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Your “MLB Opening Day” Thursday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

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Based on the diminished NFL news, methinks the NFL decided to get out of baseball’s way for at least one week.

NFL News:

  • Well, now the League is looking at eliminating kickoffs.
    • It follows their logic on eliminating targeting, and their ‘research’ shows players are still getting hit on touchbacks.
      • Teams would just start on their 25 yard line.
    • If they do, it’ll be in time for the 2019 season.
  • The Browns traded Cody Kessler to the Jags for a 2019 seventh-round draft pick.
    • I can’t believe they didn’t keep Chad Henne.. oh, wait – Henne’s with the Chiefs as a free agent? Never mind.
      • I literally stopped caring halfway through that sentence. WCS?

  • Stealing from Crimebeat! update: Trevone Boykin has now been arrested.
    • They used video from Boykin’s own surveillance system to determine the charges against him.
    • He’s being held without bail, so he’s kinda unavailable for OTAs.

Finally, in the (hopefully) good news department: Jim Kelly’s cancer surgery went well.

  • A 12-hour procedure to remove tumours from his lymph nodes & jaw, followed by reconstructive surgery.

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Lightning at Bruins – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Stars at Wild – 7:00PM | NBCSN
      • Dallas continues its “bedshitting” strategy to miss the post-season
    • Oilers at Canucks – 10:00PM | Sportsnet
      • Absolutely no one fucking cares; might as well show dead air
  • NBA:
    • Thunder at Spurs – 8:00PM | TNT
    • Bucks at Warriors – 10:30PM | TNT
  • NCAA:
    • NIT Basketball Tournament:
      • Championship game: Penn State vs Utah – 7:00PM | ESPN2
  • MLB: Opening Day
    • Giants at Dodgers – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN
    • Indians at Mariners – 10:00PM | ESPN / TSN

I’ll be in Seattle for the Mariners tilts against the Indians this weekend, provided the dogs can clear Customs. It shouldn’t be a problem – THEY’RE SWISS, NOT MEXICAN!

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Unsurprised

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1
Mr. Ayo

Dedicated to Leticia?

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

Noooooo.
She’s awesome. Miss her.

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Mr. Ayo

Can’t wait to read what she’s up to tomorrow!

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

She starts hitting her stride tomorrow, for sure.

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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“Have you tried rebooting?”

2
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“I can’t back anything up; it’s already against the wall.”

2
Don T

Hmm… Mark Murphy is stumping hard for eliminating kickoffs. Seahawks fans just became the main exporters of BUTTHURT jokes (variations: 1).

1
Mr. Ayo

Hold up, we’re still busy complaining about the refs in Superb Owl XL.

And passing from the 1 yard line with Beast Mode.

3
Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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4
Col. Duke LaCross

And now we’ve hit the part of opening day where David Ross starts eating bugs in the broadcast booth.

/wish I was joking

3
theeWeeBabySeamus

I have once again taken to my habit of muting TV sports folk, and blasting music thru headphones.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJ31oz0DECw

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

Santa Clarita Diet season two was a lot of fun.

0
rockingdog

Bucks up on the warriors at the half.
Durant is frustrated and got thrown out.
Crowd is chanting “Hey you suck”.

1
rockingdog

Evening. Watching warriors vs Bucks.
Found a funny:

A little bit of Raphael’s attitude
A little Michelangelo party dude
A little bit of Leo leads the team
A little bit of Donni’s cool machines

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

So, I had to fly from LA to Chicago tonight. Decided to connect in Denver so Lady BFC and I could fly together. I just got upgraded, offered it to her, she declined, and now I’m feeling guilty. So guilty whisky it is.

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

This sounds like a situation which could potentially become complicated.
I suggest you stay sober.
Just saying.

0
SonOfSpam

Nah, he should just invite her into 1st Class restroom for a quick handy, then kick her butt back to coach so he can nap.

5
theeWeeBabySeamus

Or that.
😛

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

The invitation to sit on my lap was declined.

