Latest posts by theeWeeBabySeamus (see all)
- Your “My Nuts Are Falling” Friday Evening Open Thread – September 21, 2018
- Your “This Isn’t What I Meant When I Said Blow Me” Friday Evening Open Thread – September 14, 2018
- Your “Cincy vs Buffalo, I Wouldn’t Even Watch This In Regular Season So Why Am I Watching It Now?” Midday Sunday Thread Of Apathy – August 26, 2018
[Mandalay Bay Resort and Casino, Skyview Suite, 6:07am]
tWBS staggers out of the living room. There are still eight porn girls (and also BallsofSteelandFury) piled up on one another on the floor behind him as he exits the room and hits the kitchen. He still has a black lace thigh high stocking stuck on his head. It was a weird night.
tWBS is in search of caffeine. He begins brewing a pot of coffee. Leticia steps out of the opposite bedroom as the coffee brews.
Leticia (giggling while pulling the stocking off of tWBS’ head): Good morning.
tWBS: Good morning, yourself.
Leticia: Can we talk?
tWBS: Of course. How was your night?
Leticia: That’s what we need to talk about.
tWBS: OK. I’m….
Manuel: Of course I’m listening.
Luis guides the van south on I-15 into Las Vegas.
Luis: That stupid Dodge Charger has not moved for four days.
Manuel: But you told your sister you were going to call her when we got close to town.
Luis: Yes. That was when I thought they’d figure things out and start running. But they haven’t moved. We don’t need that now. We’ve got the element of surprise on our side. They don’t even…
Litre_Cola: …know we’re in town. Call them. Can you do that or are you too high, eh?
Maestro dials his phone. The call connects and Balls’ phone begins to ring.
tWBS (to Leticia): OK, just wait a sec. Balls left his phone out here again. This time I’ll try not to drown it.
tWBS finally finds and answers Balls’ phone after multiple rings.
tWBS: Hello? Balls’ phone.
Maestro (giggling): Balls?
tWBS: No. It’s tWBS. Who is this?
Litre (to Maestro): Tell them to get out of there!!!!
Maestro: It’s Maestro, man. Me and Litre are following BeerGuyRob and…
tWBS: Maestro? Why do you sound high?
Maestro: Oh, yeah that. I ate some brownies before and now I’m really happy, man. But we need to talk about…shit … (to Litre) … What was it again we needed to tell them, eh?
Litre: Dude!!! Just give me the…
BeerGuyRob: Yeah, call them so we can get this over with.
Beastmode dials tWBS from BeerGuyRob’s phone as they roll into Las Vegas. tWBS’ phone begins ringing while he’s still trying to understand what Maestro is trying to tell him on Balls’ phone.
tWBS (whispering to Leticia): Shit, that’s my phone ringing in the bedroom. Can you get it and see who it is while I try to figure out what’s going on with Maestro and that telegram he sent?
Leticia enters the bedroom to find tWBS’ phone. She finds it on the night stand and answers.
Beastmode: Ummmmm…hi. Is this tWBS’ phone?
Leticia: It is, yes, but he’s kinda busy. I can give him a message if you want?
Beastmode: Tell him and Balls to get out of there. Now. Those two guys are in town and they’re on their way there now to kill…
Leticia hangs up tWBS’ phone without saying another word. She runs to the opposite bedroom and wakes Vanessa. She passes by the living room and sees Balls, who is barely visible under a pile of still sleeping porn stars. He is smiling, however.
BeerGuyRob: What happened?
Beastmode: She hung up on me.
Leticia: …sonofabitch!!!! Vanessa, wake up!! Right now. This is bad and I need your help.
Vanessa (waking up): Hey baby!!! Great night last night, huh? What’s going on?
Leticia: My big stupid brother is in town and still wants to kill Balls and tWBS. I need to fix this before the guys know I lied to them. Please, I need you to get up and get the guys out of here but you can’t tell them why. Not yet, at least.
Vanessa: Wait. They’re here to kill the guys and all you’re worried about is the lie? Also, how do you know this? I thought we had 2 more days.
Leticia: Both of their phones are ringing off the hook. Their friends are following Luis and Manuel. And they’re all already in town. If I don’t fix this now, they’re going to find out I lied to them and that I took that telegram. Please, buy me some time. Take them to breakfast or something. After last night they’re probably…
Maestro (giggling): …really hungry. Where is a good place in Vegas to get breakfast? We also need more brownies too, eh.
tWBS: Wait, you’re in Vegas?
Maestro: Yeah, I forgot to tell you. Hey, where are you guys staying?
tWBS: Mandalay Ba… wait, how do you…
Maestro: We’re following BeerGuyRob, Beastmode and IWDB.
tWBS: Wait, they’re in Vegas too?
Maestro: You don’t listen very well, eh.
