Your “Trying A New Schedule” Monday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

Because my regular work schedule gets all screwed up in September, I’m trying to see if I can adjust my mornings to be able to continue putting the threads together. So, apologies for the next three days, but I’m trying to see if I can produce something of measurable quality in under an hour. I’m hoping I can make the turn before I go away on Thursday.

NFL News:

  • Antonio Brown has invited Dez Bryant to “come play with me” on the Steelers.
    • One wonders how much cap space they’ll have to make this happen if they don’t lock down Le’Veon Bell soon.
    • Bryant is also meeting with

the Browns later this week.

  • nfl.com is a’flutter because Andrew Luck completed a throwing session without snapping in half.
    • They’re not a’fluffer because it isn’t a story about Roger Goodell, whom most discerning citizens consider a national disgrace.
    • He’ll try throwing in full pads later this week.
  • Almost a year late, they finally opened the roof at the Falcons’ stadium on command.
    • The Falcons sold more than 60,000 tickets at $5 each for the open practice, which included the roof demonstration.
  • Ryan Shazier showed up to Steelers practice walking with a cane.

  • The Seahawks tied down an actual, trained lineman to protect Russell Wilson.
    • They inked Duane Brown to a three-year extension worth $36.5 million.
    • No word yet on which jai alai & box lacrosse players they’ll sign to round out the O-line.
They could just sign O-Town & be done with it.

Tonight’s sports:

  • MLB:
    • Phillies at Red Sox – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN3
    • Indians at Twins – 8:00PM | Sportsnet1 / MLBN
    • Brewers at Dodgers – 10:00PM | ESPN
    • Blue Jays at A’s – 10:00PM | Sportsnet
  • WWE:
    • Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360

Sorry – TODAY WAS ROUGH!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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Request Line: Ain’t No Party Like a Boat Party Because a Boat Party Floats On – [DOOR FLIES OPEN]

[…] Editor’s Note: Look, this is self-serving, but as I noted in the wee hours of an open thread like a week and a half ago, I’m planning a bachelor party and need boat party music.  We’re not talking about […]

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ok, degenerate, your skills are needed. Renting a boat for this bachelor party next month (we are literally going to bathe ourselves in the waters of Lake Minnetonka) and I’m putting together a playlist. Other than Lonely Island, WHATCHA GOT?

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Vikings fight song.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Led Zeppelin – Immigrant Song

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Remember the hot naked girl who gets eaten by the shark at the beginning of Jaws?

Now she looks like Granny from The Beverly Hillbillies

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Still would.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla

Her boyfriend got the ride of his life that night

Fronkenshteen

What’s the payoff for Giuliani at this point?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Relevance.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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yeah right

And another thing. Why does theme park food have to be so fucking awful. I get the overcharging, I mean you’re fucking stuck but at least put some goddamn effort in.

I just had some mozzarella sticks from Buffalo Wild Wings and they were the nectar of the fucking gods after the shit we endured today.

Oh look! More bourbon!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Fronkenshteen

My son starts first grade on Monday. Does that seem (incredibly) early to anyone else? I always started the Wednesday after Labor Day. Every year.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

…and Summer Semester is officially over! Grades submitted, disappointing final scores, and red tape! This all adds up to WCS being even drunker and weirder for the next three weeks! But first, take the garbage out.

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Fun* fact: Chase Utley is 2 years younger than me.
Other Fun* fact: He looks older than my dad.

*Funness not implied or guaranteed.

Fronkenshteen

Hai! Can one of you big-brain types explain this to one of the un-moneyed? Shanksh!

Trump Administration Mulls a Unilateral Tax Cut for the Rich – The New York Times
https://apple.news/A3x2cNbfCR4WIjliaSNOfDg

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Republicans are brazen and craven

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I like it.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

…and there goes the last of the bourbon.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

On to the gin?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ice cold beer.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Wuss

yeah right

I did it. I survived SeaWorld. Went straight back to my room showered, changed now I’m sitting at the bar with a tall beer and a shot of bourbon.
Jesus, that was a workout.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

In your jerk shirt?

yeah right

I’m wearing my Freemantle Dockers shirt but my goddamn shoes are still soaked from 2 water rides. Why does that shit always go directly to your shoes?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I believe it’s called gravity. Also, water can be a dick.

yeah right

They did have a cool interactive feature on their raft ride where spectators on the outside of the ride pay a quarter and fire a water cannon at people on the ride. Completely fun and you can drench some motherfuckers.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Just a quarter? They could charge way more than that.

yeah right

I know, youngest right dropped 5 bucks in quarters just waiting for our raft to come by. They destroyed us when we passed.

