https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82oSu6gIvms
If you are receiving this, it means the blizzard has finally stopped & I can get out of the house. Doing more food deliveries tonight; last week was sadly uneventful, so I’m hoping for something interesting.
Tonight’s sports:
- Olympics:
- NBC | 8:00PM – Bobsled, Figure Skating Gala
- NBCSN
- 7:00PM – Curling (Women’s Gold Medal Match)
- 10:30PM – Hockey (Men’s Gold Medal Game)
- Who fucking cares vs. Big fucking deal
- CBC
- 8:00PM – Bobsled, Figure Skating Gala
- 10:30PM – Hockey (Men’s Gold Medal Game)
- TSN
- 7:00PM – Curling (Women’s Gold Medal Match)
- NHL:
- Bruins at Leafs – 7:00PM | Sportsnet / NHLN
- Jets at Stars – 7:00PM | Sportsnet1
- Oilers at Kings – 10:00PM | Sportsnet
- NBA:
- Thunder at Warriors – 8:30PM | ABC / TSN2
- NCAA:
- Gonzaga at BYU – 8:00PM | ESPN2
- Arizona State at Oregon State – 8:00PM | ESPNU
- Missouri at Kentucky – 8:15PM | ESPN
- Long Beach State at Cal State (Fullerton) – 10:00PM | ESPN2
- Arizona at Oregon – 10:15PM | ESPN
- UFC:
- UFC Fight Night: Emmett vs. Stephens – 8:00PM | FOX / TSN5
Spring Training baseball kicks off tomorrow afternoon. Russell Wilson’s playing with the Yankees. WHY WOULD THE ROCKIES TRADE HIM?!
This game I call it ENIGMA because the Germans thought they had it the whole time but they really didn’t
Gonna come back from commercial to both captains punching a random Polish fellow
I appreciate the DNC’s new retro style ad campaign
The Polish hockey team would be better if they didn’t train outdoors in the summer.
THIS OVERTIME I CALL IT ‘LEND-LEASE’, BECAUSE IT WILL DRAG OUT THE GERMAN-RUSSIAN CONFLICT FOR THE ULTIMATE BENEFIT OF AN AMERICAN AUDIENCE!!!
This lead I call it the means of production because it has been seized by the russians
THIS GAME I CALL IT STALINGRAD BECAUSE ONCE AGAIN THE RUSSIANS SCORE LATE AND NO ONE KNOWS WHO’S GOING TO WIN
I’m drunk.
William Gibson is such a pretentious blowhard.
You’re not alone
Fucking Germans
Not enough tommyguns?
“Fucking Germans”
-France, 1941
THIS GERMAN POWER PLAY, I CALL IT THE KURSK OFFENSIVE BECAUSE THEY HAD ALL OF THE ADVANTAGES AND STILL FUCKED IT UP!!!
/nailed it!
Germany just needs to hole up in a bunker and ride out hte last 2 minutes of this one.
Oh that is fucking sublime.
And…. they blew it, right through the head.
Germans taking off with lightning speed while the Russians look on helplessly?
Never seen that before.
Well, how else are ya gonna catch ’em?
The Ukrainian in me hates both of these teams equally. However, my left and right half are arguing over which team’s moral failings I should be okay with.
Hi, I’m a meteor. Perhaps I can help?
A century late, a mark short.
HOLY BANANACAKES BATMAN
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=La4Dcd1aUcE
Das miracle on frozen Canadian tears ice
THAT GERMAN GOAL, I CALL IT “LENIN SNEAKING BACK IN AN ARMORED RAIL CAR” BECAUSE RUSSIA IS NOT COMING BACK FROM THAT!!!
Fuck Russia
Shouldn’t they also be called “Olympic Fans from Russia” instead of “Russian Fans”?
#AllOlympiansMatter
THIS THIRD PERIOD I CALL IT THE SIEGE OF LENINGRAD, BECAUSE THE RUSSIANS ARE STARVING FOR A BREAKTHROUGH!!
Given the context a meat thermometer is probably the better plan, but smell will do in a pinch.
This Ilya Kovalchuk I call him Anastasia because he’s disappeared without a trace at an inopportune time
/not sure if true but time is running out for these references
GODDMANNIT THIS THIRD PERIOD I CALL THE BATTLE OF STALINGRAD BECAUSE THERE’S A LOT OF PAIN AND NO ONE KNOWS HOW THIS WILL GO
That’s a Big Kahun goal
THIS GERMAN BREAKTHROUGH I CALL IT TANNENBERG BECAUSE IT’S A VICIOUS SETBACK FOR THE RUSSIANS!!
/fuck it, Germany’s never getting a lead
That wasn’t the Datsyuk Several Dangles Leading Into a Goal that I was expecting.
That was a hell of a shot though.
I mean, that goal was soft as all hell, the goalie played pass as the puck came towards him.
Fuck off, my wife’s fast asleep in the next room!
Goddammit Germany, this Tannenberg joke isn’t gonna make itself y’know.
How about Tannenbaum jokes?
