Your “We Are All Jags Fans Today” AFC Championship Game Open Thread

Are you ready? Last Sunday was oh-so-glorious and I’m not sure how it can be topped but the bowels of my being are telling me it will be. Perhaps that’s last night’s chili talking, I’ve no idea. What the heckfire am I waiting for? TO THE GAME!

Jacksonville/New England:

Some football fans down Florida way are talking about The Coughlin Effect transforming this team. “So what is The Coughlin Effect?”, you may ask. Well, as a Giants fan I can tell you it involves not wearing hats in meetings, setting the clocks in the practice facility five minutes ahead and treating any and all injuries with bloodletting-you know, basic crotchety old man stuff. I’ve no doubt that when he was first told that players were kneeling during the anthems his gut reaction was to foam at the mouth.

Injuries:

Tom Brady has some stitches in his paw-paw. Will he play? (yes) Will he wear a glove? (maybe) Will it affect his game? (no) Do I like question marks? (most assuredly)

Stratergizering:

Rumour has it that Adele would like to see Jalen Ramsay on the Gronkster but the Jags D usually covers te’s with a safety (Church/Gipson) or Myles Jack. Besides the fact that Ramsey is out-weighed by a good fifty pounds, what of Brandin Cooks? I can’t see the Jags pulling something special out of their game plan hat today.

Here’s a Problem:

Their names are Hurns, Westbrook, Cole and Lee. That’s not the name of a law firm, that’s the Jags receiving corpse. If the team falls behind by two scores it’s not going to be pretty. That said, I think the speedy Westbrook just might grab a TD on some sort of trickery dickery dock.

Old Adage is old:

War. Won. Trenches. You know how it goes but if Jacksonville’s d-line of Ngakoue, (another strip-sack maybe?) Campbell, Jackson, Dareus and Fowler play as they have been recently the timing that Brady & Co. depend so much upon will be jiggered and they’ll be out of their comfort zone.

Have at ‘er darlings-it’s all yours now.

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fleshwound_NPG

gronk free to go clubbin

Smithchez

“Look at that Lambo, killin’ it like John Rambo, am I right? You know, because of the PTSD?”

/adjusts tie
//uses tie to hang self

Old School Zero

That last part of the comment was just too much, just totally…

…INXS…

Gratliff

Gronk must have died in the locker room

King Hippo

so…I won my Gronk prop bet!

...

That his headspot would get an owie?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Good enough. For now.
Now punish Tawmmy a little and keep them on their side of the field plz, k thx.

blaxabbath

DPI
DPI
DPI
DPI

Touchdown

ThePirateSloth

The Ms Sloth might get pregnant from this game, which would cause her to become Mrs Sloth.

I’ll have to name the kid Blake Lambo Sloth

fleshwound_NPG

now gimmie all the dreamboatsacks

Gratliff

That kicker’s got a leg. Can Carson have it?

Petronel

Now, if only Lambo had taken out the “Dilly Dilly” on the scoreboard…

Spur

that kick was awesome

blaxabbath

Lamb(Her)o

Dick E. Phuck

Dilly Dilly is on the fucking scoreboard!

Kill me.

blaxabbath

Well those people want nothing more than to live under an insane king with ridiculous demands.

litre_cola

10 pts, I like it.

fleshwound_NPG

dead fuckin center

King Hippo

Lambo is fucking ON POINT

blaxabbath

There’s the Bortles we know.

Smithchez

Not exactly a promising start, Blake.

King Hippo

Jaguras are proper footballing. As are Minny-SEW-ta. Thus, the prophecy shall be fulfilled.

Old School Zero

WELCOME TO THE KEENUM BORTLES PARADOX

Spur

i never or known anyone to have lice. i would dunk myself in a barrel of DDT if i did.

