Your “Fete Nationale – Le Jour St. Jean Baptiste” Sunday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

Today is basically “Quebec Day” in Canada, where the founding of Quebec is celebrated, the history venerated, and no one brings up the fact that we’ve come close to dissolving as a country twice because that province’s xenophobic & linguistic bigots make Donald Trump look like the secretary general of the UN.

In honour of the footy from earlier today, and Quebec nationalist’s sentiments about les anglais, here’s the music for an English victory

and their defeat.


Tonight’s sports:

  • MLB:
    • Phillies at Nationals – 8:00PM | ESPN / TSN2

If you feel like tipping one back for Quebec, may I offer you their national beverage?

TASTES LIKE HELL!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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nomonkeyfunALXMACFronkenshteentheeWeeBabySeamusSenor Weaselo Recent comment authors
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ALXMAC
ALXMAC

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Fronkenshteen

“hard day’s night” is not a phrase. No one uses it. It means nothing. Ya know what that smell is from all them screaming girls? That’s piss, me boy. Piss. Those girls are so overcome, the aisles are filled with their hot sex piss. Now, lets go, first finger on the E string…

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ah, the Quebecoise, the true Canadiens who hate Canadians.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Ah Canadians: the only people they hate more than Americans is other Canadians.

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, OK….everybody calm the fuck down before someone says something they’ll regret.

Ooooooh. Poutine….that looks good. Can I get a bearclaw with that or what, eh?????
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Senor Weaselo

So yes, Senor’s adventures in Quebec. As we know, unlike Rikki I do not have a record of romantic success with citizens around the globe. Or anywhere else for that matter.

What I do have is the ability to get stopped by law enforcement organizations when traveling. It is a good thing I haven’t gone skulking around 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue because someone would take a picture of me and it would be decried as either an illegal immigrant, a terrorist, or Chinese espionage. I’m still not sure about that last one but a kid in my kindergarten class did call me Chinese [Senor] once. Either way, I am none of those things, and nationality-wise not from any of those regions in the world for that matter.

This incredible streak of luck started when I was 14 and going to Canada. My violin teacher had started a chamber music festival in a little town in Quebec, so of course I was a participant. I didn’t go up with any of my family (my grandparents came up a few days later, more on that in a bit) so I went up with another family. It was a pair of my teacher’s other students and since they were even younger than me, their parents. I believe I gave them the entire Rocky plot (the first four movies, let’s say) in a paragraph since they hadn’t seen them.

We get to the border with our passports, and we come into the building. And we’re there for like a half-hour. And being 14 and naive I’m thinking “Hmm, maybe they do this kind of thing with everyone driving across? But England wasn’t like this when I flew there.” No, what happened is they interviewed the parents of the kids I was going up with. And then Madre Weaselo put a note in my passport giving permission to travel with them and our number just in case.

So, as she described it to me, she gets a phone call, “Hi Mrs. [Weaselo], this is Border Patrol. We have your son.” Which she laughed at the straightforwardness of it and admitted she was expecting a call. But yeah, Canadian Border Patrol called my house.

As for my grandparents, my grandfather got a speeding ticket while driving to dinner or something and nearly got into an argument with the cop (again we’re in Quebec) and might’ve cursed him out in Romanian. So they sent him the ticket, which also has the option to make a donation. He never paid it, and we’re pretty sure that if he were to ever go to Quebec or Canada (unlikely considering his current state of health but you never know) he’d get detained and Madre Weaselo would get “Hi Mrs. [Weaselo], this is Border Patrol. We have your father-in-law” on the phone or something.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Artist’s Conception of Grand Padre-in-law Weaselo at the border?
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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Got to love those glory holes

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Senor Weaselo

My sister and I regularly try and figure out the most ridiculous story involving him. She’s a fan to the “I want a Red Mango” scene because it was just her. A lot involve us apologizing in advance to our server.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Been there, done that. With my RG (Racialist Granddad).

One of the most “interesting” nights of my life was when we took him out to eat (he was in his mid 90’s at that point) and an African American family came into the restaurant after us. It was late, only one or two servers still on shift. So of course, they were seated next to us to make things easier on said servers.

Yeah, couldn’t tell him that.

“The only reason they seated those bleeping N’words close to me is because…..”

OK…time to get your old wrinkled racist ass outta here right now before you get us all killt.

I’ve never apologized so profusely to a group of people I’d never actually done anything to in my life.

nomonkeyfun

Canada will not let you into their country if you have a DUI on your record. Even up to 10 years or more after you have served all penalties. Jailtime, fines, community service, loss of license, etc.

