Your “Draft Day Redux” Thursday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL News:

  • Actual good thing: The Steelers converted most of Ryan Shazier’s salary to a signing bonus, so he can get paid for the 2018 season right now.
    • He gets $8.26 of his $8.7 million up front now, instead of in the League’s 18 installments.
    • Aside from the fact he’s on the PUP list & didn’t count against the cap anyway, it helps him out because a signing bonus is taxed at a different rate than salary. “Windfall” versus “income”.
  • New hires:
    • ESPN: Jason Whitten, who is 36, has 15 years in, & apparently doesn’t want to catch more DAK! dump-offs over the middle for five yards & a concussion test.
      • He’ll be joining the Monday Night booth, where the only head trauma will come from the quick cuts & the flickering of the super slo-mo.
    • CBS: Bruce Arians, who will challenge Jim Nantz’ fedoras-only policy & take his Kangol into the booth with Greg Gumbel & Trent Green.
    • PFT: Peter King has left SI for the saccharin banality of being Mike Florio’s roommate at NBC.
  • Getting paid:
    • Matt Ryan – 5 years / $150 million.
      • Feel free to note this date as the moment the Falcons priced themselves out of Super Bowl contention after the 2018 season.

CFL News:

It’s Draft Day, BAY-BAY!

Now for those of you not in the know, tonight will be an interesting mix of “who’s that guy” combined with “they have football at that school?”, “where is that school?”, and “Qui est cet homme?”

TSN has you covered with their Draft Primer, but long-story short, here’s the first-round draft order:

  1. Hamilton Tiger-Cats (via MTL)
  2. Montreal Alouettes (via HAM)
  3. BC Lions
  4. Ottawa Rough Riders REDBLACKS
  5. Saskatchewan Roughriders
  6. Hamilton Tiger-Cats (via EDM)
  7. BC Lions (via WPG)
  8. Calgary Stampeders
  9. Toronto Argonauts

There are two candidates for the #1 pick:

  • Trey Rutherford, OL – UCONN
  • Mark Chapman, WR, CMU

Both are attractive candidates as they are both Canadian, and thus fill coveted roster spots in a league that mandates a “Game Rule Ratio” of 44 players on the active roster that must comprise:

  • three QBs (no designation)
  • a maximum 20 international players
  • a minimum 21 Canadian/national players

There are also standards for minimum numbers of Canadian/national starters per game, so having high draft picks fill those slots (phrasing) is ideal.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Capitals at Penguins – 7:00PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet (Game 4; Caps lead 2-1)
    • Predators at Jets – 9:30PM | NBCSN / CBC (Game 4; Jets lead 2-1)
  • NBA:
    • Cavaliers at Raptors – 6:00PM | ESPN / Sportsnet1
    • 76ers at Celtics – 8:30PM | TNT / Sportsnet1
  • CFL:
    • Draft – 8:00PM | TSN
  •  MLB:
    • no national broadcasts

Enjoy yourselves – I’VE GOT NOTHING!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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yeah rightUnsurprisedBeerguyrobBrettFavresColonoscopySenor Weaselo Recent comment authors
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Senor Weaselo

Padre Weaselo just saw a Trumpy Bear commercial. He was certain it couldn’t possibly be real and was an SNL sketch.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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blaxabbath

Wife and I are flying tomorrow to Minneapolis for the weekend (I got a work obligation there Monday). Any recommendations for to-do’s there?

(Apology if I posted this on a open thread before and just didn’t ever check back on responses)

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m told Surly Brewery is where you want to go. But take notes, I have to throw a bachelor party there this summer

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Surly only brews for one person: Surly.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Hurl some rocks at the BIRDMURDERDOME

yeah right

Ike’s downtown is a cool restaurant bar type place
Also try Hells Kitchen. If you want some of the best German food ever try the Gasthoff zur Gemutlicheit. You’ll even get a chance to Ziggy zaggy.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Fuck air travel

BrettFavresColonoscopy

“Well, BFC, isn’t that what you’re doing, spending all of your time inside of planes?”

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

What.

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

Good News!
Only about six hours til AFL footy!
/drunkenly sets alarm for sixTEEN hours later
//passes out
///misses match

theeWeeBabySeamus

Listening to The Smiths/Morrissey is never a good idea, btw.

King Hippo

Poor fucking Ice Bombers. I don’t see them holding back the tide this time. Cornpone motherfuckers in 7.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Losing game four with a 2-1 lead is never a good omen.

Don T

News: King leaves SI for NBC Sports

Translation: King is Florio’s beatch, negotiated the language of press release

blaxabbath

I think BA will be pretty good in the booth. Not like, he’ll do it for 15 years but maybe four or five.

King Hippo

It will be funny when Trent Green is irrationally terrified of the kangol hat.

Senor Weaselo

Did Rinne just make a harpoon save? Is that legal? I mean clearly it is but I mean legal by the laws of nature.

litre_cola

Incredible. Thought it was a sure goal.

WCS

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Murray earned his paycheck tonight, for sure.

Jerk.

Now Winnipeg, please try not to make the night a total loss.

theeWeeBabySeamus

A fight between guys named Oshie and LeTang.

You can’t make this shit up.

litre_cola

Letang is one of the nicest athletes I have ever met. He has a future in wine when he is done. The guy has a passion for it and is knowledgeable as hell.

rockingdog
rockingdog

yoooo hahaha boston Celtics are getting their shit kicked in tonight.

rockingdog
rockingdog

my bad might have spoke too soon. close game at halftime now.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Great news guys! I got a job with CBS this year!