LemonJello

OrangeJello and TangerineJello have both endured infestations – schools are just germ/bug factories.

litre_cola

I am preparing for when Decilitre goes to daycare in 2 months. I tend to have a shitty immune system so I am in for it.

tomsellecksmoustache

I read that as pants adjustment, which is indeed needed.

theeWeeBabySeamus

His A gap does need patching probably.

King Hippo

This David/Goliath shit is getting on my nerves. Just like last week in Yinzburgh…this is legit JAX just being the better side.

blaxabbath

The 17-1 Pats were a Goliath. This is a shitty NFL season.

makeitsnowondem

Fourteenette

Dick E. Phuck

Mark Sanchez’s new Luncheonette.

Dick E. Phuck

Jacksonville used BLAKE BORTLES CHECKDOWN.

It’s super effective.

Spur

Am scaring my dogs with all the yelling.

Gratliff

My god. Can the Brady Dynasty truly be ended by fucking Blake Bortles?

litre_cola

We are in the darkest timeline so sure!

fleshwound_NPG

that would end the dark timeline

blaxabbath

Who else could it be? He’s the NFL’s Cannard.

Redshirt

Shut up! You’ll jinx it. Remember 3-28.

Gatoraids

Fornettication

Old School Zero

That was a sweet cut upfield

blaxabbath

Lee has had an interesting career.

King Hippo

I’m telling you, just like I defended ATL/PHI. this is very good QBing by BORT! Maybe not conventionally beautiful, but very very good

...

Not done ranting about Brady because I need to toss in his insipid vacuous wife, too. Those two are filthy fucking rich because they were lucky to be born in a unique point in human history that allows them to make a living playing a game and walking around looking pretty, two things that have zero fucking utility. In any other time period, Brady is just fucking menial labor for some feudal lord and his wife is married off to whatever dude is sitting on the most wealth. But instead of appreciating how the labor of BILLIONS of long dead humans who mostly lived in squalor but whose labor built a society that offers an unprecedented level of comfort in security, these motherfuckers probably voted for Trump thinking their entire lot in life is due to hard work and individualism or some delusional bullshit that allows them to defend the total accident of birth and circumstance that has blessed them.

And hey, the Jags are putting together a nice drive here.

Old School Zero

It is a very nice drive, indeed.

...

I know! Fournette is proving to be quite the workhorse to offset Bortles’ limitations!

theeWeeBabySeamus

I have to say, Bortles is doing very well at taking what they’re giving him.

Spur

Bort is check downing to my heart.

Old School Zero

The way these Jaguars are playing today, they may just make the playoffs!

litre_cola

Do we have a new King checkdown?

blaxabbath

God – NE even manages to have white trash stadium music.

Smithchez

You don’t HAVE to run with 9 men in the box just because it’s first down

makeitsnowondem

A BORT! A BORT!

ThePirateSloth

A Bortleleg!

blaxabbath

Let’s flicknot back into a collapsing pocket!

King Hippo

it’s all dink and dunk seemingly, but BORT has 10+ YPA

fleshwound_NPG

TRICKYBORT

Spur

1st down! this shit is nerve racking.

King Hippo

yeah, I’m gonna have the stress dump of my life later

theeWeeBabySeamus

LMFAO

Redshirt

Thanks to my Dad, we’re watching the Patriots Radio Broadcast on Amazon Echo.

Pray for Redshirt.

King Hippo

NICE!

Dick E. Phuck

69!

blaxabbath

Who is the JAX backup?

litre_cola

Sadly I feel a backbreaking pick coming up here.

Mr. Ayo

Never doubt BORT!

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK jags, they’re stacking n cheating. You know what time it is now, right?

LemonJello

Unleash the meth dragon?

tomsellecksmoustache

PUT THE BALL IN THE HANDS OF BORTLES!!!!!!

Dick E. Phuck

Is it too much to ask for just one Ngakoue strip sack. Please God, please.

Old School Zero

It’s the return of Martyball…

fleshwound_NPG

when bort is your qb, you have no choice but to martyball

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