Your “We Are All Jags Fans Today” AFC Championship Game Open Thread

Are you ready? Last Sunday was oh-so-glorious and I’m not sure how it can be topped but the bowels of my being are telling me it will be. Perhaps that’s last night’s chili talking, I’ve no idea. What the heckfire am I waiting for? TO THE GAME!

Jacksonville/New England:

Some football fans down Florida way are talking about The Coughlin Effect transforming this team. “So what is The Coughlin Effect?”, you may ask. Well, as a Giants fan I can tell you it involves not wearing hats in meetings, setting the clocks in the practice facility five minutes ahead and treating any and all injuries with bloodletting-you know, basic crotchety old man stuff. I’ve no doubt that when he was first told that players were kneeling during the anthems his gut reaction was to foam at the mouth.

Injuries:

Tom Brady has some stitches in his paw-paw. Will he play? (yes) Will he wear a glove? (maybe) Will it affect his game? (no) Do I like question marks? (most assuredly)

Stratergizering:

Rumour has it that Adele would like to see Jalen Ramsay on the Gronkster but the Jags D usually covers te’s with a safety (Church/Gipson) or Myles Jack. Besides the fact that Ramsey is out-weighed by a good fifty pounds, what of Brandin Cooks? I can’t see the Jags pulling something special out of their game plan hat today.

Here’s a Problem:

Their names are Hurns, Westbrook, Cole and Lee. That’s not the name of a law firm, that’s the Jags receiving corpse. If the team falls behind by two scores it’s not going to be pretty. That said, I think the speedy Westbrook just might grab a TD on some sort of trickery dickery dock.

Old Adage is old:

War. Won. Trenches. You know how it goes but if Jacksonville’s d-line of Ngakoue, (another strip-sack maybe?) Campbell, Jackson, Dareus and Fowler play as they have been recently the timing that Brady & Co. depend so much upon will be jiggered and they’ll be out of their comfort zone.

Have at ‘er darlings-it’s all yours now.

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Horatio Cornblower

“It’s David vs. Goliath today!”

House of David immediately sues for defamation for being compared to Blake Bortles.

LemonJello

“Don’t compare us to the fackin’ P*ts”
-Goliath’s estate

litre_cola

Does Brady buy his O line the TB12 pajamas or the whole training regiment as a gift?

Spur

A gallon of Navajo tears for each man. It cures what ails you

King Hippo

hate drinking is about to ensue

Spur

pick-six or broken collarbone please.

Horatio Cornblower

I’ll settle for a good old fashioned hand-stompin’

Horatio Cornblower

If ‘Hostiles’ is indeed the finest western since ‘Unforgiven’ I have to assume that Rosamund Pike is stark naked through 3/4 of it.

LemonJello

One could hope.

nomonkeyfun

Her birthday is this Friday…nudge, nudge

Dick E. Phuck

I love the fact that Romo has to explain basic passing concepts when discussing Bortles.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

“Bortles…pass, incomplete.”

“What is: I heard this for three hours on January 21st, 2018, Alex.”

Spur

Did you guys hear about Tom Brady’s hand?

...

It jacked me off?

Wait… what?

nomonkeyfun

What, did he get goat shit on it, again?

The Maestro

YUUUUUGE pass defence!!!!

Horatio Cornblower

Not that I think that should have been called but that glancing blow to Bortles’s facemask would have been 15 yards for the Pats.

Gatoraids

Is slow motion even necessary on a bortles pass

Gratliff

It is the default setting

Gratliff

Bortles put everything he had into that pass

litre_cola

I heard a commercial for the Grammys and I did not recognize anyone

King Hippo

Gotta pull that in, Yeldon…

Spur

nice long clock killing drives is what the Jags need.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Gentlemen. Ladeez.*

Go, Jags. Frek the Pats.

*Assuming facts not in evidence

King Hippo

Setting up the deep shot. BIGLY

tomsellecksmoustache

A Perfect Circle? New England would play early 00’s butt rock to pump up the Sully’s

Gratliff

It’s a good thing the Pats D has been garbage for years.

Horatio Cornblower

I have gotten through the entire day without wearing pants.

Pajamas don’t count.

LemonJello

I hope they choke on it.

Spur

nice bort. don’t panic just dump it off or run

Dick E. Phuck

Death by checkdown.

fleshwound_NPG

not a 3-and-out…?!

...

I want Bortles to complete 35 passes just like that one. Float them to death.

King Hippo

to a chorus of NAWT FAYUUUHHH

King Hippo

that’s actual, good QBing!

Horatio Cornblower

Just finished work for the day and took a massive dump. Is there a difference in the quality of the two? Absolutely not.

HOW THE FUCK WE DOIN’, FELLOW JAGS FANS!?!?

LemonJello

Thinking I don’t have enough booze for this game.

King Hippo

feelin’ SILKY!

...

So the over-under on Bortles’ passing yards is like 120, right?

ThePirateSloth

Pick Six to start the game! COME ON

LemonJello

You shut your Pirate-whore mouth!

Spur

Altered Carbon was great.

LemonJello

I’ll add it to my Furloughed Watching List.

...

Good afternoon, everyone. May God finally smite the Patriots and bring us the Salvation only a Bortles can bring.

LemonJello

Can Jalen Ramsey hit Brady, Belichick and McDaniels today?

The Maestro

Not good enough. MOAR LB/WR MISMATCHES DAMMIT

Smithchez

That’ll do, Jaguras, that’ll do.

Spur

Yeah! Hit that asshole.

litre_cola

– ballsofsteelandfury

LemonJello

MOAR SACKS FOR THE SACK GOD!

Smithchez

CRUSH THAT HAND!

fleshwound_NPG

YASSS

King Hippo

BETTER

King Hippo

maybe awake now?

rockingdog

Damn. Pats went 3 and out.

Off to a bar here in New England. Oh god…..

Smithchez

For fuck’s sake, jaguras they run that pick play ALL THE GODDAMN TIME

The Maestro

FACKIN’ AMENDOLERRRRR

King Hippo

goddamnit, that’s ballgame

Gratliff

I want to see this every down.
comment image

King Hippo

surely they will kick?

Spur

no, they’re assholes

King Hippo

well, that’s my first prop ded

King Hippo

oh shit

Spur

Campbell needs to stomp on that hand.