0
Don T

In a lifelong relationship, that comes up ten years later, while arguing about hot towels.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

Wow, Cracker Jack prizes have reached a new bottom. I mean, they were just cheap plastic shit when I was a kid, and the last decent prize was given out in 1928, and lately they have just been stickers or sometimes pictures without even any glue. But now? I opened my little bag of Cracker Jack and my “prize” was a small piece of paper which simply said Fuck You.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehehehehehe

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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OK, Space Beer time.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Don’t need Bones fucking hittin’ on me either.

3
litre_cola

Charleston up 1-0 balls.

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

LANCE?

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litre_cola

Nah, for boils I just usually use a stick and a keen eye.

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

NATE?

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ballsofsteelandfury

WOOOOO!!!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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“OH GODDAMN MY BALLS!

……

OH GODDAMN MY BALLS!

……

OH GODDAMN MY BALLS!

……

OH GODDAMN MY BALLS!

……

OH GODDAMN MY BALLS!

……

OH GODDAMN MY BALLS!

……”

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Can’t believe no one liked a testicular electrocution joke.

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Unsurprised

Here’s the money shot (NSFW): https://gfycat.com/UnawareLiquidAnaconda

I edited these from the original gif set to be SFW.

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2
ballsofsteelandfury

Is she giving birth?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

…

Sure. Let’s go with that.

2
King Hippo

Sorry, middle school boys across the Commonwealth – Paedo State is officially #69

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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2
Brick Meathook

Howard Hughes was all over that. So was Tony Curtis once.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Hot enough for Tony not to be gay for a while.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

The hills are alive …

1
Spanky Datass

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Victim of Vesuvius; he died doing what he loved.

4
theeWeeBabySeamus

No judgement here. I see death coming in the form of volcanic ash, I might try to rub one last one out too.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

She looked great in this blazer last night.

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Unsurprised

More Paige.

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Unsurprised

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

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1
King Hippo

what is the “G League?” Did it change names to give it MOAR street cred?

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

God, let’s all hope so. Euthanize the poor fucker stat if not.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

I didn’t know John Elway had ancestors in the Donner Party.

3
theeWeeBabySeamus

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Unsurprised

Shit. I meant to say that I didn’t realize they even included Elway’s ancestors. I wonder if they memorialized all of the livestock, or just them.

0
Don T

-Excerpt from Donald Rumsfeld’s “Elegies for Morons”.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

It’s a myth. No one can find it.

10
ballsofsteelandfury

Remember kids, it’s not a gambling problem if you’re winning.

4
litre_cola

So looking at North New South Wales 3rd division soccer in Australia is ok? Who ya got Lake Macquarie or Charleston something?

0
ballsofsteelandfury

Charleston used to be in the VFL back in the days before the AFL. I reckon they’re good for a tenner.

0
litre_cola

Seems it is under 20 soccer and Macquarie is getting 3.65 to 1. Charleston is 1.75. DONE.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

So, I’m right.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

I think when Hippo bets on volleyball in the Phillipines, that’s when we call the intervention.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Then again, I once made a tidy profit on Russian soccer, so…

0
litre_cola

You are a Hispanic Russian splinter group of the Russian mafia? How many nubile Russian lasses do you have at your “club”?

/am high and wine drunk

2
ballsofsteelandfury

Natasha runs the loans, Nadya runs the girls, and Natalya runs the garbage business.

7
litre_cola

You didn’t call one on me. I guess you don’t care enough Ballsy…..

0
ballsofsteelandfury

1) You’re winning.
2) You’re not there yet.

1
King Hippo

Litre is the anti-“Life Cereal Mikey” of GAMBLOR

0
Spanky Datass

Ice Cowboys : Bed Shartted.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

For the record I support gambling on lesser footy in other countries, however with your Dodger bet you have taken it too far Hippo.

0
King Hippo

holy shit, Grandpa Utley is still alive!

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King Hippo

he stole second!

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Unsurprised

Does anyone else watch The Americans? That show is awesome.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Holy shit. Is that Paige?

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Unsurprised

Yes. Here she is at the FX All-Stars party.

