Your Memorial Day Monday Evening Open Thread

NFL News: It’s a holiday, so it’s pretty quiet.

  • Cassius Marsh let loose on his feelings about “The Patriot Way”:
    • “They don’t have fun there. There’s nothing fun about it. There’s nothing happy about it. I didn’t enjoy any of my time there.”
    • “It made me for the first time in my life think about not playing football because I hated it that much.”
    • And he had a message for the Barstool-types flooding his twitter with comments:
      • “I just want to address all you Patriots fans who don’t like this new article. I’m sorry to hurt your feelings. Seems to be breaking your heart. But if you can’t handle the truth, stay off my page. Don’t read articles. That’s how I felt. That’s how I still feel and I’m grateful to be away from there, grateful to be where I’m at.”
  • Being relegated to the bottom of the Alouettes’ depth chart has provoked Josh Freeman to retire from the CFL.
    • He had signed a two-year contract in January, but will now await a mid-November phone call from a team trying to avoid Colin Kaepernick.

Finally, as it’s Memorial Day, and after the announcement of the anthem policy last week, teams tripped all over their dicks in attempts to shore up their patriotism bona fides. You’ll find some examples below; it seems less sad/pathetic/craven when it comes from successful organizations.

  • As opposed to the Browns, the Austro-Hungarian Empire of NFL teams.
  • Of course, you can find MAGA chuds on any page, but that’s the internet for you.

https://twitter.com/Patriots/status/1001079138675970048


Stanley Cup Finals Preview:

It’s the Capitals versus the Golden Knights, two separate teams of destiny – only one of which will have it fulfilled. And despite how hard they tried to avoid the NBA playoffs, the NHL still managed to step on its dick in terms of scheduling and run up against a NBA Game 7 that will attract more casual fans than their tilt. So, Fuck Gary Bettman.

Washington:

  • Been in the NHL since 1974.
    • Joined the same year as the Kansas City Scouts, who became the Colorado Rockies (’76), who became the New Jersey Devils (’82), who won three Stanley Cups (’95, ’00, ’03) once they drafted Martin Brodeur.
  • Used to hold the league records for fewest wins in a season.
  • Were a laughing stock for much of their existence, until they drafted Alexander Ovechkin.
Few non-rapey looking photos exist
  • For the most part, the Capitals under Ovechkin have been a team of unfulfilled potential.
    • In that they have the jaw-dropping stats that make you think they should have won the Cup at least twice by now, but they’ve managed to step on their own dicks every time they’ve been a favourite, resulting in shots like this virtually every season.

  • This series, for the Caps, will come down to the effectiveness of Braeden Holtby & Nicklas Backstrom.
    • Holtby sat out the first two games of the opening round, because head coach Barry Trotz, a sentient hemorrhoid, thought it would be wiser to start a hot rookie than an experienced Vezina trophy candidate.
      • After consecutive overtime losses, the error of his way was seen & corrected, and Holtby has started every game since.
    • Nick Backstrom is key because he is the lynchpin of the second-line.
      • Ovi’s going to get his looks, but if Backstrom is out, then the combinations don’t line up as favourably for the Caps, and an opponent can work on strangling Washington’s top line.
        • TJ Oshie needs his usual centerman in order to produce at the level the team needs.
      • If the top-two lines are working, then Washington can roll four solid lines; if Backstrom is out, then all Washington has is Ovi’s line and the power play.

Las Vegas:

  • The best idea with the most horrific execution the NHL have ever imagined.
    • Best idea because expansion brings fresh blood & matchups, and juggles enough rosters that it will allow team dynamics to improve or – if they’re the Canucks – get way worse.
      • Also, by being the only team to enter, they got the best choices of available players, versus having to divvy them up with another candidate.
      • Right out of the chute, the team was fantastic, which served to increase home attendance throughout the season.
        • “Home” attendance in that locals kept more of their own tickets & didn’t StubHub as many.
    • Horrific execution because:
      1. Teams that were already bad – like the Canucks – look worse when a team that didn’t exist a year ago is playing for the Cup, and that team – like the Canucks – looks at least four years away from even making the playoffs.
        • guaranteeing terrible attendance & poor performance.
      2. When Seattle joins the league in 2020, they’re going to expect the same deal Vegas got with the expansion draft
        • which other teams won’t allow since they don’t want to disappoint their fan base again.
      3. If Vegas doesn’t win, it sets a standard of expectation for the fan base.
        • The longer they go without winning, the worse attendance will become.
      4. If Vegas does win, there’s nowhere for expectations to go but down.
        • Attendance will still look god for 3-4 years, but unless they succeed consistently they’ll soon become the Florida Panthers.
Another successful part of Bettman’s southern strategy.
  • That being said, Vegas has four solid #2 lines.
    • They don’t really have a “Top line”, but can roll four consistent line combinations, which has the effect of making them a team hard to match up with.
      • This is why the health of Nick Backstrom is key for the Caps.
        • Vegas is much, much better at line-juggling than Washington.
  • And “Playoff Fleury” hasn’t shown up yet.
    • He hasn’t had that stretch where bad shots go in, and he gets rattled to the point of having to be benched.
      • Probably because there’s far-less pressure in Vegas, so a rocky outing isn’t getting a dose of the boos like he would have gotten in Pittsburgh.

