Your “MLB Opening Day” Thursday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

Based on the diminished NFL news, methinks the NFL decided to get out of baseball’s way for at least one week.

NFL News:

  • Well, now the League is looking at eliminating kickoffs.
    • It follows their logic on eliminating targeting, and their ‘research’ shows players are still getting hit on touchbacks.
      • Teams would just start on their 25 yard line.
    • If they do, it’ll be in time for the 2019 season.
  • The Browns traded Cody Kessler to the Jags for a 2019 seventh-round draft pick.
    • I can’t believe they didn’t keep Chad Henne.. oh, wait – Henne’s with the Chiefs as a free agent? Never mind.
      • I literally stopped caring halfway through that sentence. WCS?

  • Stealing from Crimebeat! update: Trevone Boykin has now been arrested.
    • They used video from Boykin’s own surveillance system to determine the charges against him.
    • He’s being held without bail, so he’s kinda unavailable for OTAs.

Finally, in the (hopefully) good news department: Jim Kelly’s cancer surgery went well.

  • A 12-hour procedure to remove tumours from his lymph nodes & jaw, followed by reconstructive surgery.

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Lightning at Bruins – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Stars at Wild – 7:00PM | NBCSN
      • Dallas continues its “bedshitting” strategy to miss the post-season
    • Oilers at Canucks – 10:00PM | Sportsnet
      • Absolutely no one fucking cares; might as well show dead air
  • NBA:
    • Thunder at Spurs – 8:00PM | TNT
    • Bucks at Warriors – 10:30PM | TNT
  • NCAA:
    • NIT Basketball Tournament:
      • Championship game: Penn State vs Utah – 7:00PM | ESPN2
  • MLB: Opening Day
    • Giants at Dodgers – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN
    • Indians at Mariners – 10:00PM | ESPN / TSN

I’ll be in Seattle for the Mariners tilts against the Indians this weekend, provided the dogs can clear Customs. It shouldn’t be a problem – THEY’RE SWISS, NOT MEXICAN!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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UnsurprisedtheeWeeBabySeamusMr. AyoMoose -The End Is Well NighBrettFavresColonoscopy Recent comment authors
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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Dedicated to Leticia?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Noooooo.
She’s awesome. Miss her.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Can’t wait to read what she’s up to tomorrow!

theeWeeBabySeamus

She starts hitting her stride tomorrow, for sure.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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“Have you tried rebooting?”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“I can’t back anything up; it’s already against the wall.”

Don T

Hmm… Mark Murphy is stumping hard for eliminating kickoffs. Seahawks fans just became the main exporters of BUTTHURT jokes (variations: 1).

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Hold up, we’re still busy complaining about the refs in Superb Owl XL.

And passing from the 1 yard line with Beast Mode.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Col. Duke LaCross

And now we’ve hit the part of opening day where David Ross starts eating bugs in the broadcast booth.

/wish I was joking

theeWeeBabySeamus

I have once again taken to my habit of muting TV sports folk, and blasting music thru headphones.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

Santa Clarita Diet season two was a lot of fun.

rockingdog
rockingdog

Bucks up on the warriors at the half.
Durant is frustrated and got thrown out.
Crowd is chanting “Hey you suck”.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Oops

rockingdog
rockingdog

Evening. Watching warriors vs Bucks.
Found a funny:

A little bit of Raphael’s attitude
A little Michelangelo party dude
A little bit of Leo leads the team
A little bit of Donni’s cool machines

BrettFavresColonoscopy

So, I had to fly from LA to Chicago tonight. Decided to connect in Denver so Lady BFC and I could fly together. I just got upgraded, offered it to her, she declined, and now I’m feeling guilty. So guilty whisky it is.

theeWeeBabySeamus

This sounds like a situation which could potentially become complicated.
I suggest you stay sober.
Just saying.

