Gross. i thought 2018 was suppose to be a “better” year?

King Hippo

NOPE. It will just keep getting worse until we take the hint and end things.

Gratliff

Football is so good, you guys

Spur

Cant wait till Harrison decapitates Foles

Gratliff

THE ROUT IS ON

Redshirt

In hindsight, we shouldn’t be surprised the Vikes showed up flat. After an emotional win last week, they had nothing left in the tank.

King Hippo

also, GOD IS DED

Wakezilla

Odin went back to sleep and Thor is a dipshit

LemonJello

Loki would at least make this game entertaining.

Doktor Zymm

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WCS

We need to convince Brady to eat Tide pods. Tell him they’re good for hydration.

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