King Hippo

Did the #BFIB complete their comeback with a walkoff Oso Grande HR in the bottom of the 10th? Your goddamned rite they did!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Here is a bowl of chili that I made in 2016:
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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

That’s aged well.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Why is ciderhomeyrick apologizing for cranking out quality content? #thatssocanadien

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

Finally! Dirt Cowboys get on the scoreboard in the windy, windy desert. CHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!1!!1!

Gratliff
Spur
Spur

There should be a option to sleep from Memorial Day to Labor Day. A summer hibernation. I got plenty fat in the winter so this could work.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Spur
Spur

stupid spell check. Bonus UHF!!!!!!!!!!!

Gratliff

I haven’t watched a Mission Impossible movie since 2. Is it worth watching the rest?

Redshirt

I got you beat. I haven’t watched since 1.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’ve got you both beat. I haven’t seen any.

King Hippo

same, and I didn’t care for it

Gratliff

He was looking for a guy named max and searched for max.com~

Redshirt

In his defense it was 1996. The Internet was still new. Half of us didn’t even know there was porn on it for crying out loud!

Spur
Spur

Depends, do you like Tom Cruise running fast or running really fast?

WCS

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Redshirt

Giuliani: “Even if collusion happened, which it didn’t, collusion isn’t a crime.”
Every CNN Expert: “Its called “Conspiracy”, you dumbass.”

Senor Weaselo

Rudy prosecuted the mob, ppl forget that. Apparently those people include Rudy.

Redshirt

This was the same guy who was mayor of NYC after 9/11, right? This isn’t like The Simpson’s Halloween Special where he’s been switched by his evil twin who lives in the attic who eats fish heads?

Senor Weaselo

Yup, same guy. If anything he’s a case for real-life Flanderization.

King Hippo

it’s almost like one shouldn’t have a nigh-senile loudmouth as one’s “legal spokesman” when one is facing federal indictment and probable impeachment in early 2019.

Spur
Spur

Is all these Trump comments about Tom Brady being a better son in law mean Kushner is about to be indicted?

King Hippo

“Don’t mind me, son. I only like to watch.”

herodotus450
herodotus450

“If Tom were my son, I’d probably be dating him.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Probably, yeah. Gates will have spilled his guts about everything he knows about the Trump tower meeting, so they are pretty much all shitting bricks and Kushner ain’t blood, so Trump is probably expecting him to crack first.

ballsofsteelandfury

Your shirt should arrive Wednesday!

Spur
Spur

i will enjoy it
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Redshirt

“That was the longest day of our lives. Somewhere in a parallel universe, that day is still going on.”

Richard Dreyfuss describing Robert Shaw doing the Sinking of the U.S.S. Indianapolis scene completely drunk off his ass or Bengals fans describing the 2015 Wild Card Loss to the Pittsburgh Steelers. You decide.

LemonJello
LemonJello

It’s “Yes” isn’t it? I’m going with “Yes” as my final answer.

WCS

Starring Vontaze Burfect as Mayor Larry Vaughn.

Redshirt

With Redshirt as Mrs. Kintner

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Special Guest Star
Brick Meathook
as “Ben Gardner”

King Hippo

DFO Productions only pays scale (Imaginary)!

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

Shark Wrangler – Spanky Datass

Horatio Cornblower

My wife has taken up metal detecting. Today she found a coin minted in 1788 or 1789 by a private Massachusetts company.

You can tell it was Massachusetts because it says “Commonwealth” on one side and “Wicked Fahckin Awesome” on the other.

herodotus450
herodotus450

There are like 6 states which aren’t really states, they’re commonwealths. Somehow this means that you don’t have to pay income tax and slavery is still legal because of amendments. A guy on the moon told me this.

Redshirt

Hmm. Don’t pay taxes. Can own slaves. But I have to live in Kentucky.

That’s a tough one.