Prediction: Caps in six.

  • I like the idea of Ovi finally getting off the schneid. Plus – as someone mentioned in an Open Thread – he can bring Putin as his +1 to the White House.

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Capitals at Golden Knights – 8:00PM | NBC / CBC, Sportsnet
  • NBA:
    • Warriors at Rockets – 9:00PM | TNT / Sportsnet1
      • Game 7, BAY-BAY!
  • MLB:
    • Giants at Rockies – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN
  • WWE:
    • Monday Night RAW – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
  • Futbol:
    • International Friendly Soccer:
      • Mexico vs. Wales – 8:50PM | FS1

Hope you’re enjoying the holiday. IF YOU DO GET POISONING, I HOPE IT’S ALCOHOL, NOT FOOD!

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Subscribe
Notify of
319 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
WCS

Vegas now has more overall Stanley Cup Final wins than Washington.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Brocky

Brother?

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Houston set a new playoff record of 27 missed three-pointers in a row.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Brick Meathook

comment image

yeah right

Fatality!

ballsofsteelandfury

Every time Doc says Carlson, I think of WKRP and every time he says Djoos I think he’s being anti-semitic.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

yeah right

I had the honor of hosting our own Low Commander for Memorial Day weekend grilling Sunday Gravy style. Were there beers and grilling and the Instant pot? Fuck yes there was.

Good stuff and always good company.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Are there leftovers? I land after midnight.

Mr. Ayo

I assume he is now well versed in the usage techniques of the Instant Pot as a dildo

ballsofsteelandfury

Did he go out with the friend of the crazy brewery girl?

yeah right

Nope. He’s strictly in transit.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Brocky

So, how dumb is it that I hate what happens to the carnotaurus in the jurassic world trailer?

I feel like I’ve been waiting 20 years to see one of those in Jurassic park and it gets killed by a trex in apparently 4 four seconds.

Seriously, its a t-rex with horns!

Mr. Ayo

Maybe there’s more than one?

Brocky

comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Houston: All We Do Is Miss

herodotus450

So they can review this penalty but not the Reaves one? What is reviewable? The nhl turned into the nfl so suddenly it made me throw up.

Mr. Ayo

Betteman learned from the best.

WCS

Tom Wilson being a shitstain?! NEVAR!

Mr. Ayo

Vegas, fix your damn ice already

herodotus450

“We’re TRYING.”
-Vegas’ methheads

herodotus450

Can’t believe how in the tank these refs are for Vegas. That was interference/cross check on Reaves.
P.S. Don’t let RTD read this comment.

Mr. Ayo

MAF strikes!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It appears that the Rockets have caught Celticitis.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Holy shit I cannot fucking believe how far in the tank these refs are for Golden State.

herodotus450

Have you ever watched basketball before? I haven’t (well, hardly) and I’m not surprised.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I guess it’s not a kicked ball if Curry does it?

blaxabbath

Told you bitches I’d bust this bastard out tonight!

comment image

SonOfSpam

Dunno why you gotta cook sideways, but that’s 2018 for ya.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You’re gonna want to turn it sideways before you try to load it.

Mr. Ayo

It works better when turned on

herodotus450

Don’t we all.

herodotus450

It’s like this, but the opposite
comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

How many times in the filming of that car commercial do you think it happened that the woman chose that moment to announce that she was barren?

SonOfSpam

The Mets-Braves game just started in Atlanta (it had been rain-delayed). It is now 10:17 in Atlanta. What a fun time!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It would be disrespectful to the troops if they didn’t play until 4 a.m. in front of an audience of 19 people.

SonOfSpam

Valid point. Miniature flags for some, etc.

SonOfSpam

Beer #3 from Sam Adams variety pack…oh good. A Boston Lager. Thanks for putting this in your variety pack.

WHAAAT THE FAHHHHK???

Spur

comment image

Spur

Houston needs to feed Capella, Warriors can’t seem to do shit to him

Brocky

comment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy

People who talk on cell phones on public transportation should be buried in a pile of fire ants.

Brocky

So….. nba halftime Houston 54, Golden State 43

SonOfSpam

I guess #ThePauls are as worthless in basketball as they are in football.

