Your “I’m Sick Of Running From These Wimps!” Saturday Evening Open Thread

Hope you’ve sobered up from the Champions League final enough to enjoy the evening with your family. Or, in more DFO terms, I hope you’re pushing through ’til dawn.

Fun Beerguyrob fact for Memorial Day: all my uncles are soldiers. My family originally comes from northern Ontario, and during the 1950s and 1960s there were some active NORAD and DEW bases jointly run by Canadian & US forces.

I asked one of my aunts once why she married an American. She asked if I’ve ever been to Kirkland Lake, and then said, “Rob, I looked at the town, then I looked at your Uncle. I knew no one in that town could take me the places he could. It was a pretty easy decision.” And that’s why I get to shop at the PX every time I visit San Antonio.


Tonight’s sports: slim picking, my friends.

  • NBA:
    • Rockets at Warriors – 9:00PM | TNT
      • Game 6; Rockets lead 3-2
  • MLB: either
    • Giants at Cubs – 7:00PM | FOX
    • Astros at Indians – 7:00PM | FOX

Hope you’re having a great weekend. Be looking good out there.

Real good.

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Dolph Ucker

Pretty sure I was married to her.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

Is this when the real action happens?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

What are the odds that both road teams win Game 7? Because a Warriors-Cavaliers finals is the last thing in the world I want to see.

Mr. Ayo

Probably 100% since you feel that way

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

I’d have gone with a Trump Presidency, but, to each their own.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Wut?

WCS

(PTFC voice) “WE’VE GOT A PLAYER HEAR, FOLKS”

...

He’s special

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

So smrt.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, you’re not gonna win playoff games when you score 16 points in the third quarter and 9 in the fourth.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

…and yet another pointless fourth quarter. In twelve games of these conference finals there has been ONE fourth quarter that mattered.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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herodotus450

Do you think Kevon Looney was forced to change the spelling of his first name whence Kevin Durant joined the Warriors? Cause I do.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No; Looney is on his birth certificate.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

A friend of mine is attending her 53rd performance of a particular band – who can guess which band that is?

Hint: It’s not Phish.

SonOfSpam

Either GWAR or Up With People.

herodotus450

U2! No, Stones! No, the B-52s (because its number 53)!

Mr. Ayo

ICP

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Answer: Dave Matthews Band

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Whoa.

Brick Meathook

The only thing worse than the Dave Matthews Band is a Dave Matthews Tribute Band.
And The Cure.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Apparently someone tried to smuggle 50 boxes of cookies out of the Orlando Airport

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

If I didn’t know better.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Credit to the Warriors, they have put up a LOT of points in this half.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Cara Koscinksi ordered a graduation cake from the John’s Island Publix, requesting the phrase “Congrats Jacob! Summa Cum Laude Class of 2018”. Publix ruined the order by removing “cum”, because “cum” is “profane.”

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I saw that the manager offered to replace it and the customer was basically like “no, I’d rather just bitch about it.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Good for them.

Senor Weaselo

Apparently everyone’s summer car is that 3-wheeled Slingshot. I saw like 10 of them walking to the subway station

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

Now that the lead is safe KD will come out and play.

Spur

Houston is getting mauled on the offensive end..and i fucking hate the Rockets

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, this is gonna be one of those quarters where nothing is a foul unless Houston does it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450

James Cameron’s wet dream

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur
Spur

finally call a moving screen.

Spur

This is absolutely disgusting. These refs should be fired.

ballsofsteelandfury

– Portland, circa 2004

Senor Weaselo

Also Sacramento, 2002

Spur
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THIS HOUSTON ROCKETS TEAM I CALL THEM ANDY REID’S SECOND WISH BECAUSE NOW WE HAVE INFINITE TURNOVERS.

ballsofsteelandfury

Second? Is the first All You Can Eat Ribs at a place that never closes?

herodotus450

Third is a son?

Spur

KD is reincarnated Hitler

Spur

Klay needs his own team

Mr. Ayo

A traveling call!

Everyone take a shot.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Can Houston piss away a ten point lead in less than two minutes? Let’s find out!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Nope, it took a full 2:45

SonOfSpam

A: Double, double, home run, double, single.

Q: How have Mike Trout’s at bats gone so far tonight?

ballsofsteelandfury

Q: How did Balls’ dates go with his last girlfriend?

SonOfSpam

Translation: Boobs, boobs, anal, boobs, conversation.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Q: What was Andy Reid’s order at In-N-Out? [Note: he was disappointed when they were unable to make the “home run” for him once he explained to them that it was the burger equivalent of a Denny’s grand slam.]

ballsofsteelandfury

You ever have the 4×4? Tried that in HS. Once.

