Yes yes yes. The European club championship starts at 1:30 Central. The winner of this yooge deal tournament gets a proportionally extravagant trinquet, which the Spanish call La Orejona (the big-eared one):
The Brits call it the Big Cup, and I imagine toffs creaming all over themselves for the generic understatement.
OF COURSE it’s a big deal. Europe hosts the richest leagues that can afford to poach / sign the best talent available anywhere. Plus, Liverpool and [grabs crotch] Real Madriz have been among the top handful of clubs in the world.
Real Madrid is aiming for a Champions 3-peat, which has never happened. Their fans, who are mostly of the douche persuasion, will become insufferable. That’s their natural state anyway, so they could stand to be taken down a peg. If not, at least they’ll drown a bit the Jordan vs. Lebron irritants.
The fucking Red Sox own Liverpool and their fans include shitheads who do this:
via thesun.co.uk
Maybe I’m talking out of place, but I think hooliganism MIGHT be a bad look for LIV fans. Especially when the Heysel disaster happened to occur in a European Cup final—you now, like the game that’s on today. Throwing crap at buses is provincial league crap, but’s it’s great to see how little some Reds fans are.
For the 87th season in a row, Real Madrid is crazy STCKT. Truth is, when they’re on, they’re an amazing watch. Keylor Navas, the Costa Rica captain, is among the top goalkeepers in the world. Their defenders are physical (Marcelo) and total assholes (Sergio fucking Ramos); Toni Kroos connects each one of the 80-100 passes he makes in a game; Luka Modric is brilliant and will lead a sneaky-stacked Croatia; and then ahead there’s Ronaldo, with a Benzema or Bale too. Real reached the final through the toughest possible road, having to play twice:
Borussia Dortmund (4th in Germany)
Tottenham Hotspur (3rd in the EPL)
PSG (French Champion)
Juventus (Italian Champion)
Bayern Munich (German champion)
Real lost only twice, 3-1 each to Tottenham and Juventus. Goddamn it; it’s hard to see them lose.
Liverpool did not have it anywhere as tough, but they won convincingly:
via socerstats.com
Thus far they have scored 46 goals, most in the history of the competition. They made it through the Coutinho transfer and injuries to key players, like Emre Can, because of Salah, Mané, and Firmino. These three have manufactured goals quickly, often with Firmino stealing a ball in midfield and passing a dart to Salah or Mané. Those three might be the finest front line in the game right now.
via @ESPNFC
But Real Madrid ain’t Porto—but Madriz ain’t Man City either, which LIV blasted 5-1 in aggregate. [Sigh] I’ve thought this through: I wouldn’t mind AT ALL Reds fans throwing crap at the Real bus in Kiev.
Predicción: Liverpool 2 – 1 Real Madrid, five yellow cards, one red card. There will be chippiness. God I hope there’s blood.
King Hippo: The back of the Lesser action will be safely skipped by me, what with #BFIB dirting off at 4-ish. Let us hope being on the Cards’ dugout side today is better luck, eh?
Sareth Whale
She’s like an evil bizarro world Pam Poovey
That’s a very good call.
“Wait, there’s a player named Nacho?” – Rex Ryan
“This game has everything; topknots, bicycle kicks, lead changes, sheeping…”
Wait, what’s “sheeping”?
“That’s that thing, where you get a bunch of midgets wearing wool onesies all coked up and let them graze all over the pitch.”
Welcome to the Champions League final, sponsored by Bananacakes brand bananacakes.
He’s not this good, is he?
Bun Boy is good.
More like Gareth FAIL amirite?
/looks him up; learns that he’s actually a very good player.
Um, nope. Goddammit.
Apparently he heard me.
Oh good. Asshole-with-a-topknot is on.
I believe Balls promised a pic of two hot chicks making out?
I see the fireplace, but the lack of sweat makes me question whether the room is warm enough for those women actually to be considered “hot”. They look quite comfortable, to be honest.
Thank you, Balls.
Also,
“Thank you”
– balls
If you were only going to watch fifteen minutes of soccer this year…
Ten more than usual!
“Wow! Winner of this game gets to stick all the dicks into me.”
-Bananacake
Holy shit!
Wow. Am I glad I turned this game on for the second half.
Just turned it on about 5 minutes ago. Timing is everything (except beer).
Whoa
ALLERGIES FOR EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The shin is the most delicate of all the bones.