That should help
The Germans didn’t need to go half way around the world get gold, did they forget Switzerland is right next door?
Well, there’s your wounded Russian to pile up on the ice.
It’s cute until you realize he’s looking at his mother.
He’s almost ready for harvesting
“… the German bench is alive and electric.”
Funny, I thought they would be gas, not electric
Get this man some star shaped flair, perhaps yellow.
There it is.
And by “it” I mean ‘the line’, which we are now over.
I’ve dropped everything to see watch these jokes in real time.
-German Panzer Commander, narrating in real time their crossing of the Maginot Line
Well he did say alive.
Don’t start that bullshit! The Germans had their ‘Miracle On Ice’ when the Rhine didn’t freeze in 1944* and kept the Americans and British off their asses for another year!
/May or may not be true, but it sounded good when I thought of it
You ever have to go to a thing at someone’s house you don’t know so well, and you’re not exactly sure where they live, and as you walk by a group of Martian looking people clearly also looking for a friend’s house, you say to yourself or out loud even “good thing we’re not going to that lame party with them” and then it turns out you walked past where you need to go and that lame party is indeed your destination?
You lost me at “leave the house”
Martians?
I dunno, I guess I was thinking about the people in the wedding singer that Robbie describes as the martians from table 9. Or does he say mutants?
Fuck if I know. I’m so drunk that Apple is trying to convince me to buy Cher songs.
So far I’ve held off.
So far.
I see a lot of German-Russian war jokes have already been made, but they feel about 25 years old so I’m just going make them all over again now
Not sure what I’ve purchased to earn this but Apple is now suggesting I buy songs from Cher.
This isn’t good.
This seems appropriate. Things are getting a little…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=122r-tVpU2s
The ISIS bobsled team leaves a lot to be desired.
If Russia wins, America, France, and UK will be awarded 74% of the Germans’ Silver Medal and Russia will get the other 26%
Banner this gentleman.
Make it fucking so.
“What adjustments are being made in the locker rooms, Jeremy?”
“Well, the Germans are probably trying to switch the gauges on the their railroad tracks so as to get reinforcement and supplies to the front much faster, and the Russians are probably bringing up more divisions, albeit poorly equipped and trained divisions, from Central Asia in an effort to bleed out the German offensive and eventually turn the tide.”
/there is about a 2% chance Roenick could tell you who won WWII.
Roenick would tell you the USA won the Civil War. When asked who the enemy was, he’d respond, “THEM.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17lkdqoLt44
The Avengers: Infinity Wars
Fuck everything, just throw all the characters in and it’ll work itself out somehow!
I assume it’s been beaten into the ground by now, but, the switch to plus and minus symbols from the thumbs up and down is tearing me apart! How will I ever find the mental fortitude to craft a joke about how not only are hockey teams in canada are so bad, but even THE Canadian hockey team is bad
Was having a thumb up his ass on that Gawker tape of Hulk Hogan fucking?
DFO: Come for the dick jokes, stay for the WWII history lessons!
THIS THIRD PERIOD, I CALL IT OPERATION WINTER STORM IN 1942, BECAUSE THE GERMANS AND RUSSIANS HAVE FOUGHT THEMSELVES TO A DRAW, AND NO ONE KNOWS THE OUTCOME
The Germans really need to take a lead here so I can drop this Tannenberg joke I’ve been sitting on, or this whole night has been for naught.
The allure of Polish porn has always been lost on me.
“These Polish Girls Will Do Anything For a Polka!”
Bobby Hurley will never defeat Sean Miller.
Well, considering Sean Miller is going to jail soon, probably not.
Thinking of spending .99 to get Haircut 100’s “Love Plus One” as a goof.
Someone please sever my internet connection.
Here ya go!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vCadcBR95oU
Whoops! Apparently I’m under the spell of Spinderella.
See you that and raise you this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B9FzVhw8_bY
This is the very best I got-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3NFWgG4_6NI
“Hey, what if the Suicide Girls were laid back stoners!?”, is how I imagine this woman got her start.
Which, for the record, I am totally cool with.
Surely I won’t regret surfing the Apple store at 12:30 AM while on my 3rd 8.5% ABV beer, right?
Still drinking at this late hour? ……………….Cheers!!!!!!!!!!
I got a late start.
It’s like you think I’m judging you. Silly Horatio.
“I’m lovin’ this large playing surface.”
-Robert Matthew Von Winkle
Russia’s gotta pull Tretiak for Myshkin here. It’s the only way they’ll pull this out.
Either that or turn it into a bloody meat grinder until the American team shows up and stabs Germany in the back.
THIS GAME, I CALL IT STALINGRAD, BECAUSE WE’RE HALFWAY THROUGH IT, NO ONE HAS AN ADVANTAGE BUT THERE’S NO WAY THIS ISN’T ABOUT TO GO HORRIBLY WRONG FOR THE GERMANS!!!!
There you go.
DEUTSCHLAND
Uber The Goal Line!
Would have rather been playing at USC tonight.