WCS

Kentucky
Massachusetts
Pennsylvania
Virginia

BrettFavresColonoscopy

She’s a detectorist?

Spur
Spur

Gratliff

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Senor Weaselo

THAT GUY WHO GOT SLAMMED TO THE CANVAS, I CALL HIM A RECURRING QUOTE BY DR. MCCOY BECAUSE HE’S DEAD, JIM.

Gratliff

He gave his life for the joy of as many as 30 people in attendance

Redshirt

Hey! The making of Jaws is on A&E.

WCS

“The shark isn’t working. Repeat, the shark isn’t working.”

King Hippo

probably one of them lazy union sharks ,, smh

herodotus450
herodotus450

One of those sharks. Lot of siestas if you know what I mean.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Oh?

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Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Someone recently told me Jaws inadvertently symbolized the beginning of the death of the working class in thr 1970’s since the one blue collar guy is literally devoured.

Spur
Spur

this was the death of the middle class. The truth was too much for them. Carter called out the US population on their bullshit.

King Hippo

In the end, we are all fucked but the stinkiest of the banker assholes. Just a matter of when the shark bites who.

King Hippo

Is Moose here yet? I need to shit talk the Dirt Donks, I guess.

/heart not really in it

//#BFIB back to sucking hind teat anyhoo

rockingdog
rockingdog

college football funny:

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Senor Weaselo

This is opposed to Chip Kelly of course, who insists “white [meat] is right.”

King Hippo

if Jim Harbaugh and Pete Carroll had a baby, can you imagine how fucked up it would be?

/also very hard to find maternity khakis ,, ppl forget that

Spur
Spur

Too bad Rachael Leigh Cook couldn’t act
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Redshirt

Agreed. She was good-ish in “She’s All That”, but it went all downhill after that.

ballsofsteelandfury

Agree to disagree. She was great in Psych episodes.

rockingdog
rockingdog
Senor Weaselo

Babyyyyyy shark doo doo doo doo doo doo… ah fuck.

Spur
Spur

let me make some calls, I’ll find out which cousin has it.

Spur
Spur

Folks.

King Hippo

DAK?

rockingdog
rockingdog

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Redshirt

Do you know how some videogames like Fallout or Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic has your character change their look with the more good or the more evil they get?

Because I’m starting to notice that with Sarah Sanders and Rudy Gulliani. Its almost like the corruption is physcially changing them.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Someone needs to check Mike Pence’s attic for a painting.

King Hippo

Rudy is 100% gargoyle, I am convinced.

scotchnaut

Went into work today thinking I’d have to slay a Minotaur before lunch. Turns out I just had to give a wizard a verbal warning.

Redshirt

Okay. Who slipped LSD into Scotchnaut’s beer last night?

Senor Weaselo

Went into work today thinking I’d have to slay a Minotaur before lunch.

…Ray Billings?

Spur
Spur

Did you file your scroll of ensnare with HR?

rockingdog
rockingdog

found a funny:
the best form of transport is train as it’s the only one of the big 3 (boat, plane, train) where you can see a cow out the window and not feel justified panic.

herodotus450
herodotus450

If you’re on a boat and see a cow, be sure to say hello to my ex wife. Heyoo!

herodotus450
herodotus450

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SonOfSpam

Dude is crushing pussy.

Redshirt

https://www.cnn.com/2018/07/30/us/minneapolis-police-thurman-blevins-shooting/index.html

I’m sorry a life was lost, but I don’t understand something. I know I’m one of the few people defending all good cops in the DFO Clubhouse, but they responded to a report of a drunken person firing a gun into the air. They encountered a person wearing a gun and he took off running. They chased him down at least two blocks ordering him to stop. When he turned looking like he was about to raise his weapon at the officers, they responded with lethal force.

Am I missing something? I confess they were way aggressive for the initial encounter, but that doesn’t give the suspect the right to run. Plus 14 shots seems extreme, but I don’t know what they’ve been trained to do when they respond with force. After that, I think they were okay.

I’m not trying to start a debate or defend the cops. I’m just trying to understand this issue.

SonOfSpam

It’s because MAYBE the incident went exactly as the officers said it did, but so many times they’re full of shit and get away with shooting unarmed minorities. Until the police take steps to actually gain some trust with the community they’re supposed to protect and serve, they’re gonna be protested.