The ESPN Deportes guys were so “terrible fall” and “fortuitous” to the Salah injury from Ramos. Tch. Here’s the replay:
HALFTIME!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7NuaK29J1fM
I liked that Selsun Blue ad very much.
It feels nice to set the cynicism aside every once in a while.
HALFTIME!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JOiZP8FS5Ww
I wonder what was the longest amount of time Ronaldo just stared at a mirror.
On a single day or over the course of a weekend?
“It was a weekend in Ibiza. The whole weekend. Miss Portugal was in the other room waiting for me but she knew beforehand what she was getting into.”
“Damn, he’s so good at that.”
– Alex Rodriguez
Benzema clears the ball and my sinuses!
?w=1000&h=600&crop=1
I have no problem believing that that bust crossed the country wearing an adult diaper so that it could spit on the face of its ex-girlfriend.
Ronaldo: Babe and defender magnet.
Guys! Correct me if i’m wrong, but I think Ronaldo has been to Flavourtown!
“LALLANA!!!”
-Marlon Brando, muffing his line in “A Streetcar Called Desire”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=1&v=3j3_iPskjxk
“Me? I’d have put the glasses on the drill sergeant’s visage.”
-Featured commenter, “Second-Guessing Kubrick” blog
Well that sucks. I hope he gets to another Final.
He may miss the World Cup. Just like that Old Gypsy Balls said in his Egypt preview!
I’ve asked you repeatedly not to call me that anymore.
/looks down
Fuck you.
That looked like a dislocated shoulder.
Egypt may be truly fucked
Never mind
Fuck Egypt….
?itemid=5227355
-Marcus Antonius
I give that a +15…*CRASH* +10.
Never mind again.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=22&v=ZaTCYNOVmnI
Is this the first of two legs, or is this match for all the murbles?
One match to rule them all.
“My sources are telling me that it’s a one leg sorta thingy.”
-Heather Mills
Niiiice.
Almost at the end of my beer…only scotch, vodka and coolers left. S.O.S.
Cristiano Ronaldo with his back to the 90s hairdo is kinda nice.
Hehehehehe
This is hilariously awesome.
I don’t give a single feces about spoilers. This is the half-time show.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a6jBjvOUaV4
I’m guessing that Balls is +1’ing me but there’s no way I’ll ever know for sure.
I know. It suuuuucks. But yes, I think it’s me.
Who has two thumbs and just recc’ed your comment?*
*me
Wow!
Balls +1’d me once.
My sphincter still hasn’t fully recovered.
When he rubbed his ballsack on my lower back? I thought I was in heaven!
I call it The Golden Touch.
You guys watching Soccer?
You being a dickbag?
#baseballsucks
When am I not?
#yesitdoes
TWBS as Flounder cracks me up.
You gotta admit….it fits.
That’s why it cracks me up.
Screw off, I’m a “legacy”. 😛
Ronaldo:
Biggest Strength: Extraordinary quickness
Biggest Weakness: Can’t get it up with an 8/10
To be fair, when you’re banging 10s 24-7-365, an 8 just doesn’t do the job.
Has Zidane ever been compared to Professor X, Lex Luthor or Jean Picard?
I’d go Picard first, but yes.
The refs for this tilt are all Slavs to the game.
I think the White Stripes need to divorce… themselves from that Seven Nation Army tune.
I do wonder if they get royalties every time that’s played…
They should get penalties.
Well, I’m going to squeeze in a quick shower, so enjoy the 3 goals that are sure to be scored in the first six minutes.
As a new-ish watcher of club champeenships, I’m gonna watch the fuck out of this. Even the pre-game festivities!
It’s refreshing to see a performer actually singing.
What the hell is this? GAME!!1!!!
“It wasn’t me”
– Sean Paul
Plus, silver camel toe.
Nice pregame show! Actual good music!
Ok, did y’all see that Fox Sports ad talking about Mexico’s team being cursed because they can’t get past the first elimination game?
Oh, you best believe I’m bringing that up in my preview…
What do you think Generalissimo Bonespur’s reaction is to Fox Sports hyping up El Tri?
I am soooo fucking happy.
BALLS’ Aston Villa v Fulham thoughts: Aston Villa sounds like Aston Martin, which is an overrated British carmaker. On the other hand, Robert Smith from The Cure is reportedly a Villa fan as he grew up in Birmingham. Fun fact: I’ve stayed at an oceanside villa and it awesome.
Bottom line: Litre wants Fulham to win, so I’ll support him. Robert Smith to write the followup to Disintegration.
I can get behind all this