Preseason starts this week and I’TS ABOUT DAMN TIME. The lack of NFL games is a dizzying emptiness. And if you’re a fan, you need fodder for ranting on

• maddening rules
• bullshit jingoism
• clock mismanagement
• nauseating  materialism
• lip service as policy rulings
• Daniel Snyder & Stan Kroenke
• Ginger and Fantasy Commissioners
• protocols (concussion & Cowboys’ playcalls)
• the ontology of “indisputable visual evidence”

The list is only partial but gets the blood going like John Elway to a mirror with a salt lick.

NFL NEWS

There were Hall of Fame induction speeches last night. Here’s a link from ESPN—Warning: That facility processes Ray Lewis.

Honestly, the election of Brian Dawkins, former Titan Randy Moss [LEMME HAVE THIS], and Terrell Owens made me very happy. Still, speeches ain’t my thing. If it’s longer than a minute, I’d maybe skim a transcript if something meaty appears while Control-F’ing “suck” or “kiss my”. This didn’t happen last night. Still, this is T.O.’s speech, delivered offsite with complete purpose:

Now, HoF induction stuff is strictly ceremonial but it’s covered as a series of events that are unavoidable on the Internet. Oh yeah: the interest in the NFL is rrreallly waning. Additional chapters from that book include: “Fantasy Football Is a Fad” and “Why Legalized Sports Gambling Will Bury the NFL”. That was the bitching; here’s the asshole-move: why would it be better to like the NFL only if it’s a massively popular sport?

Turning to quasi events, Blake Bortles is “finally pain free” and “looks to make big leap”. Here’s a more worthwhile piece of information:

https://twitter.com/BortlesFacts/status/1025938321145561089

You got a yella jacket Ray, now please disappear from the public eye. Snitch.

Jon Gruden has a message to Martavis Bryant: DO BETTER

“[Bryant]’s just got to learn the offense. He’s got to stay out here. He’s had some illnesses. He’s got to get on the field. He’s got to master the offense and become more versatile, and that’s the key to making this team better.”

The Raiders gave the Steelers a 3rd Round pick for Bryant, whom PIT deactivated for a game last year because of an Instagram thing. (Per USA Today: saying he was better than JuJu). It’s hard to remember that Gruden used to be a likeable upstart in his first stint with the Raiders. In his second go, Gruden has tried to wrest the Prepotent Geezer scepter / switch from Tom Coughlin since he started, wanting to bring some 1998 back in football. Though, to be fair to Gruden, being antagonistic to mouthy receivers has been part of the Chucky package from a while. See Johnson, Keyshawn.

Ryan Shazier attended Steelers practice today and “walked across the field without assistance to the cheers of the crowd”. The item states that Shazier is on the PUP list and “won’t suit up in a Steelers uniform in 2018”.

Packers’ LT David Bakhtiari was carted off the field last Friday after a foot injury. The word today is that it was an ankle sprain and “should be OK for Week 1” against the Bears.

On the other hand, the Vikes’ Dalvin Cook will play during the preseason. At least that’s what coach Zimmer suggested. Here’s Cook last Thursday:

https://twitter.com/AndyCarlsonShow/status/1025118087350296577

I hope that guy does well. Minnesota should be crazy good this year, along with the Eagles, Rams, um, Green Bay seems to be in it if Rodgers is standing… Huh.

It seems obvious that there’s an imbalance in the conferences this year. Not many AFC teams jump at ya as contenders–maybe Them, because of that guy and the head coach. All I can say is that I’m looking forward to the start of the transition to Josh McDaniels. The karma backlog for the P*ts overfloweth, and I mean “karma” like it’s used on the Internet: failings and misfortunes so joyful that they inspire a sense of superiority.

This is turning into a diva receiver post! From an interview with paid website The Athletic, the Kelvin Benjamin eclipse of Cam Newton:

If you would’ve put me with any other quarterback, let’s be real, you know what I’m saying? Any other accurate quarterback like [Aaron] Rodgers or Eli Manning or Big Ben [Roethslirberger] — anybody! — quarterbacks with knowledge, that know how to place a ball and give you a better chance to catch the ball. It just felt like I wasn’t in that position.”

You know, because there is so much shade that… Pfft, pearls before swine man.

Anyway, Benjamin’s new coach, the Bills’ Sean McDermott told the press he had some words with his new receiver:

“There’s a time and a place — I’m not saying specific to what comments were made — there’s a time and place for things like that,” McDermott said. “This was not one of them. We have a lot of respect for our opponents, No. 1, and everyone in the league. I’ve spoken with Kelvin and that’s not how I want us to handle things like that. So we’ll move forward as a team, and I’m hoping we’ve already done that.”

Two takeaways. One: Jesus Christ the caveats. Here’s your headline: “McDermott: Trash Talk Is Acceptable Discourse”. Two: ?? paywalls.

Not deserving the diva tag, Josh Gordon. He continues to be absent from training camp, but fellow Browns WR Rashard Higgins says Gordon has the support of the team. There’s no time set for his return, and the report suggests Gordon’s out for additional counseling for anxiety and mental issues. I buy that and, if forced, may even concede that the Browns are capable of being a humane workplace. Before any banging on tables about “professionalism” seizes you, think about it: you can’t drink or get high, and the scrutiny in Cleveland is magnified 100,000x with the Hard Knocks crews around. No one who’s expected to be lectured hours every day AND is being filmed constantly deserves forced sobriety. That’s waterboarding for the soul!

Tonight’s offerings:

• MLB: Yankees (Tanaka, 9-2) @ Alex Coras (Price, 11-6), 7:00 PM ESPN. Los Sawx looking to sweep, I read somewhere.
• Fútbol: Liga MX Apertura (Matchday 3), Club Tijuana vs León, 8:00 PM, Fox Deportes
• Little League Baseball: ESPN Classic is running finals of [checks tonight’s movies, turns TV off]

It’s either reading or Scrabble tonight. September better come fast.

Banner via spreesy.com