SonOfSpam

I used to (in my 20s) pretty regularly eat 2 double-doubles, and now I look like…me.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ve done two double-doubles just once, on my birthday three or four years ago.

ballsofsteelandfury

A buddy of mine from work that’s bigger than you wears this shirt:

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SonOfSpam

If he’s bigger than I am, he’s not wearing THAT shirt.

But that’s a good shirt.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I have zero interest in that or any of the “secret menu” stuff – the regular items suit me just fine.

ballsofsteelandfury

You haven’t lived until you’ve had “animal style”.

Yes, that applies to sex too.

SonOfSpam

The fries animal-style are also excellent.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My cat threw up on my chest the other night which is basically the same thing as I understand it.

SonOfSpam

You have strange fetishes, but to each his own.

Spur
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t know why Trump supporters are yelling at Hispanics to speak English; they should be yelling at Shaq.

Spur

Folks

Spanky Datass

I cut the hell out of my finger this morning while working on my dad’s mower then about an hour ago I got butted in the nuts (PHRASING!) by a five-day old calf. Good times!

/pours tall Bourble

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I wear gloves all the time now. You’d think I was Curley from Of Mice and Men with how careful I am about taking care of my hands.

Spanky Datass

By the time I got the glove off it was half full of blood. Turns out that bloody cow hide dries as stiff as hard plastic.

ballsofsteelandfury

No joke, my dad bought a black finger sleeve for his finger that was hurting. Yes, it’s the middle finger and it looks as hilarious as you might imagine.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Gentlemen

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I get the feeling the refs are going to make sure we get a Game 7 here too.

ballsofsteelandfury

It’s the NBA. I’m surprised it’s just a “feeling”.

ballsofsteelandfury

Yes, it’s that kind of night…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g7gutsi1uT4

Brick Meathook

These are stills from home movies my dad took in 1956 at Camp Alert in the (then) Northwest Territories, the northernmost permanently inhabited spot on Earth. He was a civilian contractor for Philco-Ford putting in the early warning radar systems; engineers who endured the hardships of this posting were promoted rapidly and this assignment made his career as very young man. St. John’s NFLD was the base of operations and they would also work at locations in Greenland. As a bonus they gave him a Newfie girl who also is my mom.
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ballsofsteelandfury

That’s quite a benefits package!

herodotus450

Brick’s mom being a Newfoundland Terrier explains a lot

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hmmmmmm….I think I don’t wanna be alone with the Meathook now.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m6shktwDwzM

Spur

So i assume your dad killed a shape shifting alien.

ballsofsteelandfury

Hot Nazi in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade is hot.

Redshirt

Redshirt Diet Update: I’m down 13 pounds. Thank God for diet General Tso Chicken. 290 calories and its not that bad.

I’m having recurring dreams that I’m being hunted by Burger King and Ronald McDonald, though. That either means I miss fast food or I have homosexual feelings I’m repressing. Not sure which one.

ballsofsteelandfury

Congrats!!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Why not both?

yeah right

DJ Taj has his oldest son, wife and three very active kids coming over for the next 2 days.

Time to drink in self defense.

Wakezilla

Oh my god, how has the Stanley Cup not started yet? That’s ridiculous.

theeWeeBabySeamus

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!

ballsofsteelandfury

Gary Bettman is an International Disgrace.

ballsofsteelandfury

So apparently Alicia Silverstone has a new series on something called the Paramount Channel that involves orgies and swinging.

It’s like they know me.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Holy shitballz….i get that channel.
Where is that fucking remote??????????????????????

Wakezilla

I guess that means she won’t be tweeting at Kevin Owens anymore

Redshirt

…um…what is the rating of the Paramount Channel? For science, of course.

WCS

Homemade kung pao chicken.

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WCS likes his chicken spicy.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Nice. I had the Kung Pao a coupla days ago, but not home cooked.
Haven’t done that for a few weeks.

Good shit tho.

yeah right

It’s surprisingly easy to make and mighty damn delicious.
Next weekend when I’m not grilling things.

yeah right

Do you use chile de arbol AND Szechuan pepper corns?
Cuz that’s the shit!

theeWeeBabySeamus

This is your Baltimore Orioles Update….

They are 17-35. Which remarkably is NOT the worst record in the Majors (hello, ChiSox), but at 19 games back (on May 26) they do have the biggest deficit.

Buck Showalter will likely get fired soon.

Which is actually good, because every time that fucker gets fired, the team wins the WS the next year.

This has been your Baltimore Orioles Update.

Senor Weaselo

I wasn’t definitely going to make that joke either Monday or during the All-Star Break! Nope, no siree.

My only question is what happens if it’s a mid season firing. Does it go into effect for that year and they pull off a Major League/Rookie of the Year/Little Big League/other sports movie streak and win this year, or does it go into effect the first full season?

Senor Weaselo

Also name it correctly, it’s the Curse of Black Jack McDowell.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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