INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY.
A young man settles into the chair behind the microphone. He looks through the glass at the PRODUCER, who punches a button marked TALKBACK, frowns, then releases the button and pulls open the studio door and pokes his head inside.
PRODUCER: You’re going to have to remove your helmet.
BRANDIN COOKS: Uh-uh.
PRODUCER: It’s going to be a lot tougher for us to communicate if you don’t put the headphones on.
COOKS: ‘At’s ine. I ‘eel ‘afer ‘is ‘ay.
The PRODUCER sighs in exasperation, and moves entirely into the booth, taking a standing position next to BRANDIN COOKS. He counts off audibly and then leans forward and punches a button on the console.
PRODUCER: Good afternoon, and welcome to Request Line. I’m here with newly minted local Brandin Cooks. Welcome, Brandin.
COOKS: ‘Anks for ‘aving me.
PRODUCER: Now the last time we saw you was during the Super Bowl. Any memories from the day that you’d like to share with our viewers?
COOKS: Oo ee ‘onest, I ‘ont ’emember all ‘at ‘uch a’out uh ‘ame.
PRODUCER: Oh…right.
PRODUCER: So it’s been quite a tour through the NFL for you so far – you’ve had the privilege of playing with Drew Brees on the Saints, Tom Brady when you were with the Patriots, and now with rising star Jared Goff here in Los Angeles.
COOKS: ‘At’s ‘rue.
PRODUCER: So I understand you’ve picked out a theme for today’s Request Line in tribute to that?
COOKS: ‘At’s ‘right. ‘Oday’s ‘opic is ‘ooking.
PRODUCER: ‘Looking’? As in, sightseeing, tourism…
COOKS: ‘O. ‘Ooking.
PRODUCER: ‘Booking’? Like, literature…
COOKS: [growing frustrated] ‘O. ‘Ooking.
PRODUCER: ‘Rooking’? You mean like the game of chess? I’m not sure there’s many songs about…
COOKS: ‘Ooking! Ooking ooking ooking!
PRODUCER: [puts hands out and shrugs]
COOKS: [mimes the “feed me” motion]
PRODUCER: Oh, COOKing. Like restaurants, cuisine, eating, that sort of stuff. No problem, got it. Why don’t I get us started with a good old classic tune from Arlo Guthrie.
Let’s get a DOUBLE SHOT of cinnamon on those buns!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QYsQcIMPOnQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAdtUDaBfRA
It’s a Psycho-Billy double shot!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQynViAF6Ds
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H96XcNWKZVg
Best Smashing Pumpkins song? Yes, and also poorly spelled.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s7-30i1f5e0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K7INCZHjrng
Dynamite song about one of my fave foods: twice-fried, smashed green plantains. Johnny Ventura – Patacón pisao
https://youtube.com/watch?v=t3QFesy7XG8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OkYTfmNd5c4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2RKWJD5ops
VAN HALEN DOUBLE SHOT
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1GJxVmYv-E
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=beTsDOBRs8I
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gql9220Qon8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1hIppppVvLU
Zeppelin has many food songs. This one is badass.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVP3g1-Wq_0
ZEPPELIN DOUBLE SHOT REDUX
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOLTwt-bqoU
Actual recipe in the song!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3RgXpIl8XM
Pete Schweddy has a rebuttal….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPpcfH_HHH8
Libation of choice when I cook:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3H6amDbAwlY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z1rlG9Z0HBc
The Cake Is An 11-Year Old Meme. Holy shit.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6ljFaKRTrI
If you can’t stand it, get out of the kitchen:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XA_r1xEA_2M
Fun fact: I worked at Disneyland in the 80s at a restaurant called The French Market (supposed to evoke a New Orleans feel), and we served “Jambalaya” which was horrid and foul and nothing like actual jambalaya.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pa2Tl5BeK-U
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJNpq45CRk8
Southern buffet done right double shot:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rQ7i1j_Si3U
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ql0Hh90WHv0
Triple shot:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dx7SVAQ0dZU
It is not a southern meal without biscuits.
Especially if from Bojangles:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xb4bQVUNjNo
Quad shot – I forgot how many songs they had about food
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OjyZKfdwlng
DAMMIT! How did I forget this one?
Right? FWIW there’s still a lot of pie on the board.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7yw4yz_jjOU
This is about food right?
RIGHT?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rrbFQEcpJ3A
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cE9Uz_YMHnc
Impeccable cooking taste:
-goat stew with wine
-fish with lemon juice
-pork with oregano and pepper
-rice with pork fat
El Gran Combo – El menú (que le pongan salsa)
https://youtube.com/watch?v=6klh6Dszi_g
¡Doble shot! Group AND stumping for salsa music thru Real Food—with a “light salad” dig at other music.
El Gran Combo – Arroz con habichuelas (Rice & Beans)
https://youtube.com/watch?v=tuyTXL9rW1Y
Well now.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHjpWo4edfw
Andy Reid’s response when he went into a restaurant, and ate everything in the restaurant, and they told him they were going to have to close the restaurant.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8cUhKT6jrZY
What time are we eating?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOsZWCZbmzY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OZaDhN9gWHw
You know what? I don’t hate this Billy Joel song
https://youtube.com/watch?v=JUz48xw_OiM&feature=youtu.be
Christie Brinkley is judging you.
She can do just about anything she wants to me
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0AJjE53Ura0
https://youtube.com/watch?v=o-0lAhnoDlU&feature=youtu.be
Need something to wash all this food down?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XNtTEibFvlQ
https://youtube.com/watch?v=PDd8shcLvHI&feature=youtu.be
Speaking of cake…
/ducks
https://youtube.com/watch?v=vWaRiD5ym74
Dude.
Someone expressed an affinity for artist/song double shots, right?
https://youtube.com/watch?v=G7hzGtmPb6M&feature=youtu.be
I’m counting pig as pork
https://youtube.com/watch?v=NhmvKYbi7iY&feature=youtu.be
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSvFpBOe8eY
Value pick.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2_HEJqyHfA
Double Shot!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EGbdbMtNC_A
Needs More Sugar.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JacQxqqtbrQ
Brown Sugar, perhaps?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59K2kF6o9Tk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5ecvBaqHBk
May be my favorite B-52s song.
Fun fact: this was produced by…David Byrne
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XlI7FzN8Pcw
Second slice!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmuudxyM0t4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZcJjMnHoIBI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t2mU6USTBRE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQHPYelqr0E
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvAnQqVJ3XQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FX1nZcTB4Vg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EhAqvIW9O6o
I had no idea this was originally a real song.
I mean, I *should* have, but I didn’t.
Damn, this is a good song.
I bet GBV has a song that fits every single category we’ve ever done.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xtnWNIcx2Os
Citrus is a good part of a balanced diet:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_0Auvlsv860
ZEPPELIN CITRUS DOUBLE SHOT
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zyhu2ysqKGk
Something before the main course?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2Iv3IRF3oA
[makes “thumbs down” gesture]
– Andy Reid
“Unless it’s potato, macaroni, egg, tuna or jello salad…then it’s two serving spoons up!”
-also A. Reid.
That’s a good point, zombie Andy Reid would give brain salad an enthusiastic groan of support.
No, I believe it’s after the steak actually.
According to Douglas Adams, this song was the inspiration for “The Restaurant at the End of the Universe”.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hB8bHe2ZnNs
Spices are critical to any properly cooked dish.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CO8vBVUaKvk
Kind of automatic.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-26hsZqwveA
They don’t serve tomatoes at this place, and don’t even think about trying to order a soufflé here.