SonOfSpam

Sam Adams variety pack beer #2 is a Hefeweizen, and I gotta say, it’s pretty impressive. Probably a few more spices than your usual hef, so it’s got a nice flavor without any citrus accoutrement.

Brick Meathook

comment image

WCS

Chairface’s new toy?
comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

perfect.

ballsofsteelandfury

So this game goes to OT 7-7, right?

theeWeeBabySeamus

You shut your whore mouth!!!!!!!

ballsofsteelandfury

Ok, Vegas in regulation then.

theeWeeBabySeamus

comment image

Duchess

God I miss watching sports sometimes… says the guy watching the Bachelorette because the GF knows a guy on it.

JustStopDude

comment image

Duchess

I’m pretty sure that joke killed that ad campaign

SonOfSpam

That was so so so good.

SonOfSpam

Knows, or “knows”?

Duchess

a friend of her brothers

SonOfSpam

Just trying to imagine what it would take to think “Yeah, I should go on The Bachelorette.”

Drugs? Maybe drugs.

Duchess

Fame man whores?

SonOfSpam

I mean, to each his own, but yeah.

At least they get lots of booze.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I see these two teams are as good at stopping pucks as crotchless panties are to stopping fucks.

JustStopDude

You are implying that this is a bad thing?

WCS

I think both teams partied with Pam before opening faceoff.

comment image

Also, howdy.

Brocky

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

Who’s a good boy?
You’re a good boy, mate!!!!!!

SonOfSpam

Joey, honey,
Don’t pet that puppy
You are flea-ridden
Listen, listen.

AND IF I SEEM TO BE CONFUSED
I SEE THAT YOU’RE A KANGAROO
AND IF YOU’RE HOPPING YOU CAN SEE I’M HOPPING TOO
AND IF YOU HURT THAT LITTLE DOG
I’M GONNA THROW YOU IN A BOG
AND IF YOU’RE SOMEWHERE DRUNK AND PASSED OUT ON THE FLOOR
OH JOEY I’M NOT ANGRY ANY MORE

(sincerest apologies to Johnette Napolitano)

theeWeeBabySeamus

I just started hating TJ Oshie a little less.

Brocky

I hate/love the fact that I know of him from posts about his wife:

comment image

Spanky Datass

Banana.
Cakes.

Mr. Ayo

That was pretty!

JustStopDude

Holy shit this game….

Brocky

The lack of playoff experience of both teams is showing.

Good God I sound like Peter King

theeWeeBabySeamus

My lighter dried out enough already to light.
Cool.

Too bad it still smells like the toilet.

Mr. Ayo

You should flush more often

SonOfSpam

Starting my Sam Adams “America Summer” variety 12 pack. First up: Pale Ale.

Like many newer pale ales, it’s got a citrus tang. (Citrus is #2 rated tang behind poon), and it’s fine.

I may review the rest of this variety pack as I hoover through it.

Spanky Datass

Where does that failed French astronaut turned hockey-man rate?

ballsofsteelandfury

Comanche Indian

comment image

Brick Meathook

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

JustStopDude

I like how Washington somehow loses the ability to clear the puck and even make simple passes for long stretches of time…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

SonOfSpam

That’s a very good boy.

Redshirt

That reminds me of my mom’s cat. He was 19-years old, declawed, indoor house cat all his life. She took him to a church pet blessing, and he was walking around fearless from all the other animals. Other cats and dogs were yielding to him. We thought he was like “I’m on the last year of my life. I don’t fear death. If you want something, I’ll send you to the Rainbow Bridge with me!”

Mom took a picture of him all prideful, like that picture.

herodotus450

I haven’t seen such blatant interference for the benefit of a dominant Russian ignored like that since November 2016.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

BOOM!

comment image

JustStopDude

David Lynch is behind the Lincoln ad campaign right?

SonOfSpam

Apparently the NCAA Men’s Lacrosse Final was today.

Yale beat Duke.

I mean…how the fuck do you pick a team to root for?

ballsofsteelandfury

At least Duke lost?

herodotus450

And hey, Bob’s a Yalie.

SonOfSpam

Yale COULD USE an international airport.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Always root against Duke

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Back to work tomorrow.

ballsofsteelandfury

Balls and tWBS having fun at work:

comment image

SonOfSpam

Pictured: Bosoms, buddies.

ballsofsteelandfury

I firmly believe that’s where the show’s name came from.

theeWeeBabySeamus

We still need to do that film.
Just saying.

ballsofsteelandfury

Very true

SonOfSpam

Donna Dixon could GET. IT.

Dan Aykroyd must be a witch.

ballsofsteelandfury

Right?!?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Witches are actually just aliens wearing costumes!” – Dan Akrokyd, apparently

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

A big imagination is a great thing.

Brick Meathook

Tom Hanks lets Peter Scolari live in his garage in exchange for doing chores.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

*guest garage, (not his real garage.)