Redshirt

Ah, I see. They’re maybe right, but their past actions makes their word mean less than shit so they don’t really get credit.

Hypothetically, if they would’ve started the encounter with “Hello, can we talk to you?” instead of “GUN! GET DOWN MOTHERFUCKER!” and/or gotten this guy alive (tackled, tased, or nonlethal shot), would’ve that’ve help them with the public?

SonOfSpam

Maybe, and if the guy was white, would they have approached him the same way? (I don’t know the answer to that, but there do seem to be two sets of rules.)

Redshirt

I agree. I didn’t hear the initial encounter when I learned about this earlier today. At first I thought, “What the hell? Cops can’t do their jobs, now?!”

But after I saw their actions, I can tell why the guy would’ve run. Not sure if that’s adreneline or racism. All I know is if they can’t control both, then they shouldn’t be cops. Shouldn’t be charged, but still shouldn’t keep their badges.

Gratliff

Context matters, really. Minneapolis police have been involved in a bunch of sketchy shootings in the last few years, and the police there have (rightfully in my opinion) lost the benefit of the doubt. Public opinion is still overwhelmingly siding with law enforcement, but it’s shifting away as more and more questionable events surface. Historically, law enforcement has been awful to minorities, and they’ve never been able to trust them. Now there’s less push back from White America against the protesting as the evidence of the bullshit piles up, and even if there wasn’t, it’s compelling news fodder. The bad ones have skated by for so long, I don’t know how harsh punishment coming down on individual law enforcement officers would have to be to get to the point where people think it’s evened out.

Gratliff
Redshirt

Ah, good. Because its always nice to insert indecision and indecisiveness when it comes to “Does this require lethal force or not?”

SonOfSpam

Eloquently stated. Please respond for me on this topic in perpetuity.

Redshirt

Agree with Spam Jr. Excellent point. Also it doesn’t even out until all bad cops are not protected. I’m all for Blue Lives Matter and Cops protecting Cops, but that stops when cops betray the law or protect ones that do.

I’ll give cops the benefit of the doubt, but that doesn’t mean “permission to do what they want”.

SonOfSpam

Come my lady
Come come my lady
Be my butterfly
Sugar
Baby

Redshirt

Carry on, my wayward son.
There’ll be peace when you are done.
Lay your weary head to rest.
Don’t you cry no more.

Senor Weaselo

Batman!
Batman!
Batman!
Batman!
Batman! Batman!
Batman!
Batman! Batman!
Batman!
Na na na na na na na na na na na na na!
Batman!

SonOfSpam

Not sure why they use the abbreviation for sodium, but it’s their jam.

rockingdog
rockingdog

Take on beeeeeeeesssss
Take on bees
Take them oooonnnnnn
Take them on
I’ve beeeennnnnnn stungggggg
in the
*super high voice*
baaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllsssssssss!!!!!

King Hippo

I have been inexplicably super dizzy all afternoon/evening. Hopefully, Hippo is dying.

/if so, last thoughts were of Donks WOO!!!

Gratliff

Condescending Glasses Sami Zayn is a very useful gif.

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King Hippo

Catholic??

Gratliff

Well he does run an orphanage in Mexico

King Hippo

“Why didn’t I think of that?” – Jerry S., College Station, PA

LemonJello
LemonJello

“I can deliver the kids in my van!”
-M.Trestman

scotchnaut

“Skateboards”: A Short Film By Ken Burns (narrated by Peter Coyote)

In the long and storied history of flat pieces of wood and small cylindrical objects, no one but a brave American thought to glue those pieces together. The result? The world’s first skateboard. This invention allowed young white teenagers to feel the wind in their luxurious blonde hair for the very first time in their lives. The Establishment? They weren’t very keen on this. Those delicious young freedom riders? They just didn’t care.

Senor Weaselo

Was it righteous? Was it gnarly? Was it some combination of the two?

rockingdog
rockingdog

bahahahaha!!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Aaron Donald and Khalil Mack still holding out.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Raiders first round pick Gareon Conley (who sat out all last season) is hurt again.

scotchnaut

No matter what team Dez signs with eventually, it won’t be a catch.

herodotus450
herodotus450

“Too soon.”
-Calvin J.