They don’t fuck around with DUI up in the Great White North.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Hey everybody I’m back home! No need to send me a ticket, I hitched a ride on some dude’s Gulfstream. Man, those things can book and we just snorted coke the whole trip. Nice guy, I never even asked his name or anything but that’s probably for the best because I think he was mobbed up. Today was definitely a very interesting day but unfortunately I can’t remember any of it. It started with bath salts; after that it’s mostly a blank. I’m fine now though.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Too bad. I coulda been in Atlanta to make things worse within mere hours.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

According to the ESPN crawl, some WNBA team has a player named Vandersloot.

Which…isn’t that the killer of Natalee (OMG SHE’S BLONDE) Holloway?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It sure is.

Gratliff

And also the other one

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

A 19th century British detective?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh motherfucker now I am going down into a Scanner Darkly hole.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

Also, totally wanna taste yeah right’s biscuits, and yes, it’s exactly what you think.

(I’m fat and I like carbs.)

SonOfSpam

S’up everyone.

Busy weekend, but finally checking in. KidofSonofSpam is going to college orientation this week. Getting old is fun and profitable (actually, neither), but family and friends getcha through it.

That means you guys. So…thanks.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t know about you but I doubt the people here understand how much they mean to me. I’m pretty grateful for our little community here.

SonOfSpam

Likewise.

Queer.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Shut up, you homos!!

But yeah, me too.
*sigh*

Senor Weaselo

Hey, today was the Pride Parade. Of course I was busy playing an Orthodox Jewish wedding, where if you are gay they excommunicate you and never speak to you again. So the exact opposite of the Pride Parade.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Even the lesbians? Where’s the logic in that?

COME ON, MAN!!!!!!

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I’m here for the circle jerk.

SonOfSpam

You fucking better have brought the crackers.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Did you just call me a “cracker”?

SonOfSpam

Naw, you’re more of a “bootblack”

theeWeeBabySeamus

It annoys me at least a little bit that I really can’t disagree.
But only a little.

blaxabbath

You’re old? But you’re as funny as any youth working at Buzzfeed!

yeah right

The biscuit recipe from today’s Sunday Gravy produced an incredible biscuit.
I was so impressed I made them again today for a batch of biscuits and gravy.

You can go ahead and make those biscuits.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I’ve made a resolution that all my future meals will include at least one (1) homemade buttermilk biscuit.

yeah right

That’s a good resolution.

Your doctor may think otherwise but still.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

He didn’t approve of my Nacho May either. But I’m still here.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I can’t even begin to imagine what he had to say about Cigarette June.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

He’s still catatonic about Vodka 2000’s.

Shogun Marcus

I was too.

yeah right

My doctor really frowned on crystal meth 80’s but fuck him he wasn’t there man!

Senor Weaselo

…Can I cut the cooking time in half so they’re still a little raw?

No, you have a problem!
/Grabs spoon, starts eating Bisquick out of the box

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

While I’m thinking of Winter’s Tale…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m gonna rock out hard and loud. Starting with this.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I like to think that the lyrics about how it crackles and crunches is a reference to Winter’s Tale.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Because I want to listen to this song without having to stay focused on a different tab.

Gratliff

Well, this all took a turn

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ugh you sound just like the guy that did my colonoscopy.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I just regained consciousness and I’m in the lobby of the Marriott Marquis hotel in downtown Atlanta. I have no idea how I got here seeing as I was at home in Los Angeles this morning, and that’s another story, but I’m definitely in the Atlanta Marriott because it says so on everything. Big ass atrium, too. Anyway, the weird part is that in the middle of the lobby, in plain view, there’s two fat people fucking. Right there in front of everybody. Isn’t that strange? Let me cut to the chase, though: if any of you could buy me an airline ticket from ATL to LAX tonight I’d appreciate it greatly. Some cash too. Send it to the Marriott, I’m sitting by the front desk.

herodotus450
herodotus450

That’s weird, Dragoncon isn’t for another couple months.

Senor Weaselo

Whoever goes, do a BotG of the fighting robot stuff.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood.

One path leads to blackout drunkenness.

The other…meh.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Stupid fucking other path sucks. Fuck you, other path!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You just can’t Hacket, Buddy.

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Gratliff

Shocking events in tonight’s finale so far
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Sometimes you make a professional comedian laugh and you feel pretty clever, but eventually you realize that professional comedians laugh at pretty much anything. They tend to be pretty charitable in that regard.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Sorry…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It wasn’t a bad joke. Someone took us on a tour of their house and I was saying that I wasn’t used to being shown the master bedroom without someone telling me that their husband would be home in an hour.

Gotta tighten up the delivery, but the concept is solid.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

HBO Go getting pounded to shit right before the finale. Looks like it’s the TV for me like a fucking Amish

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Is there such a thing as a “fucking Amish”? I thought it was an oxymoron, like “military intelligence”.

Gratliff

As someone who spent a lot of time grading lumber sent by those dipshits, trust me when I say “fucking Amish” is an incredibly common phrase

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

There is now a crazy romance novel genre involving Amish.

