Your “We Are All Jags Fans Today” AFC Championship Game Open Thread

Are you ready? Last Sunday was oh-so-glorious and I’m not sure how it can be topped but the bowels of my being are telling me it will be. Perhaps that’s last night’s chili talking, I’ve no idea. What the heckfire am I waiting for? TO THE GAME!

Jacksonville/New England:

Some football fans down Florida way are talking about The Coughlin Effect transforming this team. “So what is The Coughlin Effect?”, you may ask. Well, as a Giants fan I can tell you it involves not wearing hats in meetings, setting the clocks in the practice facility five minutes ahead and treating any and all injuries with bloodletting-you know, basic crotchety old man stuff. I’ve no doubt that when he was first told that players were kneeling during the anthems his gut reaction was to foam at the mouth.

Injuries:

Tom Brady has some stitches in his paw-paw. Will he play? (yes) Will he wear a glove? (maybe) Will it affect his game? (no) Do I like question marks? (most assuredly)

Stratergizering:

Rumour has it that Adele would like to see Jalen Ramsay on the Gronkster but the Jags D usually covers te’s with a safety (Church/Gipson) or Myles Jack. Besides the fact that Ramsey is out-weighed by a good fifty pounds, what of Brandin Cooks? I can’t see the Jags pulling something special out of their game plan hat today.

Here’s a Problem:

Their names are Hurns, Westbrook, Cole and Lee. That’s not the name of a law firm, that’s the Jags receiving corpse. If the team falls behind by two scores it’s not going to be pretty. That said, I think the speedy Westbrook just might grab a TD on some sort of trickery dickery dock.

Old Adage is old:

War. Won. Trenches. You know how it goes but if Jacksonville’s d-line of Ngakoue, (another strip-sack maybe?) Campbell, Jackson, Dareus and Fowler play as they have been recently the timing that Brady & Co. depend so much upon will be jiggered and they’ll be out of their comfort zone.

Have at ‘er darlings-it’s all yours now.

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Duchess

Maybe Gronk needs to stop eating Tide pods

Beastmode Ate My Baby

A flag…against the Pats…?

/faints

King Hippo

OMFG, the P*ts can’t even hold!! Most Glorious!!!!

Spur

Kill Kill Kill. Dont let up Jags!

Gatoraids

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tomsellecksmoustache

I propose that for every Confederate statue that we remove, we erect a new one of Doug Marone or Blake Bortles.

fleshwound_NPG

…and two of 4nette

Dick E. Phuck

They’ve already erected my penis for the time being.

Old School Zero

Possible:

Tom Coughlin:Bill Belicheck::Batman:Joker

Spur

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Smithchez

(whispers) “fack you, yah fackin queeaahh”

Horatio Cornblower

Oh, they were plentiful back in the pre-Brady days. Quiet as church mice, those fuckers.

And when Brady retires they’ll go right back to it. Boston fans are the biggest front-runners in the world, and I’m a Yankees fan.

Gratliff

“PITCHAS AND CATCHAS! PITCHAS AND CATCHAS!” they’ll start chanting after the first pats loss in November.

Spur

A group of jaguars is call a shadow.

Horatio Cornblower

A group of Pats fans is called a klan.

Gratliff

Reminds me of that Texas-USC national championship when they were running endless debates over which theoretical super team could possibly beat USC right before Vince Young sent them home crying.

Duchess

Best College Football game ever… only could hgave been beaten had Colt not sat out thge rest of the Bama game cause he didn’t want to hurt his draft position.

Spur

NFL coaches were not ready for Vince.

fleshwound_NPG

the lions hired the man currently getting owned by Bort and Co.

JustStopDude

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Smithchez

Aww, Matt Patricia, your defense is getting shredded by Blake fucking Bortles. You know why, you rocket scientist motherfucker?

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Even without the dough riding on it…
THIS IS FUCKING FUN TO WATCH SO FAR!!!!!!!

litre_cola

This is just orgasmic

Duchess

Hey keep yourself edging or we may have a Falcons style meltdown

Unsurprised

I know I hate on the Patriots a lot but at the end of the day I really respect absolutely nothing about them and hope Tom Brady’s fucking thumb falls off mid sack and Jalen Ramsey eats it in front of some stupid shirtless fuck in the stands

— Justin Halpern (@justin_halpern) January 21, 2018

Ummm… wow

— Jon Cryer (@MrJonCryer) January 21, 2018

I know, you’ve never seen this side of me in the parking lot

— Justin Halpern (@justin_halpern) January 21, 2018

When you get a “Wow” response from Ducky, who had to act against Charlie Fucking Sheen for like eight years.