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2
theeWeeBabySeamus

Wow. No wonder Pastor Tim wanted to get in those under aged Jordache Jeans.
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1
King Hippo

yes and yes. Great use of music in Ep 1 this week.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I no watchy yet NO SPOILERS.

Unless Nina has somehow arisen from her minor head wound. That I would want to know immediately.
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Unsurprised

Oh, man. I haven’t heard those songs in years and now I can’t get them out of my head because they were on rotation all the fucking time when I was a kid. Especially that line-dancing song.

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

That motherfucker did less positive thinking than I do.

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

Buster “Don’t Call Me Gerald” Posey looks like he needs a nap already.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The one at the end of the thread.

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Unsurprised

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3
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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“Can I borrow the funnies, please.”

5
King Hippo

OMFG, there is a Brasilian Lesser Footy side named Vasco da Gama.

/fights urge to bet it

//hey, it pays 3:1!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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1
ballsofsteelandfury

From Rio De Janeiro. It’s the favourite of the upper class…

2
Unsurprised

The native and mulatto populations aren’t ardent fans of colonizers?

2
King Hippo

ungrateful mudbloods ,, smgdh

1
Don T

Ingratitude is high among lesser folks.

1
King Hippo

well, I glad I ain’t bet them pinky-out tea sippers, then

/put mah $7 on Los Dodgeros instead

0
King Hippo

3 HR on Opening Day, aka the “Tuffy Rhodes”

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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1
King Hippo

this is strange Donks monument, but still…WOO?

3
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Somehow, I thought Elway’s backyard would be better manicured.

1
Unsurprised

Interesting creative decision to rest the giant bust of him on its nose.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

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2
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

/Hippo places bet
//bets undermarmot

5
King Hippo

it wuz DUE!!

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So I guess for Lent Laura Ingraham decided to give up all her sponsors.

3
Unsurprised

Well, now the League is looking at eliminating kickoffs.

It’s about goddamn time.

0
King Hippo

GOOOOOOOAAAAALLLLLLLLL, Millionarios!!!

0
King Hippo

/goddamnit, almost put another $7 in when it went up to +250

0
King Hippo

I don’t think Los Gigantes old/tired/huddled masses, yearning to be free lineup is putting much fear into Clayton Kershaw. Going out on a real limb here.

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

3
Unsurprised

How do you embed tweets?

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

The embed code is all I used here. Pulled straight off the twitter post itself from the little pull down menu top right (next to “follow” button)…

The code itself looked like this when I pasted (I’ve added quotes at beginning and end below to keep it from embedding this time though, fwiw….

EDIT: Shit…it still embedded. Hmmmm, let’s try this then…I’ve added a space between the word class and the = sign.

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

MOTHER FUCKER IT’S LIKE I’M A TWITTER EMBEDDING GOD AND I CAN’T NOT EMBED.

3
theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, apparently I’m just awesome at embedding tweets. But if you click on the embedded image it’ll take you to twitter and you’ll see the pull down thingy I was talking about. If I can do it, anyone can.

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Unsurprised

I’ve tried that before and it never works. Oh well. I thought there was some other trick I didn’t know.

Thanks.

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I liked your think piece a couple of nights ago.

1
King Hippo

Won my Costa Rican Lesser Footy bet, looking at the Colombian Liga now. Millionarios can’t go wrong, eh?

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

Dude!?!?!?

0
King Hippo

$5.50 at +210. I think that is safe, ludicrous funsies.

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehe….whew. You had me worried.

0
King Hippo

and the other side is “Once Caldas” which sounds like a shit Lionel Richie song, FFS

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

We no can dance on teh ceilingz?

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Dude.

0
King Hippo

Maundy Thursday? Call in teh Reverend!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VpoE6yzZrxo

2
theeWeeBabySeamus

I miss Marge Schott. She was fun to laugh at.
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0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I, for one, like kickoffs and would rather they eliminate commercials.

7
King Hippo

what about surprise onside kicks? FUCKING ASSHOLES.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

And what about surprise onsides kicks that fail hilariously?

2
litre_cola

Gamblor is fickle. Fuck Tampa

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