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herodotus450
herodotus450

Who you calling Woodsmall?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Hi. I’m Jeremiah Morning…”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“we are raising more than a barn today.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Take a look at her….. buggy.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’d imagine somewhere out there is an image of an Amish woman holding an unplugged Hitachi magic wand and looking disappointed but hell if I have the Google-fu to find it without my ISP putting my name on a list somewhere.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

They use a hand-driven wood vibrator.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“She certainly churns the butter.”

Senor Weaselo

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Don T

Be warned: “Amish Hoes” is a snuff film.

ballsofsteelandfury

Well, considering there’s a sizable Amish population and fucking requires no technology… i’m not sure it’s that much of an oxymoron.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

RQBOCOP really working the stiffarm there.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Senor Weaselo

This is a placeholder to remind me when I get home to tell my Canada story. It is not a Rikki-esque story as I was 14. But it is entertaining!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I never told my Canada story! It involved a Canadian P.A. (production assistant) who was in South Africa working on I. Robot (I think, I’m not sure I remember exactly). That thing that Chris Rock said about a pierced tongue, though? It’s totally true.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Also I was about to ask what “Rikki-esque” meant but I realized I just probably defined it myself with my story there and oh God I’m like some kind of Children of a Lesser God version of Tucker Max aren’t I?

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Every time I have had to work in Quebec and Ontario, its always interesting to run into French Canadians.

Near as I can tell, the Quebec Separatist group, while it hasn’t been violent in a while, is about as fully thought out as the Texas separatist movement.

Any Cannuck can fix me if I am wrong, but aren’t they the economic basket case of the provinces? Like they consume far more in federal dollars then they take in from taxes.

Every job I have done in Quebec has been insanely slow and frustrating. I once had to go up there because we were getting a hot IEGT stack. Now I never ran into this before because its just heat pipe technology. The only way this could happen is if someone turned off the fans for the drive AND changed the internal software in the drive to eliminate the interlock.

Well I was wrong. I verify the tag outs and sign off on the safety paperwork (which was hilarious because the local electricians were bitching about me “doing work” which I fired back with “I don’t open up a medium voltage drive without checking the power is off”.

So these power modules are NOT cheap. Insanely expensive. I open up the section and I immediately see a screw drive stabbed into the heat pipe system. I point it out to the engineer and he just mutters about union issues. One of the electricians heard him so entire site shutdown by walkout.

I got escorted off the site. Over the phone, I talked the engineer through how to replace the unit.

Every non-French Cannuck has told me they wish the Quebecois would just succeed already.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Have you ever read Infinite Jest? Everything I know about the Quebecois separatist movement I learned from that book and I get the impression it’s not that far off from reality except for their level of competence.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

I tried to get through it. I detested the book. I still have it on the shelf. I’m just not a fan of the author.

Its odd because I should like him as I love Thomas Pynchon’s work.

I think a lot of Americans don’t realize just how violent and dangerous the movement got. Its kind of amazing how the central Canadian government didn’t overreact and make the situation worse like the Brits did in Northern Ireland.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

WOO HOO DAYDRINKING WITH MY NEIGHBORS!

Okay so now that’s over so I’m daydrinking alone.

Okay well daydrinking with the housekeeper but she is not drinking.

What’s goin’ on, Commentists?

Senor Weaselo

It’s a Sunday in the summer, so playing a wedding.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I found out that one of my neighbors wrote Chocolat. They have this cape displayed in their hallway.

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herodotus450
herodotus450

Right next to the Cane from Citizen Cane.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Someday Brad Bird will move in and I’ll get him to do the Edna Mode voice and my life will be complete.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450
herodotus450

Ok now that litre is asleep we can really start commenting.

litre_cola

Home. Put decilitre to bed, I will be asleep by 7 pm.

yeah right

A couple of weeks ago I tried to go bowling.

Would have been the first time in about 10 years.

They had leagues so I didn’t get a lane.

Today I did.

I bowled 2 games. A 159 and a 158.

Still a work in progress but goddamn did that feel good to do.

I’m all the way back motherfuckers!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Nice. Pretty impressive scoring for laying off for so long too…regardless of knees.

I’m proud of you.

yeah right

Thanks. I bowled for so many years but the knees just got so fucked up. I was most impressed by my spares in the 2nd game.
I’m gonna do that again.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t think I could do that well even if I cheated and just entered random strikes and spares at whim. Nicely done.

theeWeeBabySeamus

College World Series finals (best of three) begins tomorrow night.

Hogs vs Beavers (aka Arkansas vs Oregon State)

Yes, I find that funny. Though not as funny as if was South Carolina vs Oregon State.

Betting advice? Take the Beavers. Also good advice in other matters as well, I suppose.

rockingdog
rockingdog

I kind of want to see this movie called Sorry to Bother You…

ballsofsteelandfury

Is it Canadian?