SonOfSpam

Nah, he should just invite her into 1st Class restroom for a quick handy, then kick her butt back to coach so he can nap.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Or that.
😛

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The invitation to sit on my lap was declined.

Don T

In a lifelong relationship, that comes up ten years later, while arguing about hot towels.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Wow, Cracker Jack prizes have reached a new bottom. I mean, they were just cheap plastic shit when I was a kid, and the last decent prize was given out in 1928, and lately they have just been stickers or sometimes pictures without even any glue. But now? I opened my little bag of Cracker Jack and my “prize” was a small piece of paper which simply said Fuck You.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehehehehehe

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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OK, Space Beer time.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Don’t need Bones fucking hittin’ on me either.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

A couple more I edited to be SFW

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litre_cola

Charleston up 1-0 balls.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

LANCE?

litre_cola

Nah, for boils I just usually use a stick and a keen eye.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

NATE?

ballsofsteelandfury

WOOOOO!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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“OH GODDAMN MY BALLS!

……

OH GODDAMN MY BALLS!

……

OH GODDAMN MY BALLS!

……

OH GODDAMN MY BALLS!

……

OH GODDAMN MY BALLS!

……

OH GODDAMN MY BALLS!

……”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Can’t believe no one liked a testicular electrocution joke.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Here’s the money shot (NSFW): https://gfycat.com/UnawareLiquidAnaconda

I edited these from the original gif set to be SFW.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Is she giving birth?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Sure. Let’s go with that.

King Hippo

Sorry, middle school boys across the Commonwealth – Paedo State is officially #69

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Howard Hughes was all over that. So was Tony Curtis once.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Hot enough for Tony not to be gay for a while.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

The hills are alive …

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Victim of Vesuvius; he died doing what he loved.

theeWeeBabySeamus

No judgement here. I see death coming in the form of volcanic ash, I might try to rub one last one out too.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

She looked great in this blazer last night.

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

More Paige.

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

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King Hippo

what is the “G League?” Did it change names to give it MOAR street cred?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

God, let’s all hope so. Euthanize the poor fucker stat if not.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I didn’t know John Elway had ancestors in the Donner Party.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Shit. I meant to say that I didn’t realize they even included Elway’s ancestors. I wonder if they memorialized all of the livestock, or just them.

Don T

-Excerpt from Donald Rumsfeld’s “Elegies for Morons”.

ballsofsteelandfury

It’s a myth. No one can find it.

ballsofsteelandfury

Remember kids, it’s not a gambling problem if you’re winning.

litre_cola

So looking at North New South Wales 3rd division soccer in Australia is ok? Who ya got Lake Macquarie or Charleston something?

ballsofsteelandfury

Charleston used to be in the VFL back in the days before the AFL. I reckon they’re good for a tenner.

litre_cola

Seems it is under 20 soccer and Macquarie is getting 3.65 to 1. Charleston is 1.75. DONE.

ballsofsteelandfury

So, I’m right.

ballsofsteelandfury

I think when Hippo bets on volleyball in the Phillipines, that’s when we call the intervention.

ballsofsteelandfury

Then again, I once made a tidy profit on Russian soccer, so…

litre_cola

You are a Hispanic Russian splinter group of the Russian mafia? How many nubile Russian lasses do you have at your “club”?

/am high and wine drunk

ballsofsteelandfury

Natasha runs the loans, Nadya runs the girls, and Natalya runs the garbage business.

litre_cola

You didn’t call one on me. I guess you don’t care enough Ballsy…..

ballsofsteelandfury

1) You’re winning.
2) You’re not there yet.

King Hippo

Litre is the anti-“Life Cereal Mikey” of GAMBLOR

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

Ice Cowboys : Bed Shartted.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

For the record I support gambling on lesser footy in other countries, however with your Dodger bet you have taken it too far Hippo.

King Hippo

holy shit, Grandpa Utley is still alive!