-Trent Green

LemonJello
LemonJello

“Can you hook a fella up with the days they throw out the old pills?”
-R. Leaf

Senor Weaselo

Okay, how many points would the LeBrons have to spot the Raptors in Games 4-7 if the Raptors were also spotted the first 3 games of the series?

King Hippo

It makes Hippo chuckle how “The Association” thinks this totes naturally created drama is gonna get the general sports fan to start paying attention to their “sport.”

Senor Weaselo

As natural as the bouncing ping-pong balls

King Hippo

dis weasel gets it!

King Hippo

FUN FACT! There is a Sudamerican Lesser Footy side called The Strongest.

/they are losing to Libertad 0-1 at the half

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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WCS

Ecto-1’s seen better days.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Meth – not even once.

litre_cola

Promised I wouldnt wake up decilitre tonight with my hootin and hollerin.
Wife – Try to be like Super Bowl
Me- You mean quiety soused and very stoned? Can do.
Wife- Dont care, but you are going to work tomorrow.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Damn, Celtics are trash tonight.

litre_cola

-Loyalist Scots

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Rudy Giuliani….why isn’t he in a home?

Like he has Alzheimer right?

LemonJello
LemonJello

Why not leprosy?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Because colorectal cancer’s sitting right there on the table.

King Hippo

I’m pretty sure Herr Fuhrer has a nice “60 Minutes Varietal” home picked out for him after the last 24 hours…

Redshirt

In case anyone needs a football fix.

LemonJello
LemonJello

I was hoping for a compilation of football to the crotch clips…

Redshirt

I typed “Bengals playoff losses” into YouTube, but I’m not ready to stare into that abyss.

scotchnaut

“Malkin’s playoff ‘stache makes us look good.”

-Pedos everywhere

LemonJello
LemonJello

“Cultural Appropriation!”
-the really twisted pedos

Redshirt

So Republicans in the House have nominated Trump for the Nobel Peace Price (yeah, apparently they can do that).

In other news, the descendants of Adolf Hitler are waiting for his posthumous “Righteous Among the Nations” award in the mail because if Trump can get nominated for a Nobel Peace Price, anything is possible.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Well I got to give him credit…the DPRK can’t do the usual “We are the craziest mother fuckers on the block so we are going to be a pain in the ass” routine anymore.

So maybe peace on the peninsula?

LemonJello
LemonJello

Florida Man will have none of that talk…

herodotus450
herodotus450

Name me 5 people who have contributed more to the cause of porn stars. You can’t.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Jack Daniels, Jim Beam, Jose Cuervo, Smirnoff, and Crystal Meth

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I thought only members of Sweden’s parliament can do that. Or any Swede. Some nordic bullshit.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Matt Murray is kinda pissing me off.
That is all.

scotchnaut

“That is all.”

-Seamus

I’m calling bullshit.

theeWeeBabySeamus

“That is all.”

….For now

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, that call also kinda pisses me off too.
Stupid Sexy Scotchy with your omniscience.

King Hippo

Murray? PRESENT!

I put $50 on the Craps to win the 1st period when it got up to +400, they can suck it now.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Teenage girl interested in human sacrifice sentenced for stabbing boy during sex

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2018/05/02/teen-human-sacrifice-stabbing-partner-sex/574763002/

Actual quote from article…

During the trial, the court heard that images of sexual violence and murder were found on Adams’ phone. Adams had clown makeup on during the attack and knew Bewick feared clowns, The Sun reported.

scotchnaut

Clown Masks? Human Sacrifice? Fans of the Insane Mayan Posse have finally got their groove back.

LemonJello
LemonJello

+1 calendar
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theeWeeBabySeamus

But she’s single though.
😛

scotchnaut

/a highlight is shown

Pierre Maguire: [verbally gags on whatever cock happens to be closest]

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Raptors have clearly gone tharn.

scotchnaut

Raptors doing their very best “Raptors in the Headlights” look.

Senor Weaselo

So playoff Raptors?

Senor Weaselo

Time from teaching to get to my gig (that I was 15 minutes late to as a result): 1 hour, 30 minutes
Time spent playing once I got there: 1 hour 30 minutes (and actually there was a 10 minute break during cocktail)

Fucking NYC traffic, man. Also it’s taken the valet guys (because I had to because I was late) like 20 minutes to get my car.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Greatest City In The World

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

You know what the difference between Russian hackers and Microsoft?

Russian hackers don’t have the balls to charge you upfront for their malware.

I cannot express fully just how much I detest windows 10.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

LeBron is in Jesus mode right now.

Redshirt

He’s going to go away for three days, leaving his followers alone?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Now he’s definitely never coming to Portland.

scotchnaut

“Tranna ain’t got no balls.”

-some shithead that is correct

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

No more Peter King?!

DO SOMETHING, SI!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Yes, do something!” – Mexican NFL fans

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Do you guys think Peter can be convinced that he is actually a Zypod and must return home to the moon so that he doesn’t die?

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

So if a team had a bunch of injuries or something and was short Canucks, would they have to sign Litre or someone out of the stands to play the first snap and then bail? Or do they have to keep him in?

litre_cola

Well at 42 I dont have the pace anymore but can still catch so sign me up!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Shazier also only has to pay PA income tax (or not) and not in every state that he would be paid for playing in, in those states with income taxes. Being a pro player kind of fucking sucks.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Boo-fucking-hoo

You know, aside from the spinal injury part.

King Hippo

“I feel ya there”

– 70%-ish of Ryan Shazier

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I’m a horrible person because I can’t stop laughing at this.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Room in that express elevator to hell for one more?