Litre: Dude!!!! Tell them to get outta there, eh!!!!!!
Maestro: Oh wait, never mind. I think we’re here. We’ll see you in a few minutes. You got any weed, btw?
Maestro hangs up by mistake as he’s pointing to the Mandalay Bay with the phone while trying to direct Litre.
tWBS: Maestro? You there? Hello?
Leticia (re-entering the kitchen): Sooooo….what’s up?
tWBS: I’m not sure. The call just cut out. Some of our friends are in town I guess, but I’m not sure where they are. One is the one who sent that telegram.
Leticia (nervously): Well, I’m sure they’ll call back. Vanessa just told me she was hungry. Why don’t you guys go to breakfast?
tWBS: You aren’t going?
Leticia (stammering): Ummmmmm….. Well, ummmmm…. I’m not feeling terribly well. Maybe I’ll meet you guys downstairs in a little while.
tWBS: Is this about last night? Because like I told you before…
Leticia (beginning to cry): NO!!!! Last night was….well it was great. But….
tWBS (wiping a tear from Leticia’s cheek): OK, why are you crying? What’s going on? Tell me. Right now.
Leticia sighs. And begins telling tWBS what is really going on.
[Mandalay Bay Resort and Casino, Parking Deck, 6:49am]
Manuel: There it is!!!!
Luis: Wow, I can’t believe they just parked it here and left it. Finding these two idiots was easier than I thought.
Luis pulls the van into an empty space and parks about 20 feet further up from where Chewy, the Dodge Charger Mexican Raider fan car motherfucker is parked. He kills the engine. Behind them however, they fail to notice the Nissan Frontier Pickup, the Nissan Altima and the Nissan Pathfinder parked in tandem, with their engines running, but without drivers.
Manuel: So what now? We’re not just going to wait here, are we?
Luis (pulling out his phone): Nope.
Brad (waking up in the backseat): What’s going on? Are we there yet? Wow, how long…
Balls: …did I sleep?
tWBS: Dude, you need to wake up and get dressed.
Balls: You do see that I’m covered in naked porn stars, right? Why would I want to go anywhere?
tWBS: Because if you don’t, you’re gonna die there. Get up.
Balls: Dude, can’t I at least do something with this morning wood?
Balls proudly displays his erect penis.
tWBS: STOP IT! THIS IS SERIOUS!! OK, maybe stick it in Blair’s ass or something. But make it quick, would ya????
Blair (looking at Balls’ dick): Cool with me!
Ten minutes later, tWBS hugs Balls and Vanessa and walks toward the elevator doors at the far side of the suite. At the same time, a van with three people and two big dogs turns the corner in the parking deck and passes by Luis and Manuel’s van, while looking for a parking space. It is closely followed by a small blue hatchback.
Leticia follows closely behind tWBS as he approaches the elevator.
Leticia: Please don’t do this.
tWBS (without looking back): Balls, they can’t get up here without the access code. You know that right?
Leticia’s phone begins to ring. As she tries to answer it, tWBS turns back and snatches it away and steps into the elevator.
tWBS (to Leticia): I’ll take that… (to Balls) … You ready for this?
Balls: Do I have a choice?
tWBS: Just in case, when I get down to the lobby call the elevator back up and then block the doors open. Then call Rob and Litre and tell them to stay away. As soon as I know more, I’ll call you.
Balls: Dude, you don’t have to do this.
tWBS (blowing a kiss to Leticia as the elevator doors close): Yes, I do. This is my fault.
The elevator doors close and the car begins descending.
tWBS answers Leticia’s phone.
Luis: Who is this? Where’s my sister?
tWBS: Who do you think it is, you big oaf? And your sister is around here somewhere. But you won’t be lying to her anymore to get to me. Or endangering anyone else. You want me? You got me. Just tell me where you are, I’ll come meet you.
Luis: What about your friend?
tWBS: What about him? He got you laid by Salma Hayek and also let you find true love with Manuel. I’m the one who screwed you over. I’m the one you want.
Luis: Fair point.
tWBS: So….where are you then?
Luis: Let’s just say I’m looking at this shitty Charger you bought at LAX.
tWBS: I’ll see you in fifteen minutes.
tWBS hangs up Leticia’s phone, then dials his own.
tWBS: That was easier than I thought. They’re in the parking deck where Chewy is parked. Stay put. Trust me.
Balls: You asshole. Do not go out there without me!!!! You hear me??????
tWBS hangs up without responding.
tWBS scans the casino floor. Sitting at a slot machine nearby is an older woman who appears very down on her luck.
tWBS approaches her.
tWBS: How’s your luck today?
Woman: Terrible, honey.
tWBS (holding up Chewy keys and a State of California pink slip): Maybe it just got better. Want a free car?
To Be Continued….