King Hippo

he stole second!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Does anyone else watch The Americans? That show is awesome.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Holy shit. Is that Paige?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Yes. Here she is at the FX All-Stars party.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Wow. No wonder Pastor Tim wanted to get in those under aged Jordache Jeans.
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King Hippo

yes and yes. Great use of music in Ep 1 this week.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I no watchy yet NO SPOILERS.

Unless Nina has somehow arisen from her minor head wound. That I would want to know immediately.
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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Oh, man. I haven’t heard those songs in years and now I can’t get them out of my head because they were on rotation all the fucking time when I was a kid. Especially that line-dancing song.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

That motherfucker did less positive thinking than I do.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Buster “Don’t Call Me Gerald” Posey looks like he needs a nap already.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The one at the end of the thread.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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“Can I borrow the funnies, please.”

King Hippo

OMFG, there is a Brasilian Lesser Footy side named Vasco da Gama.

/fights urge to bet it

//hey, it pays 3:1!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

From Rio De Janeiro. It’s the favourite of the upper class…

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

The native and mulatto populations aren’t ardent fans of colonizers?

King Hippo

ungrateful mudbloods ,, smgdh

Don T

Ingratitude is high among lesser folks.

King Hippo

well, I glad I ain’t bet them pinky-out tea sippers, then

/put mah $7 on Los Dodgeros instead

King Hippo

3 HR on Opening Day, aka the “Tuffy Rhodes”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

this is strange Donks monument, but still…WOO?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Somehow, I thought Elway’s backyard would be better manicured.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Interesting creative decision to rest the giant bust of him on its nose.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

/Hippo places bet
//bets undermarmot

King Hippo

it wuz DUE!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So I guess for Lent Laura Ingraham decided to give up all her sponsors.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Well, now the League is looking at eliminating kickoffs.

It’s about goddamn time.

King Hippo

GOOOOOOOAAAAALLLLLLLLL, Millionarios!!!

King Hippo

/goddamnit, almost put another $7 in when it went up to +250

King Hippo

I don’t think Los Gigantes old/tired/huddled masses, yearning to be free lineup is putting much fear into Clayton Kershaw. Going out on a real limb here.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

How do you embed tweets?

theeWeeBabySeamus

The embed code is all I used here. Pulled straight off the twitter post itself from the little pull down menu top right (next to “follow” button)…

The code itself looked like this when I pasted (I’ve added quotes at beginning and end below to keep it from embedding this time though, fwiw….

EDIT: Shit…it still embedded. Hmmmm, let’s try this then…I’ve added a space between the word class and the = sign.

theeWeeBabySeamus

MOTHER FUCKER IT’S LIKE I’M A TWITTER EMBEDDING GOD AND I CAN’T NOT EMBED.

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, apparently I’m just awesome at embedding tweets. But if you click on the embedded image it’ll take you to twitter and you’ll see the pull down thingy I was talking about. If I can do it, anyone can.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I’ve tried that before and it never works. Oh well. I thought there was some other trick I didn’t know.

Thanks.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I liked your think piece a couple of nights ago.

King Hippo

Won my Costa Rican Lesser Footy bet, looking at the Colombian Liga now. Millionarios can’t go wrong, eh?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dude!?!?!?

King Hippo

$5.50 at +210. I think that is safe, ludicrous funsies.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehe….whew. You had me worried.

King Hippo

and the other side is “Once Caldas” which sounds like a shit Lionel Richie song, FFS

theeWeeBabySeamus

We no can dance on teh ceilingz?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Dude.

King Hippo

Maundy Thursday? Call in teh Reverend!

theeWeeBabySeamus

I miss Marge Schott. She was fun to laugh at.
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I, for one, like kickoffs and would rather they eliminate commercials.

King Hippo

what about surprise onside kicks? FUCKING ASSHOLES.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

And what about surprise onsides kicks that fail hilariously?

litre_cola

Gamblor is fickle. Fuck Tampa