Dick E. Phuck

I can imagine Belichick saying after that touchdown: “Initiate protocol Ref Bullshit Sigma V.”

Horatio Cornblower

He literally called out a defender to come take him on, and then knocked his ass over.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=chgvGPj9-Rc

King Hippo

/apparently fall ovah backwards helplessly

Spur

So when do catchers and pitchers report? Should i ask Rodgers?

King Hippo

DOUG MARRONE, Superb Owl coaching participant

King Hippo

FACK YOU, you can’t stop this

Smithchez

JA-GU-RAS!!!!!!!!!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Blammo!!!!!!

tomsellecksmoustache

Oh god, my dick.

Old School Zero

OH MY GOD YOUR DICK AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

fleshwound_NPG

BOOSH

Spur

YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Maestro

God, these fucking sweeps. Stack the goddamn outside some more, you dinks. Stop rushing 6, you’re wasting your goddamn time.

Spur

hey Nance, Brady’s hand is getting cold. leave the booth and go down there and sit on it. Romo can handle this.

LemonJello

Hes already got Tom’s Terrific Balls in his mouth, so why not?

King Hippo

FUCK is that Jagura OL good…

Horatio Cornblower

It helps when you have a road-grader like Fournette running behind you.

I give him about 4 years before he’s shot to hell.

clint greasewood

4 Nette

fleshwound_NPG

SEC speed

Spur

Step on those Pats necks Jag bros

tomsellecksmoustache

This is starting to look like one of those multi hour erections the commercials warn against.

Old School Zero

Let me just sprinkle some boner killer around the joint: 28-3

King Hippo

SURELY Old Man Coughlin would buzz down and tell ’em to go fer two?

...

I KNOW WE CAN’T GET EXCITED BECAUSE THEY WILL MURDER OUR HAPPINESS

LemonJello

Every party has a pooper, that’s why we invited you. Party Pooper: OSZ.

Old School Zero

IT’S NOT POOP! IT’S BLOOD! BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

Horatio Cornblower

Jacksonville seems far more inclined to run up the middle late. And early. And pretty much any time they can get away with it.

fleshwound_NPG

jags know how to run

Smithchez

Why is it that neither Nance nor Romo can pronounce “Jaguars” correctly?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Almost no one does.
It annoys the shit outta me.

ThePirateSloth

Tony Romo shouting random play calls is the best Tony Romo.

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, it was fucking great when he was doing it while under center for Dallas.

herodotus450

HA! Cleve and Det. have the same number of super bowl appearances as Jax and Houston, 0.

litre_cola

This is making me very happy.

King Hippo

I could live with losing a fuckton of moneys and your 2nd half of the prophecy holding sway over mines…so long as Jaguras win.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Even my 91 year-old mother is rooting for the Jags. Pats,you have truly united America.

Smithchez

The Jaguars are looking competent and I don’t….understand. It’s like watching a dog play chess.

King Hippo

It’s almost like there was some kind of prophecy revealed to the Commentist Party around Week 13…

Smithchez

I’ve been unfortunately busy and stupidly missed said prophecy. What was foretold?

King Hippo

Minny/Jaguras, Superb Owl of Destiny

King Hippo

/also Minny will win 27-23 (bet the over)

...

And Drew will literally levitate.

Smithchez

And so it is written. I believe.

tomsellecksmoustache

That’s right Blake, keep killing them with the short passes. Pretty soon you’ll take the lid off with your perfect deep ball.

Spur

play action of death.

...

Bortles is just gonna float/lob every pass and I’m here for it.

King Hippo

Is Blake Bortles A Elite QB??

The Maestro

Christ, the Pats are getting eaten up by these little RB swing routes. Fack.

King Hippo

I’m telling you guys, the matchup favours Jacksonville. Strange, but true.

fleshwound_NPG

it is if bort is throwing perfect spirals like that

Horatio Cornblower

Nice to see the correct spelling for the soon-to-be London Mowglis

fleshwound_NPG

GO NEO-DARREN SPROLES

King Hippo

NAWT FAYUUUUHHH!!!

King Hippo

It’s safe to say the Commentist collective (minus about 5) is hard enough to cut steel right now.

...

I know better than to ever believe the Patriots are beaten until the game is over. These fuckers have a hell of a pact with Satan.

LemonJello

Artist’s re-creation:
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